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back to article STUNNING NEW APPLE DEVICES that will follow the iPad 3 HD!

Sources in the Asian component supply chain and others close to Cupertino have revealed to the Register that Apple intends to follow up its global fondle-slab dominance by introducing new and groundbreaking products intended to eliminate the flaws inherent in the slablet form factor. "It all makes sense when you think about it …

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Trollface

Quite amusing but still clearly a joke article :P

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Trollface

Well actually............

"If you go that route, people are only going to buy one or maybe two devices. They'll wind up carrying a piece of hardware about and using it for more than one thing in more than one situation."

...........many a true word spoken in jest.

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Anonymous Coward

eliminate flaws?

What flaws?

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Re: Well actually............

Precisely. That´s why telling the truth to monarchs was always a job (and privilege) of jesters.

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no touch

Yes. He's describing a keyboard.

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Re: no touch

Not a keyboard.

A magical human interface device with a glorious set of miraculous keys, each with a wonderful letter or function, all wrapped up in an incredibly stylish box.

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Re: no touch

"Not a keyboard.

A magical human interface device with a glorious set of miraculous keys, each with a wonderful letter or function, all wrapped up in an incredibly stylish box."

Patent pending :-)

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Megaphone

"still clearly a joke article"

I think we worked that out when it got to the bit about Apple fixing the flaws of tablets. The only flaw Apple perceive with tablets is that other companies are allowed to make them.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: no touch

Don't call it a keyboard.

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Re: no touch

Indeed. The mystical device is not a keyboard.

It is a board of keys.

Sorry, board of ikeys.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: no touch

"Sorry, board of ikeys."

They're going to have a problem with ikey a, especially in Sweden.

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Re: no touch

it can respond to sub millimeter presses because they have patented atoms and molecules.

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Re: no touch

No problem there. Just name your new magical interface iKey, then sic your hoardes of lawyers on them Swedes and sue them into submission for having the nerve to name a business, product, or service with an 'i' at the front.

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Re: "still clearly a joke article"

> The only flaw Apple perceive with tablets is that other companies are allowed to make them

People were making tablets years (over a decade) before iPad.

Apple watched, waited and then rewrote the segment with iPad and now dominate the market.

This despite the fact nearly everyone here said the iPad was just a big iPod and going to be a massive flop.

Apple don't mind people making other tablets, they do mind people making iPad knock offs.

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Go

Re: no touch

Then they will sue IKEA all over the world, demanding they pull all their curvy white products because they are infringing on Apple's design patents, problem solved.

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Terminator

So...

It's basically a curved bluetooth touchpad then?

* looks at date *

You should've saved this for next month.

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Happy

It's basically a curved bluetooth touchpad then?

Not *quite* what they were describing. Think different. No not *that* different!

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Coat

is there anything they can't do?

I wonder if they will devise a way that you can intermix letters, punctuation and digits without having to shift attention away from the task at hand.

I've always hoped for a device that could let you transcribe ideas quickly and without distraction.

Go apple!

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Trollface

Re: is there anything they can't do?

I feel you. I've been using a Bluetooth keyboard since day one. I suspect my typicing speed would tick up if Apple would release some human interface that let's me type faster.

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Happy

Sounds to me

like he was talking about a MOUSE......

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A mouse! Apple wouldn't be so pedestrian - its an iPoint!

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Anonymous Coward

And it will completely fail in 12 months and be impossible to dismantle to clean out.

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Pint

Re: And it will completely fail in 12 months and be impossible to dismantle to clean out.

And in the UK, assuming it costs £50, the above failure will render the retailer unavoidably liable for repair, replacement, or refund, via the implicit key contract condition formed by the Sale of Goods Act's 'reasonable durability' requirement, for up to as long a time as the price makes it reasonable the item should have lasted - which can be up to six years, but in the above example would probably be three.

Remember, the manufacturer warranty is a gratuitous third party promise and does not exclude the major obligations created by the retailer to you, when purchase is made, which are formed by SOGA, and which cannot be excluded, thanks to the Unfair Terms in Consumer Contracts Regulations (which I gather codify existing doctrine in any case).

