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back to article The iPHONE 5 UNDERMINES western DEMOCRACY: 5 reasons why

Thinking of buying a new iPhone 5 after it gets announced later today? Don't. Owning it will mark you out as an easily-led simpleton - and worse, the purchase will undermine western democracy. Our last digest along these lines was published prior to iPhone Day last year, but as it turned out - and who are we to say just why - …

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FAIL

Your butt hurt amuses me.

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quote: "Your butt hurt amuses me."

Your butthurt at his butthurt amuses me :)

I make my purchasing decisions by my own criteria, and other people can make them by theirs. That doesn't stop me having opinions about the validity of their purchasing decisions though ;)

This article contains a buttload of usual Lewis hyperbole, true, but it doesn't mean that the initial points aren't valid. My last "phone" (i.e. personal compute device) purchasing decision was made with "replaceable battery", and "removable storage" being 2 of the requisite criteria. For me, those 2 points are crucial, and I will not consider a device that does not have either, regardless of the name on the front.

YMMV of course, but don't assume that any feature Apple omits is by definition worthless, and therefore anyone moaning about the lack of said features is just a whiny crybaby. Some of us are perfectly capable of deciding for ourselves which features are important, and which are just fluff, and will therefore have our own opinion of the worth of any new device on the market :)

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Trollface

Your utter inability to understand that Lewis is taking the piss.......

........big time amuses the hell out of me. By the way old chap, which phone are you planning to rush out and buy very shortly?

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@NumptyScrub

Upvote delivered - I agree entirely.

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Happy

Re: Your utter inability to understand that Lewis is taking the piss.......

Must be true - even the BBC (Gawd bless'em) have posted not to get one:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-19557497

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Re: Your utter inability to understand that Lewis is taking the piss.......

"By the way old chap, which phone are you planning to rush out and buy very shortly?"

None. I have a perfectly capable Nokia 701 Symbian Belle FP1 device.

- Symbian is European tech (originally from Psion)

- Nokia used to be a European company

As for the technical matters

- It's full multitasking unlike Apple's offering (and unlike Nokia's WP-devices for that matter)

- full bluetooth transfers and syncing

- full 2 way call recording

- loud loudspeaker (very usefull when phone in a leather case AND in trousers or backpack)

- notification light

- battery charging light

- both microUSB (fragile connector) and 2mm jack (sturdy connector) charging

- Internal storage AND complementary microSD-card slot

- removable battery

- true offline navigation (with addressbook- and calendar tie-in)

- doesn't burn a hole in my trousers

- doesn't require me to put a condom over my head (or phone) to make and receive calls.

Nope, I guess I'll stick to this one for the time being.

Untill I meet a nice Android or other device that meets the above requirements. (especially the call recording seems to be a problem)

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Re: Your utter inability to understand that Lewis is taking the piss.......

One of those retro 70s ones with the big chunky 9 digit keypad and the angular handset one one of those coiled cables that manage to tie themselves in knots in 5 minutes.

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Replacable battery was one of the deciding factors in me buying a cheaper phone over a more expensive version of it. Ironic that their cheaper phone had a significant selling point over a phone a couple of hundred pounds more expensive). It's not even only that I might want to swap in a fully charged one in a hurry (though this is good), but because I don't trust longevity of batteries. Maybe someone who only plans for their phone to last a year has no problem. But batteries wear out and if I want mine to be usable three years from now, I want to know that I can replace the battery.

Unless battery technology has come on along way since the last time I bought a laptop four years ago?

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Anonymous Coward

"Your butt hurt amuses me."

When my girlfriend gets that evil gleam in her eye, and straps something intimidatingly large on, my butt hurt positively thrills me <3

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Trollface

@Passive Smoking Re:"One of those retro 70s ones with the big chunky 9 digit keypad......."

Ah I see. You're planning to wait until the iPhone 6 comes out.

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Re: "Your butt hurt amuses me."

Is this "intimidatingly large" thing an Apple product?

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Coat

Re: "Your butt hurt amuses me." (@ Dick Pountain)

"Is this "intimidatingly large" thing an Apple product?"

No, I think is more of a 'Banana' product.

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Anonymous Coward

YMMV of course, but don't assume that any feature Apple omits is by definition worthless, and therefore anyone moaning about the lack of said features is just a whiny crybaby. Some of us are perfectly capable of deciding for ourselves which features are important, and which are just fluff, and will therefore have our own opinion of the worth of any new device on the market :)

Indeed very true. It's just a shame so many posters here don't have the class to allow iPhone owners the same courtesy of deciding for themselves what features they do and don't want in a phone. Instead it's a constant barrage of comments about "iSheeple" and how they would blindly buy anything from Apple. Apparently the idea people might be buying iPhones because it has the features they want never enters their heads.

Ask an iPhone owner what they like about their phone and they'll tell you all the things they like about it. Ask an Android owner and all you get are reasons why they think it's better than an iPhone. Says it all really.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Your utter inability to understand that Lewis is taking the piss.......

