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back to article Christians get God-optimized 'Edifi' Android fondleslab

The tablet market is getting increasingly competitive these days, but an American company believes its offering may have a unique selling point: it's a fondleslab for the faithful. Dubbed the Edifi, the seven-inch device is billed as the first tablet computer designed specifically for Christians, and comes with streaming access …

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Joke

I wonder

Is rooting a mortal sin?

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Re: I wonder

I wonder how quickly someone will blame this on Gordon Brown or Barack Obama, though Family Christian may already have done so, I suppose.

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Re: I wonder

"Is rooting a mortal sin?"

Only if you haven't married your devices beforehand

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Happy

Re: "Is rooting a mortal sin?"

Only if you are an Australian.

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Re: "Is rooting a mortal sin?"

Only if you do it without the intent of procreation.

So I guess rooting is OK if you are virus dropping ...

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Meh

I will say nothing

For fear of retribution!

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Devil

Re: I wonder

Only if you replace it with Ubuntu Satanic Edition...

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Re: I wonder

Is rooting a mortal sin ?

It can be, if you don't use enough lubrication.

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Coat

Re: I wonder

Lucky its an unnamed Korean OEM. It could have been Canadian and then you would be RIMming

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Re: I wonder

Wellll...

According to the local fundie youth over here using a backdoor casually is all right.

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Joke

WTF?

Now that god is taking on Apple for market share, where do I hedge my bet, with father or son? God!...Jobs! show me the light!

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war crimes....

Seems to me Moses could face a war crimes tribunal in the Hague... smiting 3,000 unbelievers is not exactly PC!

No tolerance in Old Judea! Sort of Taliban BC.

Baal shall rise !!

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Re: war crimes....

I thought SG1 took care of Baal in and around the last season....

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Pirate

Re: war crimes....

War crimes? No problemo!

After Joshua died, the Israelites asked the LORD, "Which tribe should attack the Canaanites first?" The LORD answered, "Judah, for I have given them victory over the land." The leaders of Judah said to their relatives from the tribe of Simeon, "Join with us to fight against the Canaanites living in the territory allotted to us. Then we will help you conquer your territory." So the men of Simeon went with Judah. When the men of Judah attacked, the LORD gave them victory over the Canaanites and Perizzites, and they killed ten thousand enemy warriors at the town of Bezek. While at Bezek they encountered King Adoni-bezek and fought against him, and the Canaanites and Perizzites were defeated. Adoni-bezek escaped, but the Israelites soon captured him and cut off his thumbs and big toes. Adoni-bezek said, "I once had seventy kings with thumbs and big toes cut off, eating scraps from under my table. Now God has paid me back for what I did to them." They took him to Jerusalem, and he died there. The men of Judah attacked Jerusalem and captured it, killing all its people and setting the city on fire. (Judges 1:1-8 NLT)

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Anonymous Coward

Judges 15:15

Then he (Samson) picked up a donkey's jawbone that was lying on the ground and killed a thousand Philistines with it.

On topic, although a Christian I do wonder sometimes at people who would buy these "christianised" devices. OK so some may like it as a sure way to get a known but far too often it's a way to pass off schlock.

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Devil

Re: war crimes....

Not war crimes.

His side one. It's a known fact that only the loosing side commits war crimes....

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Headmaster

Re: war crimes....

His side one? So the other side nil, presumably? Or maybe they won?

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Re: war crimes....

Sorry, a bit bemused here - if they had killed all the people, why set the city on fire - hadn't they yet learnt the value of real estate? There must have been stores and office-blocks available for re-occupation.

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Re: war crimes....

And make sure you fasten again what is loose.

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Will Jesus let me view porn on it?

I don't want to buy one just to be struck by holy fire on first use.

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Childcatcher

Re: Will Jesus let me view porn on it?

No but you can watch the live action version of Lot and his daughters if that floats your boat.

(Ban this sick filth!)

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Re: Will Jesus let me view porn on it?

Interesting bit about that episode in "The God Delusion", I'm just in the process of reading it again, probably for the 4th/5th time, I love that book!

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Joke

"he smashed the tablets"

...............after he discovered that they had been bricked.

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Joke

Re: "he smashed the tablets"

most likely failed to get an import ban so took the quicker than appeal court route

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Go

At $150....

That's not bad, assuming it can be reflashed with something less... jesusified.

You'll notice it also has a micro SD slot, something the nexus is sadly lacking.

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Pint

Infantile.

If I never see "fondleslab" used to describe a tablet in The Register again it will be far too soon.

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Coat

Re: Infantile.

Get used to it. If you don't like the term Fondleslab, please take yourself and your comments to an alternative Tech site. Thanks!

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Re: Infantile.

You must be new here?

I remember fondly the times of mobe and lappy...

*sniff* they grow up so fast...

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presumably a celestial backup,

The first recorded case of a Backup and restore to and from The Cloud?

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Mushroom

Re: presumably a celestial backup,

Plenty of backups, as the 10 commandments along with everything else were pilfered from earlier religions.

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Anonymous Coward

celestial backup

You wrote:

"Moses was then told to carve a new set of tablets, and upon them God restored the sacred text files from what was presumably a celestial backup, thus retiring history's first recorded tablet tech-support ticket."

But if you read Exodus 34, the "celestial backup" is totally different from the original. It seems that even then tech-support messed up the backup files.

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Coat

Re: celestial backup

Extreme data recovery!

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Re: celestial backup

"But if you read Exodus 34, the "celestial backup" is totally different from the original. It seems that even then tech-support messed up the backup files."

