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back to article Girlfriend 'tried to MURDER ME with her AMPLE BREASTS'

A German woman is up in court on a charge of "attempted manslaughter with a weapon", after allegedly trying to smother her boyfriend with her ample 38DD assets. Lawyer Tim Schmidt, 30, claims 33-year-old Franziska Hansen forced his head into her voluminous top-hamper while they were making the beast with two backs back in May in …

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Angel

She should apply to work at Dignitas...

...For it would by a good way to go.

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Happy

Re: She should apply to work at Dignitas...

Can't see why he's complaining - there are a lot of people who would pay good money for that.

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Joke

Perhaps it was lost in translation

She can't have been the first to misinterpret "La petite mort"?

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Re: Perhaps it was lost in translation

Oh, and pics or it didn't happen...

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Re: Perhaps it was lost in translation

ITYM Playmobil

And the link has photo!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Pics or it didn't happen

http://www.argskill.com/foro/showthread.php?136845-Intent%F3-asesinar-a-su-novio-ahog%E1ndolo-con-sus-lolas

http://www.hostosrd.com/2012/11/mujer-intento-asesinar-su-esposo-con.html

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Re: Perhaps it was lost in translation

La petite motorboat?

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Pint

Re: Perhaps it was lost in translation

I don't think they're hers. More likely to have the caption "A pair of breasts yesterday" by way of illustration.

Talking of illustrations, here's one from Turkey: (sadly no Playmobile).

http://t24.com.tr/haber/gogusleriyle-sevgilisini-oldurmeye-calisti/217999

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Happy

Re: Pics or it didn't happen

Fuck me, I almost suffocated and all I did was look at the photos.

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Coat

Re: La petite motorboat?

38DD? Nothing petite about that motorboat!

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Holmes

THIS is possible!

I still have an aversion to large assets -> 6'1" Blonde Amazon with 44DD's.. dumb as rocks too.

Put me in panic mode, it did.

:P

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Re: THIS is possible!

"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised." - Zap Brannigan

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Go

Re: THIS is possible!

And her contact details please ?

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Stop

No.

I'll save you the tragic-comedy-drama - not worth it, very complicated, and very troubling - jumping out of windows involved, El Reg would have to pay for this story in Bootnotes.... make a good screenplay actually lol

She was from Arkansas - draw your own conclusions

:|

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Gimp

Re: No.

Hmmm... sounds very like an encounter a bloke I knew had when he went on a whitewater kayaking trip there. If I remember correctly, a rifle was also involved. He learned afterwards that this was common behaviour for her.

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Happy

Me next.........

Could i be next please.......................?

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Pint

Re: Me next.........

Don't forget to bring a straw (or any other kind of external breathing apparatus...)

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Happy

I hate to be picky here, but, as an affectionado of BBWs I would not have thought DD was generally enough to suffocate a guy. She would need to get them around the back of his head while holding it all together. I would say that around FF or more was needed. Although maybe even a triple-A woman could suffocate a guy if she were strong enough simply to flatten his nose and mouth against her

What a way to go though! They say that more men die naturally during shagging than realised, often from heart attack as it is the most strenuous excercise ever taken by some men. Their partner is hardly likely to tell the world how it happened exactly.

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Anonymous Coward

Well, cup size doesn't tell the whole story, does it? There's a considerable difference between, say, 36DD and 52DD.

Also, substantially restricting (but not completely cutting off) the air supply of someone who might already be in oxygen defecit due to recent strenuous activity would be enough to cause a fair amount of panic and thoughts of impending suffocation. I don't know why all you guys seem so excited by this; the gentleman in question was clearly not having a good time towards the end of this particular escapade.

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Anonymous Coward

Is it just me or is that sort of expertise slightly disturbing?

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I had similar thoughts

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Happy

Everyone needs

a hobby.

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TRT
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Being a lawyer...

he'd know he'd have to make it stand up in court.

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TRT
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Re: Being a lawyer...

and the judge would have to weigh the evidence, of course.

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Childcatcher

I blame Holly wood

From IMDB:

Deadly Weapons (1984)

After the mob hits a guy with a list, one of the hoods keeps the list for himself to blackmail the people on it. When the mobsters find out he's a double-crosser, they off him, which angers his busty girlfriend. She goes after them using the only two weapons she has.

