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back to article Fart-buster underpants selling well among Japanese salarymen

Pairs of fart-absorbing underpants designed to contain the copious trouser cough output from Irritable Bowel Syndrome sufferers have proved a hit with Japanese businessmen. A model sports a pair of Seiren guff-busting underpants Manufacturer Seiren expressed pleasant surprise that their guff-busting smalls had attracted the …

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Happy

Definately a Friday afternoon article

Are they also noise absorbant ?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

You're a bit hopeful, sadly it's only Thursday.

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Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

I've been telling people it's Friday today too. I've got tomorrow off, so the weekend starts here.

You can take our weekdays but you cannae take our FREEEEDOM!!!!!

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Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

If so it ends the age old question of, when wearing headphones & I assume they are silent can anyone else hear my trumps

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Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

I can def confirm that that is NOT the case after trying to "sneak out" a quiet one while sat in a crowded, un-carpeted lounge at Vienna airport while sitting on those bloody awful plastic chairs wearing a set of headphones. The looks of every other people sharing my lounge told me that my sneaky one was not so sneaky and def not quiet

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Trollface

@ symbol_soup

You care too much about what strangers think of you. I take Aussie pride in being a pig in public.

When I drop my guts in public, I let it roar load and proud. Leaning to one side and lifting a leg during the release clearly identifies me to bystanders as the source as well as giving vastly improved echo and reverb. I do agree with your prognosis, though, that those plastic chairs are absolutely the best sounding boards for amplifying the anal rattle.

Given that this is behaviour one would normally expect of bogan (chav) schoolboys, seeing a 46 year old man (usually wearing office clothes) carrying on like this definitely gets a reaction. It works a treat when you're in a crowded bus or train and need a bit of space...

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Mushroom

Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

Exactly! Nothing is going to stop the pressure of a postern blast backed up by a plate of my wife's sausage caserole washed down with some particularly brutal scrumpy!

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Re: @ symbol_soup

And that is only the Australian men, the women can be worse...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

Are there any adults who really haven't mastered the silent fart yet? Your sphincter control should be such that you can accurately let the gas out silently and without accidentally soiling yourself. The myth about women never farting is because they master this at a young age.

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Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

"Are there any adults who really haven't mastered the silent fart yet?"

Good Lord, man! Why would you want to throw away one of nature's gifts like this?

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Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

Sphincter control mastery is not a subject that we see to often on El Reg... I am not sure that it is a very common subject outside of the proctologists cabinet....

Ok those that practice their Kegels regulary might occasionaly give it a crossing thought but probably not for the same reason....

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Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

A silent fart? That's the sort of thing that Belgians do! The trumpet shall sound and the shirt shall be raised...(etc. to accompaniment by Handel).

Phil.

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Flame

Re: @ symbol_soup

One day. One day someone will flick a lit match in your general direction!!

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WTF?

Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

I am going to be very vulgar here, But maybe womens bottoms are not as tight for another reason,Thus they are pro at silent farts. o.O

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Megaphone

Re: Definately a Friday afternoon article

>Are they also noise absorbant ?

Would the manufacturers name be SIREN ????

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Flame

Somebody step on a duck?

Now they would be fun to test out.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Somebody step on a duck?

"Now they would be fun to test out."

Speak for yourself! Some of us consdider ourselves craftsmen in this particular avenue of life, and take joy and pride in the range of sounds and smells that can be achieved.

From the richly pungent, warm, fruity, sulphurous aroma of a good daisy cutter, right through to the sort of tasteable, dry, acrid phosphorous grenade. Or the lingering cumin-like background waft of a medium artillery salvo. Or the deeply aromatic shit-scented "bypass", invariably when you're touching cloth in a business meeting.

And as for the sounds - the creak of Dracula's coffin is a personal favourite, but a good noisy buttock-flapper is always one to raise the spirits. The hiss of death in a crowded lift can always be relied upon to strike fear into the hearts of fellow lift travellers. Or the perennial favourite, the SBD, or spod as it now seems to be more commonly referred to. And this last one is celebrated in music, being the inspiration for John Cage's seminal work, 4'33".

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Mushroom

Re: Somebody step on a duck?

You've obviously never wrapped your nostrils around my vegetarian burrito and beer 'special'.

I doubt these uber pants would be up to scratch.

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Coffee/keyboard

Re: Somebody step on a duck?

<--- You complete and utter bastard.

Trying to type through the tears here. You forgot to mention that you should never try to hold one in while trapped in a meeting. That way lies the Rising Squeaker. Correct technique is to relax completely and go for the SBD, although this does run the risk of the Basso Burble.

