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back to article Perth porkfest crowned ULTIMATE BACON SARNIE

It's official: "The A90 Behemoth" is the ultimate bacon sarnie, according to our pork-loving gourmet readers. The pinnacle of pork perfection was put forward by Neil Cardy and, against a plethora of porcine-rich peers, was picked in our public poll. Cardy, who tucked into the mega-butty at The Horn cafe on the A90 between Dundee …

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Coat

Oh Noes Another Church ??

Will it co-exist peacefully with the Pastafarians

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Happy

Re: Oh Noes Another Church ??

No worries: Pasta and bacon go together very well (witness spaghetti alla carbonara)

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Angel

Re: Oh Noes Another Church ??

Sign me up!

Comestibles - Chapter 1: Verses 1 to 3

And lo, on the seventh day, God said "Consume ye not the unruminate cloven devil as when unprepared it is unclean, but save ye-selves by serving it sliced thinly and crisply smoked atop leavened sliced white bread product, and achieve one-ness with Me by slathering it with copious amounts of heavenly brown sauce"

And on that day, non-believers took to the streets with their Ketchup and Mayonnaise and with their bagels and other manner of unholy pretenders and they were struck down by the true believers!

And it came to pass that the land was separated by those chosen for their wisdom and the other of which we should not speak.

(Disclaimer)

All deities appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to other deities, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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Vertical Bacon Sandwich

Rotate it 90 degrees and the A90 Behemoth looks very much like a VBS (Vertical Bacon Sandwich).

But "the Classic Jumbo" really takes the cake as the one that resembles most a VBS. At least the ones you see on the internet.

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Not what I voted for, but a worthy winner none-the-less!

Stuck in work with no access to pork at present. Why is there never a bacon sarnie around when you want one? Mmmm Bacon.....

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Heh heh he

"Horn"

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Heh heh he

"Pork horn"

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JDX
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Ugh

That bacon looks over-fatty to me, and too much of it!

Not had a toasted BS for ages though, tempting.

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Re: Ugh

That will be because it is streaky bacon and that lovely crispy looking fat on it has been cooked to puuuurfection and adds a little thing called FLAVOUR. As bacon cooking goes, that first image is a stunning example :-)

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Unhappy

Why always on Fridays around lunch time??

Especially when there is no chance of getting a bacon sarnie where I am....

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How did pork

...ever beat fish?

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Re: How did pork

Fish?!

Does this mean we need to start this whole thing off again to determine the ultimate fish finger sandwhich?

Fish Fingers: Battered/Breadcrumbs? How many?

Sauce: None/Red/Brown/Mayo?

Bread: White/Brown?

Butter: Yes/No?

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Re: How did pork

Breadcrumbs, Red, White, No.

And now that's done, we can talk Super Noodle sandwiches.

I'll start with... Bacon flavour :)

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Re: How did pork

You don't beat fish. You beat the batter, then you dip the fish in the batter, then you fry the fish. Then you eat the fish.

Although that's still a process which is perfected by the presence of pig products. So mine's a battered sausage and chips, no vinegar, thanks.

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Re: How did pork

Cod/haddock?

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Angel

Re: How did pork

Next thing you know there'll be a chip buttie contest!

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Pint

#1 and #2 look divine

#3 looks like the reheated microwave nastiness from sandwich shops.

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Happy

Re: #1 and #2 look divine

Thanks. I was going for divine.

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I'd missed the voting round - and all those pictures. The Behemoth definitely seems like a worthy winner to me.

The oddest thing was how few entries used a classic breadroll. White sandwich bread is what you use if nothing else is on hand.

Also if you toast bread, you get a bacon toastie, not a sandwich. And while I like a muffin or bagel with bacon and eggs too, this doesn't qualify as a bacon sarnie either. This is definitely reflected in the voting, so it can't be just me. Bacon sandwich = bread + bacon, butter and sauce optional.

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> I like a muffin or bagel with bacon and eggs too, this doesn't qualify as a bacon sarnie either

And there was me thinking I might have brought muffin-based enlightenment to the cheap white bread scoffing masses...

;)

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Anonymous Coward

Fuck this.

I'm off to the sandwich shop.

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Courier with a plastic pig

Here is the actual page with a photo of the boss holding a plastic pig, lest the good people of Central-Eastern Scotland dinnae ken whir Pork comes frae.

http://www.thecourier.co.uk/News/article/25225/no-butties-the-horn-restaurant-near-dundee-bring-homes-the-bacon-in-online-poll.html

The Courier was that type of "funeral buffet" paper when I lived in Fife, leading to this response from an elderly porter I worked with - "Hows your day", "Meh, at least me name's no' in the Courier!"

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Paris Hilton

But...but...but!

Behemoth is an Ancient Evil of the Jewish/Muslim Bestiary of Legendary Creatures, so it wouldn't be involved in delivering bacon?

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WTF?

Eh?

Surely that fact that its delivering pork is the very reason it was classified as an Ancient Evil?

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Ah, the good old Scots diet

Fried food with fat :)

That looks a pretty fine sarny to me.

On the same A90, but a bit further north, near Stracathro, is the last real transport café I know - as a hitchhiker in the late 70s and early 80s I ate many a robust meal in such place - you can pick up a full cooked breakfast that would make a heart surgeon gibber for just a few pounds - and bacon butties that Frank Lloyd Wright would have been proud to design.

Anyways, I think I'll have to have a quick sortie Dundeewards, just to try the behemoth. At last, a genuine reason to visit Dundee. Who'd a thunk it?

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Re: Ah, the good old Scots diet

Stracathro Services - Ye may gang faur and fae waur

Hard to miss from the A90 and if the butty doesn't give you a heart attack the price of the petrol will.

