back to article Segway daddy unveils DIY weight-loss stomach pump

Dean Kamen, the serial inventor best known for bringing us the Segway Personal Transporter in 2001, has come up with a new electronic transport system, this time designed to move predigested food out of your stomach to help you lose weight. As reported by The Independent, the technique is known as Aspiration Therapy, and Kamen …

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how about

some healthy workout?

shocking i know... :rolleyes:

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Meh

No no no

A stomach contents sucking up machine!

Though I do see a market for it in Celebrity circles........

Soon there will be Celebs signing themselves into the Betty Ford Clinic for their addiction to the thing.

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WTF?

I've already got an A tube

it leads to my A hole. It might not be hip and modern but it works. Call me old fashioned but I think I'll keep doing it my way.

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Anonymous Coward

Some sympathy the larger folk

I'm one of those Thin on the Outside, Fat on the Inside people who drinks and eats with seeming impunity (but probably have well padded internal organs). I watched one of those programs years back about REALLY fat people, the ones who require a wall to be demolished to get them out the house... One of them said "Imagine being an alcoholic, but you HAD to have a drink every day- how long would you last?" Whatever caused these people to over eat seems different to the run-of-the-mill chubby types, but this man seemed very sincere, desperate even.

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Unhappy

Re: Some sympathy the larger folk

"I'm one of those Thin on the Outside, Fat on the Inside people who drinks and eats with seeming impunity"

I used to be one of those people. Rejoice not though, at some point your metabolism will give way!

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Re: I've already got an A tube@miknik

"It might not be hip and modern but it works"

It only works as an A tube if you've got it bypassing your intestines. Arguably for the porkers, having a tap on the front of one's beer gut lacks a certain amount of practicality, so a more elegant solution would be the A tube installed internally as an intestinal bypass, with user control by wifi and an iPhone app ('cos what other form of control is there?).

"Ooops. Shouldn't have eaten that fourth pie and chips. I know, I'll just dial in a 30% bypass, and whilst that gets to work I'll hurry along and find myself a trap". An added efficiency benefit is that the phone isn't just the control gear, it enables employees to be contactable whilst entrapped, and if there's no work emergency it can be the reading material so essential to a satisfactory dump. What's not to like?

S***ing an undigested chocolate gateaux or a curry may take some getting used to, and maybe that's not to like.

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Re: Some sympathy the larger folk

"I'm one of those Thin on the Outside, Fat on the Inside people who drinks and eats with seeming impunity"

I used to be one of those people. Rejoice not though, at some point your metabolism will give way!

When I was a teenager, I was the official "skinniest kid in school". I'd have myself a ham'n'cheese sandwich with half a Cadbury bar and wash it down with a soda immediately upon coming home from school. My Mom used to scold me about "ruining my dinner". Dinnertime would roll around, and I'd have seconds of everything, especially if we were having lasagna that night.

After graduating college, I was still rail-thin, and my Mom used to warn me that one day I was going to be "forty years old and fat". I'm 55 now, hovering around 165-170 pounds -- having gained all of thirty pounds since graduating high school -- and still happily scarfing everything in sight but the handles on the fridge doors and often washing it down with a pint of stout. My wife likes to joke that I'm "still a growing boy". She was diagnosed diabetic six or seven years ago and was put on a fairly strict diet; she's dropped nearly thirty pounds and is within ten pounds of what she weighed in college, but has to pay close attention to what she eats and how much.

Naturally, when my wife went on the diet, I began eating more or less the same as she at dinnertime, though I was still hoovering food as usual in the meantime. She was furious for the first month or two as it seemed that she was doing all the dieting, but I was losing all the weight; she lost nothing in the first month of the diet while I lost five pounds. She really did hate me for awhile for that.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Some sympathy the larger folk

Like you, I've always eaten far more than my size would indicate. I weighed 138 lbs (62.5 kgs) upon high school graduation and 30 years later still range between 148 lbs (67 kgs)and 158 lbs (71.5 kgs). I do have a great deal of empathy for those with weight issues as I eat more than many of them and exercise less. One's metabolism is the largest single factor in reference to a person's weight.

