Weird interview questions

What's the weirdest question you've been asked at interview?

I've had a couple of real blinders but I'll save those until there's some extra data in case the person who asked me them posts here.

Anecdote.

A mate told me this one. He found an HR droid giggling to himself in the pub and bought him a beer to get the story.

They'd been interviewing a candidate who had an impressive CV and who countered every question with a referral back to it. E.g:

"We frequently encounter time pressure due to legislative changes. How would you deal with this?"

"Well, if you look at my CV, you will find that while I was working for XYZ, I ran a project where the scope repeatedly changed. Through keeping tight control of planning.........etc, etc, etc."

"Well, we also find that we sometimes have to respond rapidly. How do you ensure that resource availability is managed?"

"If you look at my CV, you'll see that while I was working for ABC we had a project where the deadline moved forward. I was forced to work with my staff to reschedule holidays.......etc, etc, etc."

Then the punchline:

"As a follow up to that last, we often see changes that render existing projects moot. Say you had moved heaven and earth to acheive a date, including cancelling holidays and such, only to find that on that date it was not going ahead. How would you feel about that?"

"Well if you look at my CV in the 'Hobbies and interests' section, you'll see that I am a season ticket holder at Tottenham Hotspur. I'm used to handling disappointment....."

Last week, I got asked

"What's the weight of a bale of hay?"

Of course, afterwards I figured it was one of those super-groovy Google questions like "how many golf-balls can you fit in a school bus" and it was meant to be a thought exercise. But sadly, the farmer's son in me kicked in and I gave them this -

"Small bales, big square bales or round bales? It all basically depends on how tight the knotters are set because this controls how much hay is backed into the set volume of the bale. In theory, you could max out small bales at around 9 stone (about fifty kilos) but the string would snap on lifting so realistically they tend to go at about half to three quarters of that. And then you have to allow to for how damp the hay is because after cutting and turning, it will always be a bit damp even if that's just from dew. I could look up the weight of round bales or big square bales but in practice you're going to be using a loader with those anyway so it ain't much of an issue.... er. You've gone very quiet?"

The problem is, nobody knows how many golf balls fit in a school bus because nobody needs to know. But when you have 3000 small bales to stack by hand, the weight is pretty important.

And what about weird rejection letters?

3000 word missive bcced to 900 unsuccessful job applicants.

True story

I once had an interview for a job where the two technical members of the panel had already seen their preferred candidate, and were now just going through the motions.

Right at the end the third member, a senior manager (naturally), asked his one and only question.

---

Interviewer: "What would you do if I gave you an elephant right now?"

Me: "I would be very concerned."

Interviewer: "Concerned? Concerned about what?"

Me: "Well concerned that I was being interviewed by somebody who spontaneously gives elephants to strangers. Is it something you feel compelled to do?"

Interviewer: "It was a rhetorical question."

Me: "So I don't get the elephant then?"

---

The other two members of the panel collapsed in hysterics at this point and he stormed out of the room. For some reason I wasn't offered the job.

Name three things you've done to help and encourage diversity in the workplace. The only answer I could think of was "Well I haven't done anything to prevent it".

Clearly, I'm not cut out for the public sector.

Optional

Interviewed at a unix consultancy once. Guy started with saying something along the lines of being a long-time unix guy. So I countered with "where's your beard then, eh?" -- and got an apology.

Seemed to've worked as a conversation starter, the rest of the interview was mostly friendly. Didn't pursue it though, at the time really didn't want to move down there.

Centaur interview

Boss: I'm sorry, Dr. Wallace.. but I'm afraid we're looking for someone with a little more experience to fill our Chief Resident position.

Applicant: I understand. So, did I get the job?

Boss: No. you didn't.

Applicant: [ relieved ] Thank you! You won't regret this! I'll see you Monday morning!

Boss: You didn't get the job. [ Applicant exits, as he speaks into his intercom ] Debbie.. please send in the next applicant.

[ Centaur enters ]

You must be Dr. Lemmon. It's a pleasure to finally meet you. You've come highly recommended.

Centaur: Well, a couple of those recommendations came from Yale men, so I hope you won't hold that against me.

Boss: [ laughs ] Well.. as you know, we're becoming a teaching hospital. Sit, please. [ he does, but the Centaur remains standing ] Our new Chief Resident will help lead that transition.

Centaur: Uh, well.. at Johns-Hopkins, I actually shared the faculty committee that oversaw coordination between the school and the hospital.

Boss: As I said, your qualifications are most impressive.

Centaur: Thank you.

Boss: Now.. would you mind if I asked you a few questions about being a Centaur?

Centaur: Please. Go ahead. Believe me, I've heard them all?

Boss: Can I ride you?

Centaur: [ chuckles ] Only if I can ride you!

Boss: [ chuckles back ] Fair enough. Moving on.. could you enter yourself in the Kentucky Derby?

Centaur: Hmm.. I don't know..

Boss: If you did.. would you have to have a little horse riding on you, like instead of a jockey?

Centaur: I.. I see what you're saying.. but, again, I don't know.

Boss: Because, it seems like you already have a jockey with the person part of you.

Centaur: Right.. uh, are we going to discuss my medical qualifications..?

Boss: The rest of the interview will be Centaur questions. Do you have sex with horses, or with human women?

