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back to article Texan TSA crew accused of nude scanner ogling scheme

An investigation into the actions of TSA staff has uncovered a series of complaints from self-described “semi-attractive” female travelers who claim they were targeted for scanning based on their figures, and not on the likelihood of them being terrorists. CBS News investigated formal complaints to Texas authorities made by …

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Anonymous Coward

They should just go ahead and 'crowd source' it

Just put the images on TSA-perv.gov and let everyone have a look. Points for catching a "terrist"; just click.

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Sir

I would rather that there were a webcam pointed at the TSA employees who are viewing these images that is publicly accessible.

Turn-about is fair play, and it would be obvious to anyone watching if the TSA bods were enjoying themselves a little too much.

Who watches the watchers indeed.

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Joke

Re: Sir

I totally agree with your feelings, Sir Runcible, but somehow I feel it would go wrong, some way or another. You know, intermittent connection problems in the camera, wires chewed by rats, nobody remembering to report anomalies in it's working or some guy accidentally knocking the camera over.

You all know that The Guardians of Freedom (TM) can't pry their eyes from their screens, to make sure they catch every terrorist trying to smuggle liquids in the planes, endangering the lives of the passengers. Making sure the camera is always working, even when 'semi-attractive females' -a group collectively known for their eagerness to become terrorists- are crossing the scanner, would imply expenses the USA can't afford, as they are using most of their resources in fighting terrorism everywhere.

The software upgrade solution seems better, but, given the level of security that Government's security contractors usually put in their hardware and software, some thirteen years old hacker would probably find a way to revert the scanners to their older state, and doing so he would win that 200 dollars prize offered by the TSA Employees Syndicate.

The system is broken, and trying to fix it without totally redesigning it is a lost cause.

But, wait! There is still hope!

Please, hear my proposal:

All the scanner's control rooms should be fitted with another scanner, continuously scanning the TSA agents while they fight terrorism. Any time the new secondary scanner detects that one of the agents shows symptoms of improper sexual arousal, an electrical discharge would be dealt to the offending agent in his/her/its private parts through a pair of suitably placed wires. The intensity of the discharge should be graded as to not to cause a risk of death, while at the same time ensuring that the culprit is definitely removed from the human gene pool, or whatever other gene pool they happen to belong to.

Thanks for your attention.

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Devil

Re: Re: Sir (Addendum)

The advantages of my plan should be obvious to anyone. If culling the human gene pool -that really needs some culling!- and protecting citizen's privacy is not enough to convince you, please consider the long term savings and the expected pay rise for the surviving TSA agents, as they become scarcer.

If you find my plan has merit, please show me your support by proposing me for a Nobel Prize. Any of them will do.

Thanks, again, for your attention.

Postdata: Damn the 2.000 letter limit!!!

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God damn these electric sex pants

Your plan for electric sex pants was envisioned in the IT Crowd already...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfq3B9JvIcQ

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I'm shocked . I mean who would expect HS bullies that could not become cops to do such things .

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Anonymous Coward

Yep, TSA@DFW has a bit of a reputation...

Happened to my rather buxom sister two weeks ago at DFW. She refused to go through the nude scanner a second time, after becoming suspicious about the chuckling she heard; then was forced to wait 10 minutes for a female screener to "become available" to pat her down.

Not everyone in the TSA is a high-school bully; but according to acquaintances in the agency and friends in airport security, the atmosphere is poisonous enough to encourage those who aren't to look for new jobs.

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Re: Yep, TSA@DFW has a bit of a reputation...

I'm not saying every one at the TSA is a HS bully just the ones that do this kind of crap. The kind that would make a cancer patient remove her breast forms. The kind that decides every one brown is a threat .

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Anonymous Coward

Who knows *how* the TSA decides who is a threat?

Three weeks ago I was flying with my four-year-old, and they ran him through the scanner twice, patted him down, and disemboweled the two teddies he was carrying before returning them with half their stuffing missing. No explanation, no apology. I'm a clean-shaven white American businessman, so I'm not sure what threat profile my son was supposed to fit...

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Re: Who knows *how* the TSA decides who is a threat?

It was to show that they are even handed and will rectally probe a white person the same.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Re: Who knows *how* the TSA decides who is a threat?

Ah... but the only ones who got the rectal probing were the teddy bears, and to a lesser extent my four-year-old. The TSA inspectors showed no overt interest in me. Hence my puzzlement...

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Anonymous Coward

it woudlnt be long before somebody files a case against them..

