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back to article Ever considered putting a rocket up someone's backside?

Many of us - most, perhaps - have carelessly spoken of putting a rocket up someone's backside. But now, a pioneering Australian researcher has shown that in fact this would be a highly unwise act: not only would the recipient of the combustibles be unlikely to be galvanised into helpful activity, he or she might also wind up in …

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Anonymous Coward

"an unnamed man in Darwin"

Can't think of a better named place for this to happen.

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JDX
Gold badge

Re: "an unnamed man in Darwin"

Took the words right out of my mouth.

Do we know which end he inserted?

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This post has been deleted by its author

Re: "an unnamed man in Darwin"

Probably doesn't matter. Flame comes out of the bottom (of the rocket) to get it to height, then it blows the sparkly bits out of the top. Paraphrasing the 'B' Ark marketeers, either way he gets anally inserted fire...

Still no Rocket Science icon...

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Coffee/keyboard

Re: "an unnamed man in Darwin"

"Flame comes out of the bottom"

I now have spaghetti all over my keyboard and monitor... Thanks!

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Flame

Did the conflagration in his nether regions affect his ability to procreate?

Sounds like a potential Darwin award candidate if so.

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Exactly my thoughts - we should be told.

Oh, and pictures or it didn't happen.

Why do I have the feeling I'm not the only one with tears in his eyes in this affair (albeit for different reasons)..

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Happy

This is a title

Correction. Playmobil or it didn't happen

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Anonymous Coward

Re: ability to procreate

That may depend on what he used as a fuse

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Holmes

Sherlock, because...

Funny how "burn" and "bum" go together so well.

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Anonymous Coward

It isn't as easy as it looks

Apparently the mistake most people make when shooting rockets out of their arse is to clench when the hot rocket exhaust hits their delicate skin, preventing the rocket from departing skywards.

I'm assuming this guy didn't actually put the rocket in backwards or he'd have probably blown his arse off instead of scorching it a bit, but the story seems a little unclear on that point...

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Coffee/keyboard

Re: It isn't as easy as it looks

"blown his arse off" - brilliant.

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Coat

Re: It isn't as easy as it looks

I think he was lucky. Imaging the involuntary clench would have added some intestinal gas to the proceedings..

Talk about going out with a bang..

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Anonymous Coward

Re: It isn't as easy as it looks

I've seen the video of one guy getting a scorched scrote from unexpected anal clampage.

I've heard it is possible using the tube from a pen round the stick (like launching from a bottle, but not quite as wide or difficult to get into position) and using Vaseline as a protection against the initial sparks, but don't know anyone stupid enough to test the idea

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Mushroom

Oh yeah! Vasseline for protection??? It's petroleum jelly. That's like spreading napalm on your jewels.

Granted you have to warm the vasseline up but a rocket exhaust at several hundred degrees (even hotter if its a zinc based motor) will have no problem.

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Coffee/keyboard

Re: It isn't as easy as it looks

Pictures, or it didn't happen

OK

http://youtu.be/TiIdhEdwaeo

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Happy

Re: It isn't as easy as it looks

Brilliant. Especially the rocket going PoP at the end, as an afterthought.

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Anonymous Coward

State?

Technically Northern Territory is considered a Federal Territory rather than a State. Territory Day is great fun though - some years ago, I accidentally set fire to part of a golf course in Darwin with errant fireworks.

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Re: State?

You've got a golf course on your arse? That's quite unusual in this country.

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Silver badge

Re: State?

That's an awfully big arse.

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Coat

Re: State?

You never know what you'll find down under...

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Flame

retro fitted rocket man "may have to be airlifted" !!

Plllfffftt !!

Mine's a new keyboard AND Nexus S!

"may have to be airlifted to a specialist Australian burns " excellent!

£the existence of this burns unit is heartwarming" priceless

An d from Darwin too! Just too apt.

The guy (or is that Guy? Haha) is lucky to be alive but the report writing deserves a prize

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Joke

Re: retro fitted rocket man "may have to be airlifted" !!

I think you are confused...

It's called a burns unit because they feed you nothing but haggis and read Scots poetry all the time

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Anonymous Coward

Tasteless Jokes

Having removed a significant part of his posterior, this does lead to some interesting put-downs if he ever gets back to work (if indeed he has a job).