Not messed up, upgraded.

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Upgraded? (was: Re: celestial backup)

You mean god made mistakes in the first version of the tablets? This supposed "perfect" being is hardly omnipotent, then, right? (c.f. "creation" according to Genesis 1 v.s. Genesis 2.4 ... ).

(Yes, I've read the Bible (and Apocrypha) cover to cover, several times, in several languages, and many translations. I even have a degree in the subject. I'm not religious, I'm just interested in what little written info exists from that era and earlier. Humanity forgets mistakes, and we are doomed to repeat them. See the current situation in the middle east ... and I'm not saying any one side is "right". All the religions involved are in the wrong, IMO, including Wall Street. Organized religion is the root of all evil.)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Upgraded? (was: celestial backup)

"You mean god made mistakes in the first version of the tablets?"

Gosh, what a terrible thing to say.

The mark 1 tablets were surely perfect for their time, but expectations had advanced. The mark 2s had rounder corners and were carved into thinner slabs, presumably in a whiter shade of alabaster or somesuch. The bible does not comment whether the text was chiselled in by an army of asian cherubim, however.

In unrelated news, I hear Samsung's board been will be to eat the blended carcass of a Galaxy 3 when the current raft of court cases comes to a close.

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Coat

Re: celestial backup

totally different from the original.

Well, that's Cloud storage (can't be anything else, evidently) for you.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Upgraded? (was: celestial backup)

Nah probably just modified after negative reviews "Just be nice to each other, and don't like do any bad stuff?!!, I was at the least expecting ten commandments - one star don't buy this!"

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Windows

Re: celestial backup different from original?

Tears of mirth.

South Park piss-take of Mormons, Joseph Smith using two stones in a hat, Urim and Thummim to read them.

You'll look it up, haven't time to write, but...(Background vocals)

"Dum-Dum-Dum-Dum-Dum"

Until Smith's witness' wife, the former to whom Smith delivered the 'translation' had a 'cunning plan'

"Smart-Smart-Smart-Smart-Smart".

The replacements were of course, different.

Pissed Isaac Hayes off. Right off!!!!

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Coat

Battery is optional

I can presume the due to the "Power of God", this thing won't need a battery or has an eternal charge.

I can imagine the scenario where the proverbial pair of Mormons come to your door holding one if these Holy Tablet's.

Will the Church hand them out for free, I might be worth turning up to Sunday School or whatever they call it.

Those of the Jewish faith I presume will know where to "get a good deal" on one.

We could have an animated bible , with the parting of the Red Sea on live, or the plague of Locusts, "as it actually happened".

What a wonderful marketing tool. ( Wait a minute ...............)

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Mushroom

Re: Battery is optional

"Those of the Jewish faith I presume will know where to "get a good deal" on one."

The Islamic one explodes

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Thorne contributes: "The Islamic one explodes"

Uh, Thorne ... I think that over time, the Christians have exploded more ordinance[1] than the Muslims. Probably by more than six orders of magnitude, over the last 10 centuries or so. I suspect that the Jewish side of the picture is around two orders of magnitude ahead of Islam since the establishment of Eretz-Israel in 1948 ...

One god? My ass ... One GreatUnwashedIgnorantSheeple, more like.

[1] On a "damage done" basis, not count of individual firecrackers/bangers ... AK47s are amazingly capable of going through massive quantities of ammunition without actually doing any damage.

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@ Thorne

"Thorne

Mushroom

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Re: Battery is optional

"Those of the Jewish faith I presume will know where to "get a good deal" on one."

------

I suppose if the group you belonged to had historically been barred from all occupations except money-lending and peddling, and even from these at times, you might be able to find a good deal on sthg as well.

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Re: Thorne contributes: "The Islamic one explodes"

"Uh, Thorne ... I think that over time, the Christians have exploded more ordinance[1] than the Muslims. "

Ah yes but they're the ones strapping a bomb to their ass at the moment so all bomb jokes will be directed at them. When the Buddists start blowing themselves instead of the Muslims the target of bomb jokes will move.

Actually we should start a list of all the religious features.

The Christian one is child friendly, very friendly

The Islamic one explodes

The Jewish one is on sale

The Buddist one use to be an iPad in a previous life

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Re: Thorne contributes: "The Islamic one explodes"

The Scientology one is made by Alienware

Can't forget them wacky Scientologists

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27 translations of the bible?

There must be something about gay marriage in at least one of those, eh?

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Angel

Re: 27 translations of the bible?

"There must be something about gay marriage in at least one of those, eh?"

There is. It's accompanied by words like buring, hell and eternal suffering. There is nothing more caring and understanding than religion.

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Re: 27 translations of the bible?

In an infinite universe.............

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Devil

Peak?

'should block any temptation to peak at inappropriate content'

I can't work out if that's an error or not. Fnarr fnarr.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Peak?

Yeah but in this context it probably means anything by Charles Darwin or Richard Dawkins

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27 versions, meh

27 streamed Bible versions is not that impressive. The YouVersion app on my HP Touchpad can stream 29 translations of the Bible into English, plus many more in other languages. The app is available for many other mobile platforms (indeed I also have it on my Android phone). Now 27 *offline* versions would be more impressive, as translations of the Bible tend either to be expensive to get offline, or pretty fringe translations. But this just mentions streaming. (Curiously the Touchpad YouVersion app just allows streaming, but the Android app has some offline versions - not ones most people have heard of, apart from the King James Version, though.)

Basically this is just a standard tablet with a bit of branding. Might be decent, might be rubbish. But the same thing could be done in any number of areas.

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