back to article JEDI alliance: Jellyfish overlords won't rule Earth after all

The worldwide jellyfish-threat trouser state was officially downgraded from "damp" to "wear again if necessary" yesterday as top international boffins - operating under the title "JEDI" - announced that in fact there is little evidence to suggest that planet Earth will soon be ruled by wobbling gelatinous blobominations. Despite …

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jai
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These...

...are not the jellyfish you're looking for"

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Coat

So is Cathy Lucas related to George?

(The brown robe, yes the one with the lightsabre in the pocket)

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g e
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Black Helicopters

Of course there's no apparent increase

They are hiding in their undersea bunkers awaiting word from High Command

My car is black. Like my helicopter.

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Anonymous Coward

So, you're saying that...

... while David Cameron is in fact a gelatinous blob zipped into a vaguely humanoid containment suit, it's unfair to blame him on the jellyfish.

The hunt for the real culprit continues...

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Am I the only one

Who read "David Cameron" but thought "David Tennant" due to all the Doctor Who references?

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Windows

Maybe that's why so many people voted for the shittrumpet, then.

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Pint

+1

For use of the portmanteau 'shittrumpet'

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Anonymous Coward

I do not think that word means what you think it means.

PARTS of two words, glued together - not the whole words :)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portmanteau

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Headmaster

So it would be...

'shirumpet' then?

is crApple a portmanteau?

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Coat

Yes, it is a portmanteau...

of shithead arsetrumpet. Now be quiet.

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Err...

... just read that wikipedia article and it says "A portmanteau (Listeni/pɔrtˈmæntoʊ/; plural portmanteaux or portmanteaus) or portmanteau word is a blend of two (or more) words or morphemes into one new word". So apparently it could be whole words - although I'm struggling to come up with one. Portmanteau itself is pretty close.

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Black Helicopters

So a bit like Global Warming, but with invertebrates

Scientist A: Aiiiiieeeee, we're doomed.

Scientist B: This is normal. Calm the f*ck down.

Joe Public: Huh?

(to be fair, with AGW it's scientists A-J saying 'doomed'; K-X saying 'we need to worry about this'; and Scientists Y&Z saying 'drill, baby, drill')

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Cnidaria, Cnidaria, wherefore out thou, Cnidaria?

Nah, somehow, it doesn't quite work.

Still, I'm sure they'll be hiding somewhere.

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Devil

Irony

Who kills and eats the biggest jelly predator, whale and turtle revenge!!

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well...

i, for one, welcome our new wobbly overlords

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Lets look to the fossil records ...

I am sure i read somewhere that they have found Jelly fish fossils on top of mountains, this would prove that at least in the past they could climb mountains, are we sure they are looking the the right places !

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How can you be so naive?

How can you be so naive? These JEDI guys clearly *want* the world to be taken over by giant jellyfish! That's why they're trying to lull us into a false sense of security... they'll keep on saying "situation normal" till we've got giant jellyfish climbing out of the Thames! Think, sheeple, think!

(yes, I'm joking)

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The JEDI are just a front for the PB&J industry

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Devil

You mean..

Big Sandwich...

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A warning from fiction?

Sounds like the start of this novel. Which is thoroughly enjoyable with just a little plausibility btw....

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Swarm_(novel)

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Silver badge

Bah!

I notice you conveniently "forgot" to account for the space-station-sized hovering jellyfish of doom from the Star Trek:TNG pilot and the submarine-crushing monster from that Voayage to the Bottom of the Sea episode.

Once again the true story is the one they don't want you to hear!

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Anonymous Coward

...And let's not forget the polar icecap melting jellyfish-like creatures from John Wyndham's excellent "The Kraken Wakes"

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i will own you all. ALL!.

<coff> sorry.

normal service to resume shortly.

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DJ

Sounds like a job for...

...Mr. & Mrs. Brainsample.

Watch out, Angus!

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Coat

Ah, so the blancmanges were really jellyfish in disguise?

Mine is the one with "Angus Podgorny Fan Club" on the back

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Coat

Is there an app for that?

"worldwide jellyfish-threat trouser state"

Surely in this day & age of threat warnings, colour codes, health warnings, doomsday clocks & other associated mechanical Nostrodamii we can have a Worldwide Jellyfish-Threat Trouser State App?

Suggested colour codes, in order of threat: Beige, Taupe, Lilac, Pinstripe, Navy, Charcoal, Saffron, Chardonay, Puce, Terracotta and full-on BROWN.

And yep; I'm not wearing brown underpants for nothing, you know!

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Mushroom

Wrong scale

You're thinking of the fashion concious trousers scale.

The Jellyfish -Threat scale is the same one used to asteroid impacts and nuclear plants and goes:

- I could eat off these

- Turn them inside out and they'll be good

- I could wear them again in a pinch

- *sniff sniff* uhh.... no...

- Brown trouser time

- Small sewage plant

- Best not mentioned in polite or impolite conversation

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Facepalm

Come back Steve McQueen....

.....all is forgiven.

It's obvious that what's actually happened is the crate the US airforce dropped in the Arctic in the 1950's has de-frosted due to global warming.

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Bronze badge

Just what we want you to think

Regards - the Rutan Host.

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