NZ bloke gets eel stuck up jacksie
A New Zealand hospital refused to speculate last week on just how one patient managed to get an eel stuck up his backside. According to the New Zealand Herald, the unnamed bloke walked, or perhaps slithered, into Auckland City Hospital's A&E department in need of an urgent jacksie eel extraction. A swift X-ray and scan …
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Eel meet again
Let's say goodbye with a smile dear,
Just for awhile dear, we must part
Don't let this parting upset you,
I'll not forget you, sweetheart,
Eel meet again,
Don't know where,don't know when.
But I know Eel meet again, some sunny day.
Keep smiling through ,
Just like you always do,
Till the blue skies chase those dark clouds, far away.
But I know Eel meet again. some sunny day
Eel meet again, don't know where, don't know when. but I know Eel meet again, some sunny day. Keep smiling through , just like you always do, till the blue skies chase the dark clouds, far away.
And I will just say hello,
To the folks that you know,
Tell them you won't be long,
They'll be happy to know that as I saw you go
You were singing this song.
Eel meet again,
Don't know where, dont know when.
But I know Eel meet again, some sunny day.
Nobody tell Noel Fielding about this.
<sudo cockney accent> EELS!
Re: Nobody tell Noel Fielding about this.
sudo, yes, a very powerful way of doing it.
Re: Nobody tell Noel Fielding about this.
That ain't no jelly mate, so be careful.
He slipped in the shower, right? Could happen to anyone, damned things everywhere, where's me 12-gauge :P
"The eel was about the size of a decent sprig of asparagus"
One more unit for the El Reg's weights & measures team there.
Re: "The eel was about the size of a decent sprig of asparagus"
It was only when they described the eel in terms of the size of a piece of asparagus that I fully understood. It's the only measuring system I know.
Re: "The eel was about the size of a decent sprig of asparagus"
Yes, I originally pictured it as being the size of an under-developed sprig of asparagus. Knowing, as I do now, that it was actually the size of a decent sprig changes my whole outlook on this story.
Re: "The eel was about the size of a decent sprig of asparagus"
How much is that in linguinis?
Re: "The eel was about the size of a decent sprig of asparagus"
Sounds to me like the Asparagus is a standard measurement for doctors extracting foreign objects from human orifices. Probably along with the Banana, Gerbil and Cucumber.
"Say Pete, could you give me hand with a 2.5 Asparagus patient?" Cue smirks from medical employees and puzzled looks from nearby civvies.
Re: "The eel was about the size of a decent sprig of asparagus"
> It's the only measuring system I know.
Showing your age there. In my day we used standardised carrot sticks.
Re: "The eel was about the size of a decent sprig of asparagus"
No DECENT sprig of asparagus would be up some Kiwi's arse!
Re: "The eel was about the size of a decent sprig of asparagus"
I agree- it's an outrage!
Oh- wait; it is an eel...
It's always a laugh
going for a drink with some A&E doctors ... best two I heard of was a guy who turned up with a raincoat, and as he was trying to book in, muffle the woofs from under the raincoat - somehow a dog had bitten and wouldn't let go.
And I never understood how a lightbulb could get up there without breaking ....
Hug an eel
Maybe the eel just wanted to be friends - that's a-moray
Re: Hug an eel
Oh,
When an eel slips into
The place where you poo,
That's a-moray
(diddle diddle diddle dum)
When it wriggles and bites
in the place where you shite
That's a-moray
(diddle diddle diddle dum)
Re: Hug an eel
Very funny but its a popular song in my local and my fear is that the next time it comes on, my pint will end up sprayed all over the place
cheers
Re: Hug an eel
It's obvious what happened.
He didn't know his arse from his eel-bow.
Re: Re: Hug an eel
You, sir, and all the rest of you who have made seriously seely puns are banned from El Reg for a month.
Someone's Been Watching Too Much Genki Porn
A friend who works in A&E once told this kind of thing is pretty common. Well not eels, but bars of soap and dildos after someone "slipped in the shower"...
Re: Someone's Been Watching Too Much Genki Porn
Aww... c'mon: Don't rag on the guy. It was clearly a genuine accident.
Clearly an eel climbed onto his loo-roll. The guy didn't see it was there when he tore some off for a wipe, and then - mid-scrape- the thing just slipped on in there.
Clearly this kind of accident could happen to anyone. It's unfair to simply assume that he wanted his prostate tickled.
Re: Someone's Been Watching Too Much Genki Porn
According to one nurse, patients often give the story "I was getting out of the bath, when I slipped and fell on X and it went up my..." only to tell a different as the aesthetic kicks in before the procedure to remove the foreign object. The only bloke who stuck to his story when going under had a tennis ball (?!) stuck where it shouldn't be.
Re: Someone's Been Watching Too Much Genki Porn
Yes, I knew an A&E doctor once. He had dozens of them.
...had to change my trousers and sat on a crate of cucumbers whilst doing so, which broke under my weight...
...sat down in the bath rather suddenly unaware that the extra fizzy bath bomb hadn't completely dissolved...
...accidentally fell onto the (designer slimline) shower head, which had to be unscrewed as it wouldn't come out without tearing...
But the one that took the biscuit was the guy who needed a parsnip removed. His excuse?
"I shoved it up my arse for a cheap thrill, OK?"
Re: Genki Porn
Seems to slither past "Safe Search (moderate)" on google without much trouble.
Still, learned some new Japanese today :)
Re: Someone's Been Watching Too Much Genki Porn
I'm pretty sure that last one wasn't an excuse, just the only one telling the truth!
Re: Someone's Been Watching Too Much Genki Porn
Whoosh!
From the linked page...
[quote]Discuss attitudes and feelings about eels. What do students think of when they hear the word eel? What does an eel feel like? [/quote]
Maybe that needs rephrasing?
The sixth Google suggestion to the search 'What does an eel' gives: What does an eel do?
What sort of a question is that?
Which I have seen enough of
to know where this is going.
Frankly...
I'm more worried about, "Have students write and illustrate their own stories about an eel," depending on how many young students have read THIS story.
a decent sprig of asparagus
I was expecting it to be an electric eel at the very least. A decent sprig of asparagus???
Clearly the work of..
..a displeased Warren Ellis. That is all.
Hold on a mo...
...you don't get sprigs of asparagus, they're tips...
At least it wasn't an electric eel
That would have been shocking
Re: At least it wasn't an electric eel
Hey, there's got to be some weirdo on the internet who'd find that erotic. If Rule 34 says "there is always porn of it", there ought to be another rule that says "and somebody is fapping to it".
Re: At least it wasn't an electric eel
Downvoted, but only because there isn't a "groan" option. ;)
Eel pie, anybody?
By the by, this reminded me of this :
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2001/02/14/woman_gets_mobile_phone_stuck/
'This has to be a first', admits hospital insider
Oh I doubt it somehow...
Re: 'This has to be a first', admits hospital insider
Pretty sure I read about this happening to a guy in China some years ago - in Private Eye's "Funny Old World" section (so may not be true).
However, the circumstances were a bit different. He was a cook and had got massively drunk with his "buddies". After he passed out they thought it would be a jolly jape to stick a spare live eel up his fundament. Unfortunately this eel was bigger than the one in NZ and had teeth. Neither eel nor human survived.
Re: 'This has to be a first', admits hospital insider
Not a first, and I was just coming here to post the same story.
Here's a clicky: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/03/man-dies-after-eel-is-ins_n_560842.html
Any word on if the man felt eelated?
Mine's the the one with the chest waders...
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