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back to article iPad queue hog doesn’t want it, won’t be first

The man who queued in the hope of becoming the first person on earth to buy a New iPad doesn't want a new fondleslab and has spent days pavement-surfing in vain. He just wants the $AUD950 a crowdsourcing service is paying him to queue while wearing one of its logo-emblazoned t-shirts. According to news.com.au, former truck …

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Trollface

Who holds his. . .

place in line, while he goes to drain the lizard?

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Re: Who holds his. . .

Stadium Pal perhaps?

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Human Garbage

Do we suppose Wilde had any idea how that the future of humanity would consist entirely of variations on "The unspeakable in pursuit of the inedible," each more nauseating than the last.

I guess not. It'd have broken his mind long before that vile little rodent Bosie broke his heart.

It's 2012 and if you don't hate yourself, you aren't paying attention. Our species is loathsome, its cultures vile, and our future deservedly dubious. Let's all pray the end is instantaneous, painless, and tomorrow.

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Re: Human Garbage

A well-written piece, and I can't say that I disagree with your assessment, but I decline to join in with your hopes for tomorrow.

I decided a long time ago that one of the most counter-productive emotions to have is despair, so I resolved to push it aside whenever it showed its face.

I have no hope for an improvement in our species in the short term, but as long as we are still at least toying with the idea that we can move out into space and set up home elsewhere, we might yet do a service to the species we take with us by allowing them the opportunity to spread and evolve further.

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@rbryanh

So what's worse:

- Apple making a new toy no one really, honestly needs

- It being advertised all over the place

- People deciding they must have it and must have it right away

- Someone else looking to cash in on this with an advertising stunt

- This bloke being prepared to take them up on it

- Someone deciding that not only is all this representative of some cultural decline but that this opinion needs to be shared

If you really think this is all worth dragging the back of your hand across your brow and getting all cheap man's Morrissey on us about why not just ignore it and go and do something else?

Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.

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Re: dispair

I too agree with the poster but am also not hoping for tomorrow.

I cant share your optimisim about space though.

If we cant survive on this green and pleasant planet without fucking it up and wiping ourselves out then what chance do we have in space?

In space there are zero resources

In space there is no oxygen!

its -200 in the shade and +200 in the sun

no oil , no animals, no plants, no beer

I cant help thinking whatever magic enclosed ecosystem people are dreaming of in space would be a hell of a lot easier to build here on earth.

And if we do go to space ( we wont) or stay and make an effort here (maybe) then its sure as hell gonna be a select few who get to survive . ( about 20%)

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Re: dispair

I don't know about 'optimistic', but I do have a vision which, however unlikely, is a little bit more comfortable than pure despair. I agree that closed ecosystems in space don't exactly offer much of an advance for the other species, but when I said 'space' I meant populating other bodies (be they planets or moons).

This may be fanciful and highly unlikely to happen, but I feel that if we don't focus more on what is out there then we will end up just scrabbling around down here, fighting over ever-dwindling resources until we fade away and allow some other species to flourish. I prefer the Star Trek vision, fictional though it is.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Human Garbage

"It's 2012 and if you don't hate yourself, you aren't paying attention."

No I don't hate myself, just attention seeking, cretinous snobs like you who think by riding the current self-indulgent and self-loathing zeitgeist they are making some sort of personal statement. You're not, you're simply rather sad sort of person who thinks everyone should be as loathsome and miserable as you.

One day you'll grow up and realise that life is worth living and despite the world often seeming to be a bottomless pit of despair, the infrequent moments of overwhelming pleasure and joy are enough to sustain people through the hardest of times.

Get a hobby, get out more and ultimately get a life. You'll feel far better about yourself if you spent as much time finding good in the world as you obviously do finding despair!

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Happy

Re: dispair

"In space there are zero resources"

Wrong, there's vast resources, we just can't get at them and convert them to our needs ... yet.

"In space there is no oxygen!"

Wrong, there's vast supplies in the universe around us, plus we can recycle, etc..

"its -200 in the shade and +200 in the sun"

Not a problem, our engineering can already solve that and we just need the resources to vastly scale up.

