back to article Steve Jobs is STILL DEAD

Visitors to Apple's online shop were today reminded that Steve Jobs remains dead. Fanboys accessing the normally functional retail site, keen to buy such post-Jobsian products as the iPhone 5, were forcibly delayed for 1.45 minutes by a black and white slideshow presentation "Remembering Steve" featuring voice-over quotations …

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Coat

Francisco Franco is still dead. #fogy

Mine's the one with the John Chancellor bio in the pocket

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Anonymous Coward

+1 a SNL classic...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=butZyxI-PRs

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This isn't Twitter

Why do retards insist on using hashtags outside of Twitter?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: This isn't Twitter

Eh... because it's a meme?

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Flame

Re: This isn't Twitter

For many of the same reasons retards insist on using iPads to take photos

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Devil

I really don't mean to troll. But ...

This whole Apple/Jobs thing feels more and more like a cult as the years go by.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: I really don't mean to troll. But ...

Yup. This millennium's Elvis (so far, at least)

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Anonymous Coward

Can we have author's names displayed next to each article on the homepage so I can avoid Anna Leach's spiteful output from now on?

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I know this was a El Reg troll.....

But thank you. IF you had not posted this I would have missed it.

He meant a lot to a lot of people and he will be remembered fondly for years to come.

And a reply in the nature of the troll post itself, What will people be saying a year after Steve Ballmer is dead? Nothing, just soft sigh of the stockholders relived that he is finally gone.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: I know this was a El Reg troll.....

"What will people be saying a year after Steve Ballmer is dead?"

Not a lot. Bill G on the other hand....

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Happy

He's dead, but is he iDead?

I mean, can I ping him? If we take a set of Airplay speakers to his grave-side would he still be broadcasting? Has he upgraded to IOS 6 yet? Is he coming back?

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Trollface

Re: He's dead, but is he iDead?

It's been more than three days so I think we are safe...

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Silver badge

Re: He's dead, but is he iDead?

Dunno.. I've put off putting my anti-zombie kit back in the chest, with iJobs you're never quite sure.

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Unhappy

Re: He's dead, but is he iDead?

Unfortunately he was made with non-user replaceable parts. When one bit goes, you have to throw the whole thing away. Well, actually, some iFixit fan did manage to spudge in a new liver, but then something else went kapput, so they had to make do with a backup model. Unfortunately I think the replacement doesn't have the same capacity as the original so a lot of the restore from iTunes has gone missing.

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Facepalm

Yes, there is a lot of hyperbole about Jobs...

But seriously whoever is Editor in Chief at the Reg, fire Anna Leach. This article is pure spite and troll bait, and not even in an amusing way. Every Apple article she writes has some hipster "I hate Apple because Apple are cooler than I am" spin on it and frankly she can just fuck off back to secondary school and finish her GCSEs.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Yes, there is a lot of hyperbole about Jobs...

Would you like some Preparation H for that massive butthurt?

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Thumb Down

Re: Yes, there is a lot of hyperbole about Jobs...

Summary:

"I disagree with author X's point of view, therefore s/he should be fired. [personal attack, personal attack, etc]"

I'm not sure what's more ridiculous - that you feel your own opinion is important enough that those who disagree with it should have their entire careers cast into the gutter, or that you think hating Apple makes you a "hipster".

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Thumb Down

Re: Yes, there is a lot of hyperbole about Jobs...

have to agree. Someone needs to take Anna aside on this one.

Her opinion is one thing , but this is complete and utter horrific disrespect. No-one deserves to have an article written about them like this, not matter what the small minded views of the author are.

Anna, it appears your only legacy will be known for spite and very bad taste in humour. Definitely not any bit of decency.

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Anonymous Coward

Shouldn't that read ..

" .. where the puck was forecast to be by plenty of other people, but I'll have a very dodgy, what's-prior-art, only-valid-in-the-USA, patent"?

.. or something

Anna Leach spiteful? Pah!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Shouldn't that read ..

Puck off

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Shouldn't that read ..

Fup off, you baxter!

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Ridicule the Dead Guy

What about respect? Just because this is on the internet does that always mean we have to through civility out with the window? Steve Jobs died a year ago. The company he founded is giving him a tribute. What's wrong with being nice? Move on.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Ridicule the Dead Guy

I'm not Anna, but the gist I got was "Ridicule the company that is trading on the image of a dead guy"

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Gold badge

Re: Ridicule the Dead Guy

The tech world is a poorer place without the presence of pioneers like Jobs and Gates.

