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back to article Post-pub nosh deathmatch: Bauernfrühstück v bacon sarnie

As long-term Reg readers are aware, it's been scientifically proven that bacon has almost miraculous powers to cure the effects of a night on the sauce. Accordingly, we at the Special Projects Bureau went in search of two world-class sliced pork recipes designed to ameliorate the pain of a severe liver-kicking. Prepare your …

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First, you didn't fry the bread in the bacon fat and second that's not British bacon!!!

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Exactly. It seems life in the costa del southerner has ruined some people.

No butter is required, proper middle bacon is required, absolutely no sauce (especially that turd in a bottle stuff). All you need is bread (at least you got the white part correct) and bacon. If you really want to be fancy you can add a large field mushroom.

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Megaphone

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

The bread must be white, as all agree.

I like the bacon to be pink but just getting crispy at the edges - but that's a matter of taste.

However the bread must be soft and white, it can't be toasted or fried, it's got to have the fluffiness to complement the chewiness and crispiness of the bacon.

Finally a little bit of butter should be thinly spread over the bread. So it can melt, and make a mess on your fingers. This is to help with any small parts of bread that aren't accidentally covered with bacon. Obviously this becomes less important if you've taken the precaution of using more bacon than bread.

Sauce, covering the sacred taste of the holy bacon?!?!? Heretic! Burn him!

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As an Australian.......

We being the oldest race on the face of the earth... who left the garden of Eden as mentioned in the bible.... now called the UK, some 200,000,000 years ago, just after it seperated from Afrika and the flea eating inlaws....

Well the "fry up last nights left overs" meals are pretty much the staple the world over....

Here one of the names for it is "Bubble and Squeak"... cause it bubbles and squeaks....

It's basically chucking all the shit you can in the pan with what ever can be made to improve it a bit....

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(Written by Reg staff) Bronze badge

Re: As an Australian.......

Ah, bubble. Here that's fried leftover spuds and cabbage.

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Re: As an Australian.......

Ahhh... Bubble and squeak for dinner on Boxing Day. Leftover Christmas dinner veg, especially brussels sprouts fried in lovely goose fat along with lots of potato. Then serve with sausage meat and turkey plus cranberry sauce.

Finished with left over brandy butter, and Christmas pudding as a vehicle for same. With cream.

Thinks: wonder why I always put on weight over Christmas?

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Nah...

You need:

Smoked back (Canadian, for our CONUS cousins) bacon (grilled until crispy at the edges).

White hand-sliced bread or crispy baguette.

No butter required.

Ketchup, HP sauce or black pepper, according to taste.

And you need FOUR slices of bacon for a sarnie of the illustrated size. Two is just stingy.

I like to add cheese, fried mushrooms and a fried egg... but that's because I'm a greedy bastard.

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Re: As an Australian.......

You sure it's not left-over brussels sprouts, was certainly those in the days of my youth in Scotland.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: As an Australian.......

Point of order.

I think you'll find a triple fried egg chili chutney sandwich is the best thing for a hangover.

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As a left-coast Yank (was: Re: As an Australian....... )

Last night's leftover veg (any (mixed, if you like) veg), heated to a sizzle in rendered bacon grease, and then scrambled with eggs is known as a "Hangtown fry". Serve with tomato ketchup mixed with Sriracha (ranging from 100% of one or the other to 50-50, suit yourself). Rumor has it that it should contain oysters, but that's apocryphal.

"Bacon" here is any bit of pig that has been salt cured & smoked, with a good bit of fat left on. There are no "bad" examples of bacon ... unless they are that abomination known as "watery bacon".

Personally, I like a side of grilled heirloom tomatoes, wild mushrooms, wild boar sausage & San Francisco Sourdough spread with a little butter and/or marmite/vegamite ... and freshly roasted coffee, of course, which is a must have with breakfast.

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Anonymous Coward

Definately

Its that Euro Bacon you get served up on package holidays, has a sort of darkish colour and strange smoked taste with a slightly rubberised texture.

It should also be served on lightly toasted square bread.

The bacon must be thick cut with a rind and a low water content and the fat fried or grilled until it becomes slightly crispy round the edges so that you can sucked soft afterwards and eaten.