"no oil"

So what, we use solar and nuclear. Huge solar arrays in space miles in diameter would generate a lot of power and there's a lot of potential for nuclear power in space.

"no animals, no plants"

Biodomes on moons and planets and vast Biodome ships, once big enough to support us in large numbers, can also support other life from earth as well.

"no beer"

See above for details of how we get lots of beer! ;)

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Happy

Re: Human Garbage

Cheer up guys, new series of Britain's Got Talent starting in just over a week!

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Re: dispair

"In space there is no oxygen!"

Yeah, and 80% of the surface of the plane is made up of water, so either we're all drowning or your analogy is heap of bullshit.

Seriously, get out.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Human Garbage

dont worry, soon they will let you live in a tank and you can live out all of your fantasies of despair and self loathing in a virtual world designed to facilitate human suffering and keep the tank farms productive. all they ask in return is total surrender of the human species to an agent program that can assume your form any time as long as you are still hard wired to their system.

so basically its the same shit, different tank.

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@rbryanh...... famous Wilde quote

In this life there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants. The other is getting it.

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This post has been deleted by its author

Flame

at least he has an excuse for queueing for something that is utterly useless and overpriced unlike the rest of the idiots/fanbois doing the same. Shame apple's products are so poor the have to create fake shortages to give a false impression of success

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FAIL

Why me?

Why does it have to fall to me, someone who dislikes Apple intensely to have to point out what a load of bullshit your post is?

Even though I dislike Apple I have actually used their devices and to describe them as "poor" and "utterly useless" just because you prefer something else is just facile.

Grow the fuck up.

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Anonymous Coward

Fake shortages? Perhaps these companies are doing that as well

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/03/08/raspberry_pi_delayed_networking/

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/03/12/asus_transformer_availability/

A false impression of success? Do you live under a rock?

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ordered

Last night delivery 5 April.

First iPad I will have had WiFi 4G 32

Why?

To use as a card terminal for my business saving me extortionate charges hiring a mobile card machine.

Why Apple, unlike the others the OS is not fragmented. Updates will arrive and it will work with the least possible hassle.

You call the iPad rubbish? Sounds like sour grapes, yes they are expensive, maybe too expensive but they are very very good.

I really like Android, in fact I use an an android phone but a tablet for business I have had to look at the ipad because and purely because of the Android has such a fragmented OS

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Anonymous Coward

So the worlds most popular tablet by far with a predicted 70% market share is really 'poor' and not really succesful and ony perceived that way through artificial shortages?

Some haters really will sprout all konds of shit to make a point they dont have...

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Hassle free upgrade?

I seem to remember owners having issues with iThings every single ios upgrade or are there many more upgrades than the ones that get reported as problematic?

Good idea for useage, though. Sod paying money to banks when you don't need to.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: ordered

This is the new trick by Apple fanbois isn't it, to grudgingly type "I like Android, I have an Android, BUT.....", and then list reasons why they actually hate Android and Apple FTW!!!

You're clearly either an Apple fanbois, or a wannabe fanbois, because of your statement about choosing an iPad because and purely because Android has a fragmented OS - it's a nonsense reason, and just a dig at Android.

That is not a reason (let alone the SOLE reason) to choose an iPad over "the Android", whether for business or not. So you get your Android tablet, probably with Ice Cream Sandwich on it. What do you care if there are old devices out there with fragmented and varying versions of Android on - if you *are* indeed a business, you'd want consistency, and to stick on versions you know work, you wouldn't be wanting to upgrade your business critical devices to Android 5/6/7, in the same way you really wouldn't want to risk upgrading your business critical iPad to iOS 6/7/8, for fear it will break something (which iOS upgrades have done).

Rant over.

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Re: ordered

>>>>>>This is the new trick by Apple fanbois isn't it, to grudgingly type "I like Android, I have an Android, BUT....."

Why not just take people at their word, unless proved otherwise. And stop being so bloody paranoid and insecure about people's choice of OS. Oh, and stop calling people fanbois, just because they disagree with you! It's childish and annoying.

