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back to article Apple lawyer: 'I promise I am not smoking crack'

Judge Lucy Koh has grown increasingly irritated with lawyers on both sides of the ongoing lawsuit between Apple and Samsung, but she hit a new boiling point on Thursday when Apple presented her a 75-page list of potential rebuttal witnesses for the four hours it has remaining in the trial. "This is ridiculous," the San Jose …

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Headmaster

Re: plenty of time

It says in the article that it had 22 witnesses. Presumably the 75 pages includes bios, rationale and such.

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Meh

You've really got to feel sympathy....... With the Judge over this.

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Indeed

She should just cut to the chase and fine them both $1bn for acting like small children and tell them to sod off and sort things out.

The legal equivalent of the naughty step if you like,

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@LarsG

Agreed. She's clearly a fan of common sense.

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Re: @LarsG

But isn't this the one who decided that Apple had a case on rounded rectangles in the first place, and got Samsung's products banned in the US for two years until that trial? If she was a fan of common sense, these claims would be thrown out...

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Re: You've really got to feel sympathy

No I don't. She's the fracking moron who didn't throw the case out with prejudice when it started. She made her bed, she can sleep in it.

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Joke

pity only the bailliff (sp) has a weapon.

I'm sure she could call all of the attorney's to her bench and line them all up and clear the docket with one small finger movement*.

* - Don't try this at home or work.

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Anonymous Coward

>"I will not let any theatrics or sideshow distract us from what we are here to do"

Given she used to be a patent lawyer, I'm wondering what that actually is......increasingly I suspect its to prepare the ground for at run at Senate.

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Unhappy

@AC 20:43

""I will not let any theatrics or sideshow distract us.."

From the newsreels I've seen, there is no case in any US court that isn't pure histrionics...

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I strongly suspect

...she is now regretting her line of work.

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Re: I strongly suspect

nah sounds like she should replace judge judy

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RE: "...pure histrionics..."

Stop watching newsreels.

Having sat juror in major civil trials, it's very much about strategy, tactics, and control of the narritive. The side that can make its story the most compelling persuasive wins. Histrionics are a *very* dangerous tactic which can backfire badly and skilled lawyers use them very sparingly.

'Perry Mason' moments are exceedingly rare in trials where large dollar sums are at stake.

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What she is irritated about is

She is using her Harvard Law Degree to babysit a bunch of squabbling children. The whole case should have been thrown out as a complete waste of the courts time.

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clever people

This is what happens when the business world is populated by people who fail sports.

"I know what will advance our interests! Irritate the judge!"

"Ebner youza jeeneeus"

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Please Oh Please

Just throw the whole damn lot of them behind bars for the obvious contempt they are showing for the court.

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Go

Re: Please Oh Please

I say that we throw them all in a cage with different weapons. Thunderdome style.

Two lawyers enter! One lawyer leaves!

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Go

Re: Please Oh Please

@Crisp

The number of lawyers entering should be increased, and the number leaving decreased.

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JDX
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Two lawyers enter! One lawyer leaves!

That only solves half the problem.

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Re: Thunderdome

By my count, that's one too many lawyers getting off easy.

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Anonymous Coward

If only I could say the same when getting yet another request for code review at work...

Probably would be packing my things the next day.

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wow

Finally she says something sensible about the lawyers. Though it begs to be asked...

Is Charlie Sheen part of apple's legal team*? That could explain the question.

*I like Charlie (tiger blood) Sheen too

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The Point, surely...

Is that there is no way 22 witnesses at less than four minutes each will be called. The point is that Samsung have to prepare for all of them, when one or two will be called. So, like a student come exam time, Samsung can either try prepping for all of them poorly, or a couple of them well in the hope those are the chosen ones. Apple knows this, so it's just trying to improve its position.

I've been involved in a few cases in Blighty, and the golden rule is to never, ever, piss off the person at the front wearing the wig (in US terms, in the black robe with the hammer). I am surprised either side would be willing to risk doing just that, but both of them have. Bizarre.

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Headmaster

Re: The Point, surely...

22 witnesses over 4 hours is actually over 10 minutes each, not less than 4.

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Don't forget though

They need to be called to the stand, I assume sworn in, and dismissed from the stand, all of which I would assume would take around five minutes each assuming they aren't lined up like a queue in an Apple store on release day.

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Re: The Point, surely...

"I am surprised either side would be willing to risk doing just that, but both of them have. Bizarre"

Because either side will appeal so it is fairly pointless. Both sides simply want to taint the jury with theatrics and or blinding nonsense. It is the appeal that will need the most bribes.