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Re: Ah, the good old Scots diet

I stopped once at Stracathround once. Never again. Ok, it was probably 6 or 7pm on a Friday, but if you are claiming to sell food, don't leave crusty slops for your customers. I know the road better these days and have a better munchy stop on the way.

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oooh...Second place...

So near yet so far. The winner certainly looks yummy though.

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Trollface

Fuck Bacon!

I want a sausage fest!

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Paris Hilton

You're not the only one!

Paris because she loves a sausage fest too.

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I have to say, that does look very much like a correctly assembled bacon delivery package. I assume it comes with a choice of red or brown, to suit all comers.

I have to though that the third place one looks horrible, made from that nasty cheap bacon that comes apart once you manage to boil all the water out of it, and in sore need of some butter and sauce in it.

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Happy

Check this out :-)

http://www.brinningtoncommunitychurch.co.uk/sundays.php

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So the top 3 are Bacon, Bread and Brown Sauce. No Cheese, No tomatoes, no fancy popperseed and organic alfalfa baguettes..

My faith in Humanity is restored, as a species we will thrive and colonise the stars

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Bacon

Not a fan of fatty bacon - the chewy, stringy stuff.

Best bacon butty I ever had contained bacon medallions.

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Re: Bacon

The "chewy, stringy stuff" is rind. Rind, when cooked properly, adds a crunchy counterpoint to the soft and salty melody of the flesh. But, when cooked improperly, it's fit only for the birds. Most bacon sold now is 'rindless', because enterprising butchers found they could put a premium on 'rindless' bacon, and then use those rinds to make pork scratchings, thus charging twice for something people claimed they didn't want. As a direct result of this, the British Bacon Sandwich declined, losing its peppery zip for a flaccid squelch redolent of butchery greed and Danish piggery, and becoming inedible without the addition of brown sauce, a substance formerly used for polishing brass and punishing children.

The "fatty bacon" of legend is, in fact, 'streaky' bacon, a largely disposable item used in the roasting of game. It can be used in the same way as proper bacon, but only by miserable cheapskates. It can be stringy and chewy, but does improve if you cook it.

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Anonymous Coward

Bugger

This has really set the taste buds going. Sadly there is no bacon in this part of the world. I don't count that thing they call 'beef bacon' either.

nowt but miles of Sand and Desert as far as the eye can see.

Still I'll be home next friday and making my own butties from the thick cut back that my local butcher cures himself.

Yummies.

{my stomach just gave a statisfying grumble in agreement}

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A quick word for the BLT

Tomatoes are about over for the year at latitude 38 N, and without fresh tomatoes, a lot of the soul goes out of the bacuon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich. But it's a great sandwich when tomatoes are in season.

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Devil

Re: A quick word for the BLT

WTF? Lettuce and tomatoes? Sounds like health food to me!

However, fried tomatoes are a necessary part of a proper fried breakfast - crispy streaky bacon, couple of rashers of grilled back bacon, real (meat only) pork bangers, fried black pudding (lots), fried onions, at least two fried eggs with some slightly caramelized fried tomatoes; bread/toast of choice. Now that's a breakfast and worth a triple bypass later in life.

Who are the heretics who mentioned the anathema of muffins on a porcine comments page? Yuk.

While bagels aren't suitable for bacon butties (check with your rabbi) or breakfast, a lightly toasted onion bagel with lashings of full fat cream cheese and a half inch plus layer of smoked salmon goes down nicely at elevenses.

Why isn't there a fat bastard icon?

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Stop

Re: A quick word for the BLT

A fried breakfast without mushrooms??????? Heresy! And I don't see a fried slice in there either...

Baked beans go nice with a traditional fry up too, but aren't mandatory.

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Coat

And the winner is...

Appartently a cousin of Cthulhu if the picture is anything to go by.

I want one.

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Speaking as someone who lives in line of sight of the aforementioned palace of porcine splendiferousness, I can reveal that the secret ingredient of the winning sarnie is .......a quick trip through the deep fat fryer just prior to hitting the white bread doorstep. They have followed that recipe for years and there is not an unblocked artery for 10 miles in any direction.

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FAIL

It's Not a Frigging Sarnie Though!!!!

Sarnie -> informal for Sandwich.

Sandwich -> Two or more slices of bread with a filling.

Roll -> A small rounded portion of bread.

=> Roll != Sandwich

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Streetview

And if you zoom into the reflection of the Goog car in the cafe's windows you can see the guy lowering the camera as it was taking it's last picture.

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Unhappy

How do we know the voting wasn't rigged? I notice the purported winner came from a commercial establishment. Could there have been vote stuffing as well a gob stuffing going on?

Brown sauce Yeeuk!

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Deliver?

Do they? To the U.S.?

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Pint

Very good

I've been there a couple of times now - my godmother used to live further north, lives in Bristol now but insists on a visit any time she's in the area.

When I first saw the price list, I couldn't understand how the bacon roll cost so much more than the egg or sausage options - then saw how much bacon was crammed in there. I also noted the 'all day breakfast', something like twice the price. Last time I was there, someone ordered it - at least, I assumed that's what was spread across the three plates in front of him. I think I could actually hear the arteries clogging...

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Happy

Am going all continental.

Bacon sarnies and Jumbo bacon rolls (Yum!) are all very well, just a bit parochial....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:American_sandwiches

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:British_sandwiches

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Sandwiches

My favourites would be either the francesinha or the Monte Cristo...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francesinha

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monte_Cristo_sandwich.

Food for thought?

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A90 Behemoth plus butter is what I will make next time I buy some streaky bacon. :)

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Arggh

It's in that other Perth. Bummer.

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