.. for reverse discrimination.. "excuse me ma'am.. you go right here.. you miss..hmm.. move along.."

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T J
Mushroom

Metallic body paint

Has anybody stood in one yet with "F******ING BITE ME" painted on under their clothes in metallic paint? If the TSA idiots complained the response is simple "Not your job, son."

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Metallic body paint

You're forgetting that they made the mistake of making those buffoons a law onto themselves. They know full well that you have a choice between being cooperative or miss your plane - that's why you also have the delay before the patdown alternative to scanning is available.

The TSA *URGENTLY* needs a large team of undercover inspectors to randomyl visit their locations and shake this crap out. It's already doubtful if they are not simple a huge money drain on the USA without delivering any decent security (I'd set up a couple of dogs with handlers myself - much more effective) - this sort of shit is not exactly helping.

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WTF?

Re: doubtful

"It's already doubtful if they are not simple a huge money drain on the USA without delivering any decent security"

Doubtful? Doubtful?! What are you smoking, dude? The TSA's own annual reports make it perfectly clear that they contribute nothing to security. It is an established fact that it is simply a job creation scheme. (I have to say, mind, that putting your hard-to-employ people in a customer-facing position probably wouldn't be what a private corporation would do. Still, government is as government does.)

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Re: Metallic body paint

Ask Ryan "Kip Hawley is an idiot" Bird if that's a good idea.

The TSA, and the local LEOs who back them up, have been more than happy to violate your civil rights if they feel you're giving them grief. You might sue them afterward, and you might even win; but it's likely to be a Pyrrhic victory.

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Put everyone through the scanner!

I think they should put everyone through the scanners and put the pictures on big screens overhead for everyone else flying with you to see. Don't discriminate against anyone, discriminate against everyone. The Radical Fundamentalists we are protecting ourselves from would not want to sully their purity before suicide so they'd go and do it somewhere other than an airplane.

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Thumb Down

Re: Put everyone through the scanner!

Or better yet, no one. No discrimination that way either.

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Re: Put everyone through the scanner!

Nah. Make everyone fly naked. That would make air travel that much more horrible, and with any luck enough people would give it up that the airlines would finally start fighting back against the security state. (Until now it's been mostly to their economic advantage to go along with it.)

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Big Brother

Just fire them!

I bet the DHS sends a few of these guys to sensitivity training or something like that, and nothing more comes of it. If DHS agents who were very disproportionate in screening attractive members of the opposite sex were fired, then it might actually make a difference.

Big Brother is ogling you.....

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Missing the point

The machines are expensive and easy to deceive. Why have them at all?

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Big Brother

Re: Missing the point

Depends on the point - are they there to catch terrorists, or are they there to make the public think the authorities are trying to catch terrorists.

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Re: Missing the point

Because they are expensive and reassure stupid people.

People want to FEEL safe, much cheaper and easier than actually being safe.

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Re: Re: Missing the point

Because they are expensive and thus lucrative for the well-connected firms that produce them.

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Anonymous Coward

Yep

It's time to turn off those machines.

A month or two ago I had a delayed flight out of one of the Dallas airports. While there I lost count of the number of good looking women who received pat downs at the entrance I was close to. However I know exactly how many guys got the treatment: zero.

TSA is a joke.

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Re: Yep

So, as pat downs are to be given by a member of the same sex what you are saying is that the TSA is staffed by lesbians. Either that or you are merely voicing what you think you are expected to say.

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Re: Re: Yep

Because no man has ever paid to watch one woman grope another.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Re: Yep

Or... the women were refusing to go through the perv scanners and so had to queue up for the pat downs.

I do wonder, however, if we'll hear of a woman deciding she'd rather strip in public so she can see if the attendant gets excited rather than let some faceless letch drool over her scanned form.

And no, I don't believe the stick figure story is true, either: That would require an image recognition system to identify objects and indicate relative positions on a mannequin. That's a totally different system to a millimeter scanner that just renders an image so an operator can use Mk1 eyeball to identify objects.

Anon for the obvious reason.

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Re: Re: Re: Yep

It happenned. More or less.

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/08/25/bermuda_customs/

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Stop

Opt for the patdown

when enough people start doing it and the line grows out of control, the outrage will draw enough publicity to change policy.

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FAIL

Re: Opt for the patdown

You/re making the mistake of thinking that someone in a position of authority in this bloated misuse of public funds will display common sense. Not going to happen.