Poor workmanship can now be greeted quite legitimately with a cheery "well, that's a bit of a half-arsed job, isn't it?"

Laziness with "what's the matter? Could you not be arsed?"

Tomfoolery with "stop arsing about!"

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Coat

If you can't sit down

a put down will have to do ....

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Unhappy

Re: Tasteless Jokes

I found those jokes to be in poor form. I'm afraid they hit something of a bum note with me.

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Coat

Re: Tasteless Jokes

I can imagine the poor man being the butt of many jokes.

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Flame

"the existence of this burns unit is heartwarming"

I think the problem was excess warming in other areas.

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Bronze badge
Flame

Nothing new here.

This guy from Sunderland did it 6 years ago.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U_YwUu_PNs

"Black Cat Thunderbolt"

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Joke

At the interview

>the existence of this burns unit is heartwarming

So you worked where? - I can't quite make this out..

..mumble mumble..

Sorry?

..Ok - the Australian Rocket Scorched Epidermis Centre for Really Awfully Cooked sKin..

Oh, Ok then thanks!

I imagine Darwin in Australia must need one of those more than other places.

ttfn

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Mushroom

Errr...

Does anyone else find it worrying that Australia has (or requires?) a unit specialising in injuries of this nature?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Errr...

Hmm. I imagine it^s a place where one is tortured by recordings of bad Scots dialect poetry in an Australian accent, with Scottish bagpipes and non-stop haggis for tea.

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Happy

Re: Errr...

nah, part of our ethnicity. lots of stuff burns here, trees, tempers, ground in summer.

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Happy

Third degree bums

Because OCR software will sometimes interpret "burns" as "bums", fun can be had with a google search for "third degree bums" and suchlike. You know, if it's a slow day at the office...

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Silver badge

Alcohol was a possible factor

No fucking shit!

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Holmes

Re: Alcohol was a possible factor

You forgot the Sherlock icon!!!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Alcohol was a possible factor

> No f***ing s**t!

Yes, that might be a problem too.

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Flame

Re: Alcohol was a possible factor

Or a very painful one.

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Silver badge

Alchohol?

Or Methanol? Either way, it appears one smart arse nearly blew his brains out.

There certainly weren't any in the other end.

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Gold badge

How was he airlifted? Self propelled?

Inquiring minds want to know..

God, I'll be here all week. It still gets me laughing, hahaha.

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Anonymous Coward

Singed

Reminds me of the time when a rival rugby club was persuaded to attempt the "Dance of the flaming arseholes" using Izal Medicated rather than the traditional puppy-based paper. That stuff burns FAST. The smell of scorched arse hair nearly put us off our pies.

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Mackems have beaten the aussies

Some nutter Mackem from Sunderland did this several years ago - http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/wear/6132140.stm with a Black Cat Thunderbolt....

dont think I would ever be that pissed...

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Facepalm

Rectum?

No. Blew it to bits!

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It's even been done on TV

Does anyone remember this? An early-90s variety show called Packing them In. Chris Lynham:

- Dances naked

- With a firework up his arse

- Singing "There's no business like show business"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBo7-YoVDEw [WARNING! NSFW! In fact, not safe for eyes - mod]

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Anonymous Coward

bindun

Its actually featured in one of the jackass video's where they launch a rocket from steve-o's ass. Plus the viral's from ebaumsworld which is far far far funnier because the guy clenches and has a mis-launch :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9pVM-20CIA

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Anonymous Coward

Farts

No, no, no. The idea is that you simply have a nice lunch of beans and onions, and then proceed to light the resulting "gas". Yes, it does work, I've seen it. And, be very careful which way that thing is pointed!

A Non Ymous

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Coat

Keep coolie cool, boy

Am I the only showtune queen to think of "Cool" from West Side Story?

I live in the desert; I'll get my shoes.

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FAIL

What can I say

What a dumb-ass

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Anonymous Coward

"Ever considered putting a rocket up someone's backside?"

"Ever considered putting a rocket up someone's backside?"

Yes. Hasn't everyone?

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Joke

"Burns Unit"

This is what I refer to the kitchen as when my wife is in there practising the culinary arts.

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