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back to article And the worst film NEVER made is...

Well, ladies and gentlemen, the time has come to announce the winner of our reader poll to select the worst film never made. And the winner is... Our movie poster for The Phantom Menace: The Musical Yes indeed, the nightmarish prospect of Eddie Murphy as Jar-Jar Binks swung the popular vote, with The Phantom Menace: The …

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Paris Hilton

I quite liked Megashark vs Giant Octopus...

I await witty put downs, thumb downs etc.

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Mushroom

Megashark vs Giant Octopus is so kitsch

it's awesome! One of my favourite bits was watching the clocks jump around in the background of scenes where they were cut together from so many takes. That kind of attention to apparently not paying attention to detail requires a particular level of commitment that I think commands respect.

All I'm saying is, if Banksy had sprayed Megashark vs Giant Octopus up as one of his atrocious stencils then it would be a whole different story, except that it would have been retrograde derivative bilge.

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picking nits

> Starring Justin Bieber ... Barbara Streisand ...

Having watched ToTP 1977 last night, shouldn't that be Barbra Streisand (though I'm not blameless, for many years I thought her last name was Streisland)

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Re: picking nits

True, which is why her TV series and album were called "My Name Is Barbra'

I'm now embarassed to have admitted that I knew that...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: picking nits

I just tried seeing if I could make a Star Wars pun on any of her singles or albums. Gave up.

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Re: picking nits

A Bar-bra, is that like an under wired bra? only more uncomfortable

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If you swapped Elton and Lucas over

so it was directed by Elton John, I would go & see this.

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God almighty, I've just found a perfect way to hide my porn.

Can I borrow "The Phantom Menace - The Musical" image for a DVD cover?

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Stop

NEVER hide porn in a case with the word "Musical" on it!

There's nothing more guaranteed to make a woman want to watch a DVD than labelling it a musical.

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Silver badge

Unless it's

The Human Centipede - The Musical.

Shame that missed the nominations, eh?

Mind you, anything by Rodgers and Hammerstein is pretty bad too.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: The Human Centipede - The Musical

Do keep in mind what you're doing to yourself when you actually do go searching for your porn though...

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Facepalm

Re: Unless it's

Not much singing in that one then

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Human Centipede: the musical

Lead character: the entire cast of hit stage show "Stomp!"

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Coat

Wrong way around

Surely the winner should have just got the one crap DVD, with the third place getting all ten, with fourth place getting all ten and being forced to watch them all back to back without recreating "that scene from scanners" :)

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Haha, wow

That poster is pure win! Congrats to the winners : )

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Stop

10 worst films ever made

Its not the '10 worst films ever made', its the "10 worst popular successful blockbuster films ever made", big difference.

True shit doesn't get seen by a lot of people, otherwise The Room would be top of that list.

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Re: 10 worst films ever made

Agree. Try Kirk Douglas's 'the Swimmer'.

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DMT

Re: 10 worst films ever made

Burt Lancaster

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Re: 10 worst films ever made

I remember watching that and at the end wanted to kill someone for taking away 90 minutes (ish) of my life...

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Happy

GitMeMyShootinIrons

What sort of sadistic twisted mind comes up with an idea like The Phantom Menace: The Musical ?

Was he/she dropped on their head as a baby? Did they suffer abuse and bullying in childhood? Whatever it was, I've never in all my years, countenanced such diabolical evil as this.

Justin Bieber as Aniken Skywalker? Oh, the humanity!

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Re: GitMeMyShootinIrons

Answers in descending order....

A depressed one who now appears to have wan a collection of pain and suffering that surely must be a breach of the Geneva Convention and certain weapons treaties.

Frequently, frequently and Mwah, ha haaa!

As for Bieber as Skywalker and Striesand as Amidala - think of the implications for the kissy scenes in episode 2...

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Re: GitMeMyShootinIrons

Perhaps, to paraphrase P.G. Wodehouse, when you start with a baby like that, you don't need to drop him on his head.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: GitMeMyShootinIrons

Now Beiber as Jarjar binks wouldnt be unlikely...

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Happy

Hrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

The dark side is strong in this one.

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My ears are bleeding just at the thought of it.

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Thumb Up

Thanks....

Thanks for all the votes. Or no thanks, given the prize...

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Thumb Up

@GitMeMyShootinirons. For me the killer aspect to this film was the..........

........the casting of Eddie Murphy as Jar-Jar Binks. Given the nightmare that the original Jar-Jar was (it was the first and only time that I felt an overpowering urge to bite the back of the cinema seat in front of me and howl noooooo at the top of my voice) I feel that only Mr Murphy can truly do justice to this role.

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Thumb Down

Hmmm

While I applaud the selection of Avatar, most of this list is blockbusters, most all very recent, and contains no bad classics. Where is Death Wish III? Penitentiary III? Nine Deaths of the Ninja?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Hmmm

All gone, lost in the mists of time.

