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back to article Global strategic maple syrup reserves hit in Canadian mega-heist

Commodity markets worldwide and pancake-gobbling North Americans have been left reeling by the news of an audacious theft which may have seen as much as five thousand tons of maple syrup burgled from planet Earth's "global strategic reserve" of the sticky gunge. A searing announcement from the Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup …

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You what?

Theres a global Strategic Maple syrup reserve?

I thaught that was just a joke on South park.

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Re: You what?

How the fuck do you steal *five thousand tons* of maple syrup? You'd think someone would notice the fleet of tankers being driven by guys in balaclavas? Actually scratch that, how the fuck do you *fence* [five thousand tons of maple syrup without anyone being any the wiser?

Reality is really bad for my brain at times. X_x

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Re: You what?

Actually, have they checked that there aren't holes in the barrels and it's all just leaked away?

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Coat

It's inevitable

These thieves are bound to come to a sticky end.

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Pint

Re: It's inevitable

Add yeast to the sticky stolen goods and you know what is going to happen on Friday.

Now try to prove that it was global strategic reserve maple syrup brandy!

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MrT
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You should have seen...

... the size of spoon needed to pop off the silo lid.

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Paris Hilton

Maple syrup thieves.....

They will be the ones with the wigs on.

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Brian Fargo was right

This is how Fallout starts, except with syrup.

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Alert

Burn the heretics!!

Don't forget that the heathens over there pour it on bacon, so they get fuck all sympathy from me.

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Pint

Re: Burn the heretics!!

yeah, but, have you actually tried it on bacon?

I was of the same persuasion as yourself, until recently. I went to a pub for breakfast, got myself some pancakes with bacon, admittedly, the stuff in the jug they gave me was only maple 'flavour' syrup, but I figured, what's the harm in trying just a little bit of bacon in the syrup, and you know what, it was really rather good.

(beer to wash it all down with, who says there's something wrong with beer with breakfast)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Burn the heretics!!

"the heathens over there pour it on bacon"

Do they do proper bacon? I'd always assumed that like their ghastly apologies for beer and chcololate, the only common aspect would be the name.

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Re: Burn the heretics!!

Mr Coward, my only regret is having just the one upvote (and this tiny picture of a pint) to give.

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Re: Burn the heretics!!

Actually, I find that a properly made galette (buckwheat pancake, Bretonne style) with crispy fried bacon and maple syrup works very well. It is a culinary version of the Dutch "spekpannenkoek" (bacon pancake) which is usually served with treacle. Despite the reputation of Dutch "cuisine" in general, the spekpannenkoek can be really nice.

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Re: Burn the heretics!!

"Do they do proper bacon?"

No. Its paper-thin stuff that ends up resembling tasteless brown papadums no matter how you cook it.

I once tried some american 'bacon' that had apparently been cured in maple syrup. That made the frying pan smell of maple syrup while I was cooking it but there was no detectable difference to its taste.

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Re: Burn the heretics!!

Maple Syrup is also good on 'Oreilles de Crisse', baked beans, ham, sausages, and eggs. Y'know, all the 'lite' fare usually served at sugar shacks in March or April, when the maple sap is running.

Good times...

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Pint

Re: Burn the heretics!!

Not so fast with the slagging off of US beer. True almost all of it is ghastly as you say, but there are a few small brewers in the US who do make some very nice ales, especially in Milwaukee. Probably they once worked for one of the big burps that dominate the city, but then decided that what they really wanted to do was brew beer. BTW I would strongly advise against visiting any Milwaukee micro brewery just before flying back home to Blighty. Jet lag + bad hangover isn't what you would call pleasant.

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Pint

Re: Burn the heretics!!

"who says there's something wrong with beer with breakfast"

Nobody. Ever.

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Happy

Re: Burn the heretics!!

Clearly you have never heard of Wright brand "Steak Cut Bacon". 1/4" thick slabs of bacon goodness. http://www.wrightbrand.com/products

Delicious.

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Re: Burn the heretics!!

Maple Syrup is good on anything.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Burn the heretics!!

'...Not so fast with the slagging off of US beer...'

I was in Boston MA when over dinner I got to discussing American beer. My US host told the story of some wag who sent a sample of American beer for lab analysis. The lab report stated that 'This horse died from diabetes.'

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Re: Burn the heretics!!

Canadian back bacon is world famous!

Not like that cheap stuff the Americans call bacon. :)

Oh, and have you tried any of Quebec's'micro-brews? We have some great beer, check out http://unibroue.com/

Who had the nerve to steal some of my province's maple syrup?

