back to article BOFH: The Cloud Committee Calamity

"Slipped in front of a bus. Fell FROM a bus. Fell in front a Circle line train. Jumped or fell off the Hungerford Bridge. Fell in front of a black cab. Jumped in front of a minicab; stepped into an open manhole; fell down some stairs; and crossed against the lights at Oxford Circus and was hit by a cab," the Personnel bloke …

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Pint

Thank you

Normal service is resumed...

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Devil

surprised looking Alsatian?

Ruff!

Excellent one Simon.

More please!

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BOFH and cloudiness ahhhhh

Nice to know there are some views we have in common.

So good to see you again Simon.

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Surprised looking Alsatian...

I didnt know the BOFH knew my ex...

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Welcome Back Simon!

Great start to the new year. Hope they keep coming nice and regular!

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Getting old

Sorry to say despite being humourous at times BOFH is getting to be a tired worn out format, severely pushing the bounds of plausibility, even in the world of TV dramas, committing that many murders with the same MO would make you serial killer most wanted #1

Seems to be the easy backstop to fall back on, instead of creative blackmail etc

Just do the right thng and take the strip out and shoot it

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Plausibility? Way to miss the point entirely.

That is all.

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FAIL

Miss the "even in the world of TV dramas" part?

Even in poorly written TV dramas both the protagonists would have been arrested by this stage, perhaps gunned down in a bloody shoot out in the yank version.

As a plot device it occassionally works, but it crops up too often and is getting repetitive. It seems like Simon is getting bored and just going through the motions with the strip (look at the difference in update rates)

I used to like BOFH, but the humour just hasn't been there recently.

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Wait... What?

I'm not sure I would go as far as calling the world of TV dramas plausible.

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Devil

Nah. It doesn't need killing. One thing that I learned very early on in IT is that the rules are always changing. Given this, BOFH is hardly likely to run out of ideas!

One thing that does come to mind is BOFH running a server farm for one of these clouds. Now THERE'S an interesting thought! ;)

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Pint

@Mike JVX

Who said it had to be even remotely plausible anyway? It's meant to provide a good Friday chuckle and it definitely succeeds at doing that. Or did you leave your sense of humour at the door this morning?

I don't care if it's old and implausible, it made me laugh and that's all I needed from it. Thank you Simon!

Beer because that's what I'll be doing later on.

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@ "That guy"

There's always "that guy" out there on the internet, and he thinks that *he* is the ultimate critic of all things, and that a writer doing their best to come up with fresh content just isn't up to snuff.

Just so you know, Mr. "Sole Arbiter of Taste on the Internet": We're not at all interested in your negativity. Simon does a a hell of a job coming up with fresh content that is still recognizable as BOFH material. If you don't like it, don't read it, and quit your bitching. If you're so damned smart, come up with your own and post it online, just so you can endure the pleasures of asshats bellyaching about a free read.

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Facepalm

Or living in Midsomer murders?

Its not supposed to be real or believable, its supposed to be funny.

Death rate up with an Arnie movie or Resident evil.

Plots familiar and crafted.

Clever linguistic devices.

what is not to like?

Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams? 'The Thick of it?' The new statesman? Blackadder? It is satire.

Simon thank you, glad to know you read the boards and my humble request was answered.

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Trollface

Easy now

It's just that beancounters, personnel persons and lawyers never like to hear what we really think of them.

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WTF?

I'm going to give you the same advice...

...as I gave to the person who was approximately as rude as you were about Verity Stob.

At the top of each article, you'll see a few words. These are called a title. They are there to give you some idea what the article is about. The BOFH articles always have the word "BOFH" at the start of the title.

If you don't like the BOFH, refrain from clicking on these articles.

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@ Chika

"One thing that does come to mind is BOFH running a server farm for one of these clouds. Now THERE'S an interesting thought! "

Here, let me fix that for you:

"... Now THERE'S a terrifying thought!"

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Meh

Oninon Bhaji Laced with dog turd...

I thought that was standard anyway? Or is that just my local?

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Was beginning to wonder where Simon aka BOFH had gone....

Glad to see we all can't stand the co-lo cloud either.

Good stuff! Can we have another episode before the summer?.....

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Big Brother

Welcome back!

Great way to make a potentially dull Friday liven up a little.

Now...how to deal with the chap who's complaining about the slow internet access...

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Anonymous Coward

Obvious

You stick him on your p0rn proxy, spoof his MAC address to be the one you have been using for downloading. He now has access to the super high speed proxy, which he will get the benefit of for the next 2 days by which point HR will have removed him from the building. One removed, the rest warned for asking for faster internet.

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Devil

Better still.

Block their access to the entertainment/media sites like YouTube and internet radio.

Then give them the speed they asked for.

Then watch them try to weasel around, in order to justify access to these sites, which were what they wanted in the first place.

8 Mb total free space? No, you have 4 Mb free. Ha!

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"8 Mb total free space? No, you have 4 Mb free. Ha!"

Don't you mean:

"What do you mean you are running out of space?... *tap tap tap* You have NOTHING in your home directory! Not even in the *tap tap tap* backups."

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TFI

Ah yes, it's Friday. Splendid.

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Eight people hmm? I wonder who they will turn out to have been...

