Pour yourself another one, quickly, as scientists have proven that alcohol can double life-span. Moderate levels of alcohol delivered an increase in longevity among test subjects in a recent study that Steven Clarke, UCLA professor of chemistry and biochemistry and senior author on a study published yesterday in the journal PLoS …
I love you, you're my besht mate...
Please, please, please, keep these stories coming...seeing the horror stories on the BBC fair turns my evening drinkie into vinegar - but tonight, I can savour my tankard of scrumpy, and raise a toast - long live research worms!
Have a good night
I've been telling people this for years to general ridicule but I knew I was right and secure in that knowledge I'm now off down the pub to try some more life saving nectar. It's great being right for a change.
" the alcohol in one beer diluted into a hundred gallons of water"
So a typical American beer then?
Re: "the alcohol in one beer diluted into a hundred gallons of water"
Homeopathic beer then.
Not Homoeopathic beer. In Homoeopathy each dilution is diluted. There is small probability of there even being one atom left. Homoeopathic Beer is indistinguishable from water.
And the circle is complete
So, homeopathic beer = American beer then...
because 5% ABV is a "strong" beer?
As a yank, on my first trip to the UK I was quite excited to try a few English brews that'd been so harped on about. In the pubs I visited, the tap labels would include the ABV - very informative. After three or four pubs, the strongest drink I'd seen on tap? Budweiser, at 5%. Typical ABV's ranged from 3% - 4.5% (higher end for stronger ciders). Talk about disappointment.
A typical decent beer in the US usually has about 5-8% ABV. The < 5% range is dominated by dinner-in-a-bottle porters and Sam Adams Lager. Budweiser, with Miller and Coors, are the crappy beers we export - American mass marketing at its finest. Most of our good beers are seldom exported out of the state, even more rarely out of the general region. The best I've had came from Washington and Oregon, but have had some good brews in various parts of New England as well. I'm not so well-traveled as to be able to speak much for other states.
If you can recommend me to some decent, common beers at greater than the piddling 5% ABV of the piss we export, I'm all ears - I'm likely to end up in Southampton again in the not-too-distant future. (I'm partial to ales, particularly IPAs, but will try anything once.)
There's a lot of rather silly digging at American beer on the spurious grounds that it's weak. Truth is, it's not particularly weak. It's just that the export versions, at least, taste like industrially produced piss. But that's an effect of their recipe and manufacturing processes, not their alcohol content.
Good beer is not distinguished by its alcohol content. A beer can be perfectly delicious at 4% or less ABV. A beer with more than 7% is probably trying too hard, in my view; anyone drinking it should seriously consider if their needs might not be better served, either by a glass of wine, or a bottle of meths.
The much vaunted aussie beers
Beer in Australia was in the 4.6-4.9% for many many years.
Then the government decided to stick a tax step at >4.0% which lead to many of the mainstream brewers to drop the alcohol content down to so they had to pay less tax.
These days I've taken to drinking wine because the beer in Australia is either overpriced, shitty pisswater or extremely expensive boutique stuff from microbreweries in tiny 330ML bottles.
$60 bucks for a slab of beer? Welcome to the "lucky" country.
Next time you're in Birmingham try the Wellington - a few pints of Coastal Erosion Dark at 8% should have the desired sliding under the table effect., there'll be a few dotted around the southwest that also sell this stuff.
Failing that Fraserburgh outfit Brewdog sell Tactical Nuclear Penguin in all of its 32% liver pickling goodness.
If you're down in Southampton
You're likely to get a decent pint of Ringwood Old Thumper. Also, since Fuller's bought Gales you'll get a nice pint of ESB if you go into a Fuller's pub. From a bottle you can get some lovely strong ales of which I have just devoured a Morland "Old Crafty Hen" and tonight will tuck into a Fuller's Golden Pride.
It all went wrong a few years ago when beers over a certain strength got hit with a higher rate of tax. This meant beers like Old Speckled Hen being nerfed from 5.2% on draught to 4.5% which ruined the beer. ESB got knocked down from 5.9% to 5.5% but that's not had such a detrimental effect on the flavour. Stella Artois got nerfed from 5.2% down to 5% as did just about every "premium" or "export" lager.
I believe the Wellington sells Tactical Nuclear Penguin too - or at least has done at some point
Depends on what you're drinking, been having a few American pale ales lately and they tend to be fairly strong (6-7%) as well as being a pleasant surprise to people who think American beers are all Bud or, horror of horrors, Bud Light.
Same goes for our beers, with bitters traditionally being a low 3.5% to porters at a nice winter warming 6-7%
If you're after decent beer in Southampton your best bet is the Guide Dog in Inner Avenue or the South Western Arms in St Denys, who between them always win the the CAMRA awards in the city.
Decent beer tends not to be in the centre of the city as they go for fast turnover which mostly means commercial lagers.
