back to article Snake-fondling blonde nude punts Polish coffins

The Polish tentacle of the Catholic church is less than impressed with a local coffin-making outfit which punts its wares by draping disrobed women across its caskets. The 2013 Lindner calendar (NSFW) features a series of provocative images, including Miss March - presumably called Eve, and who's apparently been beamed onto the …

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Elvens Afety

While I realise the young lady needs to protect her modesty, allowing a Burmese Python to totally encircle her neck is a bit risqué. Fortunately though there is a coffin conveniently placed in the room.

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Happy

Re: Elvens Afety

You're getting confused between 'risky' and 'risqué, which is perfectly understandable in this situation.

I'm not an expert, but if you run your eyes along the sinuous and slender body of the python, you will notice the gently undulating curves of its slender body, which may indicate that it has been regularly fed in the recent past, to make it calm and languid.

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Re: Elvens Afety

Our boa is about as big as that young Burm (full grown female Burms get as long as 18 feet), and it isn't dangerous to circle the neck like that. But too much bigger, and it would be a problem.

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Trollface

Judging by the "girl"'s face...

...the python might just have been put there to hide "her" Adam's apple and crotch bulge.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Judging by the "girl"'s face...

Still would though, either way.

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Anonymous Coward

"human death should be treated with solemnity and not mixed up with sex"

A shame no-one told Jimmy Savile that.

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Childcatcher

Re: Elvens Afety

The trick is to keep the snake chilled. As it is obvious that it was cold in the room during the shoot, I am sure the model was in no danger.

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Gimp

good lord

having just watched the video - no wonder coffins and funerals cost so much.

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Happy

hem

one for later

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Happy

Re: hem

Perhaps, but I think the coffin is too short, newer mind, though.

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g e
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WTF?

Beautiful Polish women?

But.. She looks like Pete Burns....

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Re: Beautiful Polish women?

Lip job sponsored by Goodyear?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Beautiful Polish women?

Was thinking the poor girl might have been stung in the face by a bee and entering the first stages of anaphylactic shock.

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Re: Beautiful Polish women?

On the other hand, if you want to see what a real beautiful Polish woman can look like, check out Strictly Come Dancing's Ola Jordan. (Sadly, she's been booted out from this year's series already. )

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Facepalm

Re: Beautiful Polish women?

it's subjective.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Beautiful Polish women?

Never mind Burns or the Catholic church. If you have been around the continent long enough you will recognise this as something made for predominantly German consumption.

I have a whole raft of (fairly decent actually) German made "road" or "bedtime" mixes on CDs from the noughties I bought for ~ .99c each off some fire sales (guitar instrumentals, hard rock mixes, etc). Most of these have the _SAME_ visual style for their booklets and sleeves. There this will not even raise an eyebrow or warrant a move to the upper shelf.

By the way, the picture "quoted" by el-reg is one of the worst in the calendar. Some of the others are considerably higher level (from the art perspective). Example: http://calendarlindner.com/images/2013/big7.jpg or http://calendarlindner.com/images/2013/big1.jpg (second one NSFW, first one will pass most moral police limitations).

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Beautiful Polish women?

+1 for the hot Slavic coffin lady. Vive la difference! At least she doesn''t look like Bridget Jones....

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Anonymous Coward

50% return rate expected

"What do you mean you can't get the lid to stay shut?"

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Childcatcher

SHOCKED!

Good lord! That woman has nipples under those ElReg stickers.

Nipples! It's the end of civilisation as we know it.

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Re: SHOCKED!

I thought that it was a bit of paid for advertisement by El Reg.

I think that it's a bit late to try and cover up the fact that people have nipples.

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Re: SHOCKED!

"I think that it's a bit late to try and cover up the fact that people have nipples."

If only the church would realise this.

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Re: SHOCKED!

"I think that it's a bit late to try and cover up the fact that people have nipples."

and Navels.

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Coat

Re: SHOCKED!

