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back to article eBay invites mystic wrath over ban on spells, potions and lotions

The ire of the world's witches, warlocks, and other practicers of the psychic arts will be focused on eBay shortly, after the company banned a range of intangible mystic items from its site. According to the Fall Seller Update, from September "advice; spells; curses; hexing; conjuring; magic; prayers; blessing services; magic …

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Trollface

Who?

eBay? I vaguely recall the name from back in the late 90's. Neat. They're still around.

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Anonymous Coward

Love stone

I sell them on eBay at £5 a go, carry one round with you on a Saturday night and they guarantee you xxx!

How dare ebay question it's effectiveness, I put a lot of effort into giving them a positive charge. No one has ever sent one back either!

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Anonymous Coward

eBay/Facebook

When Facebook closed down my page 'Warlock of Words Spells to Success'' I put a word curse on them. Look at them now, share price halved. Another top up word spell from me and they will be gone!

If eBay stop me selling my word spells, one word curse from me and they'll be GONE too!

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Bronze badge

Re: eBay/Facebook

Many years ago, I was having a good hearted debate with another manager as to which of us had the most odd staff. She revealed her trump card, a white witch. She won.

When discussing this staff member, she said that she had asked her witch if she was going to get cursed for X Y or Z and was told that a witch wouldn't use destructive spells as they believed that they would have the same effect on the person casting them as the target.

That appears to be a complicated way of admitting that you can't scream "AVADA KEDEVARA!!" and have your target fall dead to me, but hey.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Love stone

I prefer to rely on 2 love stones ;)

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Pint

Banning potions?

On pub day? How ridiculous can you get.

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WTF?

They are just mad

They purchased one of the wealth and love spells, and it don't quite work out the way they had planned, as no one has lost any of either for them.

But seriously,if I could get someone to send me money for good (or bad) wishes, good on me then. I guess the purveyors of these services will have to now send a token item to their victims...I mean customers, or is it worshipers..

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Silver badge

Re: They are just mad

They will have to sell a book or some tacky plastic "crystals" and include the magic for free with purchase, or some other scam to get around the rules. But at least it will eat into their 100% profit margin a bit.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: They are just mad

I always feel sorry for the ones that collect and cut and polish them, all they want to do is tell you where they're from, why the colours look so good and what they are made of and how it happened geologically, when the customer probably just wants to ask "but will it cure my fear of spiders and get me a man so I can stop collecting pet cats?" ;)

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Silver badge

Finally!

"The ire of the world's witches, warlocks, and other practicers of the psychic arts will be focused on eBay shortly,...'

Well okay! We will FINALLY have that empirical test of the efficacy of magic and magical potions on real-world events! Let's make it as follows: If three of eBay's top executives turn into newts in the next month, then we can all accept that as proof of the real-world efficacy of magic, sorcery, and witchcraft.

If not, not.

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Silver badge

Re: Finally!

Well okay - but how would anyone tell?

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Silver badge

Public announcement from eBay:

They got better!

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Re: Finally!

>but how would anyone tell?

Check his posting name. He's already been turned into a turtle.

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Happy

Re: He's already been turned into a turtle.

A *mock* turtle, presumably.

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Silver badge

Re: Finally!

I saw this on the Holy Grail

Bedevere: What makes you think she is a witch?

Peasant: Oh, she turned me into a newt!

[Bedevere gives him a disbelieving look]

Bedevere: A newt?

Peasant: Well, I got better.

Peasant Crowd: Burn her anyway!

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Coat

Curse you, eBay

That's it, really.

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Silver badge

Why are they bothered?

Rationalising their lists, maybe.

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Coat

"If three of eBay's top executives turn into newts in the next month...

"...then we can all accept that as proof of the real-world efficacy of magic, sorcery, and witchcraft."

But what if they get better?

Far better to see if the practitioner weighs the same as a duck...

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Anonymous Coward

we saked one of the hell desk monkeys once because he was well..... useless really and there had been numerous customer complaints. He did however fulfil the rest of the selection criteria which were is he a) cheap and b) available i.e have a pulse

his wife is some kind of witch, head of a coven she rang up and cast a spell on the HR bod that was supposed to give her cancer. She also found a fetish of some kind attached to her car

its 6 years later and she's still fine

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Anonymous Coward

Fetish?

Leather thong? black fishnet stockings or furry handcuffs

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Silver badge

"its 6 years later and she's still fine"

Ah yes but she has to die sometime and cancer has pretty good odds

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Silver badge

Wait a minute

If you can prove that in court, isn't it attempted murder ?

The Court does not need to believe, it just needs to record that she used something she believed would have that effect, so attempted murder.