Brown or red sauce is optional.

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Anonymous Coward

HP SAUCE not what it used to be.

Is an abomination since it became Dutch and followed EU guidelines on salt and spice content.

The new Dutch Euro Sauce, still sadly called HP is an obomination, it no longer has the zing, the tartness or the flow characteristics of the true Birmingham based HP. Also the less said about its cousin Fruity HP Sauce the better.

When I become president of the world I will reinstate the original recipe,move production back to Birmingham, which is important because the air an water were part of the flavour, and put all those responsible for making HP a shadow of its former self into a prison camp and feed them semolina.

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Mushroom

Re: HP SAUCE not what it used to be.

Bring back O.K. Sauce!!!

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I'm not sure what you're doing there - but you've got excess ingredients for your bacon buttie. The bread should be moistened purely by the meat juices - butter has no place here.

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Definity has to have butter.

Although the whole exercise was pretty pointless because a Bacon Sandwich will beat anything - Food of the gods!!!

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Marge/imitation dairy spread will do fine though you don't need much - the important thing is that heat of the bacon causes the aforementioned additional layer to melt into the bread.

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@David Knapman: Claptrap! If you're health conscious, you shouldn't be eating bacon.

Personally I like to butter one slice and put a mixed layer of English mustard and ketchup on the other. I'm not saying it's the only way to do it, but it's damn tasty.

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FAIL

Butter

Just say NO!

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That isn't proper bacon

Bacon butties need to be made with back bacon. British if you're being patriotic/feeling flush, Danish or Dutch if you're buying the cheap stuff.

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Re: That isn't proper bacon

I'd stick with good bacon every time. Danish bacon's just nasty - full of water.

For me it's good British bacon if flush, porridge if not.

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Windows

Re: That isn't proper bacon

Bacon butties should never be made with back bacon. The fat from streaky bacon is necessary for dipping or frying the bread (no butter involved, either).

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Mushroom

Re: That isn't proper bacon

I think we need a Holy War icon...

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Go

Re: That isn't proper bacon

And smoked. Must be smoked.

Unsmoked bacon isn't bacon, just raw ham with delusions of grandeur.

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Re: That isn't proper bacon

Is that Jamón ibérico? What are those strange round objects to the left of the milk?

Didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition, did you!

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Re: That isn't proper bacon

That is correct.

White, floured bloomer, sliced relatively thin.

Dry cure, smoked streaky bacon.

Merest suggestion of Tiptree ketchup.

NO BUTTER.

Fry bacon without oil, remove bacon and wipe good stuff from pan using bread. Allow bread to see ketchup, assemble sandwich.

Squash. Eat. Repeat.

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Unhappy

Re: That isn't proper bacon

No, that's not jamón ibérico. It's what they sell as "beicon" in Spain, and the closest available equivalent to real bacon.

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Re: That isn't proper bacon

Thin sliced? No, no, no. Doorstops and 3-4 slices of bacon thanks.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: That isn't proper bacon

You're all wrong of course.

The only correct bread for use in a bacon sarnie is half a stottie.

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HP Sauce

Unfortunately no longer British

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This post has been deleted by its author

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Re: HP Sauce

I believe it's been sold as a1 steak sauce in yank land also. Probably because the entire country is devoid of any proper bacon. No matter what the label it is a foul abomination and a waste of bacon. A serious crime, I am sure you agree!

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Re: HP Sauce

I know an otherwise perfectly fine American who says that 'vegetarian bacon' (SPIT!!!!) tastes as good as real bacon. I guess this is because it's impossible to get real bacon in the US. They don't seem to eat lamb either for some strange reason.

What you can buy is baconised cardboard. A bit like those bacon air-fresheners you see in taxis. Only less tasty. I guess the difference between the vegetarian and meat based version is like the difference between drinking meths and bleach. Not worth worrying about.

Do you think the USA's failure to sign up to the ICC treaties was because of their fear of being tried in the Hague for crimes against bacon?