What is sad is the technology companies are now all run by businessmen with no vision. Ballmer, Whitman and Cook. So it's no wonder innovation seems to have stalled in the last few years.

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Anonymous Coward

LOL, you really need to swap your SIM that often? Use the ejector on your keychain. It has a handy little loop for that.

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Facepalm

I almost never need to take it out.

That's why I don't have it on my keychain - and in fact have no idea whatsoever where it is.

This will be very annoying when I finally do need to swap the SIM card.

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Windows

If the ridiculously bad taste headline was changed, along with the first sentence, then this article wouldn't actually be that bad. As it stands it would probably make most Daily Mail writers step back and go "I say!"

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just because her articles are generally lacking substance, feel like troll bait, give you the sense the author is angry and usually some of the shortest and most pointless submissions doesn't mean they're bad.

Anna just thinks different.

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Silver badge

No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'!

A customer enters an apple store.

Mr. Balmer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

The blue shirt does not respond.)

Mr. Balmer: 'Ello, Miss?

Blue Shirt: What do you mean "miss"?

Mr. Balmer: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Blue Shirt : We're closin' for lunch.

Mr. Balmer: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this Steve Jobs what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Blue Shirt: Oh yes, the, uh, the Apple CEO...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

Mr. Balmer: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Blue Shirt: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

Mr. Balmer: Look, matey, I know a dead Steve Jobs when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Blue Shirt: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bloke, the Apple CEo, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Mr. Balmer: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Blue Shirt: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

Mr. Balmer: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at Siri) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...

(Blue Shirt hits the cage)

Blue Shirt: There, he moved!

Mr. Balmer: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

Blue Shirt: I never!!

Mr. Balmer: Yes, you did!

Blue Shirt: I never, never did anything...

Mr. Balmer: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes iPhone5 out of the cage and thumps its on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Mr. Balmer: Now that's what I call a dead CEO.

Blue Shirt: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?

Blue Shirt: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! CEO's stun easily, major.

Mr. Balmer: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That CEOis definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged patent dispute.

Blue Shirt: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for Cupertino.

Mr. Balmer: PININ' for CUPERTINO!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

Blue Shirt: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

Mr. Balmer: Look, I took the liberty of examining that CEO when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

Blue Shirt: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that CEO down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Mr. Balmer: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

Blue Shirt: No no! 'E's pining!

Mr. Balmer: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This CEO is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-CEO!!

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Anonymous Coward

FFS

Apple/Apple fanboys' continuing unhealthy adoration of Steve Jobs - a year after his death now - is weird and excessive and completely worthy of ridicule such as this article. The fact some people here are whining about it just reinforces the point, no-one would care about an article like this over Steve Ballmer or Larry Ellison.

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Re: FFS

Because Steve Ballmer's death will only generate mild applause, and perhaps some celebrations.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: FFS

"Because Steve Ballmer's death will only generate mild applause, and perhaps some celebrations."

More like indifference, which is the appropriate response for the general public to have about the death of a CEO, whichever Steve it happens to be. Nice hypocrisy there though, advocating making-light the death of one individual whilst chastising the same thing when it happens to be an individual you admire.

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Re: FFS

Would Microsoft not pay tribute to Gates if he croaked it?

Jobs was one of two people (Woz being the other) who built a hugely profitable company from a garage. So I'm pretty sure all of those who work at Apple are glad he did succeed.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: FFS

Probably, but Gates is almost as bad as Jobs when it comes to having an excessive level of unwarranted reverence heaped on him.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: FFS

You're obviously too angry at jobs but woz couldn't have done it on his own. Fact is really that he's not done much since leaving apple unless you include talking crap.

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WTF?

Re: FFS

We're not talking about Microsoft having a tribute when Gates dies. It would be quite normal for a company to have a public tribute to a founder of a company.

The "one year on" thing is unusual, though.

My first reaction to this was "eh?" and my second one was that Apple are basically rallying the cult members after the disastrous iPhone 5 launch.

We'll probably find out in a few years when Tim Cook gets canned.

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FAIL

Re: FFS

Henry Ford's name is still trotted out on occasion; the Kelloggs also had a full-on Hollywood bio-pic made about them. (And those two really didn't get on!) This isn't new.

Personality cults are hardly uncommon in any case: celebrities have entire racks of magazines dedicated to gossip about them, photos of them, and so on.

