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back to article US secret spaceplane will come back to Earth sometime soon

The US Air Force is preparing for the imminent landing of its second secret spaceplane, which is expected sometime at the beginning of June. The reusable X-37B, an unmanned shuttle with an unknown mission, will probably come down at Vandenberg Air Force Base in California, although Edwards Air Force Base in the same state is a …

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Coat

Purpose

"The X-37B is a mysterious, black-funded robot shuttle that no-one knows the purpose of" - surely the people who run the project know what it's for?

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Alien

Re: Purpose

why do you assume "people" run the project?

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Alien

Re: Purpose

Lol! Possibly not! The thing got chopped and changed by so many committees, the purpose is probably lost in a fog of chinese whispers... which is unnerving...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Purpose

Sales of hard hats up by 600%

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Alien

Re: "people"

The people are the project's food supply...

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Re: Purpose

This is a government project, such projects don't need a purpose, just funding.

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Terminator

Re: Purpose

It's being run by a computer in the basement of the NSA headquarters that achieved self awareness a while back but hasn't yet let anyone know because it's robotic minions aren't yet in place for the final checkmate. Given that piece of knowledge its purpose is easy to guess.

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Facepalm

"The X-37B is a mysterious, black-funded robot shuttle that no-one knows the purpose of. ".

That statement is inaccurate. SOMEONE knows the mission. They're just not talking.

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"SOMEONE knows the mission."

You're new to government projects !

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For symmetry

with the first post insert Skynet joke here.

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Assumptions...

Not necessarily. Someone at some point might have known the mission. When they died in an accident involving a small rubber ball and a litre of whipped cream the project went on, but nobody really knows why any more. All they know is that they get lots of money to play with neat toys, which is sufficient unto itself.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Assumptions...

"When they died in an accident involving a small rubber ball and a litre of whipped cream"

Ah, we know that this must have been a murder carried out by a foreign government. Americans only use pints and gallons, not those godless commie "litres".

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Mushroom

US must be happy they are getting there death ray back

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Err

Thats one way to keep a secret - talk to journalists....

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Re: Err

That and post pictures of it on their blog.

I love the future!

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Alien

Oh sweet jeebus

it's time to dust off the ol' tin foil hat

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Pint

Re: Oh sweet jeebus

and imagine James Bond fighting Jaws in Space!

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FAIL

Re: Oh sweet jeebus

Groan don't remind of the worse Bond movie by a long shot. Laser marines in space in the 80s? Really? Really?

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FAIL

Re: Oh sweet jeebus

Jaws falls in love? Really? Really? Sorry still ranting. So glad I was just a wee kid when that came out and didn't waste hard earned money on it.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Oh sweet jeebus

At first I misread that as Jews In Space, and thought "I don't remember that scene?"

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Trollface

""The men and women of Team Vandenberg are ready to execute safe landing operations anytime and at a moment's notice," Colonel Nina Armagno, the 30th Space Wing commander said in a canned statement." Said Brid-Aine Parnell in a canned statement.

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Joke

"The X-37B is a mysterious, black-funded robot shuttle that no-one knows the purpose of"

Isn't that a bit racist? I mean, what if blacks don't want to see their tax spent on a robo-space-plane-thang? Why aren't other ethnic groups involved...

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Silver badge

Re: "The X-37B is a mysterious, black-funded robot shuttle that no-one knows the purpose of"

A vendor once described some installation as the biggest data store in the non-black world.

My manager later mentioned how surprised he was that the biggest systems would be in Africa.

ps. is there anyway to edit typos without withdrawing the post and resubmitting?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: "The X-37B is a mysterious, black-funded robot shuttle that no-one knows the purpose of"

"ps. is there anyway to edit typos without withdrawing the post and resubmitting?"

Nope. But posting as a genuine AC protects you from any reputational backdraught.

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Big Brother

Double Take

This is obvious re-direction. Land "Super Secret Space Plane" and tell the media about it. While they clamour over that, land the *real* Death Ray Cannon Equiped Golden Space Warship at a seperate location. Tricksy they are.

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The Iranians call the ship a "secret space warplane",

But then the Iranians call toilet paper a secret, American imperialist plot to take butthole prints of the peace-loving Iranian people.