"- It's full multitasking unlike Apple's offering (and unlike Nokia's WP-devices for that matter)"

Nonsense. Plenty of apps can run in the background on iOS, but most developers choose to stop them running as what's the point in leaving your 3D graphics engine or image processing app rendering in the background where no-one can see it and it's wasting battery power and tying up the CPU?

I'm glad Windows Phone does the same thing as I remember years of crap Windows CE devices that would just leave everything running in the background and drag the device to its knees.

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Mushroom

Re: Your utter inability to understand that Lewis is taking the piss.......

A Lumia 920 is in my sights....

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Stop

"Ask an iPhone owner what they like about their phone and they'll tell you all the things they like about it. Ask an Android owner and all you get are reasons why they think it's better than an iPhone. Says it all really."

Did you copy pasta that from the last smart phone discussion here? Bit of a broad brush there.Phone did better?

Seriously, when people ask me what I like about my Droid, I tell them what I like about my Droid. Not all Android users are keen to bash people for differences in purchasing decisions. I *do* include reasons like "I like having choice of where I can install apps from". I can say that without dissing the iPhone specifically, as the BlackBerry doesn't provide that kind of choice either.

Really kids, many people who buy smartphones, whatever the brand, have rational reasons for buying what they did. Each smartphone has it's fanbois. Do we really need to repeat these kinds of comments in every single smartphone discussion? How about, oh, I dunno, discussing the points in the article?

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Devil

Re: A Lumia 920 is in my sights....

Open fire!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: "Your butt hurt amuses me."

We don't want to read about your sicknesses on a tech site - pervert.

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Happy

Re: Your utter inability to understand that Lewis is taking the piss.......

He is not taking the piss - he is airing LEGITIMATE grievances on product design, the pricing structure and aftermarket spares.

I also have nothing but contempt for these corporate shit head types, living in the land called "the Great Australian Gouge"..

What he says is true - no "On the run replaceable battery", the phones have no memory card slot, but they charge hundreds more for the same phone, that has say 4G of memory, to one of say 16G of memory in it....

All this scummy product design and sleazy marketing, to scam and mince and screw basic sanity and functionality - and gouging like fuck in the process.

There is nothing "taking the piss" about that.

It's just corporate stupidity and scumbaggery - and they can pull it off for a while, and while I may not need a flashy smart phone, when say Samsung brings out the same STYLE of phone, with a card slot, a replaceable battery and it's priced at 1/2 of what Apple sell it their crap for - well I won't buy it because I don't want it or need it, but if I did, I would.

Reminds me of fucking BMW in Australia - selling the Valero (piece of shit) starter motors for the motorbikes - for nearly $800 each - and there is more metal and a higher build quality in a $15 discount power tool. At least the magnets don't come loose, from the shit glue used to bond them into the case.

Fuck BMW and Apple too.

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Anonymous Coward

"Thinking of buying a new iPhone 5 after it gets announced later today? Don't. Owning it will mark you out as an easily-led simpleton"

W O W, i've been telling people for a few years now, but no one wants to listen!

Too Simple!

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iPhone owners don't have the time to care...

...about any of the things listed in this ridiculously written article. And no-one listens because most reasons given by the likes of yourself are anti-Apple rubbish plucked out of thin air without any substance. Lewis must of been on an anger trip to claim that the iPhone is single handedly ruining the western capitalist economy. Anyway, shame other companies don't take the same care when it comes to design and quality. Losing the ability the replace the battery, have a MicroSD slot and having locked down apps is all worth the sacrifice IMHO. Better security and whatever else. Simplicity makes any product better. You only have to look at the most popular products since the dawn of modern technology to see that.

Anyone worrying about those points has too much time and worries about technology too much. No-one's pointing the gun at your head. Any fandroid here could quite easily turn a blind eye and ignore this release. Unfortunately, Lewis has lost any cred of being a decent writer. Sorry. It's the truth.

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Anonymous Coward

The problem is you don't have the media telling these easily-led simpleton's to listen to you.

But who is buying these phones anyway? I've been in the mobile industry for over 25 years and I'm yet to be impressed by an iPhone. As a phone they are mediocre, and as portable gaming device they are at best mediocre, but most often poor. For mobile internet you really need a bigger screen to make it usable. So where is the appeal? You would thing that doing 3 things poorly but all in one product shouldn't result in stellar sales, yet it has.

I was at a meeting not long ago with about a dozen executives all in the mobile industry and not one had an iphone, it was all Android and Blackberry. Except for those that worked for handset manufacturers all of these people could have any phone they wanted and yet not one picked an iPhone. So it would appear that only those that know nothing about phones would pick an iPhone.

