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back to article An early iPad adopter? You smut-ogling filth-gobbling perv!

Seems that people who fell for the fondleslab early like to fondle more in general. Early adopters of tablets are more likely to watch porn than those currently without a tablet, suggests new research. A 156-page report into the subject of the mobile porn industry by Juniper Research, published today, has suggested that …

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Anonymous Coward

Shock finding!

It's usually single people who don't have lots of serious personal commitments, lots of free time and more expendable income than those with family commitments, that buy the latest bleeding-edge techno-gadgets!

Where's my huge grant to state the bleeding obvious?!

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FAIL

Re: Shock finding!

I think you've just proven that you don't deserve one. You might want to brush up on your 'stating the bloody obvious' skills, you seem to be quite rusty.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Shock finding!

Of course,you can sit opposite your partner without them knowing what your looking at, my husband has just smiled at me, must be the 1-1 draw.

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(cough) Bolleaux!

See title.

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Anonymous Coward

Well Obviously...

After all, the screen is much easier to wipe than a keyboard...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Well Obviously...

and it's got to be more comfortable watching porn on a tablet than on a Laptop for obvious reasons!

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Coat

Re: Well Obviously...

Just be careful and not trip those void-warranty moisture sensors :)

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Joke

Porn and the Pad

"The first iPad-optimised adult entertainment sites were even launched before the iPad reached the hands of consumers."

Hands that shook in excitement upon receiving said Pad. Hands that caressed and fondled with care their newly found slab. Hands that found unlimited, unhealthy doses of Pron, all within a hands reach.

The problem lay within the fact that it requires 2 hands to hold the damned thing.....bwahhh ha ha

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Alert

Re: Porn and the Pad

"The problem lay within the fact that it requires 2 hands to hold the damned thing"

Impressive! But probably untrue :)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Porn and the Pad

Don't assume you need to use your finger to control the iPad

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Gold badge

Re: Porn and the Pad

Khaptain,

If you are struggling to hold your iPad in only one hand, I suggest a course of vigorous wrist exercises. I believe these can be easily found online...

Or, to put it another way: What's the internet for? (I guess that's NSFW)

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Paris Hilton

@Khaptain - Re: Porn and the Pad

<

...

The problem lay within the fact that it requires 2 hands to hold the damned thing...

>

After a week's use in the hands of a practising pr0nophile that's probably not a problem any more.

It should be bluetack-like enough to just stick to any surface; et voila, handsfree!

Best viewed at a Paris Hilton-angle...

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Coffee/keyboard

Re: 2 hands

There are these, eh, widgets that can stick, plunger-like, to a smooth flat surface such as the back of a fondleslab. They can be had in various sizes and colours; it makes sense that the optimal dimensions depend on the size of your hand. With one of these attached to your tabled you can hold it, like a mortarboard, and have the other free to perform those stroking gestures associated with viewing images.

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Anonymous Coward

I actually stopped wanking as I was laughing so much!

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Silver badge

The second-hand slab market

... maybe that used tablet isn't such a good idea after all.

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Anonymous Coward

Rushes to forward the link

...to this story to all those managers at work showing off their fancy calendar-syncing note-taking iPads to all the plebs!

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Pirate

156 page report???

Really, a report on Internet porn needed 156 pages? How does anyone write a report on Internet porn that long, even when it's talking about the blessed iPad? Were there 150 pages of pictures?

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Meh

Re: 156 page report???

Well. There was a cover. One blank page following the cover. One page saying the preceding page was intentionally left blank. One page with the revision log. One page of corporate sponsorship disclosures. Two pages for the table of contents. One page for the intended audience summation.One page for the executive summary. Two pages of actual content. The rest was filled with charts and graphs PROVING the two pages of actual content are stunningly correct and the glossary explaining what all the made up terms mean.

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Silver badge

Re: 156 page report???

'S true.

Size isn't everything.

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Linux

Apples all in for 30%.....

Nuff said.

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Meh

At least in my experience

Early adopters tend to be nerds. Nerds tend to watch porn. Duh.

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Paris Hilton

Gidgets or gadgets?

Were the 'researchers' sure the subjects understood the question?

Being early adopters, they might have thought the question referred to Unboxing Porn.

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Facepalm

Therefore...

...anyone who was an early adopter of the interwebs is also a mucky pervert since the interwebs is a delivery vehicle for smut.

What a load of childish illogical crap and non-sequitors.

Someone, please tell Ms Leach that she obviously isn't cut out for a career in proper journalism (except maybe with the Sun, or Desmond's Daily Star), and terminate what I assume to be her work experience placement with El Reg...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Therefore...@ Ted Treen

Most of us who were early (consumer) users of the internet quickly found out that it was indeed a fabulous resource of free grumble. And it has improved over time. Bigger, better resolution pics, increasingly every fetish catered for, there's even a few vids that don't look like Lego stop motion.

So stop complaining, get your box of tissues out*, and go do some research.

* An old sock is an acceptable substitute.

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Joke

iPads mostly bought by wankers...

Finally, my assumption has some scientific validity.

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Coat

I remember when scanners first became popular. A certain type of image was almost always the first thing scanned by most owners, and that included the girls (although girls weren't encouraged into IT in those days) </sarcasm>

At least there's no way of you being exposed to the whole world as a pervert with things like auto-signatures...

Sent from my iPad

(d'oh!)

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Holmes

Saves mobile phones

At least tablets are bigger than mobile phones and less likely to be damaged when they drop into the toilet...

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Anonymous Coward

so......iPad owners are wankers then.

Go figure.

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Joke

Suitable gesture

I'm sure there will be a patent submitted by Apple. The patent will describe 2 functions.

1. How a certain vigourous gesture will load a configurable website.

2. How wiping the screen will clear your history

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