If it costs over £100, buy it on a credit card - because S75 of the Consumer Credit Act requires your credit card provider to assume the above obligations of the retailer if they cannot or will not fulfil them.

Raising my glass to the English Legal System.

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Joke

Even if you fondle it's ball?

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Happy

Yer a bit previous, lads

Should have saved it for 1/4/12 (gasps from herculean effort of remembering to write date in UK order).

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Yer a bit previous, lads

It's not so much 'UK', as 'most of the world outside the US'. Remind us what happened on the 9th of November?

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Re: Yer a bit previous, lads

The date format is also entirely logical, or at least more logical than the US format.

Reading from left to right the magnitude of the figures increases, day, month, year.

What's the logic behind the random sequence in the US format?

A more useful format I find is usually the reverse : year, month, day.

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Re: Yer a bit previous, lads

The US method is quite logical really, if you think about it.

Today is the 7th of March 2012. 7/3/2012. In the UK.

In the US its March 7th 2012. So 3/7/2012.

As long as you are aware of the source of the document you're reading, its perfectly fine.

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Re: Yer a bit previous, lads

Which is why ISO 8601 exists. Open standards people - please use them.

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Re: Yer a bit previous, lads

I'm with Richard 120 on the year first date format, and so are 5 billion Chinese!

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Holmes

Re: Yer a bit previous, lads

On the 12th of December this year, it won't matter which way you write it.

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Other possibilities

the iPurse - contains money that can only be spent on iThings.

the iNurse - robotic child minder shaped like Steve Jobs, with a calming voice that says "nanny knows best" whenever signs of of intelligence break through.

the iCurse - a portable device for practitioners of witchcraft.

the iTerse - speech synthesiser that reduces whole sentences to bad-tempered single words.

the iWorse - USA's next president.

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Re: Other possibilities

Don't forget the iBad - America's current president. After all, you can only go from iBad to iWorse.

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Re: Other possibilities

the iClinic - where you go to deal with the consequences of staring too long at iPads.

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Joke

OMG, the future is NOW*!

It can only be an iOuija board pad! Looks like Steve will be calling the shots for a while to come.

*Not Occurring Wednesday

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Anonymous Coward

Sex toys.

It's the only real obvious new range of products Apple should be venturing into, after all their current products are already smooth white curved objects desired by both sexes...

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Joke

Re: Sex toys.

Can I register/copyright "iCome"?

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Joke

Re: Sex toys.

Or is that because every c*** wants one?

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Would be great if this device could attach via USB

and offer an additional two USB ports at either end.

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Devil

Touch screens

"You're getting smeary finger tracks all over the display"

Every Apple toy I've seen close up looks more like a Petri dish.

Where's the MRSA icon when you need it?

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enlarged iPads up on raised stands

Hey, you could attach a keyboard and some sort of pointing device to the front of it, so you wouldn't get fingerprints all over the screen. And maybe a hinge so it could fold away and further protect the screen.

I don't know what you'd call it, though... an iLaptop, perhaps?

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Re: enlarged iPads up on raised stands

Nothing gets passed you does it, Sherlock.

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Holmes

Re: enlarged iPads up on raised stands

*ahem* there's an app icon for that

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Anonymous Coward

Satire

It's not as easy as it looks. I'd leave it to Verity Stobb if I were you.

(Unless Verity wrote this in which case it must have been an off day)

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Re: Satire

Indeed. Never have the possibilities been so cruelly dispatched by the actuality, since Michael McIntyre.

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"...where the hand is most comfortable"

thinking of it... adding fanboi...

...surely, the new device will be iWank!

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Slate with a raised dock...?

A slate with a raised dock? Whatever will they think of next? http://jkontherun.blogs.com/jkontherun/HP%20docking%20station%20003.jpg circa 2003... mine's still going strong and is a valuable component of my workflow because it runs the same apps as my workstation...

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Stop

"Then it hit us," says our source. "The text-entry touchscreen could use a different kind of technology to the other one - and the main display panel didn't really need to be a touchscreen at all."

IT COULD BE A PHYSICAL KEYBOARD!

Oh wait...

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