back to article First, Google goggles - now the world gets self-censoring specs

The Committee for Purity in the Camp is reportedly selling spectacles that deliberately blur vision, leading wearers not into temptation. The glasses are, apparently, on sale in the more orthodox Jewish sections of Israel, for £25 or only a fiver for stickers one can attach to ones existing specs. The idea is to blur anything …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ha Ha

    I spotted it's 1st April !

    Wait a sec...

    1. LarsG
      Meh

      I had to

      Wipe the tears from my eyes, thought it was a great joke, until I saw someone wearing them!

      It's not ideal eyewear to go to the zoo with is it!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      The small gaps

      Hide your eyes when looking down a lovely cleavage!

      Oh yes!

      1. hplasm
        Joke

        Re: The small gaps

        If thine eye offends thee, my face is up here...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: The small gaps

          Or in the writings (unpublished) of Cosmo Smallpiece

          If thine eye offends thee, you're not close enough. Ooooh! Knickers, knackers, knockers.

  2. Pen-y-gors

    And when they detect danger...

    ...they go completely black?

    Sorry Google, already been thought of...

    1. TRT Silver badge
      Coat

      Dark glasses...

      to match their ortho-docs.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: And when they detect danger...

      Remember, it's customizeable ... hence (Ob) the parking lot is full:

      http://plif.courageunfettered.com/archive/wc161.gif

  3. Jimboom
    Trollface

    Roll up roll up

    Yes sir, this new patented system will 100% guarantee to ensure you don't give in to temptations.

    Step one is a large burly man walks alongside you wherever you go.

    Step two is, if he see's your eyes straying onto things it shouldn't then he punchs you. If you continue to oggle at Bulgarian airbags and the like then he pops you in the other eye. Your eyes swell up and then you can't see anything! Problem solved!

    Then when you cannot see anything the burly man helps you not walk into things.

    Praise buddah, your soul will be saved!!

    That will be £999.99 please.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Roll up roll up

      Sigh.

      Except this is about hardline Judaism, a different and less practical form of sky pilotry.

      BTW, it's spelled "Buddha" generally, and most Buddhist monks are usually quite relaxed about the fact that they are allowed to indulge in sexual relations.

      Still, carry on, Clarkson.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Can't they just...

    ...learn a little self control? or are they lacking in the frontal lobe department?

    1. LarsG
      Meh

      Re: Can't they just...

      No man has self control!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Can't they just...

        "Re: Can't they just...

        No man has self control!"

        Ewww, sounds a bit rapey too me. Speak for your unbridled self.

      2. Elmer Phud
        FAIL

        Re: Can't they just...

        "No man has self control!"

        Damned right!

        As we have been told many times it's all the fault of women - despite men apparently being better, stronger etc.etc.

        Google had produced the Tommy glasses - there are two more products to come---

        "just put on the eye shades, put in the ear plugs, you know where to put the cork"

    2. Robert E A Harvey

      or are they lacking

      I'm beginning to think so

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Joke

      @AC

      How dare you mock $religion. Your comment is highly insulting for $religion_practisers because you're generalizing thus causing them heavy damage.

      We'll sue and won't settle for less than $10000,- unless you're living in Europe; then it will have to be E 15000,- due to your extra "stigmatisation" being involved.

      Sure; jokingly written. The worst part? This sort of BS is actually happening right now.

      Whoops, did I just insinuate $religion to be bs? Uh oh....

  5. John G Imrie

    I thought the bible said

    If thine eye offends you pluck it out.

    not

    If thine eye offends you where Joo Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril Sensitive Sunglasses

    1. The BigYin

      Re: I thought the bible said

      Whoops! Was that the correct name? Clearly I am not as much of a frood as I thought I was.

  6. The BigYin

    Blur?

    They need to go totally opaque.

    Ultra-Peril Sunglasses!

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Blur?

      Jew-Junta 2000s?

    2. Francis Boyle Silver badge

      Come back Douglas

      You are so needed.

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Come back Douglas

        He's spending a few years dead for tax purposes.

  7. frank ly
    Pint

    These could be dangerous if worn at the same time as beer goggles.

    Does the product packaging carry a warning about that?

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Put in your earplugs ...

    ... Put on your eyeshades. You know where to put the cork.

    (Apologies to The Who.)

    Some people are so bloody stupid.

    If you need artificial aids to maintain your mental purity, then you're failing to live up to what your culture/god requires of you.

    Still, there's profit in it for someone, I suppose.

    1. John F***ing Stepp

      Re: Put in your earplugs ...

      Profit?

      I have a set of readers exactly like that, I paid $1.00 (.64 pounds) for them.

      The real money is to be made by selling salvation to fundies; too bad I still have ethics.

  9. Captain_Aluminium
    WTF?

    So..

    They're like blinkers then? For horses? On people? Voluntarily?