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Anonymous Coward

8 blackmailers, 8 corpses,

Actually, if Simon gets really creative with this, it could get interesting.

There are 8 people who potentially have blackmail material against the BOFH. How can he insure they won't turn on him? Failing that, how can he knock off all 8, quickly enough that none of his marks get word before the hammer falls? Can he perhaps turn one against another? Will the next episode start with "I want to play a game...."?

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Pint

Methinks

That the BOFH will undertake Operation "Parable of the Monkeys".

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Anonymous Coward

Outlook cloudy

Brightening later!

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Astute IT is a Fab Great Game, Simon, as you are aware?

Now if one was a paranoid schizophrenic and working in Cloudy CHAOS fields, would that be a quite sublime virtual intimidation worthy of the spookiest of teams fighting a losing battle.

Thank goodness everyone's too crazy for that here.:-)

Hibernation over, Simon? Smashing.

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Happy

Just a cotton pickin' minute!

They're called German Shepherds not alsations!

Oh God i'm glad I've retired

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check!

i checked to see if i missed an episode or two, but this is actually the first of the year. Well worth the wait though! had me in stitches.

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Is he mad?

Have to be barking to think you'd get the BoFH and PFY with that :)

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Pint

farm-a-sutra Perfect, cheers!

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Dallas

Don't these people bemoaning the lack of creativity realise that the PFY has just stepped out the shower and what passed in the last few years was all a dream?

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I hate "the cloud"

Thin clients proved popular didn't they? No? Lets rebrand it as "the cloud" and push the same nonsense but with a different veneer on it.

Don't get me wrong, I use my share of cloudy services but the majority of enterprises would suffer if they went "full cloud".

Same as virtualisation, again, I use more than my fair share of this wonderful technology but the bean counters have come up with a "75% of servers to be virtualised by xxxx" without any understanding of what this actually means or the possible impacts.

Keep "helping" these numpties BOFH & PFY, I need to live vicariously through you.

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Anonymous Coward

Ah yes, I love the bean counters and their plucked from the air figures.

I've lost count of the number who have been sent packing with a flea in their ear when I ask how exactly we virtualise the rather large custom interface cards all the physical boxes contain. I believe one is still asking suppliers to quote for a chassis with 36 PCI slots.

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Pint

See the opportunity

Beancounters will be blinded and confused by the terminology! As an example, think how many invoices for "virtual power supply" and "virtual LCD monitor" for each virtualised server you can redirect to the IT slush fund!

Hell, you can even then later invoice for the WEEE compliant disposal of those virtual LCD monitors. Virtual toxins used in the manufacture can be dangerous to Second Life/WoW players and leave the company open to expensive lawsuits...

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Anonymous Coward

I like to call it fog computing.

After all, it is all vapour.

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Coffee/keyboard

"surprised looking Alsatian"

Not least for that line alone, glad to see them back :-)

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happy new year

Nice one Simon, a grand Friday chuckle. Farm-a-sutra, inspired ... oh hold on, no I don't mean like "that", I mean it made me laugh, no need to contact the RSPCA, move along, nothing to see here. phew, that was close.

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Pint

Got a laugh out loud

And a big "thank you"!

^__^

Beer - it's what's for dinner.

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Facepalm

Its getting a bit old........

We need more IT crime and less killing, we all know in most cases they would just have fitted them up as terrorists or anti US hackers and watched them being rendited anyway.

There is too much death now for a UK based story

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@Reality Dysfuntion

You should have seen his earlier stories from when he was in college/recently graduated.

http://bofh.ntk.net/BOFH/index.php

It starts off slowly and builds to offing service techs and pushing grad students to suicide or at least arranging circumstances that lead to death.

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IT Angle

The corpse count over the last year or so has been getting a bit silly. It is funny in a way, but the IT angle seems to be getting increasingly ignored.

Why is the BOFH busy killing off the committee when he could be looking for a way to eliminate the cloud proposal in a clever, IT related fashion?

Why isn't he installing a hidden agent on all the test group's PCs to slow them down or grab random pieces of child porn? Why isn't he finding a way into the cloud backend to mysteriously modify the files created? Why didn't he hack the company proxy to redirect references to the cloud to a private store somewhere else? Or have the testers' PCs mysteriously leak key files to each other?

Aside from which defenestration seems altogether too unreliable a method of eliminating one person. People DO survive falling out of windows.

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It's always for the Greater Good...

<echo>for the greater good</echo>

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Thanks

Thanks for the laugh Simon, as always

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Cloud Computing??

Isn't that where computing is run by people in clouds (waiting for the pearly gates and St. Peter)? If so, he has it all set up!

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Outsourced

It appears that the BOFH is outsourcing his operations now. True it does provide a bloody good alibi, but now there are 8 other people he'll need to deal with.

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8 other people?

Nah, noone would think to check where the security guards were at this time. They have always been in the BOFH back pocket.

Unless a faint whirring sound was heard shortly before the untimely demise, their last robots were getting much more advanced after all.

<please all imagine the black helicopter icon>

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PJF
Pint

Where the ya'll been?!

In da pokie or sumptin?

Nice to sea ya'll back! Now go down younder an get yaself a a brew or thee, ON ME!

Nice to see Simon and PFY again. I thought they where abducted by aliens or something!!

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