back to article iPad Fleshlight lets fanbois express their love

A conceptual design for a new iPad case would let Apple fanbois get very personal indeed with their favorite fondleslab. The Fleshlight iPad holder comes to us from the fertile, febrile mind of prolific designer, author, recipe-creator, and opinionater Tv Slicèdbread Miller. The device – currently only in conceptual-design form …

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Paris Hilton

That is so cool!

Made my day!

Paris Hilton, now everyone can enjoy her company.

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Bronze badge

Yes, there *IS*an app for 'that'.

What is the product of this unholy union? An iPhone?

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Happy

Talk about the hard sell..

Are they going to do one for the more, er, size-challenged male as an iPhone attachment?

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Trollface

Not necessary

The Fleshlight comes with an optional size-enchanting feature, with five unique profiles from short and fat to long and skinny.

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Anonymous Coward

How enhancing

A size enchanting feature.

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Anonymous Coward

I'm guessing great demand

as I bet very few ipad owners actually have the real version...

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DJV
Alert

"I bet very few ipad owners actually have the real version"

Trouble is, going by the pic, the iPad version seems to be a limbless midget! Well, that might appeal to some...

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Thumb Up

the sub header is priceless - made my day

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noooo

I don't want to know the reason why you got that ipad on your lap!!

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Anonymous Coward

so yeah, girls can go f**k themselves... oh wait

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Happy

Rubber dongs with suction caps on the base have been available since before I was old enough to know about such things (and I ain't no sping chicken). So us girls have had the ability to make a device like this* since before tablets existed.

Nice to see the guys finally catching up! :-P

*no, I haven't. But I reserve the right!

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Thumb Up

well

You have already been f@@led by Apple, now its your turn!

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Anonymous Coward

Turns?

It our turn to fool apple?

I dont get it.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Turns?

Maybe someone was so busy celebrating how much better they were than iPad owners that they could only type with one hand....

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JDX
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Paris Hilton

I'm just a programmer, what's that pink thing meant to be?

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Anonymous Coward

It's an enhanced I/O port...

That's all you need to know.

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I want to know

the correct baud rate. I heard it was important to set it correctly.

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Joke

We should also be told how many I/O operations we should expect to get out of this interface.

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Happy

@AC

Enhanced? I hope its not full-duplex.

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Anonymous Coward

"when heated and lubricated, apparently feels somewhat like a vagina – or so we're told"

Not somewhat - almost unbelievably, it really does feel exactly like a vagina. I assure you from personal experience.

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Anonymous Coward

I can second that. Alot of guys in the Military have them because the last thing the smarter Soldiers and Marines want is a "Desert Wife".

Nothing against Females in the Military, there are some very attractive and sweet girls in the service, but like in normal life, there are also some really fugly and slutty ones who know they wont get anything back in the States, but magically in the field they go from being a 3 or 4 in the real world to a 9 or 10 depending on how long you've been marooned there because men start getting desperate.

But regardless being sexually repressed when your life is constantly in danger in some way or another doesn't help your mental health one bit. I have the very severe PTSD to prove it, I was going through a divorce while deployed and my shrink, that I get to pay for out of pocket because I ETSed after the deployment, says that basically shutting off sexually probably contributed to the severity of the disorder.

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Anonymous Coward

No, I'm pretty sure no vagina I've had the privilege of had a nasty hard plastic exterior*.

* Note, I've never had the pleasure of Jordan or Katie Price

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This post has been deleted by its author

oops

shouldn't that have been A/C ?

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Bronze badge
WTF?

Im sure it's every Apple Fanboi's wet dream come true. Im honestly surprised noone came up with a way to fuck an Apple product sooner.

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Just make sure you don't hold it wrong...

That is all.

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This post has been deleted by its author

Anonymous Coward

I take it the Android version...

will come with an anal probe? Would be very fitting with the hemorrdroids theme.

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Anonymous Coward

Shouldn't that iPad have a pic of Steve?

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Anonymous Coward

Picture of Steve

>> Shouldn't that iPad have a pic of Steve?

That was my first thought - either that or an Apple logo/home screen/blank screen.

Just a thought - it would make for an interesting carrying option.

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Anonymous Coward

No, no...

...clearly what one should see on the screen is a Sad Mac, followed by the error code for "Illegal Input", then "Buffer Overflow" ;)

PS - May god have mercy on those who get the poor beast gets so hot and bothered the battery has a meltdown...when entering the hospital, one does not wish to hear the doctor asking "Is that an iPad in his pants, or is the patient just happy to see us?" Yes, yes, it's all fun and games 'til someone gets, ahem, "dismembered"...

PPS - I don't suppose Apple sues Fleshlight at some point, claiming to have prior art on sperm-collecting devices? I can't believe this is the first time anyone has ever tried to f**k an Apple product, given the level of passion they seem to inspire :)

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Anonymous Coward

@Picture of Steve

You made me reel there for a moment, as I understood Steve B. Mind you, that fits in perfectly with "with Windows geeks bringing up the rear".

Eeeeewwwwwww.

Now I need a HUGE bottle of mind bleach...

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Gimp

So will it be integrated with Siri?

Fleshlight Fondler: "Mmm... uuh..." *presses down on home button*

Siri "Dialing 'Mum'"...

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Anonymous Coward

Fondler: "Oh God! Oh God!"

Siri: "Dialing 'Pastor'"...

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Anonymous Coward

Fondler: "Uh... I'm spent..."

Siri: "Get a life you sad f**k. Oh and clean this mess of me now, loser boy"...

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FAIL

Finger on the pulse

This is old news, even the date in the article you link is 05 06 2011, which adjusted to english is 8 months ago. You should almost be running a story about how one of these has given birth to mini iPads by now...

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Thumb Up

How do you think the iPhone 4S came about?

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Coat

So will there be an updated Wobble iBoobs app for the iPad?

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/02/19/app_squashed/

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Trollface

"I Left My Heart In San Francisco" 2.0

"I Left My Ribbed Polymer Pocket in Cuppertino"

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Pp

I'm waiting for the Riko Tachibana or Tia Ling personal moulds.

Let's get serious. Whatever happened to holo-technology developments? When I have the "Help me Obi Wan. You're my only hope" holo device - but with Riko as opposed to Princess Leia - in my living room then we can talk.

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Joke

No

I'm fairly sure once that happens we'll never hear from you again...

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Happy

ROFLOL

This is excellent news. Wonder if Apple's gonna sue or maybe just let it slip? muhahaha

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Gimp

"rather than a slab of electronics enhanced with a ribbed polymer pocket"

Why would one want to make love to an actual human anyway??

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I just accidentally...

I just accidentally a whole ipad!

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Anonymous Coward

So Apple fanbois really are a bunch of w***ers?

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Gold badge
Coat

In this context I feel that "a bunch of misguided f***ers" is more appropriate.

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CTM
WTF?

After reading this article I don’t think I’ll ever be able to buy an iPad now for fear of association or even pick up someone else’s for fear that it's been molested.

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Anonymous Coward

I don't think I'll...

...want to buy a "previously loved" iPad after this...

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Silver badge

"... with Windows geeks bringing up the rear."

I see what you did there.

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