Actually, on a payment terminal fragmentation is important. You probably do want to be running the most up-to-date version of the OS, because you might consider security to be somewhat critical... That Android tablet you buy might never get upgraded, however serious a bug is. Your only option would then be to root it (which is also not totally secure).

Myself, I'm not an Apple fanboi. I use the tool that does the job at the right price to hassle ratio. So I've got an iPad 1, and an Android phone. I'm thinking of trying Windows mobile - because I don't think there's a droid handset that can beat the Lumia 710 at £150, without rooting it (which I can't be arsed to do).

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given less than a few percent of people are what I would consider intelligent enough to have an opinion I hardly think the fact the herd is seduced by sparkly toys and thinks owning them is anything to write home about doesn't change my view one bit. Especially when it has a 4x3 screen when it will be used in landscape to watch movies and portrait to read books both of which favour 16x9.

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Re: ordered

If all you are using it for is a single, business orientated function, why would you care if the device is kept up-to-date with the latest OS release? It should be doing what you want it to do from the very start otherwise why not go with something that does work from the outset instead of hoping salvation will come with the next OS release. In fact If all you are using it for is a card terminal then wouldn't a smaller, lighter device be more useful? Particularly one that has a dedicated stylus input like the HTC flyer, Galaxy Note or the upcoming Note 10.1 (if you do want a larger screen) for signatures. Looks to me like you did very little research and are justifying your impulse purchase and desire to be "trendy" by coming up with this fragmentation nonsense (which BTW also exist with iOS devices. My First Gen iPod Touch is still stuck with iOS 3 for example and the original iPad may have iOS5 in name but by no means in function) You should have gone with the excuse that if the device goes wrong (which iPads do just as much as Android slabs) you would be able to take it to the nearest apple store and get it swapped there and then instead of waiting for delivery of a replacement device meaning much less downtime for your business. Now THAT is a good reason to go with an iPad over anything else.

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Re: ordered

True actually, and you'll see that I don't rant about it. There are going to be several providers for debit credit card use on the iPad.

Free card reader and 25p or 0.25% per transaction charge. Auto receipt by sms or email. Compare that to £40 per month hire of mobile card reader, data charges and 2.75% transaction charge. In less than a year it pays for itself. I'm better off and the customer gets better value.

As to being a fanbois, well maybe you should grow up. Android is fragmented, there was also a lack of compatability with my accounting software, which apple has.

I'm definitely no fanbois and this is purely a business decision. I'm going to trial it, if it is as good as it claims, all my reps will get one.

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Re: ordered

LarsG. Dont bother. Apple haters will simply hate regardless of reasoning, think of them like scientologists or Jehovah's witness reps. Indeed i'll be buying W8 tablets (not arm though, grrr MS!) as I need GPOs and cannot lock down mass amounts of ipads or androids quickly. If iPads had better system IT tools then i'd use ipads.

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Re: ordered

Why didn't you say taht in the first place? Those are all perfectly valid and sensible reasons for choosing an iPad, your rant about the one factor that is utterly irrelevant to your situation - supposed market fragmentation - isn't.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: ordered

If any of my customers wanted to pay by card, and I pulled out anything other than our mobile chip and pin terminal, they'd quickly take their business elsewhere.

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Boffin

"So the worlds most popular tablet by far with a predicted 70% market share is really 'poor' and not really succesful and ony perceived that way through artificial shortages?

Some haters really will sprout all konds of shit to make a point they dont have..."

Ok, so that guy wasn't particularly well spoken. Let's take this approach. What is something the iPad does better than any other device? (Besides marketing for gullible idiots)

Email? No. Phones are more portable for reading on the go. Computers are more convenient for the physical keyboards.

Web Browsing? Maybe. They're bigger than phones so better viewing, but that also makes them less portable. The weight of the iPad actually causes significant damage to your wrist if you use it while carrying it.

Movies? On the go, maybe. Again, awkward holding compared to a phone. Android has Netflix and does video just as well, so definitely no advantage there. Android devices can output to 1080p allowing you to plug your device in to a tv and watch on a real screen.

eBooks? Apple charges more, is trying to illegally force all eBook providers to charge more. Not to mention that their device is outperformed by the Kindle (Android!) and Nook.