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FAIL

Wow, just wow!

These people aren't interested in your health as so much your money.

I am overweight, I know and Summer comes I am going back on the bike and change my diet (not going on one)

IMHO a healthy appetite is just as important as keeping fit. This does not look healthy!

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Re: Wow, just wow!

@Martin Huizing,

Why wait until summer mate, I know the weather is a bit of crap at the moment so leave off on the bike, but walk everywhere (good brolly and coat lol) (dont want to sound like a smug twat, have had to get off my arse this week instead of waiting for better weather!!)

I think this story is a piss take this company isnt interested in helping you lose weight, it is just purely and simply a means of taking money out of your pocket. But what do you expect from the inventor of the Segway which is as far as I can tell is a personal transportation system designed to be used in places where everyone walks. So you have one system that is designed to stop you from doing some exercise and then the "solution" a few years later!!

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Coat

Re: Wow, just wow!

I cycled a few miles at the weekend. So long as it's not actually raining there's nowt wrong with cycling in the cold. Just get yourself a pair of gloves and a lightweight jacket, you'll soon warm up.

And no, I'm not usually an advocate of old-fashioned getting out there and doing it, damn the weather etc etc, I only (re)took up cycling last year. In Australia where it's warm all the time. I've been genuinely surprised that it's pleasant to cycle here. Even in January.

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Flame

Re: Wow, just wow!

Better still, the Segway is actually a natural replacement for the wheelchair. There is already at least one (German) engineer who has designed a Segway-based wheelchair which offers a change-up for those who need it: completely hands-free operation, climbs stairs and kerbs, offers the possibility to be at eye-level with standing "walky-talky's"*. Yet I haven't seen one in real life, and AFAIK it's still only a prototype.

The only people I have seen with Segways are soldiers, policemen and people who can spooge that kind of money on a toy.

Mr Kamen's heart is clearly in the right place (viz the Slingshot water purifier). It's just a shame that the fruits of his cleverness are not automatically available to those who might derive the greatest benefit from them.

I'm guessing that if Mr Kamen had presented the Segway to his backers as a help for the disabled it would still be on the drawing board.

*According to Ian Dury this is what children in wheelchairs call the rest of us...

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Re: Wow, just wow!

Get proper clothing, biking in the winter can be as rewarding as biking in the summer, I am a mountain-biker myself and love the ever changing scenery at the track throughout the year. Although the recent month of rain has create a think blubber like substance that hardens quite fast.

Anyway, proper clothing/shielding from the wind and rain is probably most important.

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Headmaster

Re: Wow, just wow!

"Better still, the Segway is actually a natural replacement for the wheelchair. There is already at least one (German) engineer who has designed a Segway-based wheelchair which offers..."

The Segway is actually derived from his original design which was a wheelchair that could go up stairs; it's where Kamen designed his original stability concept. It had three wheels each side.

/pedant mode

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Go

Re: Wow, just wow!

Nah - there's no such thing as the wrong weather - only the wrong type of clothing.

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Re: Wow, just wow!

>Anyway, proper clothing/shielding from the wind and rain is probably most important.

Don't even need that for as long as you keep moving. Nothing beats changing out of wet clothes into dry, and then sitting next to a pub fire / eating tea and toast.

I think my favourite singletrack has turned into streams this year, though, so might take up kayacking.

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Alternatively...

...just eat the correct amount in the first place.

Carlos Montaner got it right: "Sometimes, after societies have satisfied all their basic needs, they begin to do crazy things. Sometimes, they die of prosperity."

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WTF?

Re: Alternatively...

A good way of figuring out if your society has gone too far with something:

Imagine showing a bunch of starving kids in the third world a TV advert for it and watching their reaction.

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Re: Alternatively...

And then there was an outside visitor to ancient Rome, and he noted by how much the locals talked about constipation and it's opposite. A result of a refined diet on their alimentary canals.