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Re: Somebody step on a duck?

"the deeply aromatic shit-scented "bypass", invariably when you're touching cloth in a business meeting."

Ahh, that raised a titter. Thanks for that.

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Re: Somebody step on a duck?

I agree, no holding back. You then run the risk of releasing a teaspoon full of juice.

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Happy

Re: Somebody step on a duck?

Can I point out an error in your terminology? If you're trying to suppress one, then it's not you that's trapped in the meeting, it's everybody else. As they will soon discover, once you manage to release the nostril offending goodness, in all it's glory. Preferably in a silent, non-traceable manner.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Somebody step on a duck?@TeeCee

"<--- You complete and utter bastard."

Result!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Anonymous Coward

Sell them to Mormons

REAL magic underpants.

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FAIL

Typical

The one time you really need a "Buy from Amazon" link, it's not there!

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Can the trump sequestering wunderpants be temporarily disabled, if, for instance, one is in an elevator?

I'd like to see version 2 using the methane in a phone charging fuel cell, although I'm not sure how the collection interface might work. Presumably it would have to conform to standard skid-mark dimensions.

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Happy

Can the trump sequestering wunderpants be temporarily disabled, if, for instance, one is in an elevator?

Presumably the only time you want to release a throat-gripper in the lift is while you are alone and to ensure that the next user gets to appreciate the full benefit of your digestive fermentations in a confined space. So, as there are no witnesses, just drop 'em and let rip.

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Anonymous Coward

@TeeCee

The first law of farting already states that "Drop a gut buster in an empty lift, and it will stop at the next floor and one or more attractive women will get in, and give you a filthy look".

Your suggested strategem now involves the risk of the lift doors opening to reveal the Farticifer in the act with his trollies down, which is likely to have graver consequences than a dirty look. Of course, if you have the "car control" key, and can keep the doors closed at will then your proposal has some merit.

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Thanks for the insight.

I always wondered why people stick mobile phones up their bums.

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My personal preference is to let one go in a full lift, pause and then look with an accusatory glance at a chosen victim :D

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@b166er

"My personal preference is to let one go in a full lift, pause and then look with an accusatory glance at a chosen victim :D"

You do know that perverting the course of justice can carry a sentence up to life imprisonment?

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And that's christmas shopping solved.

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FAIL

Where's the fun in that?

Nothing beats a good "crop dusting" during a meeting. Damn you Japan!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Where's the fun in that?

And it's not just work: How will you treat your partner to a traditional dutch oven wearing these abominations?

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Unhappy

No follow thru protection..

Would get some myself, but alas no follow-thru protection....

"Because there is a deodorizing effect on dough itself, after that you could accidentally leak out, I was bleeding, odor not touch the dough will not be able to deodoran"

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Anonymous Coward

Roger Byrne?

Roger Byrne? - wouldn't lubricant be a more helpful product?

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TRT
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I have...

a pair of Johnny Fartpants boxer shorts somewhere.

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Go

Reminds me of an odd australianism

In Australia you can buy two types of cucumber - regular and 'burpless'.

I had no idea cucumbers and belching were associated, but apparently it's a big problem down under.

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JDX
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Re: Reminds me of an odd australianism

Down under?

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Re: Reminds me of an odd australianism

LOL, no I'm not sure if the burpless cucumbers are better for down-under bottom barks....

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Anonymous Coward

Selling well?

Probably trumped-up sales figures.

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Joke

Re: Selling well?

That joke was pants.

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Coat

Re: Selling well?

Probably a load of guff in Powerpoint to back 'em up too.

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Happy

The graphic-

looks like it will turn into Mr Sparkle at any moment.

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That front access slot ....

.. looks like the worst design ever. You'd twist your leg off before you managed to get ready for splashtime.

(I know exactly what _somebody_ is going to say in reply.)

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Anonymous Coward

I don't think the Japanese are first with this idea. Shreddies do the same job

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JDX
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If you stick them up your arse? I guess I can see how the close-woven grid could act as a filter...

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But the sharp edges would surely provide an issue.

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The Japanese commercial looks like a gang of victims picking on the accused and then the odiferous issuer getting a clue.

Do you suppose it was intended that way?

I don't read manga but gather it isn't exactly subtle.

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Anonymous Coward

@ I,Aproveofitspendingonspecificprojects

"The Japanese commercial looks like a gang of victims picking on the accused"

This could set a worrying precedent. Hopefully I will be protected by the UK's "hate crime" laws. In fact, should the lynch mob set upon me or my behind, I might even get a bob or two because my feelings have been hurt by the intolerance of my fellow workers.

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