Content development (Word, Excel, Access)? Ha. I laughed. No, iPads are garbage for that kind of thing.

So the only things that the iPad does well are done equally as well or better by other devices. The only reason to buy one is to show everyone that you have money to throw away.

And the intentional shortages aren't to create a false sense of success, it is a marketing ploy to encourage people to make quick uninformed decisions. That is why coupons have expiration dates, so that people will buy without considering that they actually have no use for the item they are buying.

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Overall you have some good points, although I would add:

- web browsing - as much as Jobs disciples like to stick fingers in their ears and scream that flash is dead - it's rotting corpse is still occupying a significant number of websites out there and until they have all been purged which will take years, the iPad will always be inferior to devices that support flash, buggy and memory/power hog or not. If you want to be able to browse ALL the internet you need Android or Blackberry (I think)

- content creation - initially no tablet was much good at that but the apps out there for all platforms have added a lot of functionality that allow you to create content now. Document and office work is largely Android's forte along with file handling as it has a usable file system whereas iPad has the music creation market currently sown up.

- Movies - unless you like massive black bars or horrible pan & scan you are better served with the typical android shaped 16:10 screens. Plus with expandable memory you can carry a lot more movies with you than on even the largest iPad (64GB micro SD anyone?)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: ordered

But the system is flying in the US. Apparently it works even Richard branson is an investor with square.

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Re: No decent droid handsets at £150

I think you just haven't been looking hard enough. Once you get past the sub-£80 600Mhz ARM11 almost-a-smartphones, you can pick up a decent handset running a decent, official revision of Android for much less than that price. Hell, the Sony-so-it's-expensive Xperia Mini is still being sold in Tesco for a shade under £125, if you fancy a phone with a slidey keyboard. Anything 2.x is not going to be shabby, will support the vast majority of all market apps, and you can always install Launcher 7 if you absolutely must have a launcher with mahoosive buttons^Wtiles. Pretty sure you can get some Gingerbreads for the price of a Lumia.

Or is this a ploy to get some commentards to do your shopping for you? Sneaky Spartacus, go do your own Googling.

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FAIL

@bullseyed - Your analysis is both wrong and incomplete

The iPad is aimed at use at home on the couch, or when traveling. Not when walking about the street. These are occasions when you don't need the ultimate in portability, but the larger screen size makes many things easier or more comfortable. Most people in their mid 40s or beyond can't focus on the small screen of a phone without reading glasses. Younger people find it uncomfortable holding a phone close for extended periods etc.

A 10" screen gives you a near full sized virtual keyboard. Not as good as a real keyboard for data entry, but more than good enough for casual emails, and Apple's built in email client is fast, clean and easy to use.

Web browsing. The web browser is little short of excellent. It implements web standards well, is fast and fluid to use and is fast to scroll/pan and navigate. The lack of flash is far from the fatal blow that the fandroids would have you believe (flash adds? Who cares! Video? There's an app for most non-HTML5 content. Games? They are mostly available as apps also), and there are multiple apps that let you view flash sites if you really want to.

Movies? WAY better than seat back entertainment systems, much better than video on a phone and enough battery life to cope with all but the longest trips.

eBooks? You're not just limited to iTunes. Any ePub or PDF format book can be read, plus there's a Kindle app that gives you access to the Amazon store.

Content development? Pages, Numbers and Keynote give you the full set of office apps. More than enough for most users. Add to that Photoshop, Garage Band and a host of other apps. Not all content creation is done by typing.

They are small enough to still be easily portable (including fitting on your lap when seated on a train or aircraft), run 10+ hours on a charge, cover 90%+ of most users computing needs, switch seamlessly between WiFi and Cellular radio and they're easy enough to use that your gran can manage one. As a complete package they're head and shoulders above the competition.

You'll find other devices that are better at SOME tasks, and for SOME people but it's the overall combination that people like, and is why they shift of the shelves like hot cakes. Every time Apple have launched a phone or pad in recent years people have said the numbers are hyped, that they can't possibly be selling that fast, that the supply has been artificially constrained. Then the financial numbers are released that proves them wrong.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: ordered

I have no intention of giving the grinning beardie any more money, thank you.