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But why is the iPhone anymore mediocre for the reasons you state in comparison to say equivalent Android/WP phones? It's an unjustified point. Whether it's a 3.5", 4" or 4.5" screen; they're all poor for general internet sites that don't have mobile optimised sites. Portable gaming? It's the same size (if yet bigger) than screens of older portable products in the past (Gameboy etc). The phone in turn offers more power to run better games. The lack of physical controls is a downpoint, but why use those points against the iPhone when they apply to all smartphones? A smartphone is can muster all functions realtively well, but no phone of that size will give you what you described well. You have to go to a tablet to get that! But going back to your original point, the iPhone sells well because it operates better than any other phone at gaming, browsing etc because of it's simplicity. Why doesn't anyone get that? My previous RIM and Android devices prior to the iP4 were very complicated and cumbersome to use (along with being unreliable). I'd feel sorry for any "simpleton" as you call them to use them without fuss.

I'm sure your executive meeting were all technical based. It doesn't surprise me because I work in an IT office with coders, developers with a nerdy tack to their personality. However, most have this distrust of Apple. Fair enough, but they bobble on about the same unjustified points.

I know a lot about phones, technology etc. I picked the iPhone for simplicity because I don't want to have to reflash an Android phone every day to iron out bugs/optimise it that should of been picked up by the original coders. I do enough coding, installing, reflashing in my day-to-day job. It works as a phone better than any of phone I owned previously.

Simplicity. Remember that word.

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Would that be the same mobile industry executives that insist on replacing perfectly functional firmware on handsets with something that's been badly scarred with network branding and had half of the most useful features removed?

I hope you will forgive me if I don't value their opinion on what makes a good phone.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: iPhone owners don't have the time to care...

Too right, too busy having more sex and earning more money... lol.

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Anonymous Coward

"But why is the iPhone anymore mediocre for the reasons you state in comparison to say equivalent Android/WP phones?"

Because the iPhone costs twice as much as an Android phone with similar specs.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: iPhone owners don't have the time to care... (Anon 19:09)

Like all the unemployed (sorry... serial mature students...) folks whose tweets and facebook postings all day have been all about how much they want the new iPhone5 because they're getting sick and tired of the shortcomings of their current iPhone 4s? You mean those guys earning all that money?

Y'funny.

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Anonymous Coward

"Simplicity. Remember that word."

Simplicity for the simple minded!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: iPhone owners don't have the time to care...

Re: iPhone owners don't have the time to care...

Too right, too busy having more sex WITH THEIR HANDS and earning more MONOPOLOY money...

Are you really so stupid as to believe that owning an idiotPhone means your more likley to have more sex/money? S T U P I D!

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Re: iPhone owners don't have the time to care...

Not being able to replace the battery gives you better security? Are you sure?

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Coat

Re: iPhone owners don't have the time to care...

is that because they are all creatives?

<cough-baristas-cough>

mines the one that keeps you dry however you hold it

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Re: iPhone owners don't have the time to care...

"Not being able to replace the battery gives you better security? Are you sure?"

Yeah, nobody can steal your battery

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Re: iPhone owners don't have the time to care...

"MONOPOLOY"

You call other people stupid and you can't even spell. Maybe you should try using both hands?

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Gimp

Re: iPhone owners don't have the time to care...

"Too right, too busy having more sex and earning more money... lol."

Wearing a gimp suit down at the wharves to earn enough money to buy the latest piece of iCrap

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Anonymous Coward

mum

Everyone's mum has an iphone. Chavs, now watching less satellite TV, have iphones. I've also noticed on mainland europe, they seem popular among affluent retired gentleman.

The people arguing on here and other forums are just a drop in the ocean. Anyway, I thought it was fashionable to use an old Nokia now?

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Facepalm

6 - The Register won't stop talking about Apple

Getting bored of reading the same comments from pro and anti Apple camps over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: 6 - The Register won't stop talking about Apple

over

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over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...

Like a monkey with a miniature cymbal.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...

> a monkey with a miniature cymbal.

Just the one? So what sound does this Zen monkey actually make...?

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Re: over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...

Just the one?

Interesting point.

Are a million one-cymbal monkeys louder than one one-cymbal monkey?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: 6 - The Register won't stop talking about Apple

> Getting bored of reading the same comments from pro and anti Apple camps

Then don't read them and don't comment on them.

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Re: over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...

It depends if there's anyone to watch it fall.

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Happy

Re: "Are a million one-cymbal monkeys louder than one one-cymbal monkey?"

Are we talking a ZenPhone here?

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Are we talking a ZenPhone here?

"existence is found in the silence", so a phone would be rather unecessary

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Joke

Re: over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...

It makes a "cl-". It's obviously missing the one that makes the "-ang." Shame neither sound is possible unless they're both made at once.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...

Master Joshu said to the student,

"Go to the chippy down the road, my son, it opens in five minutes. Listen to the sound of the hot chips"

And the student was enlightened.

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Coat

Re: over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...

There is entirely too much cymbalism in this thread.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: So what sound does this Zen monkey actually make

A sort of stick-beating-cymbal kind of noise?

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Re: over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...

Yes.

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Anonymous Coward

Here's another reason for the 'tards...

No floppy drive!

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