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Authorities in Coos County, Oregon, are investigating just how a 69-year-old farmer ended up being eaten by his own monster hogs. The remains of Vietnam vet Terry Vance Garner were discovered at his farm outside Bandon "several hours after he went to feed his animals". A family member first spotted the farmer's dentures on the …

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Strange...

I'm pretty sure that was a short horror story by Clive Barker.

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jai
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Re: Strange...

more like a sequel by Thomas Harris, no?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Strange...

My immediate thought was that there's a (I think) Fredrick Forsyth short story in which a gang (IRA I think) dispose of someone by throwing them (alive but with broken legs) into a herd of pigs.

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Big Brother

Re: Strange...

Animal Farm. The pigs got rid of the farmer. They'll move into the farmhouse next.

This is it boys!

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Devil

Feed 'im to the pigs, Errol

Obviously he got on the wrong side of Bricktop.

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Re: Feed 'im to the pigs, Errol

It was his Angry Birds T-shirt that pissed them off

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Mushroom

"Register-Guard" eh?

Has El Reg started employing a tooled up american organ to protect it from flaming commetards? I think we should be told.

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Unhappy

Re: "Register-Guard" eh?

Isn't it obvious? This is revenge for the bacon sandwich article.

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Anonymous Coward

Bricktop

Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

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Re: Bricktop

We are having a public enquiry here into how the police failed to catch a serial killer for 10years:

"You know that man we keep arresting for violence to women?"

"The one with van we keep seeing in the redlight district ?"

"Should we interview him?"

"No need - we went out to his pig farm and there were no sign of lots of murdered prostitutes"

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Surprised no one's said this yet

>DA describes demise as 'doggone weird'

Shouldn't that be 'hoggone weird'

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Snatch

A great one liner paraphrased from the film Snatch for those who have not watched it, "Never trust a pig farmer."

The Hollywood script writers have done this story before, but no doubt they will be paying a visit for some fresh ideas... As for 700lb pigs, well that is a hell of a lot of bacon sarnies!

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Happy

Re: Snatch

As for 700lb pigs, that is why the states are under no threat of a bacon shortage

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Re: Snatch

or one really big bacon sarnie

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Boffin

Brings a whole new meaning to "long pork"

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Anonymous Coward

Um

No it doesn't. That's what it means.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Hogfather

That's one way of looking at it!

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Coat

Re: Hogfather

Organleggers. Larry Niven wrote about this 40 years ago.

Downvote for the last paragraph though.

Mine's the one with the tasp in the pocket.

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WTF?

Is this the ultimate bacon sarnie?

Or have they got it the wrong way round?

Assuming he just tripped and broke his ankle and then was eaten alive... What a way to go. Sheesh. (and why wouldn't you assume that?)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Is this the ultimate bacon sarnie?

He's a zen bacon sarnie master, at one with the bacon he became the sarnie and reached a the ultimate state of bacon nirvana.

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Re: Is this the ultimate bacon sarnie?

and he died to the sound on one ham clapping

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Don't stand still in a pig enclosure

They _will_ eat anything and they don't care much if it's alive or dead when they do it. (childhood memories of seeing one chase down and eat a wayward lamb in a farmyard)

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Re: Don't stand still in a pig enclosure

That was a rather distressing Shaun the Sheep episode for sure. Poor Timmy.

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IT Angle

Re: Don't stand still in a pig enclosure

My grandfather kept pigs. He never went into the sty without a huge board, to act as a shield, in front of legs and alway had a very large stick in his hand.

He said pigs aren't dumb, they know where they're headed. Out of all the animals on his farm, I was not never allowed near pigs on my own. Even the sheepdogs kept well clear.

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Anonymous Coward

What a way to go!

But as a vegetarian myself I can't help but see the poetic justice in it!

Can't wait to count the downvotes on this one... ;-)

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Re: What a way to go!

I have nothing against vegetarians. Why, some of my best meals are made from vegetarians.

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Coat

Re: What a way to go!

"But as a vegetarian myself I can't help but see the poetic justice in it!"

Being devoured by pigs is bad, but being devoured by lettuces has to be far far worse. So continue being a vegetarian at your own risk.

You have been warned.

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Anonymous Coward

I hope he wasn't Jewish

The irony would have killed him.

Oh, sorry.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: I hope he wasn't Jewish

No problem.

Jews can't eat pigs, but there's no divine prohibition against pigs eating Jews.

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IT Angle

angle missing

Hogs and IT?

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Trollface

Re: angle missing

a) It's in bootnotes

b) IT need their bacon sarnies and who is going to look after the pigs now?

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Tragic, however...

it reminds me of:

Ravenous bugblatter beasts of Traal often make a good meal for visiting tourists

versus

Ravenous bugblatter beasts of Traal often make a good meal of visiting tourists

The bacon sarnie that bit back.

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Clearly the work of National Pig Association activists. We should never have let them organise.

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Trollface

Role Reversal

Was it a bit of role reversal?

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Re: Role Reversal

Or was it Roll Reversal?

Million pound question: Did they use Ketchup or HP Brown?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Role Reversal

And when the pigs are finally eaten, does it become cannibalism?

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I don't care if he's Muhummad "I'm hard" Bruce Lee...

The sight of a chopped up body to a pig'll look like curry to a piss head!!!!

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Coat

The Police who attended said:

Don't stand, don't stand so

Don't stand so close to ham

Don't stand, don't stand so

Don't stand so close to ham

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Re: The Police who attended said:

Im sorry, downvoted for being cheesy..

Ham and cheesy......

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Facepalm

Vietnam vet

Am I the only one who read Vietnam vet & was temporarilly confused by the clearly Western name of the victim?

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Coat

Re: Vietnam vet

No, I wondered about that. Surely a vet would know how to handle animals...

S'OK, I'm going...

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Re: Vietnam vet

His name was Charlie Ham...

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I wonder

Would Lester eat the bacon from these hogs, knowing that they are part red neck?

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Some animals are more equal than others ...

and occasionally, the other way around.

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Thumb Up

he did what he set out to do

The remains of Vietnam vet Terry Vance Garner were discovered at his farm outside Bandon "several hours after he went to feed his animals"

mission accomplished then, Terry.

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Anonymous Coward

Evilspeak

This reminds me of a scene from a horrible movie called Evilspeak. Don't look it up. Don't watch it. You have been warned.

and, scene...

and this BIG piggie went

OMNOMNOMNOM all the way to the bone....

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Re: Evilspeak

Evilspeak was banned in the UK back in the seventies, due to the scene that you mention. You're advice is absolutely right though; Don't watch it, it was a dreadful movie, even for a horror!

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Gimp

Deadwood

Did someone pay Wu?

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The grim...?

You reep what you sow (sic)

That is all.

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