At which point, of course, she goes all hysterical and says, on camera, "but it's all just nonsense !", or something to that effect.

Capture, post on YouTube and educate the masses.

She gets fined for contempt of court.

Everyone wins.

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Silver badge

She also found a fetish of some kind attached to her car

I don't think that word means what you think it means.

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I don't think that word means what you think it means.

Inconceivable.

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Bronze badge

Fetish (noun) - an inanimate object worshipped for its supposed magical powers or because it is considered to be inhabited by a spirit.

English language word in dual-meaning shocker, film at 11.

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Anonymous Coward

Strap-on, p''raps? ;)

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Irony

The paid ad on the bottom of this article was for CaliforniaPsychics.com. Looks like they are already migrating from eBay.

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Bronze badge

Homeopathic remedies?

Are these also included in the ban?

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Are these also included in the ban?

A tiny, tiny amount will be allowed through.

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Pint

Re: Homeopathic remedies?

I suppose that would come under the definition of magic potion if in liquid form. I didn't see any rules against magic tablets though.

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Silver badge

Re: Homeopathic remedies?

"Are these also included in the ban?"

Yes along with bibles, korans and all other junk purveyed by people and their imaginary friends

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Trollface

Re: Are these also included in the ban?

It's more effective the less there are.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Homeopathic remedies?

Isn't the wet version dangerous to take on planes? I mean, you "might" help someone to recover from a minor ailment that would have been OK anyway after 7 days ;)

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Anonymous Coward

Competition.

eBay is stopping hucksters from fleecing the foolish.

They obviously don't want the competition.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Competition.

No, they still do Homeopathic, Organic and Biodynamic, I just checked ;)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Competition.

Hey guys, I had a revelation, I'm no longer a skeptic, Rudolf Steiner is totally normal and is now my God ;)

I worship his Gnomes too. And I guess I really ought to stop printing out colouring pages with actual black outlines to colour in .... that's bad ;)

Also, I have taken to burying cow-horns full of manure at auspicious phases of the moon, and using old, non-biodegradeable and untested fungicides and pesticides! Plus I've issued an edict forbidding plants from naturally producing the 99.999% by weight of the pesticides that you eat.

Additionally I am using a homeopathic whisky treatment which means I am still drunk as a skunk although I didn't have any for 2 months ;) I made use of millions of parallel universes to get the required amount of ice to dilute it :P

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Meh

Tarot Cards

I'm an atheist and I collect Tarot Cards. So I was afraid it was one of those "ban the non christian religious toys" things that happen now and again in the US. One of their gags here for example is schools where you can wear a cross all you like, but wear a pentacle and they will declare it a "gang sign" and confiscate it. "They know damn well it isn't, but its hard to claim religious oppression when you are oppressing everyone else yourself".

Religious twaddle peddlers hate competition..

I"m glad to see you can still buy the props. All they are doing is banning the quacks. Probably because people wanted Paypal refunds. And say what you like, pagan types make pretty toys.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Tarot Cards

Indeed, I've toyed with more than a few Pagans myself. They're pretty. And delicious.

-Cthulhu

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Alert

Re: Tarot Cards

Boiled or fried?

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Happy

Re: Tarot Cards

Hey I owe a lot to paganism! They got me out of The Baptist church. I'd never be an atheist today if they hadn't helped.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Tarot Cards

Lordy, thought you'd just got a Ryanair flight to E. Europe there ;)

My mistake, Mr Terror of all Terrors ;)

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Anonymous Coward

re: Title

Wait, eBay is banning sales of lotions? That will impact their yearly sales significantly!

Anon, because a friend told me about that section of eBay, and I don't want to embarrass him.

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Bronze badge

As far as I can tell - there is still nothing to prohibit you writing "The Soul of <insert name>" on a piece of paper and shoving it on eBay. A lot of people used to do that when I was at college in 1998.

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Silver badge

Why didn't eBay stop at "tangible value"? That seems simplest and would have an equivalent value across all belief systems. "If you can't measure it; don't bloody auction it" is another way of putting it.

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Joke

Damn you eBay!

They just pulled my listings for magic markers!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Damn you eBay!

I heard if you sniff them, the world around you becomes magical ;)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Damn you eBay!

Do they still do them with Xylene? Made for jolly drawing sessions ;)

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Anonymous Coward

Damn e-bay

I'm stuck wirh 300 copies of Paul Daniels greatest magic hits album

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Angel

Re: Damn e-bay

you could say that's magic ...but not a lot!

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Anonymous Coward

Can anyone tell me

Why do Psychics need to advertise and use TV?

Surely they can just broadcast their shows telepathically to everyone

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