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back to article Shakira attacked by sea lion who mistook BlackBerry for a 'fish'

Latin pop singer Shakira was "paralysed with fear" after a sea lion lunged for her BlackBerry, she recounted on Facebook. The animal appeared to have mistaken the BlackBerry for a fish, Shakira explained, and lunged for her while she was taking pictures of it on the phone. "I believe what happened is that it confused the shiny …

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Coat

"lunged for her BlackBerry"

Is this a new euphemism?

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Anonymous Coward

it didn't confuse her breasts for mountains then

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Anonymous Coward

That's lucky.

Coat, gone...

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Facepalm

breasts are small and humble

"Lucky that my lips not only mumble

they spill kisses like a fountain

Lucky that my breasts are small and humble

So you don't confuse them with mountains

Lucky I have strong legs like my mother

To run for cover when i need it

And these two eyes are for no other

The day you leave will cry a river"

I think she needs to rewrite the bit about her legs.

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MJI
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Re: breasts are small and humble

Tune of?

I am guessing Whenever Whereever.

As constantly played on Freeview channel 18 The Hits before it went live

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Meh

Darwin award..

...so close... so close....

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Whats next?

"At least someone is enthusiastic about RIM products these days."

Just wait for the upcoming lawsuit I guess, I can see it now; "endangering people by producing mobile gear which too closely resembles food for underwater predators without warning its users for the threat of attack by 'cute' animals"

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Latin pop singer?

magnae clunes mihi placent, nec possum de hac re mentiri

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Big Brother

Hang on lads. I've got an idea...

New TV show. It's called Celebrity Photo Safari.

Celebs are given a camera. It's explained that real wildlife cameramen don't use zoom lenses, they get in close, to get the perfect shot. Said celebs are then left in the veldt for a day, in an area known for lions, leopards, hippos and snakes. They're told that the public will vote the one off who gets the worst shot.

The survivors are brought in at the end of the day, fixed public vote gets rid of the dead ones, and they're sent back out the next week, to do the same, after some 'camera instruction'.

Jordan must be in the first series. Wearing bacon perfume.

I estimate that we should be able to get rid of between 50-100 pointless celebs every year with this program. Don't thank me, the Nobel Prize will be enough. Either for Science, for increasing the average IQ of the whole planet, or for getting rid of Jordan, the Nobel Prize for Peace and Quiet...

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And from that list of animals...

... do you know the dangerous one?

Not the lions, they're lazy sods, even the females. Lying around on the ground all day.

Not the leopards, they're lazy sods too, lying around in trees all day.

Not the snakes, they're generally scared of people.

No, the dangerous ones are the hippos. Everybody thinks they're docile lumps. But they are grumpy, aggressive so-and-sos with *huge* teeth, and they are large (up to 3 tons) and significantly faster and more agile than you'd give them credit for.

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Great plan... and this could also be combined with a companion series called Celebrity^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h below-average-soap-actors dancing on ice special version involving the Arctic. I hear Polar bears are quite hungry these days therefore we can solve two problems at once with this one... :)

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Steve the Cynic,

If the leopard is lazing in a tree there's a fair chance the hippo is lazing in water. I know more people are killed by hippos (mainly because people think they're so docile) but I'd rate my chances of outrunning or out climbing a hippo higher than outrunning or out climbing a leopard.

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Odds of escaping Hippos or Leopards are slim

The best bet gets down to being a faster runner than your mates. :)

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Happy

Ha ha. The only problem is, one of my mates is built like a hippo!

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It's funny how hippos only remember they're vegetarians, after they've bitten your head off. I wonder if that sort of thing ever happened to Linda McCartney?

From memory, don't buffalo kill even more people than hippos?

My latin teacher spent the 70s in Southern Africa. Apparently his favourite game was to play chicken with elephants. All you need is one Land Rover, and one herd of elephants. Keep getting closer, when boss heffalump charges, back off, then move in again, until they either get used to you, or charge again. At some point, they simply won't stop charging. Normal procedure is to run away, terribly fast. On no account should you stal, and then have to abandon ship, and run away on foot (as he once did).

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Dangerous animals

Dear Shakira,

I get letters telling me since I moved away

you've taken to hanging out on that rock about a mile from shore

given what I know about that rock mainly that it's populated by seals

I strongly suggest to you that you not hang out there anymore

'cause the seal is a wily and a vicious creature

and the seal will bite you if you give him half a chance

yeah the seal has a mind set on violence

and the seal is the sworn enemy of man

now when I say that the seal is vicious I use the term advisedly

according to webster's 9th new collegiate definition 4b.

which states that vicious means marked by ferocity

and offers as a synonym...savage

'cause the seal is a vicious and a wily creature

and the seal has a mind full of evil designs

and the seal will harm you and laugh about it

yeah the seal is not a creature you want to toy with

yeah the seal is not a creature you want to toy with

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Devil

Last One?

Devil takes the hindmost! Mine's the one with the chomp out of the tail!

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Go

You forgot the crocodiles!

and mambas have a reputation for attack - so don't underestimate the snakes

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Re: You forgot the crocodiles!

A lot of people don't realise that your odds of outrunning a crocodile on dry land aren't great when they can gallop at you at around 10mph.

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Anonymous Coward

Better luck next time seal.

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Of course, the adult movie industry is still very interested in rim products.

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Anonymous Coward

"Latin pop singer Shakira was "paralysed with fear""

Exactly how I get when she starts yodeling.,, er I mean singing.

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I think this can only be properly visualised using the medium of Playmobil.

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Cute Sea Lions?