    1. Graham Marsden
      Happy

      Re: So..

      Well you can get such things, and, yes, people do wear them voluntarily, but that's usually because they're into Pony Play fetish...!

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Jewish, Israel and short-sightedness.

    'nuff said.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A much better idea...

    Instead of shielding your eyes to prevent you from temptation, why not just cut your cock off (or be castrated) - AND it has the added bonus of filtering out the less intelligent from the human gene pool at the same time.

  12. ukgnome
    Joke

    I think the car drivers of Norwich already use a similar device on their windscreens

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Google Glasses hack/mods will rule

    Guessing it will be approximately 30 seconds after launch that glasses will be hacked. Can see a market for a variety of overlays, am I the only one that would fancy wandering round as normal but viewing everyone as Zombies or something similar.

    Personally I can't wait for the one that makes everyone else appear as a nude Kelly Brook.

    1. Alex Trenchard
      Alert

      Re: Google Glasses hack/mods will rule

      And remote hacking of other people's glasses.

      "I thought what I'd do was I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes."

    2. Lamont Cranston

      Re: "everyone else as a nude Kelly Brook"

      Your "morning afters" are going to suck.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    " female nipples which our own society likes to see covered "

    Only some of society! I for one am an equal opportunist, women have just the same right to bare their chests & nipples as men do!

    If people are offended by the human body, try moving to a Muslim country, they can accommodate the prudes just fine... (its their life, do what you want, but don't start being all puritanical in my country!)

    The UK is a bit too prudish I think, seriously people are even forced to wear clothes in a Sauna! how unhygienic!!

    1. ratfox
      Thumb Up

      Ontario is with you

      In the name of equality, women are allowed to be topless in the street, just like men. This is called Topfreedom.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Down

      @OP

      >If people are offended by the human body, try moving to a Muslim country, they can accommodate the prudes just fine

      I hadn't realised America was a Muslim country

      1. Dave 15

        Re: @OP

        It isn't yet, but it is full of different breed of religious lunatics.

        Have to admit that the world would be a wholly better place without these religious.

    3. Dave 15

      sauna

      I have no idea why there is that rule most civilised countries deal with nudity in saunas without it turning into a total mess.

      But then I don't see what the problem is with allowing people to wear or not wear clothes as they like anywhere. However I suspect the reason for covering up is to save the council having to clear up the pools of puke that would be the result of most of our fellow citizens wobbling around. I mean have you seen the state of most of the people (especially the women) in this country - more uncontrolled, untoned, wobbly lard than you could ever burn. Its disgusting,

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Of all the weird religious rules I know…

    Orthodox Jewish rules are definitely the most funny:

    Sabbath mode for kitchen appliances

    Guidelines on eating canned food and potato chips served by a non-Jewish

    AC. Humor can be a matter of taste.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Of all the weird religious rules I know…

      I see a new market here, kosher vibrators.

      They refuse to work on the Sabbath but come the next day they go into overdrive to compensate for the built up frustration.

  16. Magister
    Pint

    There are times...

    ... when I marvel at what the human race has achieved. There are times when I really believe that there is nothing that we cannot achieve given the resources, leadership and the will to make it happen.

    Then I read about things like this; and I wonder if it wouldn't be a good idea for another asteroid to wipe out all life on Earth and start again from scratch.

    It's 10 in the morning and I feel like I need a large drink to cry into.

    1. John H Woods Silver badge
      Unhappy

      Re: There are times...

      I agree. And how much more would we have achieved if we hadn't lost 1000 years or so to the transmissable disease meme of religion?

      1. Imsimil Berati-Lahn

        Re: There are times...

        We're still searching for a nam-shub which doesn't cause more problems than it solves.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: There are times...

      "... a good idea for another asteroid to wipe out all life on Earth and start again from scratch."

      Hmm, one person wears stickers on their glasses to make them short-sighted, another wishes that all life on Earth was exterminated by an asteriod. I know which one I'd rather share this planet with...

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Optional

    I can't believe that enough people think that the problem in this situation is that pesky faculty of sight. I try not to judge, but this seems insane to me.

    Not to mention potentially dangerous. How long before someone gets run over by an oncoming speeding blur?

    1. Graham Bartlett
      Happy

      Re: Optional

      So long as they haven't bred, that's Darwinism at work.

    2. Dave 15

      Re: Optional

      Darwin in action :)

  18. TeeCee Gold badge

    Obvious prior art.

    Foggles.

    These are the glasses used for instrument flying training that allow you to look down and see the instruments while the view forward looks, er, foggy.

  19. Andrew Jones 2
    WTF?

    um..... isn't making long distance vision blurry going to be very bad for driving?

    "Yes, I know I should have seen the woman crossing the road - but my religion demands that I not be able to see that far ahead"

    1. hplasm
      Happy

      "...but my religion demands that I not -"

      "...be able to see that woman."

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