Centaur: Uh.. neither. I'm really only attracted to other Centaurs.

Boss: Okay. What if were a horse with a mask of a woman on it?

Centaur: No. I mean, would you have sex with a monkey if it had a mask on?

Boss: This interview is not about me. What if you saw a horse, but it was standing so that its head was in a barn, or something. Would you, maybe, be attracted to that horse's rear end?

Centaur: Uh.. I don't.. where is the head, exactly?

Boss: It's in the barn.. or behind a door, or a vase, or something.. so you can't see it.

Centaur: Uh.. I might be attracted to it - briefly.

Boss: Okay. So, let's say, hypothetically, that you could have sex with the back end.. and it's guranteed to be the greatest sex you ever had.. but you'd never know if it was as horse or as Centaur?

Centaur: Hmm.. you know, that's pretty intriguing.. uh.. if I'd really never know, I guess I would.

Boss: It was a horse.

Centaur: Oh, come on!

Boss: It was a horse. Deal with it. Now.. could you make the back half of you into glue, and then could the person part of you use that glue to repair a bird feeder?

Centaur: Yes.

Boss: Do you dump wherever you're standing, or do you use toilets? Or, do you use some magical Centaur toilet?

Centaur: We use regular bathrooms.

Boss: Do you use special Centaur toilet paper?

Centaur: Nope. We use nortmal toilet paper.

Boss: How do you reach back there.. to wipe yourself?

Centaur: Uh.. there is a device we use, it's called an Aubesian - it's a stainless steel telescoping rod, with gripper claws, and a sort of toggle line that allows you to move the paper back and forth.

Boss: So.. there's a company that manufactures Centaur asswipers?

Centaur: Aubesians, yes. Um.. there's a store that's a sort of crate-and-barrel for Centaurs, called Aubesians & Such.. there's one on 57th Street.

Boss: I've seen that establishment. You eat steak.. is that some kind of cannibalism?

Centaur: I'm sorry, could we return to a line of questioning related to my medical qualifications?

Boss: Absolutely. Let me just find the right paperwork.. [ looks through his notes ] Um.. here we go.. Is there Centaur pornography?

Centaur: That is not a medical question!

Boss: Do you want this job?

Centaur: [ sighs ] Yes, there is Centaur porn.

Boss: If I were to watch Centaur porn.. but with the bottom of the screen blocked out with a piece of cardboard.. would I find the human halves of the female actresses appealing?

Centaur: Well.. maybe.. But you've got to remember that, at some point, there's gonna be a horse penis in there.

Boss: Fair enough. I think that's all the Centaur questions I have. I want to thank you for coming in, we'll be in touch.

Centaur: I appreciate it. Um.. can I just ask you: did I get the job?

Boss: No. I'm sorry.. we don't hire dirty Centaurs.

[ fade out ]

One time I went for an interview with a charity for the homeless in London.

Let's just cut a long story short and say that the interview wasn't going well.

I didn't like them. They didn't like me.

"...our next goal is to eliminate homelessness in London by 2011."

"Erm, can I ask a question?"

"Yes, you may."

"What are you going to do after 2011?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if you eliminate homelessness in London you'll all be out of a job."

"I think we'll conclude the interview there."

My interview at IBM

"So Dominic, tell me about yourself"

and err that's it.

It was ultra secret hush hush, my particular skill set was quite pointedly disjoint from what IBM did and the agent that had sent me there hadn't a clue. So I explained various things I'd done which included the line "I seem to have made a career out of annoying Microsoft" and since IBM has the worst HR department of any large company (I'm a headhunter now, trust me when I say this), the agent had set my expectations it would take weeks for them to get back since IBM HR has lunches, sick days, long phone calls to their friends, off site meetings, presentations, courses and many other things that take priority over their actual job.

But the "Microsoft" term caused the offer to be on my voicemail before I'd got home.

IBM HR got their revenge for being forced to actually work for nearly seven whole minutes, a couple of years later they made a hell of a fuss that I might force IBM to pay me maternity leave.

You need to understand that Dominic (as in me) and bimbo (as in IBM HR) is a word that can be applied to either sex, though it tells you a lot about IBM HR that they assumed I was femal even though nearly all the tech people at my site were male. IBM HR were in a different building, not just a different planet.

You can often tell the interviewers who have read the whole of my CV (rather than just the last couple of jobs) because I am guaranteed then to get a ton of questions about paintball, which I used to play competitively. One interview they spent longer on that than on my skills for the job in question! And yes I did get that job, they were after someone who would be tough & not take crap from anyone so I suppose it was sort of relevant

At one interview, I was grilled by 10 interviewers each firing really, really tough technical questions at me. I was doing OK-ish, then we got to one that left me totally flumoxed. I said I had no idea and asked what the answer was. They said they didn't know: all the questions were about problems they'd failed to solve. Guess the one that beat me was crucial coz I didn't get the job.

Re a question about my attitude to diversity in an interview for a govt job: I answered with a list of previous girl friends. Got that job.

Heard about the following:

Q: what would you pitch to your previous employer to increase our sales to them by 15%

A: (long meandering reply)

Q: if you were the buyer at your previous employer, would you be convinced by that?

A: No

At least they were honest.