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Pint

Well, maybe he should...

really what they need to do is take both CEOs, drop them off in Las Vegas with a bunch of cash and a list of the seediest bars and 'entertainment'. By the the next day, they'll either be close fiends, or dead; Either way works.

We did this to two executives at our company that had a very vicious rivalry going on between them, they came back and immediately started to cooperate. Its probably due to mutual fear that the other will spill the beans on what happened in Vegas...

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Pint

Re: Well, maybe he should...

more likely they then had enough dirt on each other to show mutual annihilation.

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Unhappy

Re: Well, maybe he should...

Fear And Loathing In Silicon Valley?

Hunter Thompson, where are you when we need you? :

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@Crazy Operations Guy

They're already fiends!

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Headmaster

Re: @Crazy Operations Guy

We already know they're fiends, but are they friends?

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Happy

It's a "who can annoy the judge most" competition isn't it?

I'd guess they are both heading for some naughty step duty regardless. Judge Lucy Koh sounds like she may even give them a wee slap on the way?

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Facepalm

The movie of this is going to be a trilogy, I just know it.

I wonder when thr box set will be out?

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Anonymous Coward

"I'm not smoking crack, I promise you that,"

What I may or may not have done during my lunch break is none of your business, though.

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Re: "I'm not smoking crack, I promise you that,"

I WAS, but am not anymore, so your allegation is invalid!

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Trollface

" insisting that the fruity firm had timed its witnesses so that it would be able to make it through all 22 in the time allotted."

Hmm.

" insisting that the fruity firm's witnesses had rehearsed their scripts so that they would be able to make it through all 22 in the time allotted."

There. Fixed it for them.

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Joke

Also, 22 witnesses at anywhere between $80,000 and $500,000 each is a lot of money.

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Devil

Tempting

If I were judge I'd almost be willing to let them try it. Of course the caveat would be that I'd need a copy of the schedule and questions in advance and needless to say any deviation more than 2 seconds from said schedule or script would result in the second chair taking over as the lead crackhead council would be cooling his heels behind bars for contempt until the jury came back with a verdict. Would I ask the jury to very carefully review each and every single word of the entire trial transcript during deliberations? Why the thought never crossed my mind, until now.

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Anonymous Coward

I have no sympathy for any of these fools...

...including the judge who seems to lack a lot of self-control, herself.

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WTF?

"I'm not smoking crack", lawyer speak for I'm sucking on LSD tabs... that "crack" by the judge does mean many many more years work for the lawyers if not this judge however and higher prices for the punters.

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Facepalm

What a silly question.

Everyone knows that lawyers snort coke through 100 dollar bills.

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Judges.. mafia scum...

Lucy Koh clearly is a drug addict. She thinks everyone smokes crack like her.

Judges nowadays are the new mafia. They are society parasites.

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Coat

BORING,...

is it just me or is this whole thing preposterously boring now

they're like two petulant children, you turn your back and they mess about, you turn back round and they both point at and blame the other - they both need a good slap and go and stand in the naughty corner for wasting everybody's time.

Imagine if Tim Berners Lee had been as anal as apple, we'd have no internet. Lets just boycott Apple and Samsung and buy from less anal companies

yawn,.. i know,.. i'll get my coat

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Re: BORING,...

Didn't you know, Steve Jobs invented the Internet too?

(Seriously - when Jobs died, I actually saw someone crediting Jobs for inventing "sort of" the Internet. Because TBL had uses a Next computer, and obviously he wouldn't have been able to do that without Jobs. The idea that he might have used another computer was beyond this guy. I tried pointing out that by that logic, we might as well credit the CEO of Motorola, who supplied the CPU - but he didn't even have a clue who the CEO of Motorola was at that time, let alone know if he'd have died. Or indeed, the CEO of the company that made the floppy drive... And sadly, that was one of the lesser mad claims I saw made on that day.)

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Joke

On Crack

Quote :

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"I'm not smoking crack, I promise you that," Apple attorney Bill Lee replied .....

Koh seemed incredulous

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So am I. I thought anyone who loves Apple must be on something.

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Re: On Crack

"I thought anyone who loves Apple must be on something."

He doesn't love Apple; he's a lawyer and loves only money.

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Why crack?

"Crack" cocaine is the super-addictive processed form of cocaine that is verbal shorthand for any failure of critical judgment. I don't know enough about this subject to say whether it's relevant to mention crack here.

Actually, ordering way too many witnesses is more like the lawyer's version of a marijuana user's "munchies", isn't it?

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Apple are seeding the future

Obviously Apple are just watering their dope plants.

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Holmes

Lucy who?

Am I the only one who, when I hear the name Lucy Koh gets her confused with the actress Lucy Liu who played a judge with dominatrix tendencies in Ally McBeal...

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