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Re: HP Sauce

After a year or two stateside it is mandatory to return home and make a bacon sarnie with at least 2lbs of proper english bacon washed down with scrumpy.

amazon.com sells a lot of british products but alas no bacon. I have a cunning plan involving pigs and a knife. America does some food very well, steaks for example, but any country that makes bacon out of turkey or soy protein needs to hang its head in shame.

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Re: HP Sauce

Vegetarian bacon?

But, but, but... bacon *is* a vegetable, no?

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Re: HP Sauce

Only decent bacon we ever found in the US was Boar's Head.

And we did a lot of looking for we owned a deli at the time.

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Re: HP Sauce

Ah interesting, I have seen some boards head cooked deli meat. I shall have to investigate! Failing that its a smash and grab the pig raid time.

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Re: HP Sauce

not to mention disgusting

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Re: HP Sauce

A1 sauce is also of British origins. Here in Canuckistan it's sold as a steak sauce specifically, which I'm inclined to agree with. I wouldn't put HP on steak, but it's much more versatile in/on any number of other things vs. A1 being single usage.

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Alert

Re: HP Sauce

Oddly enough I've not had a problem finding bacon - depending on where you are there are often British shops around who have an arrangement with a local butcher to take pigs apart the proper British way, and some will ship in dry ice too.. I have this place: http://www.bestofbritishonline.com/products.asp?cat=49 more or less on my doorstep, and used to have this one: http://www.ukgourmet.us when I lived on the NY/CT border. Another alternative we had in NY was a couple of Irish Butchers in Queens that did decent middle and back bacon.

No, the main problem I have (at least on the east coast) is finding a decent sausage. Bloody Italian, German and "Breakfast" sausages are the scourge of the US. And the number of times I've found somewhere claiming to sell decent "bangers" only to find they're basically very pale Bratwursts make me cry..

Buying a house this month - first thing I'm buying for the kitchen is a sausage maker!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: HP Sauce

"They don't seem to eat lamb either for some strange reason."

Not totally true - it depends upon the region. If you are ever in Winslow, Az., ask the nice girl in the flatbed Ford to give you a lift to La Posada (http://www.laposada.org/), and take a meal in the Turquoise Room. They have (or at least, as of my last visit a couple of months ago had) a platter of locally raised, organic, no-antibiotics given, free range lamb that is unbelievable.

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@Rampant Spanial (was: Re: HP Sauce)

A1 and HP are completely different critters ... both are narsty, though.

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@Tim Worstal (was: Re: HP Sauce)

Boar's Head? Are you kidding? That shit should be outlawed ... Plaggy food is never tasty.

Why do people purchase bacon, anyway? Especially "deli owners"? It ain't exactly difficult to make.

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@Shagbert (was: Re: HP Sauce)

"first thing I'm buying for the kitchen is a sausage maker!"

Recommended!

KitchenAid 300 Professional, with meat grinder & sausage stuffing attachment, is my choice for home use & testing recipes ... The mixer help you make proper bread, too ;-)

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@ IaS (was: Re: HP Sauce)

"They don't seem to eat lamb either for some strange reason."

I slaughtered one late this morning ... We did all kinds of offal for lunch & supper. Made proper Haggis and sausage. The bulk of the carcass is in the smokehouse, along with most of the sausage ...

It's not impossible to get real bacon here. Unless you're too dimwitted to figure out how to make it for yourself ... Preserving food is one of the things that made us human ;-)

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Anonymous Coward

No brown bread rule

I can see where that's coming from.

Can I suggest Tiger Bread as an extra-crunchy wrapping.

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Surely...

Surely the latter option is just too complicated to cook after a skin full. It'd be pretty good as heated leftovers though.

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Mushroom

Dangerous suggestion

At the risk of having my Reg account deleted by a moderator, I must admit I prefer mayonnaise to HP sauce in my bacon sarnie.

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Devil

Re: Dangerous suggestion

I second the mayo!

Though in the interest of full disclosure, I like lettuce and tomato on it too. Oh, and I'm not British, so I probably shouldn't be weighing in on this topic at all :p

Though I'm puzzled by comments suggesting a bacon butty shouldn't have butter. Isn't that what makes it a "buttie"?

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Re: Dangerous suggestion

Majo on anything hot is just weird.

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Re: Dangerous suggestion

Buttie just means sandwich.

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