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back to article Red alert! Google assembles crack team to AVOID privacy gaffes

Google has answered the beeping red telephone, pressed the red button and assembled a "red team" as it's known in security parlance - all after seeing red over the US Federal Trade Commission's small-change fine for tracking Safari users. The team will try to crack Google's software and penetrate its networks to critically …

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Happy

Job Description

As a Data Privacy Engineer at Google you will help insure that when we make future "mistakes" (hahahahaha), that those "mistakes" (hahahahaha) will follow our tradition of always compromising privacy and never protecting it. You will further insure that those "mistakes" (hahahahaha) will be so subtle that they will never come to the attention of government regulators. Alternately, we may decided that if you cannot detect those "mistakes" (hahahahaha) then government regulators won't catch them either.

A detailed knowledge of browsers and an intimate familiarity with Monty Python are required.

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Anonymous Coward

Wiping the tears from my eyes.

Yeah right on.

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The person writing the ad/job description clearly just likes the sound of "red team", as this is probably not a red team. It's called a red team because it's not the blue team - ie us, the good guys - its some of our guys pretending to be an opposing force, but instead of nicking stuff, they tell us what the blue team did wrong, so we can more thoroughly secure our shit.

This just sounds like a privacy team.

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The reality of the job is you need to find better ways to invade people's privacy without getting caught.

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Looking at IT differently and redefining the search engine dilemma

The reality of the job is you need to find better ways to invade people's privacy without getting caught. ... toadwarrior Posted Thursday 23rd August 2012 15:35 GMT

Err, ... better ways to exploit and leverage transparency would avoid any problems with invasion of privacy, toadwarrior. For that though would you really need a Red Hot Hatted Team skilled in the Black Hatted Arts and Crafts.

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Anonymous Coward

Spot the extremely obvious problem..

.. they are looking for another technical person, whereas they need someone who knows process and law to address the real issue.

I give it one or two weeks before something new will show up. Tops.

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Re: Spot the extremely obvious problem..

Is that not covered by the part "will be recognised experts at discovering and prioritising subtle, unusual, and emergent security flaws"?

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Penetration Engineers

Microsoft hires Russian hackers, calling them "penetration engineers". That's gotta look good on your resume.

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Holmes

Re: Penetration Engineers

There's plenty of good pen testing companies in the UK.. I have a friend that works for one.. but they don't just test your systems that have a link to the plebs on t'internt.. these guys will show up in suits, with fake ID cards and try and get physical access to your boxes... all payed for by the company being hit, of course..

You'd be surprised how often a bit of social engineering works..

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Joke

Re: Penetration Engineers

Sounds good, next time they do this for a bank get them to give me a shout, if you get caught you get your get out of jail card otherwise just slope off quietly.

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Whatever happened...

... to "Don't be evil"?

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"Don't Be Evil" is just the beginning. Here's the rest!

You seem to be unacquainted with the full text of Google's motto, of which "Don't Be Evil" comprise merely the first three words.

The FULL motto runs as follows "Don't be evil, and what we consider 'evil' is anything that negatively impacts our revenue, and you should not allow any laws or legal instruments to compel you to be evil, and insofar as any laws or legal instruments which negatively impinge on our revenue are, by definition, 'evil', it stands to reason that they not only need not be obeyed, they must be actively and enthusiastically contravened - preferably in ways which give us plausible deniability, but then again by means of our highly elaborated network of astroturf organizations, directly and indirectly suborned politicians, and bought-and-paid-for academicians and their tendentious and fraudulent publications and pronouncements - and much, much more because that's not nearly an exhaustive list, trust us!! - we hope to abolish all such laws and legal instruments and thereby bring into existence a world completely free of evil in the truest and fullest sense of the word - by which we mean a world wherein there will be nothing preventing us from maximizing our revenue and profits, at the expense of, well, just anyone at all. Always remember that we are not like Steve Jobs, whose narrowmindedness considers 'evil' to consist of competing with Apple and the iPhone because *we* here at Google have a universal outlook - what is good for Google is good for humanity and for all forms of intelligent life wherever in the universe they might happen to exist or will at some point in the future exist, and what is bad for Google, is bad for us all. Wanna buy some oxycontin? How about a bride from China or Russia?"

I hope that this clears things up for you, at least a bit.

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Re: "Don't Be Evil" is just the beginning. Here's the rest! .... with still always more yet to come

Wow, Turtle, that was enjoyable. Thanks for the phish.

You can be sure that there is a running beta, testing search engine driver codes for more SOX compliance with a paradoxical crashing flexibility in crushing leverage, in a slightly revised FULLer motto which is intelligently designed for/by/in Lunar GCHEESE Type House Works to brush critical and strategic concerns aside [imagine it in AI and IT Fields as a Skank Wwworks module which should not be confused with any reeking or freaking Skunk Works clone/wannabe closet cloud cluster model] and which replaces …… it stands to reason that they not only need not be obeyed, they must be actively and enthusiastically contravened …. with ….. it stands to reason that they not only need not be obeyed, they must be actively and enthusiastically addressed and redressed/skirted and rebooted to exclude any possible solicitous charge of cynical and self-serving contravention which invites thoughts of prosecution and litigation

Such though is a smarter caveat for any search engine which hosts the truth amongst a tissue of lies, and not just a Google Collective Executive Prime Directive.

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'Penetration Engineers'

"Penetration Engineers" What an exquisite description for the modern day 'Latin Lovers'!

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Desired Qualifications

A priority will be given to applicants with prison records for illegal computer tampering.

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