NAVELS!

Everyone has one of those?

You sir, have warped my fragile little mind.

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@Crisp: Re: SHOCKED!

"I think that it's a bit late to try and cover up the fact that people have nipples."

Well in that case, why not see if you can get The Register to remove the "NSFW" tag? Because the logic being applied to the Church in this matter fits The Register just as well.

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Gimp

Re: @Crisp: SHOCKED!

NSFW is not a moral (real or otherwise) judgement - it just depends on how puritanical/bored the BOFHs in charge of the smut filters are.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: @Crisp: SHOCKED!

it just depends on how puritanical/bored the BOFHs in charge of the smut filters are

Well said. It should really, in most cases here, be PNSFW (P for Potentially).

IMHO it's a fair warning to use caution when opening in the workplace, not a values judgment.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: covered nipples.

If her nipples are anything like that botox explosion on the front of her face, be glad they are covered!

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Go

Re: @Crisp: SHOCKED!

Turtle called it right.

Slapping a "NSFW" tag on the article is a tacit agreement that it could be offensive.

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Re: SHOCKED!

>NAVELS!

>Everyone has one of those?

Except presumably Eve (and Adam)

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Headmaster

Re: SHOCKED!

"NAVELS!

Everyone has one of those?"

Yes, according to a very large number of painters, even Adam and Eve had them, though what purpose they would have served remains a mystery.

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Holmes

2012 Body-paint

Previous years were pretty hot too, it seems; but no objection? Do we take it that body-paint-only is OK with the Church of Rome?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: 2012 Body-paint

She's past her teens, too old for the church of rome contingent

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Re: 2012 Body-paint

Wrong gender for them as well.

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FAIL

Re: 2012 Body-paint

@Artic fox - going on the photo, I wouldn't be too sure about that. Think there's a chance that she's a CIAF but without the frock!!

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Anonymous Coward

A bigger hit than..

their bestial necrophiliac fetish calendar.

That was like flogging a dead horse

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Caflic chuch says its innapropriate

Wot cant see the connection between coffins and stiffs?

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xyz

she can sit on my coffin any day

Are the El Reg stickers on her nipples to guarantee freshness of product?

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Re: she can sit on my coffin any day

Fresh?

If other parts are anything to go by - there's a fair bit of her that would not be labelled as 'organic' (though I guess Botox is organic)

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Re: she can sit on my coffin any day

The stickers on the nipples are there to stop her deflating.

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Devil

insisted that "human death should be treated with solemnity and not mixed up with sex".

The Catholic church is, again, getting nudity confused with sex. Will it ever learn?

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Re: "The Catholic church is, again, getting nudity confused with sex. Will it ever learn?"

Yes, I agree. In fact I prefer to get dressed up in long purple robes and carry a sceptre when I fancy a shag.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: "The Catholic church is, again, getting nudity confused with sex. Will it ever learn?"

> fancy a shag.

That's *so* 1970's. Everyone's going for Parquet these days.

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Nice legs,

shame about the face.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Nice legs,

Size 16 feet.

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Coat

Re: Nice legs,

Umm. I had to go back and check, hadn't looked at the face before.

Yeah, I know, I know.

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Good old Church

2012 and they still are unable to understand their hot air just creates a massive amount of media interest in what they are currently being stupid about.

retards the lot of them tbh (this is multi-faith btw!! insert any idiot claiming to believe in a divine being from any religion)

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Deliberate Streisand Effect?

I thought the mock horror was an attempt to slow the church's continuing slide into irrelevance.

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Coffee/keyboard

Re: Good old Church

Down with this sort of thing!

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Anonymous Coward

Spoilt by.....

EL Reg stickers on Nipples.

Whats wrong with you guys? Since when have you become such prudish killjoys?

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Paris Hilton

Re: Spoilt by.....

Some poor sods work in places where any display of nipples on computer is considered to be an HR department matter...

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