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back to article Obama is best Pres 'to beat alien invasion'

Two-thirds of Americans reckon Barack Obama would be better than his Republican presidential rival, Mitt Romney, at defending the Land of the Free when Mars attacks. While Romney is punters' favourite for fixing the US economy, Obama will do a more sterling job of protecting planet Earth from little green men with lasers. Of …

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Story made of inane nonsense (and badgers)

but a classic illustration from the Reg, as always. Well done!

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Anonymous Coward

Yep

They take one look at Obama and realise the human race is no danger to them.

Translation from alien language ' well if that ones supposed to be the brightest and the best...'

Other ailien heard laughing.

'maybe we come back in a thousand years to see if there's been some evolution on this planet, but that's doubtful when you look at him,'

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Mushroom

Re: Yep

Alternately, they take a look at the differences between him and his predecessor, determine that evolution on Earth is so rapid as to be miraculous, and nuke the entire planet lest we evolve into gods by the end of the century.

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Mushroom

Re: Yep

Actually, Americans want him there because they know what always happens to the President when "Mars Attacks".

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Go

There's only one thing for it...

Zombie FDR. Even in a wheelchair, he kicked serious Nazi butt when he was alive. Imagine what he'd do to aliens when undead.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Yep

Actually they might think we are going backwards, the Nobel Peace prize...... Hmmm what's Obama done?

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Alien

Re: There's only one thing for it...

Given "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter", "Zombie FDR: Martian Repeller" doesnt sound an unreasonable pitch!

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Bronze badge

Nukes in space

It's the only way.

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Re: Nukes in space

I'd go with Pigs In Space personally. The only way to beat Dearth Nadir.

I'm showing my age.

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Coat

Re: Nukes in space

Oh vay! Jews in space....

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Silver badge

Brilliant stats

a> 39% believe in ufos

b> 79% believe the govt is keeping secrets about ufos

and the amazing thing is that the 40% who feature in b but not a are allowed to vote.

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Bronze badge

Re: Brilliant stats

The 40% believe that the government are hiding confirmation that Aliens don't exist. Could be a plot to keep the sci-fi/alien invasion movie industry in business.

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WTF?

Re: Brilliant stats

Maybe they believe that the secret is that UFOs don't exist.

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Silver badge

Re: Brilliant stats

You're being a bit silly aren't you? Of course it was a silly poll wasn't it? That's the wonderful thing about silly polls, they deserve silly answers.

I grant you that I would fall under both a and b but it is perfectly plausible to fall under b alone. That said I would fall into the roughly 3% who think the words unidentified flying object actually mean unidentified flying object and not the pimped out ride of tiny green space people who snack on the Limburger that the moon is made of. I also firmly believe the gubbermint is keeping secrets about top secret flights in experimental aircraft that likely make up ufo sightings. You see, it's a secret aircraft and therefore an object. If Joe Six Pack saw it flying about and couldn't identify it then it would be an unidentified flying object the gubbies are keeping secrets about.

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Anonymous Coward

Hey, genius...

...Unidentified Objects DON'T EXIST?

Some people...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Brilliant stats

UFO's are Unidentified Flying Objects. There's lots of them. It's not really a matter of whether you believe in alien civilisations or not....

You would definitely have fallen into the flat-earthers camp.

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Silver badge

Re: Brilliant stats

Not necessarily a problem. In the US, the first question is understood to mean actual little green creatures from Alpha Centauri. In the second context it is understood to mean, "thing people have seen that haven't been explained, or at least to which the government won't cop a plea about their black box research". And those are two vastly different questions.

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Coat

"There's lots of them"

Course there are, mate!

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Silver badge
Facepalm

Has it come to this?

Our only hope is death camps.

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Re: Has it come to this?

It's been done before quite successfully, several times. If fact is done on a small scale today... so I've no doubt it'll happen again, except this time with far more efficient technology to assist. It'll be absolute murder, I tell you :)

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Pirate

Superhero defender?

So in the event of an invasion by space aliens, we'd want the Hulk to defend us?

Eh, why not Superman? I mean, he's a space alien himself, right? That's gotta count for something.

Personally, I'm a Batman fan, but there are times, such as this, when Superman would seem to be the better choice.

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Silver badge

Re: Superhero defender?

Guess you never read the Dark Knight mini series. Bats kicked Supe's ass. Literally.