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Stop

Re: Hmmm

Hey now, nine deaths of the ninja with 'Lollipop' was superb next to the likes of "Sewage Baby" and "Killer Nun"

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Snakes on a Plane in the top 10?

Oh come on, the whole premise of the film is right there in the fricken title!

That's like going to the supermarket and buying Hedgehog Flavoured Crisps and then complaining they taste terrible, WTF did you expect?

(I actually did have some hedgehog flavoured crisps as a kid, they did taste terrible, and I did like Snakes on a Plane because I knew what it was going to be like before watching it - a silly popcorn hollywood flick with no aspirations of being anything with substance)

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Megaphone

Re: Hedgehog Crisps

They were a brand, not a flavour! I got sick of explaining this at school - I can't believe it's come back to haunt me.

Eating a pack of Sea Salt & Cider Vinegar flavour, made me feel like such a sophisticated 8 year old.

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TRT
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Re: Hedgehog Crisps

Whilst they were a brand, the brand came about as their first creation WAS a hedgehog flavour crisp. They apparently asked a gypsy to be their taster in order to get an authentic experience.

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Re: Hedgehog Crisps

They apparently were a flavor:

http://www.doyouremember.co.uk/memory.php?memID=4286

"In the UK in 1981, Hedgehog Foods Ltd decided, as a joke, to produce Hedgehog flavoured crisps (potato chips). To everyone's surprise, the crisps were a huge success.

Hedgehog flavoured crisps were actually flavoured with pork fat and no hedgehogs were used in the manufacturing process."

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@ JoeF

As Nicholas Parsons might say, "I'll let you have the benefit of the doubt."

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Alert

And now something completely different

Worst Film Ever - check

Worst Film Never done - check

BEST Worst Film, Really Really Bad Film that was so bad it's hilarious, favorite bad film you have to watch when it's on TV, i.e, cult classic, etc. Why not do that list?

Entry number one - The Barbarians

Number two - Killer Clowns From Outerspace

And - Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is the obvious one that comes to mind - let's pass on that one, be more original

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Re: And now something completely different

Great idea, but every other entry would be a Larry Cohen film, so it wouldn't really be fair.

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Coat

Re: And now something completely different

In relation to the earlier Streisand remark, I just read that as

The Barbrarians

and of course I had to think of Cohen the Barbarian (a.k.a. Ghenghiz Cohen)

Mine is the one with "Interesting Times" in the pocket/

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Anonymous Coward

Re: And now something completely different

Hey, if you're doing AKT, you have to do AKT 2 as well.

Anon for obvious reasons.

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Re: And now something completely different

My nomination for this category would be Deathstalker. It totally fits the 'so bad it's hilarious' description. In fact, it seemed to dawn on the makers what ended up happening, so they tried to do it on purpose with Deathstalker II, but you can never pull off that sort of thing on purpose, so it was just very bad.

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Unhappy

Re: And now something completely different

No, every film by Adam Sandler....

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I think I've got one of the songs from that...

Oh, Luke, do not be mad

When I tell you I'm your Dad

Honest, it's a blessing, not a curse

Though I missed the whole palaver

Of being there as father

Gotta say things could be so much worse, so

Come on, Luke, join the Dark Side of the Force

,.didn't want to post the whole lot, you can read the rest here:

http://www.amiright.com/parody/70s/ericidle0.shtml

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Headmaster

The C Programming Language

If it was like those Open University Maths lectures from the 70s the BBC2 used to show it might be quite a good film, probably better than PHP for Dummies.

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Re: The C Programming Language

Beware of the Dark Side of programming Lurk....

no runtime checking

no strict type checking

beware the curse of the NULL pointer

Even those that claim to have mastered it can't always read it...

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Go

Re: The C Programming Language

You could be describing AS3

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Silver badge

Bah!

No applause. This is simply a list of SFX-riddled nonsense which anyone could wave a fist at and say stinks. I agree - where are the pre-cgi suckers? This says as much about the voters as it does about what they voted for. Seriously, what sort of sad bastard would even switch on the TV for anything with "megashark" in the title?

But even if I handwave that, a list that doesn't at least mention the remake of the Flight of the Phoenix is worthless in a "worst movie ever" enumeration.

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Re: Bah!

The movie sucked, horribly

But - the shark ate a plane! Unfortunately they did not capitilize on the campy aspect, and you saw the entire shark/plane meal in the trailer.

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Poster?

A humble request.

Any chance of making a really high res version of the poster available? This one is so good it deserves more than just a fleeting exposure in el Reg's article.

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(Written by Reg staff) Bronze badge

Re: Poster?

I'll ask our design geezer Andy...

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Silver badge

Re: Poster?

I second that request.

As soon as my daughter saw it, she asked me to print it so she could put it up in her room at the boarding school.

She is gleefully expecting the explanation sessions about where the poster came from and how Twilight is so bad it only made the 3rd spot in the Worst Films Ever Made list.

Dear Lord, what have I done ? I have unleashed a monster on the face of this poor Earth !

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