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back to article Japanese toilet can save penalty kicks

Just when you thought Japan had moved on from its stereotyped image as a nation that creates bizarre, useless technology, it comes up with the Super Great Toilet Keeper (SGTK) – a bespoke toilet designed to save penalties. The football-mad throne is a bizarre, one-off collaborative project between Japan’s leading toilet-maker …

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Trollface

shit!

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Motion analyser?

Err...

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Re: Motion analyser?

There is a high-tech Japanese toilet that does medical analysis on the 'motion'. They are becoming more and more capable as time goes by. I for one welcome ....etc.

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Trollface

I can see this technology being very useful

in some men's bathrooms!

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Happy

Re: I can see this technology being very useful

Noooo -- it would mean men standing at the doorway idly peeing in the general direction of the pan - hoping some of it might go in.

Oh, so no change there then.

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Re: I can see this technology being very useful

I am deeply concerned about how the sensors identify a "ball".

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What

could you possibly be doing on the toilet that would cause your balls to move at 160km/h?

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Alert

Re: What

In this case, sitting on the toilet might cause that!

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This really does bring a fresh perspective on the phrase "smashing your back doors in"!

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Pint

Whatever it is the designer was drinking...

I want one.

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Pint

Can it save a Panenka?

If it is designed to calculate the trajectory super-quickly to handle 160 km/h shots, maybe it can be fooled by a dipping trajectory of a chipped shot? Inquiring minds etc...

Beer for whoever thought this up, and god bless teh Japanese and their wacky ideas

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Re: Can it save a Panenka?

Once it has determined the ball's initial vector it can predict the rest of its path. The influence of gravity is the same in all cases. If it's continuously tracking the ball it also might not even need to explicitly account for air resistance.

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Thumb Up

Re: Can it save a Panenka?

Yeah, I guess you're right that it will automatically handle gravity-induced dip. That leaves a couple of unexplored route to goal I guess...

1 - blast the ball low and hard at the toilet bowl itself, just a little off-centre. The 'saving' ball cannot reach here, it needs to be physically blocked by the toilet bowl itself. So maybe the ball can just deflect off the edge of the toilet bowl and go in

2 - If it's not continuously tracking the ball, putting some (OK, a LOT) of swerve will confuse it

If it IS continuously tracking the ball, a combination of 1 and 2 might do the trick. Hit hard just to the right of the bowl, swerving to just go in off the left part (vide Roberto Carlos free-kick vs France in '97, it's possible to get 2-3 metres lateral displacement off a good swerve).

Damn, where can I find a toilet keeper, I'd like to give it a go!! (Now that WOULD be a great fairground attraction)

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Joke

A new way....

......to take the piss

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The difference between 'merkins and Japanese

Japan: toilet-maker produces something hi-tech, completely useless but fun.

USofA: similar technology but instead of a toilet-maker it's DARPA, Raytheon or such and instead of completely useless it's a new, creative way of killing people. And instead of fun, well it's still fun, but...

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Alert

So...

... You're sitting on the loo, minding your own business and one of your "mates", for a laugh, kicks a ball under the loo door...!!!

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Go

Graphics...

Straight out of HHGTTG - Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Garderobe.

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Boffin

Why not link to the original video?

Instead of linking to someones copy?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XV6so87RZNQ

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As if...

...life wasn't weird enough already...

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Joke

And in other news...

...the BBC deny that it's Japanese remake of Dr Who is suffering from budget restrictions.

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Trollface

iToilet

Apple already patented this in 1972.

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WTF?

I'm so confused. What could possibly compel anyone to even come up with the idea for this, let alone follow through to completion.

I mean, it's actually quite brilliant. But utterly, utterly useless at the same time.

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Anonymous Coward

"Quite brilliant, but utterly, utterly useless"

And your point is what, exactly?

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Trollface

wwwwwwhhhhhhooooooaaaaaaaa....................

you're a shitter-aaaaaaaaHhhhHHH....

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Coat

Could be useful

I've seen a few pub loo's where this sort of "catching" tech could be useful...

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Anonymous Coward

With that sort of pressure..

.. it doesn't just clean your rear end - it'll reverse the whole digesting process flow..

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Joke

To score against this...

'u bend' it like Beckham.

Sorry.

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