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Meh

Bulimics have been doing this for years....

Albeit pumping it back out the hole they ate it through....

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Meh

Re: Bulimics have been doing this for years....

Yes but this machine will prevent the stomach acids from ruining their teeth.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Bulimics have been doing this for years....

it will still encourage the "binge and purge" mentality that is the problem with it though. It's a short step from, oops I've eaten too much I'll suck some of it out, to I can eat a lot more now because I'm going to suck it all out.

I accept that it might be a way to treat existing bulimics, but I thing it would encourage that behaviour in anyone who wasn't one already.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Bulimics have been doing this for years....

Bulimia is an eating disorder and as such is a form of mental illness, not a "mentality". Saying this can cause bulimia is like saying that making people put things in order can cause OCD. It's cargo cult theory with no basis in fact.

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Meh

Give people another reason to eat even more

I'm somewhat saddened that I live in a society that throws out tonnes of food every day. And now this just gives people the choiceof eating more food that they don't need. At the very least, I hope they compost their organic slurry but that would be wishful thinking wouldn't it? :(

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Boffin

They didn't speak about the B tube.

It goes directly from the hole in you chest to your mouth, so you you can BOTH barf AND recycle.

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Happy

Re: Give people another reason to eat even more

Composting of the slurry is all very well. What if they open the valve and draw gas, not oil?

Would you recommend flaring, in order to reduce the GHG impact of the methane? Would the HSE recommend personal flaring? And would there be any shame for pie munchers in being seen with a ten foot high, bright orange flame coming from between their shirt buttons? Pubs and workplaces might have to ask people to go outside with the smokers to flare off.

An alternative would be to have a low pressure container for waste gas, enabling the user to bottle the magic, and release it conveniently and on demand. There might even be a market to sell it to pranksters and those who aren't keen on complying with GASP (generally accepted social practice).

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Give people @John B

"I hope they compost their organic slurry "

You must be an environmentalist, because you see this as waste. I, on the other hand, see a whole new market:

"New, nutritous PreChew (tm)! Guaranteed easy to eat, easy to digest, because half the work has already been done for you! Ideal for invalids, malnutrition victims, the elderly, hospital patients, and the terminally lazy!!

Think of the markets: Hospitals, Disaster relief, NGO's, care homes. Even commuters with no time could snack on a tube of PreChew (tm). And you know what's great? My newly formed corporation would pay the bunters for the raw materials. Tankers could go round daily in areas with high pie-muncher densities, sucking the slurry from temporary holding tanks (or maybe use sterilised bottles, and collect it using the established milk rounds but operating in reverse).

And in times of crisis overseas, people could eat as their contribution to the disaster relief - the UK economy benefits from higher food sales, the porkers get paid, the orphans get fed - everybody's happy. Imagine the delight of starving orphans when a delivery of PreChew (tm) is flown in from Glasgow, with the unmistakeable flavour of deep fried everything!

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Some people enjoy food more than exercise

Give them Baron Harkonnen's suspensor belt.

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Re: Some people enjoy food more than exercise

You got there before me... The Baron, of course, had a heart-plug like every Harkonnnen except for Sting.

More seriously, one of the fat hairy bikers was on the radio the other day, saying that he had changed his diet, and that it amazing the quantity if medication prescribed to middle aged blokes - statins, wolferin etc - just to allow them to continue in unhealthy lifestyles.

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Mushroom

Re: Some people enjoy food more than exercise

OI

I'm one of those fat middle aged blokes prescribed statins, beta blockers etc etc etc

Sadly after a lifestyle of no smoking , regular daily exercise, a small amount to drink, I still got diagnosed with a 95% blocked heart artery and had emergency surgery to correct it resulting in the aforementioned drugs being jammed down my throat by the doctors to prevent any more damage occuring

PS If you want to lose weight , I can reccommend no better diet than "Boris' heart surgery diet", it can result in you losing over 40lbs in 3 months... partly because the doc tells you its good for you, partly because hospital food is crap, but mostly because you're in too much pain to eat anything.