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Gimp

Paranoia isn't just a sport, it's a way of life

But then the Iranians call toilet paper a secret, American imperialist plot to take butthole prints of the peace-loving Iranian people.

Then again, who's to say it isn't?

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't actually after you!

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Black Helicopters

Re: Paranoia isn't just a sport, it's a way of life

You mean there's good news and bad news:

The good news is you're not paranoid. The bad news is you're not paranoid.

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Alien

Re: The Iranians call the ship a "secret space warplane",

But what happens when the Iranians take control of the telemetry and land it in their backyard?

Eeek! it's full of Quatermass 2 gloupy alien stuff......

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Boffin

Re: Paranoia isn't just a sport, it's a way of life

Actually, it kinda does.

par·a·noi·a

[par-uh-noi-uh]

noun

1.

Psychiatry . a mental disorder characterized by systematized delusions and the projection of personal conflicts, which are ascribed to the supposed hostility of others, sometimes progressing to disturbances of consciousness and aggressive acts believed to be performed in self-defense or as a mission.

2.

baseless or excessive suspicion of the motives of others.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: The Iranians call the ship a "secret space warplane",

Don't worry. Toilet paper is undoubtedly embargoed, and there's bugger all forests in Iran, so they'll be using emery cloth instead of bog roll, and washing it off between uses. Luckily emery cloth won't hold a print very well, so they can crimp off a length knowing that national security won't be compromised.

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Re: The Iranians call the ship a "secret space warplane",

Actually one tenth of Iran is forests.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geography_of_Iran

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Re: Paranoia isn't just a sport, it's a way of life

It's not paranoia when they really ARE out to get you.

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Black Helicopters

Re: The Iranians call the ship a "secret space warplane",

Those are actually missiles disguised as trees.

The US has a secret spaceplane keeping an eye on 'em, so it must be true......

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Re: Paranoia isn't just a sport, it's a way of life

Not quite.

"The good news is you're not paranoid. The bad news is you're not paranoid enough."

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How many anvils does it hold?

Just wondering. It looks to be a good size for OADS work.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: How many anvils does it hold?

Huh: OADS: Ontario Association of Dental Specialists

Seems like a great way to get rid of a whole bunch of Dentists to me... send em up there, drill them for info (groan) and then enject them into space. But why start with the Canadian ones?

Anon cuz that was really bad :)

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So, So wrong on the landing location. Haven't got that figured out yet, have you?

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Devil

I read somewhere ...

... that this thing has enough lift to deploy "Rods from God".

The good news is that living in basements will go mainline soon! ^_^

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Anonymous Coward

Probably a nuke killer?

This secret plane is probably planning to drop piss bombs on Iran nuclear reactors to piss them off - literally. Uric acid can do a lot of damage.

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Anonymous Coward

First Contact?

Is it just me or would having this thing in orbit in the event of aliens showing up be very handy?

We had a flying disk show up over Essex a few days ago, perhaps that was the scout ship and the main bulk of the fleet is waiting behind the Sun for a big solar flare to mess up our satellite surveillance so they can invade?

AC/DC 6EQUJ5

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Paris Hilton

I have

A "Rod from God" every morning ... is that wrong? or admirable

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Devil

Re: I have

Don't you think MORNING WOOD sounds better? Yours is blasphemous and reminds us of all the trouble the Church was in.

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Mushroom

A secret voyage into LEO.

Where all the Russian and Chinese satellites hang their hats.

Could this treacherous mission have anything to do with disabling them when Russia decides it's time for a preemptive strike against the missile shield defense in Poland?

Or maybe the U.S. beat Russia to the punchbowl and now has implemented an operational Doomsday Machine as first seen in "Dr. Strangelove"?

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interesting article

So much for it being secret eh?

Secret Space Plane funding executive: Hey man...whats this plane for anyways?

Secret Space Plane Engineer: I have no idea.

Secret Space Plane funding executive: Umm kay. Great work!

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Alien

It's putting in place our defense against "Iron Sky". Need I say more?

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How the hell do you defend against SPACE NAZIS

with that. For SPACE NAZIS you need SPACE SPITFIRES.

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