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back to article Fondle my slab, baby: Inside the tactile world of Apple-fan iDating

Even in the hearts of Apple fanbois, there's room to love another human being as well as machinery. But it's better if the human receiving that love also has an iPad, say those who are presumably experts in the matter. Working on the basis that Apple fanbois/girls will be happier if they date other lovers of fruitchomp-branded …

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Bewildering dedication to a commercial enterprise

I mean it's not as though it is something important like a football team . . .

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Go

Green Bay Packers

...enough said.

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Anonymous Coward

THERE MUST BE

some real riveting conversation when two Apple fanbois/girls or multiples of such date....

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Joke

Re: Green Bay Packers

Green Bay Packers?

Are they anything like Fudge Packers?

Certainly no a footie team I've ever heard of......

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Devil

Coldplay?

Bwahahaha!

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Coffee/keyboard

You see that photo of the guy's fist?

That's his REAL 'girlfriend' that is.

<< Do Apple sell keyboard / tummy wipes?

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Sure did

I'm wondering how he stands carrying around such a badly lopsided rendition of the propeller-key symbol. Like a fresh spoonful of shame and misery every time he catches it out of the corner of his eye, I shouldn't wonder.

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FAIL

Well, he still did better than this idiot;

http://www.inquisitr.com/22145/satanic-star-fail/

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All right, but

this I gather is about someone who actually calls himself a "Satanist". He's already admitted he's a moron; why would you expect him to get it right?

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Facepalm

Re: All right, but

Well, there is stupid and then there is STUPID.

Carving, I say CARVING, a Star of David into your arm thinking it is a "satanist star" is capital letter STUPID.

In my book anyway.

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Creepy.

Strange that they consider it a lifestyle, from anyone else looking in, it just appears to be a cult of consumerism. Are there any other gadget users that post the number of owned products with the same religious fervour as a Mac lover?

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Holmes

yes, many

If you see it in someones forum signature it counts

the spec of their gaming rig, to the hi-fi system, car's spec and/or history

thats just of the top of my head

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Gimp

Good

It'll keep the smug, selfish, vacuous, shallow, gullible and ever so superior (whilst really having an inferiority complex that has to be hidden with designer tosh and need to be wanted by being in a gang) types away from the rest of us.

Though imagine their children........truly frightening. Though I think Strike Vomit has it about right!

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Anonymous Coward

Don't know what's worse, the service or that someone wrote a 2 page article about this in The Register.

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Coat

Cyber squatting opportunity

As below:

www.iCantGetLaid.com the website for those with all the gear and zero idea...

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Happy

>>> An Android user cannot be described… whereas an Apple user can be described, in many ways. <<<

Love it.

That quote works in so many ways. Whether you're of the droidian persuasion or an iFondler.

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yeah 'cocknee' above supplies a pretty spot-on description of one of these corporate drone things

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Anonymous Coward

Q: What type of contraceptive do Apple fans use?

A: Their personalities.

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Coat

Brings a whole new meaning to "not tonight dear, I'm on the iPad".

Naturally, you are expected to upgrade your iPartner every year when a slightly different model appears on the market. Normally this involves a cosmetic change in colour, although the basic functionality (iNag, iSpend, iWatchVacuousTV) is much the same.

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Pint

Coming soon:

El Reg dating. Prerequisites are sarcasm, an amusing or insightful screen name, lots of free time during the day, technical knowledge of the latest Smart TV systems, and a wildly flunctuating sense of humour/outrage.

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Alert

Ian Ferguson: "El Reg dating. Prerequisites are sarcasm..."

You know, there's something horribly plausible about that idea...

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@Ian Ferguson

and in contrast to iDating there are rumours that even some lasses are amongst Reg commentards.

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Linux

Count me in.

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Windows

I'm quite happy that my fiancé and I both disdain apple products and are fans of Windows. Maybe tech product choice is related to compatibility (various puns intended).

There most certainly should not be a dating site for Microsoft fans, by which I mean the entire MSN site should be ripped down.

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"my fiancé and I both disdain apple products and are fans of Windows"

OK, that's the actually going for "funniest comment of them all"..