Starring Chesty Morgan (and her 72" bust)

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Re: 'Deadly Weapons' ; Was: I blame Holly wood

Some friends and I saw that film in the theatre(s) when it came out. We walked out at about the 2/3rd mark, we couldn't take the boredom.

At the time, the local newspaper interviewed her. "They're real," she asserted to the reporter. "Hmm," he thought, "there's not that much silicon in the whole world."

If memory serves, she was married to a referee in the NHL.

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Happy

Re: I blame Holly wood

Damn - you remembered that film as well. I was just about to post as well. :)

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Anonymous Coward

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deadly_Weapons

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Anonymous Coward

and as per a radio news report (which I felt sounded a liitle like it was written to be used on the News Quiz) a man who was arrested after posing naked on a statue in London was being charged with possession of an offensive weapon.

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zb

That reminds me ...

... of the joke about the distillery worker who fell in a VAT of whisky and drowned. He had to get out twice to have a pee.

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Thumb Up

That's how I want to go... :)

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Anonymous Coward

Indeed....

I'd say that DD would be plenty enough to suffocate someone....

My wife is blessed with similar sized norks, and often I've wondered if I'm about to expire, once I'm beneath those beauties!

What a way to go!

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TRT
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Would it be entered...

as a charge of mamslaughter?

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Coffee/keyboard

Re: Would it be entered...

You owe me a new keyboard. Where do I send the invoice?

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Thumb Up

Death!

By boobie!

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Joke

'Up in court'. I bet all the blokes were :)

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Anonymous Coward

Death by Bazooka

Mmmmmmmmmmmmfffffffff!

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Anonymous Coward

Udder Nonsense

The guys just making himself look like a tit unless she makes a clean breast of it.

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Mfft!

Whole new meaning to DD Uber Alles.

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Holmes

Brings a new meaning to the term "Boobytrap"

And in the interest of justice, I will do my civic duty and offer to participate in the re-enactment this horrific assault in court! I may need a few rehearsals in advance to learn to stop smiling during the assault.....

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I speak reasonable German

But I can't find this story in any German news source (even Bild Zeitung, which would be incapable of not putting this on the front page).

I smell eine Ratte.

Btw, Deadly Weapons is really worth tracking down--quite unlike any film you've ever seen (apart from other films by Doris Wishman--a real one-off).

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Trollface

Re: I speak reasonable German

Vergeltungswaffe Zwei!

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Re: I speak reasonable German

Vergeltungswaffe Zwei is an A4 I think, Move along there is nothing to see.

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Re: I speak reasonable German

Indeed, the V3 was a barrage of 100m long cannons aimed at london. So, this would make V4 wouldnt it?

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Re: I speak reasonable German

Yes - V3 was some buried chambers sharing a common barrel - many charges along the path of the projectile would accelerate it nicely.

V1 - doodlebug

V2 - stratospheric rocket,

V3 - as above.

V4 - a rather more personal service.

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Anonymous Coward

Been there

In my teenage years I too was the receiver of a panic moment... My then 'large boobied' girlfriend was on top, slung her jugs over each of my shoulders and I planted my face in the valley.

Two problems occurred after I had gone blubblubblub and other 'lips on skin' style farting noises..

1. skin is like clingfilm, you can't breathe in when its moulded around your face

2. she was too heavy to push away

seriously, its everymans dream, but in reality, never again.

AC as im too old to care but my wife may be reading :)

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Devil

Re: Been there

Testify!

My GF, German, jugged and a cowgirl fanatic has similar inclinations. I've nearly died in there a few times. It's like being pressed into a couple of inner tubes and all you can hear is the distant sound of "Yee-ha" whilst you're trying to escape. I'm scared of them now.

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Happy

Do we still have to pretend there's an IT angle to these stories?

Couldn't see the contrived reasoning I've seen on similar articles. :-)

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One for our German speakers

"Treasure - I wanted your death to be as pleasurable as possible."

How romantic is that in the original German?

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Re: One for our German speakers

From Google Translate:

"Schatz Ich wollte deinen Tod zu sein so angenehm wie möglich"

Colin

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