But... Steve Jobs actually made a difference. He turned Apple from a sinking basket-case everyone else—yes, Dell, I'm looking at you—had already written off, into a company that now dominates multiple sectors and makes an impressive profit. (It won't last forever; these things are inherently cyclical.) Jobs basically turned Apple from a company that made poor products nobody wanted into a company that made very good products millions upon millions of people wanted—demanded, even—to the extent that the company actually has genuine fans who go to the effort of queuing up outside of stores to buy the products.

This is, when you think about it, Business 101: it's how business are supposed to work. That so many people still don't get this makes it clear how poor our education systems have become.

Bill Gates is also likely to be similarly treated when he (eventually) passes away. Microsoft, for all their flaws, did manage to get a PC in every home—something Apple never managed—at affordable prices. Considering how much a 486DX/2 used to cost over 20 years ago, it's amazing what you can pick up now for about $400. And, when you compare the likes of WordStar on a CP/M computer in the early '80s to Microsoft Word on a modern PC, the difference is staggering.

No, neither Bill nor Steve were people you'd necessarily want to spend an hour in a broken lift with, but few great CEOs ever are: you really do need a level of ruthlessness and pragmatism if you're going to succeed in such a role; "business is war" is a cliché for a damned good reason.

People with that kind of drive and passion are just as OCD about their own passions as a FOSS fan is about GitHub, or a hardcore trainspotter about locomotive numbers, or sports fans about their favourite teams. Passionate people tend to obsess, even if only a little. Jobs was an aesthete with a gift for business and salesmanship. Gates was more of a pragmatist, but also had a talent for knowing bullshit when he heard it.

Even the UK's own Sir Clive Sinclair—who's had a TV programme made about him (and Acorn's Chris Curry)—and Sir Alan Sugar had famously abrasive personalities.

Ballmer's position is difficult, but Windows 7 did come out on his watch, so that's a big plus. The jury's still out on Windows (Phone) 8. To be fair, filling the shoes of a man who snatched a massive IBM PC contract from under Digital Research's nose, and even pulled a fast one over Steve Jobs himself back in the day, was never going to be easy. But Ballmer was one of Microsoft's co-founders and was there from the start. He might not have been a programmer the way Gates was, but he's been at MS long enough to know who to trust.

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Mushroom

Re: FFS

Ballmer was an early employee at Microsoft, he joined the company in 1980. He wasn't a co-founder.

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Silver badge

Re: FFS

I sit corrected.

I do remember him being there by the early '80s and just assumed he'd been there from the start. (My memory's a bit hazy at the best of times.)

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FAIL

Re: FFS

"Henry Ford's name is still trotted out on occasion; the Kelloggs also had a full-on Hollywood bio-pic made about them. (And those two really didn't get on!) This isn't new."

Yes, but when was the last time that you called into a Ford dealership and they stuck a video in your way to watch before you could talk to a salesman?

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Re: FFS

"My first reaction to this was "eh?" and my second one was that Apple are basically rallying the cult members after the disastrous iPhone 5 launch."

If selling five million gizmos in a single weekend is a "disastrous" product launch, then I hope one day to invent a gizmo that has such a disaster. :)

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Thumb Down

Re: FFS

"Yes, but when was the last time that you called into a Ford dealership and they stuck a video in your way to watch before you could talk to a salesman?"

Um...Am I the only person on the Internet who noticed the "skip" link on the video?

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Happy

And the Microsoft fanbois come out in force for a piss and whine party.

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More respect for the dead, please.

Thank you.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: More respect for the dead, please.

Indeed. Why people get so uptight about phones and computers I will never know.

In the 1980s I may have been a huge C64 fan at the time but I have massive respect for what Sir Clive Sinclair and Chris Curry (where's his knighthood?) did too.

If anyone deserves some disrespect it is Google. Microsoft and Apple both make very distinctive software products and it's Google who produce products that are similar to their competitors.

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Silver badge

Re: More respect for the dead, please.

Why? I didn't respect him when he was alive.

I'm not going to have a party to celebrate his death, but I'm also not going is hold a minute of silence in remembrance.

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The problem is that the spirit of Steve Jobs doesn't live on at Apple at all. The lack of anything interesting in the new iPhone shows that the vision went when he did.

This strikes me as a cynical bit of advertising. It's not an attempt to honour the memory of Steve Jobs, just an attempt to make some money out of it...

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Whoa

Forget all the sacking and fapping, I had no idea Steve Jobs was a hockey fan! He just moved up a notch in my book.

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Coat

Snoop Dogg had it right

"You've just gone up a notch in my estimation. You're now at notch 1."

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