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Meh

On the upside

At least, as long as TSA have the scanners, they are too busy drooling at the girls to steal from your luggage...

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Re: On the upside

Nah -- they have a whole different department for stealing shit out of your bags.

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Flame

Re: Re: On the upside

Not just what's in the bag, they stole our padlocks! We even had the ones with the special (highly secure, obv) bypass key for the TSA to use.

When I completed I was basically told that I must have put the wrong locks on. Since they took the locks, what proof would I have?

I avoid travelling through the USA now, preferring to do UK to Aus/NZ through Asia. Nicer people, nicer food, and they don't force my luggage open.

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Re: Re: Re: On the upside

Same happened to my wife - she had TSA-friendly locks on her luggage as well.

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Big Brother

Re: Re: Re: On the upside

"I avoid travelling through the USA now, preferring to do UK to Aus/NZ through Asia. Nicer people, nicer food, and they don't force my luggage open."

A wise decision. I live in the U.S. and have had things stolen from my luggage, too, including, of all things, the guest book from my wedding (we got married about 1,800 miles from home so my wife's grandmother could attend the wedding). On top of this, several other expensive, fragile gifts were broken because of them. They were originally wrapped and placed in the center of the suitcase, surrounded by padding, but after the TSA thieves rummaged about in my bag, they tossed the fragile stuff on top -- practically guaranteeing that they'd be broken.

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@Ian Yates

I was just on a US domestic flight last weekend between two "international" airports, checked two bags, both with identical TSA-approved locks. Only one bag still had a lock on it when I picked them up at baggage claim.

The locks are a joke.

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Joke

Obviously they wouldn't pick guys for this... http://xkcd.com/779/

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Or, slightly more NSFW : http://www.explosm.net/comics/2708/

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Huh

That Cyanide and Happiness strip is actually sort of funny -- he must be slipping, to include actual humor anywhere.

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Re: Huh

I think you're wrong. They've always been funny, to me.

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Facepalm

It was pretty obvious this would happen.

It's a boring job. 90% of straight men are going to be a little bit tempted, just occasionally, to select one of the more attractive females. It's human nature. If they want truly random selection then roll a dice or something.

Obviously I'm in the minority of men who can control their hormones. Everyone else is a perv but I'm caring and sensitive.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: It was pretty obvious this would happen.

Thing is the image is not that good and a 5 second search will fidn you better pictures online.

So why bother ?

It is a power thing. If they were looking through a window to peep on someone it is a crime why is it not a crime now ?

If they must have these scanners they should have 2 lanes. one for women, one for men.

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Re: Re: It was pretty obvious this would happen.

Unless I am mistaken they have these at Manchester Airport. At least that's what I assumed they were.

It was on my last holiday, and there were electronically controlled gates. AFAIK they were randomly controlled, or chose every nth person or some such, sending people either through the scanner or straight past.

I could be wrong, but if I am correct I think this is the right way to do it. No human interference (if someone is already flagged as a threat or security officials think they are acting sus, they have other procedures they can follow), just "random" selection.

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Re: Re: Re: It was pretty obvious this would happen.

"just "random" selection"

It should be all or none.

Random selection probably means 1 in 5, or 1 in 6 or some other calculated ratio (ie guessed). So the terrists send a team of 3 through. One might get caught. Will security be clever enough to then scan everyone getting on that plane or do the other team members get through?

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Re: Re: Re: Re: It was pretty obvious this would happen.

If the security team finds someone smuggling bomb parts on to a plane I'm pretty sure they would stop the flight.

(And all the other flights)

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Childcatcher

Re: It was pretty obvious this would happen.

Well of course it is; It's a proven fact that perverts will target jobs that will allow therm access to prospective victims, paedos will look for jobs in orphanages where they can have access to vulnerable children. The TSA would be targeted in the same way by the pervs.

http://www.google.com/search?q=tsa+strip+searching+children

Won’t somebody think of the children… really.

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Re: It was pretty obvious this would happen.

> If they want truly random selection then roll a dice or something.

Up here they have "randomizers": you step on it, it displays an arrow showing which lane you go to (scan or non-scan). Recently I noticed that the machine actually waits for the nearby operator to scan your boarding pass and validate something before it made a decision about the lane. Random indeed.

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Flame

Well duh!

Give a bunch of officious "security staff" with a make-work job, too much time on their hands, and x-ray specs; and this is what happens.

Even the best intentioned scanner operator is going to succumb to the temptation to perv eventually.

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