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This post has been deleted by its author

Surely some mistake

Wot not a single thumbs down on a "taking the piss out of fanboi" comments.

Not a single praise of the cult of Cupertino?

Usually there's plenty of them with their sense-of-humour bypass with paranoia at the scientologist levels for all dissent.

Have they run out of wi-fi in the coffee shops? Or is it just too early in the day and they haven't finished stoking each-others ego's, slabs, Jesus phones?

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You're imagining it

This is de rigeur around here - the sense-of-humour bypass allegation simply isn't supported by the facts and most of the comments above are good-humoured jokes; you generally need to cross the line into malicious trolling to get significant down votes or ill-tempered responses.

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nah. Seen plenty of down votes on the tamest of ribbing.

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Sod you ThomH

...okay, so I'm just doing it to make a point, so what? Say something controversial, especially about nuclear power, and see how long you go on believing that only "malicious trolling" -- which, incidentally, how'd you reliably identify it as such? How do you know you haven't only spotted the incompetent ones? -- is the only way to make yourself unpopular around here.

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I would like to see..

"benign trolling" defined. Just as a contrast to malicious trolling :-).

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@Aaron Em

That we've both received down votes would rather seem to disprove me, wouldn't it? Though our totals are tiny compared to the 50 who took the time to vote on the first comment so that's at least positive.

@Fred: directing a rant about tautologies at me might be benevolent trolling?

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IT Angle

"The users come back because they know what they're getting."

Yes - they're getting charged $5 a month to do what OKCupid lets you do for free. That there are also massively fewer potential contacts doesn't seem to matter to them, it's "weeding out the hoi-polloi".

The price of fruitdom is eternal virginity.

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Anonymous Coward

Paid dating sites

exclude a lot of the scammers and other nasties, and set a slightly higher bar that hopefully your prospective partner gives a sh*t about what they wrote.

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Happy

Happy buyer of the kit...

...but gahd no, this is just a step way too far. That and being married I guess...

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Joke

Linux dating site?

"If it were a Linux fan dating site I could swear there would be many more males than females."

Except that Linux guys don't date. Well, probably not that different to the apple fanbois. Presumably, on iDating they are looking for a gal named Fleshlight iPad...

(I wanted to insult Windows lusers as well but couldn't be arsed.)

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ark

niche dating website with more woman?

If you ever want a dating website, based on a specific technology, to be leaning to wards woman, aim at webtv/msntv/tivo users. You would not believe how many bored house wifes use these boxes.

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Great!

If you wanted to date bored house wives...

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or even bore dated housewives....

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Nah, I've given up sex on TV

.. I kept falling off..

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Anonymous Coward

@Fred

Especially with those new-fashioned flat screens

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I kind of don't mind this - look, at least they'll have something in common. That's always a good thing, even if what they've got in common is a bit.. unusual.

Good luck to them I say. I'd rather the world was filled with people who want to get on, to whatever degree, than being filled with people whose main kick in life seems to be hurling insults at another group of people on the likes of the El Reg forums.

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Coat

Not our main kick in life

just how we get through the working day.

PS sod you

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Solution to all of this...

...is a jolly big power cut, lasting perhaps 2 or 3 weeks - enough time at least for all the gadget obsessives to get over the withdrawal symptoms and construct a more meaningful relationship with the world and its people.

(I say this out of love!)

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Coat

Do you have any idea..

.. how much tissue that would cost?

Yes, yes, I'm going

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Anonymous Coward

Yawn

So this is another vertical dating website like uniformdating.com and others like it that show up on TV..

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Yes, but it's one within El Reg's sphere - per the article, possibly the only one - and Valentine's Day is tomorrow. It's also about a demographic that many have, ummm, strong feelings about.

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Unhappy

@Metavisor

It's posts like yours that remind us all that Ms. Bee is no longer here to speak her mind people like you. Please stop it. You're ruining our day.

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Vertical dating

PlentyOfFish is aimed more at the horizontal dating demographic ;-)

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Joke

I wonder what the prevalence of STDs among its users is? as everyone know macs don't get virus'

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