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back to article Microsoft, Adobe throw fire blanket over blaze of security flaws

Microsoft has fixed 26 security flaws, at least five of which are critical, in its software. At least one of the holes is being actively exploited by hackers to compromise Windows computers. The latest Patch Tuesday update from the company addresses these vulnerabilities, which are present in workstations and servers running …

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Jesus christ.

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Yes he will be patching too.

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Anonymous Coward

He had a couple of holes in his hands, although it is said they used to tie hands to the cross and that nailing was just a more dramatic way of crucifying just for films.

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Linux

Jesus had morals so he won't

No he won't. Jesus would only ever use a system created by a company/organisation with good morals...

So that leaves only Linux (and bsd) distributions.

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Silver badge

he cant eat maltesers you know.

the dogs get them.

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Alert

"Common as Muck"

Microsoft and Abobe have known about it all along. I've known about this for 10 years. It's been a very common way to watch your work being siphoned off as someone else observed then got paid for it.

Sorry Microsoft and Abobe - you would treat OWN FAMILIES in your own house like this ?

Never mind. We'll see what else hovers in the next ten...

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JDX
Gold badge

It is said by people who didn't ever study history.

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Trollface

Abstinence

Until a flash player condom can be found, I'm not in the mood ...

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Stop

Phantom update

After applying the update 3 times flash player still says it is version 11.3.300.270 instead of 11.3.300.271

Maybe thye need to patch the patch?

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Silver badge

The usual Total Fail

Imagine this being done with software that runs motor vehicles, air traffic control, medical devices and weapons systems. ... We are sorry, Mrs. China, that we bombed half your country back into the stone-age. It was a licensing issue. This was corrected in version version 8.1 of Windows Atomic Maintenance, Bombs And Munitions (WAM, BAM), thank you ma'am. Sadly, the delivery of the new system was delayed due to a tragic plane crash. As a work-around, we suggest you move your remaining population to a new country. Hopefully, so you can take care of the survivors, you have managed to get the latest patches for MS MedSystem, despite the recent spate of Truck crashes affecting delivery. We are in a transition period as drivers learn to adapt to the new and improved Feature Options and Driver Interface Enhancements (FO & DIE).

Malcontents will always complain, but we think most users will be *delighted* that we have switched the brake and the gas pedals.

Some drivers just can't get the new changes into their heads. They may be using MS Hardware Enhanced Access Device (HEAD)(TM) version 2.1, which is no longer supported. They need to upgrade to MS HEAD 3.1, Noggin Edition**. [**Speech, hearing, sight, memory and motor movement licensed separately; Multi-tasking only supported in Professional and Enterprise editions; Walking and Gum chewing in Enterprise Edition only.] Some customers say that if they have to pay for the features, then Microsoft can just give them HEAD. Microsoft is considering handing you your HEAD.

Don't forget that the new licensing model requires valid MS Brain Access Learning Licenses (BALLs), version 2012 or higher.

Activating the newly placed brake pedal requires you to log-in as Administrator, enter your BALL System Activation Key (SAK) and re-run Windows Activation New Key Extra Review (acronym and name pending). Each driver and passenger must have BALLs. As you know, Microsoft has BALLs. Just remember our catchy slogan: "Microsoft has your BALLs". Bonus:Remote Administrators get a BALL SAK with two BALLs.

If you don't want to enter passenger keys for each passenger, you can pay a little extra for a Multi-Access User Licence (MAUL). You can get them directly from Microsoft. Contact support at Microsoft; they will MAUL your BALLs.

If you really want to get with the program, join the Ballmer Intern/Trainee and Helper Program (BITHP). It is not very expensive. You can finance with Microsoft Finance (TM) and after a few years and some challenging Certification exams, you will be become a Ballmer Intern Trainee Certified Helper (BITCH). After graduation, you will be not only an MS BITCH, but Steve Ballmer's personal BITCH.

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Prior to seeing the article on Windows 8, I had installed and spent some time with Windows 8. It is a disaster. I will not be fighting my way past that ridiculous start screen and the capricious, arbitrary and fantastically irritating UI changes. Will they be an improvement if I shut down for a few weeks and try to train away 30 years of reflex arcs? Who cares? I have better things to do with my time.

I already use Linux for most of my servers. If Metro is the future at Microsoft, then I am going to switch to Linux for the Desktops and for the remaining servers as well.