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Re: Burn the heretics!!

You sir owe me a new keyboard!

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Pint

Re: Burn the heretics!!

In Quebec you should not just try the beer. I have VERY fond memories of the food in Quebec City when I was there. Really, really, really very good indeed. I'll toast to the thought of returning there and having an 'Assiette du Pecheur"

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Headmaster

@Michael H.F. Wilkinson Re: Burn the heretics!!

Sir, I salute you for not only knowing of the Dutch spekpannekoek, but appreciating them as well.

(spekpanneNkoek is spelling reform idiocy)

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Mushroom

Mmmmm, delicious...

Dammit, time to buy up whatever stock I can get my hands on.

American pancakes with eggs, bacon and maple syrup is ridiculously delicious...

And I, for one, will happily support the war effort if it means I don't have to worry about my maple syrup supply...

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Re: Mmmmm, delicious...

Nice, though I vote for French toast with bacon and maple syrup myself.

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No worries here

Perhaps the Yanks will need a reminder of what happened the last time they tried to invade us.

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Re: Perhaps the Yanks...

I've no idea, did they steal all your Maple Syrup like this time?

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Mushroom

Re: Perhaps the Yanks...

We burnt their capital to the ground in 1812.

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Unhappy

Re: Perhaps the Yanks...

"Bored Stupid" makes mental note to avoid inserting his humour into any transatlantic discussion...

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Ha, that's nothing

The Russians burnt their *own* capital to the ground in 1812...

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Re: Ha, that's nothing

Decent of them, saved the Canadians a few boat fares.

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Re: Ha, that's nothing

You're too kind. But the French were paying anyway, so why not?

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Trollface

Re: No worries here

And that assuming they won't get confused by Quebec's francophone nature and end up invading France by mistake...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: No worries here

Les Quebecoise may be francophone, but they definitely don't speak proper French! Ask any Frenchman.

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Re: No worries here

Perhaps the Canuks will remember the reuslts of *every* invasion launched southwards from Canada? Y'all got some catching up to do.

Besides - We don't need to cross the border - we've got our own maple syrup region. Indeed, it's located in exactly the region where every south-bound invasion has foundered. Coincidence?

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Re: Perhaps the Yanks...

Washington was sacked and burned in 1814.

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Headmaster

"burglarized"

They richly deserved everything they got for that alone.

If they want to know who burgled their warehouse, I suggest looking for a crack team of pedantic grammar nazis with a pancake fetish.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: "burglarized"

Amongst the commentards of El Reg would be a good place to start then.

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Headmaster

Re: "burglarized"

I'm waiting for "burglarization", followed by "burglarizationised"

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Re: "burglarized"

Now, if only they could find the burglarizationist who did this! Not, of course, to be confused with a burglarizationoligist, who is someone who studies burglarizations. And of course, a burglarizationectomy may be required, to remove the buglarization. Unless you wanted to get rid of the burglarizationoligist, in which case you'll need a burglarizationoligistectomy. If you only wanted to speak the language of buglarizations, you'd need to speak with a burglarizationolinguist.

Burglarization... burgl... buglari... No, see, now it doesn't even sound like a real word.

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Coat

Is there any news...

...of the anticipated effect on IHOP and Denny's shares?

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Re: Is there any news...

No, because they use flavoured corn syrup anyway.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Is there any news...

The aforementioned chain restaurants have long since descended to a level of mediocrity that leaves them impervious to any shortage of real maple syrup.

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Go

Re: Is there any news...

Well, if IHOP and Denny's have descended to mediocrity, where does that leave the Waffle House?

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Pint

Off the interstate, near the airport ...

... and at other locations where 'quality' can be spelled with a 'K' as long as the service is fast.

Good people watchin', though.

Especially after a beer or three or seven.

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Holmes

Sheet is aboot to hit the fan!

It was Terence & Philip I tell ya's!

This could end up a VERY sticky situation indeed!

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Devil

What maple syrup

We are of course assuming that the "maple syrup" in the barrels was actually there in the first place.......

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Devil

Re: What maple syrup

yes, it is a little bit suspicious....

When the USA producers of Maple syrup have a failed harvest, but just a few miles to the north they have business as usual sounds a little suspicious to me.

I bet the crop was just as bad as in the south so they just pretended it was business as usual and are going to claim on the insurance.....

the remaining harvest will retail at a premium, they get the money back for the lost harvest, they are in a win win situation.....

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Anonymous Coward

Oh please. Fifteen thousand barrels just turn up empty? It's pretty obvious they were never filled in the first place. Someone has been running a huge scam and now they're cashing in.

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