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Reg Hardware Sex Week Apple, in its infinite prudery wisdom, has decided to protect users of iOS devices from any material that it deems "inappropriate" or "overtly sexual". Dating apps have to be constantly monitored by developers to ensure that your profile pics don’t show too much, and even the mighty Playboy has had to …

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WTF?

Wait a minute...

... what is not erotic about cold rice pudding?

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What is not erotic about cold rice pudding?

Some like it hot....

CJ

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Thanks Nicolae

Now I need brain bleach.

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FAIL

SO let me get this straight.. they gave you the NHS Direct self-diagnosis app to review and the first thing you thought is 'how can I get a turn-on out of this'? Seriously? What are you, 13?

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Anonymous Coward

Welcome to El Reg

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Anonymous Coward

Testicles

...That is all.

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Bum

couldn't resist.

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If it's like the Andriod one I tried the other week...

...it doesn't support Under 16's

So if your checking for symptons for your kids, forget it.

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Gimp

Jonathan White: "SO let me get this straight.. they gave you the NHS Direct self-diagnosis app to review and the first thing you thought is 'how can I get a turn-on out of this'? "

I think you may have got the causal chain backwards there and thsat faced with the daunting task of finding something vaguely NSFW in the iOS walled garden to mark El Reg's "Sex Week" theme this is the best Mr Joseph could do. Now we know the *real* reason the Fruity Fanbois/Fangirls need their own special hookup site... :--)

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I didn't read the article

but I assume you open the app, tell it your symptoms and then it tells you another app will contact you, the other app contacts you tuts and then says they need to speak to another app and will ring you back, the second app then rings you back and says a doctor app will be ringing you, the doctor app rings, you tell it what you told the first app and it says "my god call an ambulance".

When you arrive at A&E they say "why the bleeding hell did you call an ambulance?", to which you respond "NHS Direct", to which they respond "for flips sake, what the flaming hell is their problem, they are the most inept bleeders ever". All swearwords have been removed to protect the innocent.

Is that about the size of it?

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Re: I didn't read the article

You put in your symptoms and in return you get one of three results

OMG!!! U'RE ABT 2 DI!!! CALL 999 NOW!!!

It appears you may have a problem, please leave your number and an NHS Direct Nurse will call you to advise on the situation.

There's nothing wrong with you, you hypochondriac, get a minor ailments consultation at your pharmacy tomorrow morning.

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Re: Re: I didn't read the article

Affectionately known as "NHS re-direct" in many a hospital A+E department.

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iOS App of the Week?

As an Android user, can somebody explain why my tax money is being spent on valetudinarian fanbois?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: iOS App of the Week?

One reason. iOS* device owners are hypochondriacs.

I'm an iPhone owner but my medical condition is real. Honest.

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FAIL

Re: iOS App of the Week?

Probably the same reason they spent some money on the Android Version

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WTF?

Re: iOS App of the Week?

As an iOS user, can somebody explain why my tax money is being spent on developing apps for _any_ platform? The Mobile site seems to work fine.

To the article author:

"worth downloading in case of a medical emergency"? Surely that's what 999 is for?

No signal? The Red Cross First Aid app covers likely emergency situations & I HAVE downloaded that.

Being old, I guess I just don't get why one would need this as an app.

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FAIL

Ugh.

This article is dreadful. It's so juvenile about an application with some decent potential. I'm surprised you didn't end it with 'FART!! LOL!!'.

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Re: Ugh.

I understand there's about five million apps for that.

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Terminator

Does it help treat iPad Hand?

Here's what it asks when you say your shoulders, neck and wrists are hurting again?

Q1) Hang on: didn't we suggest that you rein in that dirty little habit?

Q2) Does your life _really_ need Twitter and Facebook updates 24/7? Have you considered just _talking_ to your one friend, you iPhony?

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