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Meh

Surgery. Bugger that!

When one of the doctors at the medical center I attend muttered something about stomach-reduction surgery, I thought 'screw that!' and fixed up my diet (I was already doing plenty of exercise). It certainly wasn't easy fighting my sub-conscious - it has a hell of a lot of dirty tricks to make me want to eat more than I need and entirely the wrong things, but so far -- two months later -- I am nicely ahead of schedule to get from mildly-obese to overweight by my birthday in late Feb.

I call it the DER diet -- Don't Eat Rubbish (except at birthday parties).

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Happy

Re: Surgery. Bugger that!@Lae Ming

"I am nicely ahead of schedule to get from mildly-obese to overweight by my birthday in late Feb."

Good on yer mate!

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Or you could leave your Segway

and actually walk somewhere. Shocking concept, I know.

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WTF?

How the hell can this possibly be healthy?

Nutrition isn't my particular field of medical expertise but wouldn't this leave the stomach open to all kinds of potential infections, not to mention screwing up all kinds of delicate systems in there?

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Mushroom

Re: How the hell can this possibly be healthy?

@Thomas 4

Nope. The stomach is one nasty place, swimming in hydrochloric acid for a start, plenty resistant to bugs.

The risk is probably more the skin interface, where you hook up to pumpfecate.

Ewwwghhhhh...

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Windows

It may become obligatory in Magaluf.

Having a DIY pump facility installed would certainly help reduce emergency calls from binge drinkers --- their mates could just pump them & continue.

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Pint

Meh vacuum pump for engine oil will do the same thing for £30.

DIY surgery is the way to go!

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Anonymous Coward

Similar results can be achieved using other options today, such as ... eating less!

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FAIL

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

What about the threat of infection that is always the biggest problem with catheters, drain tubes etc? Or the body's annoying habit of growing grabby tissue all around the tube which makes it a literal pain in the side and hella difficult to get it out? Or the sheer madness of having a great big microbe highway into your digestive system implanted? I wouldn't trust this thing farther than I can throw it...

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FAIL

Re: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

Really. Sort of a 21st century approach to the old Roman vomitorium. Did anyone check the press release for an "April 1, 2013" date?

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Stop

Re: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

"Sort of a 21st century approach to the old Roman vomitorium."

I don't think that word means what you think it means.

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Coat

Cut the crap!

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Holmes

Hahaha quality

And there's plenty of porky salad-dodgers that would seriously consider this instead of walking a mile a day and pie-avoidance (with attendant small money savings).

Let them be fleeced, it's a lazy bastard tax.

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Meh

Re: Hahaha quality

And I though I was a fattist.

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Facepalm

Seems an extreme way to avoid going to the gym and changing ones diet...

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FAIL

Radical thought.... Exercise and healthy eating??

I know I am slightly overweight,why? because I eat too much..

So new years resolution, I am cutting back on my food intake while increasing my exercise to burn off more calories and loose the excess fat!

now anyone who says they 'can't' loose weight, blames it on their thyroid or anything like that is clearly NOT doing enough exercise and eating too much, better to offer free gym memberships than to offer this kind of treatment!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Radical thought.... Exercise and healthy eating??

I walk at least 3 miles a day up/down a steep hill, I am reasonably fit, I fence for 3 hours once a week, I do weight training daily... I don't eat rubbish at all, no snacks, sweets, crisps etc...I don't drink sugary drinks, have sugar in tea/coffee etc.

I am however 6stone overweight and it's pretty much all flab... How does that fit into your theory?

I can lose weight (but not loose it) but it's certainly not on anything like a regular diet. If I eat more than about half of the 'normal' daily calorie allowance I will gain weight.

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Stop

What it doesn't say in the article...

A-tube comes with a B-tube. First, B-tube will be installed to a punter's brain to make him willing to accept the former.

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I thought Jimi Heselden was the founder of Segway? He died driving off a cliff on one.

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Nah, the British bloke who fell off the cliff bought the company IIRC, he didn't found it.

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