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Go

Attention

"But Parkes and the crowdsourcing service will both likely lose out on their attention-seeking goal"

Well, not quite; they got into an El Reg article so clearly someone is paying attention to them...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Attention

Probably the wrong sort of attention here.

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I too am becoming very dismayed with those silly 'Apple stuf is cr*p* posts.

I have used a great many devices with an equally great variations in OS.

It is true that Apple devices are generally more expensive than the competition; It is also true that they are generally made from better materials and although some have been problematic in the past (like antennagate) it is my experience that they generally work very well and more trouble free than others I have owned.

So maybe the price being a lot higher is the price you pay for it being a little better. The point of deminishing return, so to speak.

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FAIL

It's like losing your temper, basically....

Use the word "fanbois" and you have immmediately lost the argument. Because even though you may have a valid point to make, you are clearly an utter wanker and nothin you say can be trusted.

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Happy

Re: It's like losing your temper, basically....

>>>>Use the word "fanbois" and you have immmediately lost the argument.

But you've just used the word fanboi, so your argument is therefore, by your own definition, bollocks.

Oh, hang on a minute, so have I. Erm, I'm confused now... Who said Jehovah?!

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Mushroom

Such a shame...

that Apple keep producing these terribly crippled bits of hardware kit with so many limitations and restrictions that almost nobody wants them.

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Facepalm

Re: Such a shame...

" almost nobody wants them" errrr.

Please tell me you dont plan on having children. In fact, if we have a whip round will you go for a vasectomy?

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FIA

Re: Such a shame...

Vasectomy? Is that like an ironyectomy but not as funny?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Such a shame...

RE: ironyectomy

Are you absolutely sure that was irony or did you get a sarcasmotomy?

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Terminator

Fool... money... parted. Need more explanation?

So, somebody spent (a) time gaining their foothold, and (b) holding it.

They don't actually want it, and now find their prestige may evaporate. Sorry, it is hard to have pity OR empathy. Their choices; they "bought" (what they hoped was "FIRST") failed. Now, they're left trying to stay afloat, hoping to regain something to justify their bizarre investment of time.

Darwin called. He's wondering why you didn't report to processing a few years ago...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Fool... money... parted. Need more explanation?

Reading ability? Even I would consider it for the money he is getting for doing precious little for a couple of days, even though I prefer to wait for the first wave or two to find the bugs.

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I have an idea

To save space and time, any time El Reg publishes an article that is in any way (however remote) to do with Apple, why don't they also publish several hundred comments saying, "I hate Apple and anyone who doesn't is an idiot." then close the article for comments.

I think the gains in productivity across the country would be significant.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: I have an idea

And while they're at it, whenever there is an article about Android, they could post hundreds of comments saying, "FRAGMENTATION!!! and you'll NEVER get an update!" Then close them for comments.

And when there's an article about Microsoft or Windows or Windows Phone, the pre-generated, locked comments could be something along the lines of, "M$ $uck$. All they care about is money!"

And Linux articles - "Linux geeks are all losers who live in their parents' basements."

And Playstation, XBox, etc. etc. etc

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@ Neal5 ...famous Wilde quote

Pretty sure that was George Bernard Shaw actually..

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Anonymous Coward

iPads.........

From the reactions of the colleagues and relatives who have them are something you didn't know what you were going to use it for, but end up using it every day. I've resisted getting one so far, but since I'm getting divorced and being in debt is actually a good place to be when sorting out the split of finances, I feel that sticking one on the credit card isn't such a bad idea.

Anonymous, because the ex-wife wouldn't see the funny side of this statement, even though she is extremely unlikely to read this, discretion is at times the better part of valour, and cowardice can be the better part of discretion.

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Anonymous Coward

Meh

Somebody paid somebody to queue up for a new i-etch-a-sketch - Meh

I can understand people queueing for sales (ie. 'cos the items are cheaper) - but queueing to pay a premium - Lol

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