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Meh

Re: The usual Total Fail

"Imagine this being done with software that runs motor vehicles, air traffic control, medical devices and weapons systems. ... "

[Snipped a veritable tome of unnecessary waffle and tripe for brevity]

But it isn't, so why waste your time - or more importantly - my time?

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Mushroom

Re: The usual Total Fail

I guess you havnt heard of Windows for War Ships?

They did consider Linux, but Windows was found to be more secure!

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Linux

Linux

I think Microsoft should build their Window on top of Linux like Linus suggested years ago.

Everybody would gain and Microsoft would be able to charge what ever they like for their Windows version.

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Re: Linux

Wont happen for a number of reasons, some legal, some NIH, some technical.

One of the technical being three little words, "Application Binary Interface," and that one wont get fixed until Linus is dead, if then.

Now, something like BSD or Solaris... that's possible.

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Happy

Re: Linux

Where did Linus quote this ,please provide .

Why would you do this ( except in a vm on linux) ,it would like trying

to mate a chevy with a volvo and see what pops out :).

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Mushroom

Re: Linux

That would be a move backwards though. Windows has a modern hybrid microkernel architecture whereas Linux has a far older monolithic design....

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FAIL

Lovely update failures

The initial update resulted in 8 failed updates. From Googling this is a common problem on the 64bit platform.

http://answers.microsoft.com/en-us/windows/forum/windows_7-windows_update/windows-7-ultimate-wont-install-updates/4a5c1dbd-ec26-410d-b69a-9347166b13cd

After disabling everything in startup and doing one update at a time it began to work. However one update resulted in Win7 no longer booting and I had to run Win7 repair CD to get it booting again!

I then finished off applying the rest of the updates manually and reenabled the startup items I had disabled.

This wasted at least a couple of hours of my day. Thanks MS!

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N2
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Re: Lovely update failures

sounds about par for the Microsoft course.

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Happy

Re: Lovely update failures

And they closed down their tech support in Australia.... and off-shored that to the cheapest foreign call center...

And they ripp off their customers by price gouging different markets..

And they put out an idiot browser to monopolise markets - it takes ONE little thing to fuck the browser and the whole OS opens up all the ports, shares contents with world and fucks your life up...

Add infinitum... and the Anti-trust fines in Europe, corruption in the ISO with their vote rigging for their bullshit XML / Docx formats..

Hmmm the greatest innovation MS can do is to steal other peoples work, to repackage the same old software in new wrapping paper and update the year stamp on the outside of the boxes....

Buggy updates? We will need a patch to patch the patches....

Thank fuck for Linux.

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Mushroom

Re: Lovely update failures

Clearly the problem was the startup items. Not the Microsoft patches.

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Had run Adobie 5 or 6 times to get it to update 47 % = crash

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Still?

You think it would be cheaper for them to rewrite from scratch than keep patching.

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Unhappy

PLS Fix It Redmond

As the OP mentioned most of the exploits are rehashed OLD ( 10 years +) ,yes the year 1985-2002.

Somewhat strange that MS hasnt heard of regression testing,and ffs normal release testing.

And due to the entwinement/entrapment of the OS with the stupid browser nobody uses anymore,

most of the bloated apps are affected by the exploits in a roll on affect.

For crying out loud the browser was the cause of most of the issues for the last 10 years ,remove it

or make it an add-on for those who need to use it :?.

Unless they get off on the media attention and mayhem of patch Tuesday .

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Mushroom

Re: PLS Fix It Redmond

These are all brand new issues. Read the releases.

In fact I cant think of Microsoft ever making a security regression mistake. It is after all a professional organisation and not an amateurs playground like Linux where critical kernel issues are reintroduced:

http://www.securityfocus.com/bid/43355 "Please note that this issue is related to the issue described in BID 25774 (Linux Kernel Ptrace Local Privilege Escalation Vulnerability). The vulnerability was reintroduced in Linux kernel 2.6.27-rc1 via commit d4d67150."

IE9 actually has far fewer vulnerabilities than any other major browser - and is no longer tied into the OS.

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FAIL

Another update FAIL

Patches failed to load on both Windows 7 machines here - both 64 bit desktops.

Is this a widespread Microsoft c@@k-up ?

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Mushroom

Re: Another update FAIL

Nope - works fine here across a large number of Win 7 64 bit sytems.

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