They're cute from a distance. Up close, not so much. I see this sort of behavior all the time from folks who don't have exposure to animals much. One of the hazards of city life I suppose is very little familiarity with wildlife and the warning signs of when you are about to be attacked. That's like most wildlife. Great news for Blackberry though, they need to focus more strongly on the under-marketed aquatic mammal market!

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I saw a sign down in Monterey:

WARNING

SEA LIONS ARE WILD ANIMALS

AND CAN MOVE VERY FAST WHEN STARTLED

MUCH FASTER THAN SMALL CHILDREN

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Happy

Geese make for nice entertainment as well for the widlife-impaired

In a related personal story of wildlife interactions gone wrong - from the 3rd floor of my office a few years ago I got to watch a dad and his son attacked by a Canadian goose when they stood across the pond from the nest and stared at father goose. The goose was paddling along in front of some bushes where the nest was, and the eye contact was a big mistake. The goose gave him some warning while starting to swim in their direction. The Dad's still standing there with his boy pointing at the good seemingly mumbling isn't that cute. Goose was now getting visibly agitated, swim speed picked up (presumably squawking vociferously but hard to hear from the 3rd floor). Dad's still oblivious to impending doom and still pointing at it. Now goose is nearly at full tilt, neck fully extended and almost to shore and the Dad is still oblivious. Goose hits the shoreline - wings come out and the goose goes straight for the eyes as the Dad and son both panic and go running for cover as the goose keeps aiming at at their heads. Hilarious to watch, but I can't believe they just stood there the whole time thinking that goose wasn't going to attack them when it gave a whole mess of warning signals to back off. As the goose got an increasing reputation, I also got to watch a couple of folks who took a $10 bet that they could withstand that goose for more than a minute without retreating (and lose), but they knew what they were (stupidly) doing. That goose ignored everyone else walking around the pond though. It only cared about the ones who'd just stand there and stare at it. The second they turned away, so did the goose.

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Idiots: staring in silenct contemplation at wonders of nature

Goose: 'Ere! Are you lookin' at my bird?!

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My answer to Geese?

Foie gras with a smile. Nasty aggressive creatures. I'd exterminate them all if their fatty livers weren't so darn tasty. Eat up bitches.

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@ Steve the cynic

I'd say lions, leopards and snakes can be pretty dangerous tbh, maybe not as many attacks as the Hippo on humans but still good enough odds to make Jordan and the bacon perfume idea perfectly fine.

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Paris Hilton

Seal mistook her blackberry for a fish?

Jeez!! I knew he'd not done a lot lately but I hadn't realised things had got so bad. Poor blighter. Must be on more drugs than Whitney!!

Paris - cos' she'd not be afraid to 'ave a go with Seal!!

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Black Helicopters

I initially thought it was a navy SEAL

... and maybe a FISH is some kind of IED?

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Seals or sea lions

There is a difference.

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It was sea lions. I verified on other news sources

Otherwise this article didn't make sense. Seals aren't on land for one thing, and are generally quite friendly towards humans. The Headline and story were incongruous on that point. :)

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Gold badge

SEALS generally friendly to humans?

You ask Osama Bin Laden!

On a serious note, no they ain't. If you get between a seal and the sea, its route of escape, or its nest, it can be not very nice indeed. And some of them get pretty bloody big. Wild animals can get pretty grumpy, if you trespass in some way. As can tame ones. Terry Nutkins got a couple of his fingers bitten off by an angry otter.

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Linux

Macbeth of Cawdor's Wild Kingdom

"Is this an otter which I see before me?"

[penguin because it's the only animal available, plus "Oppugnant Otter" would have been a great Ubuntu release]

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Go

@I aint Spartacus

The bad news is that they already did it - unfortunately using real people not celebs and allowing long lenses. Can't remember what it was called though .... But Channel 5 might be interested in reviving it even if it would cull most of its presenters

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MJI
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Re: @I aint Spartacus

Was that the jobbie on BBC HD where the girl won and the runner up chap was a wildlife photographer?

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Loose seal!

She could have lost a hand.

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Stop

Please do not feed the animals...

In these days of healthy eating, one should always check the list of ingredients. Do you know how much artificial preservatives are in the average celebrity?? And the amount of plastic packaging!

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Anonymous Coward

Am I the only one....

who thought this article would be about Shakria and the singer Seal. I'm a little disappointed.

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Shirley...

she was just holding it wrong.

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Gimp

18 posts so far.....

And nobody mentions that this would have never happened if she had bought an iPhone??

(And I too would not be above a nip or two at Shakira, at least in the right spots!!)

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Coat

Perhaps she was after a kiss from a rose?

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Paris Hilton

i would be interested in her rim

seriously.

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Coat

Oh dear.

Well, that's Super Tony's secret identity busted then.......

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Facepalm

that wuz one klum sy critter...

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When i read this

for some reason i was expecting a story about "Seal", ya know, Adamski's other half...

Imagine my dissapointment....

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Pint

Do not play with the food

Seals have surprisingly tender meat. When prepared correctly, a cut of beef from a seal will melt on the mouth. The taste takes a little bit getting used to, but is delicious and quite savory. It kind of reminds a bit of whale beef, but somehow 'stronger'.

Seal meat is very nutritious and contains plenty of omega-3 fatty acid. There is a decent fish restaurant in Kirkeveien near Frognerparken in Oslo. They know how to prepare seals the proper way.

So Shakira, next time don't take pictures of the food. Just whip out your knife'n'fork and get down to business. Yum!

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Joke

Maybe it wasn't the Blackberry...

Maybe she just stunk of fish,

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