Who wrote this? Is their dad gay?
Floor polisher? Is that a euphemism?
e-reader with a poovey pastel padded cover? (real mean don't read, unless it's a Haynes manual spotted with axle grease)
i-phone add-ons? aren't iphones for pooves?
as others have already pointed out, a wrist vibrator? For stress? Wopuldn't rather have a crate of Guinness and a box set of Russ Meyer films with the lads round, then?
A Sat-Nav? Don't you know how to read an AA map from 1974, then?
Headphones so we don't disturb the neighbours? Hows about a Motorhead DVD with the home cinema turned up to 11*
What was left from your list? A jogging watch? Jog on, ladies.
where's the footplate ride on a steam engine, bungee jump, paintball session...