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Re: Superhero defender?

Died doing it, too. Doesn't help your point all that much, I think.

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Of course, only 36 per cent of them actually believe in the "existence of UFOs"

But the other 74% believe in God so maybe there is something in the water out there?

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FAIL

Thank you for providing your own derogation on your derogatory. 36 + 74 is not anywhere near your IQ.

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Silver badge
Paris Hilton

"12 per cent suggesting Batman would be best to beat them off"

Well, it would keep the alien invaders distracted if nothing else!

... Paris because she must be familiar with such activities.

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Anonymous Coward

Alien options

I'll welcome the aliens if they promiss to take Obama.

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Anonymous Coward

Um, yesss... That seems to be the right kind of logic for people who would vote for Bush, twice...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: "to see if there's been some evolution on this planet..."

"..and if they have mastered spelling by then."

Aylward the Ailing Ailien

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Silver badge
Alien

Just one question

No, it's not the whiny it angle bit but why is this in Reg Hardware? Odds and sods, sure. Science, ok. Even security, public sector or clouds I could see but if it's going to be in hardware there should be more discussion on which pieces of kit the Presidential contenders would use to, ermm, "beat off" the aliens. Perhaps Obama could ask Bill Clinton to pass a message on to Monica. I don't think Mitt has connections like that.

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Trollface

Re: Just one question

You underestimate Mormon Mitt and his "connections", what about subbing in an extra wife (or two) for the chore.

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Silver badge

Re: Just one question

Because it was put out by National Geographic, so it HAS to be science. Please join them and Leonard Nimoy as they go In Search of ...

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Black Helicopters

Its too late

The aliens have already landed and have taken over

Bet they send messages back to their home world saying "It wont take too long to destroy these ape creatures, and then they can never evolve into any kind of a threat to us... heck 37% of them are against their own health care....."

Ekkk they know I know now!

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Coat

"...Batman would be best to beat them off"...

*snicker*

Yes, yes I'm going...

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sigh

but I despise Obama and the moron who's running against him. If given the choice I for one, welcome our evil alien overlords.

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Happy

Not Doctor Manhattan....

....Aliens attacking Earth, surely you want the man in the blue box....THE Doctor!

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Re: Not Doctor Manhattan....

Why not both? The man in the blue box and the man with the blue cock.

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Alien

most US voters?

Don't most of the US voters realize that Aliens don't actually exist ?

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Happy

Re: most US voters?

Most US voters think they sneak over the border.

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Joke

Aliens Invade

If Aliens invaded, I can see it now. The alien overlord will be standing there surrounded by his officers addressing his new planet's population. He will ask mockingly if there are any humans that think they can defeat him and his amarda.

There will be some murmuring, shuffling and some yelling as Bill Pullman, Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith get shoved unwillingly out into the open before the alien overlord.

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Anonymous Coward

Anything would be better than Bama and the morons in DC

The U.S. is doomed no matter what DC politician is the lead talking head.

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Anonymous Coward

But first...

...Bama would need to pull his head out of his arse.

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Doctor Manhattan

Doctor Manhattan would be the best if he decided to help instead of watch and see what happens.

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Trollface

Here in the UK...

Since Bernard Quatermass has been given his P45 as a result of cutbacks, who would the government send to face the aliens? Chloe Smith?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Here in the UK...

Yeah - She could confuse them with her inane babble, the aliens may ask her to "take me to your leader"

She would then go on to explain how the government have agreed to withhold a 3p rise in fuel duty and had been discussing it for ages, but couldn't actually divulge what she meant by ages.

In all probability she would take them to a petrol forecourt and tell them that the litre they wanted is cheaper under the blue meanies.

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Silver badge

Re: Here in the UK...

Who else? The Doctor.

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MJI
Silver badge

Beaten to it

For The Doctor

So how about Captain Kirk?

The real reason Aliens keep away is that they have seen all of out SciFi and think they are documentries, would YOU invade a planet with a large fleet of FTL ships with lots of weapons.

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Black Helicopters

Finally

Ian R.Crane predicted a fake alien invasion staged for this year.

Sad thing is that he made this prediction back in 2007 at the Glastonbury Symposium that it would happen in 2012.

This would explain all the 'predictive programming' in the media this year (MIB3, Avengers Assemble etc) all depicting the above event.

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Windows

Pigs in spaaaaaace........

Unidentified frying objects?

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