Having said that most of the beers tend to be in the 3.5-5 range as it's taste that matters. Winter "warmers" (usually stouts or porters) can be 6+.
Thats it then- Im going teetotal
Im giving up drinking, since all the worms in my gut will live twice as long and Ill feel feeble because of this.
I somehow think...
...that if I were to show this to my boss, he'd tell me to **** ***, but then I do drive for a living ;-)
How does he talk in asterisks?
Really? After how many liver transplants?
one beer diluted into a hundred gallons of water
So it's going to be added to water like flouride?
Unlikely - mixing water and flouride results in bread oxide and hydrogen.
So if you start drinking at the age of 10, you'll live to be 20 and die from liver failure.
As I said......
"a tablespoon of ethanol in a bathtub full of water or the alcohol in one beer diluted into a hundred gallons of water" - well, they are only diddy - 1mm long. I'm 17,500mm long so I reckon 6 pints is about right, being very conservative.
You'll have to pardon him. He had a bit of ethanol, and the decimal point got loose.
Sounds like a tall story!
I reckon for someone 50 feet tall, 6 pints is pretty safe.
Funniest thing I've seen all day:
The test subjects in this case were worms, though the scientists, and indeed the Register editorial team..
Great time to post this story.
I for one...
...am awaiting the hilarious Google Ads that will rotate at the bottom of this article. I bet we'll all need "help".
Would bring a whole new angle to the 'I got ripped in 3 weeks' stories...
Not so sure, or would a absolutely no ethanol person living to the age of 70, I don't know any such persons, but I bet there are such ones too then live to become 140 due to an occasional visit to the pub.
Still my grandmother who lived to become 97 used to have a glass of read wine about once a week and told me she felt it was good for her.
Right now, I'm fucking IMMORTAL!
[small]Tomorrow, I shall read the fine print.[/small]
I've already added two monshs to my lifeshpan thish evening. Hic!
You might be correct if a person survives his own driving (or someone else's!
I would rather die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away
Apple or beer..........
But two could kill ya
You never know what chemicals are in apples or beer...
Mmmmm, cider'd be good right now.
Luvs me some apples, ayep.
Pressed and fermented please.
And not the horrid mass produced ones.
Nearest to a mass produced I like is Westons Stowford Press or Healeys Cornish Rattler.
There definitely seems to be a pattern of the latest "world's oldest man/woman" being interviewed and putting their longevity down to things like a daily glass of red wine... so this makes perfect sense to me!
wait wait wait wait *sheeeek*
In the article it says the tested worms were 'under stress'. It gets more specific later and says 'starvation stress'. These scientists do know that animal cells can metabolise ethanol as fuel, in the same way as glucose, surely?
...And has your liver been told these facts yet?
Better warn your liver that when sclerosis strikes it can no longer use alcohol as the excuse!
What little hair he had left...
...was snow white. His skin was thick, dry, and deeply creased, the texture of screwed up leather, and his eyes were yellow. When he smiled, it was clear that he had long since lost all his teeth.
Interviewer: "Sir, to what do you attribute your old age?"
Man: "I drink 20 pints of lager, a litre of wine, and a litre of whiskey every day!"
Interviewer: "And exactly how old are you?"
Man: "I'll be 24 next month!"
Do they suffer from hypertension?
Don't you all see what is happening
It's so obvious - to me at least - that these "studies" are full of shit. Why do we keep trying to find health benefits to drinking a toxin?!? Could it have something to do with the fact that the majority of the world LOVES to drink every fricken day? We are constantly looking to justify the vices we all enjoy. Instead of scientists actually spending their time on a worthwhile research study they waste their time trying to prove that a toxin actually benefits our health. Here they are now saying it will DOUBLE YOUR LIFESPAN. Are you fucking serious? If it makes the alcoholics the world over sleep better at night then it's mission achieved? Double your life span pffffttt. So if someone were going to live to be 70 years old w/o consuming alcohol, if they drank alcohol everyday from the moment they were born would they live to be 140 years old? The longest living people in the world are the Sardinians, the Okinawans, and the California Adventist. There is a Nat. Geo. article on the subject and they show similarities b/w the three groups to correlate life longevity with several main points. Diet, exercise, sense of life purpose, and a close and supportive community. Of the three only the Sardinians drink alcohol. Maybe the Okinawans do occasionally but they do not consume anything in excess. Double your life span ... what a joke. Horrible science. In the same vein this is why we always see studies on coffee, or medicinal cannabis. It's all BS. Caffeine is horrible for you and chronic use of cannabis is as well.
Chocolate is another toxin they keep trying to say is good for you...
Cadence: Please read the article before posting.
Let's not feed the troll...
I'll feed the troll
So you're obviously some kind of substance abuse addict who's in recovery, why else would you be quoting chapter and verse from the addicts recovery manual?
For the most people moderate substance abuse is no more dangerous that getting up out of bed and walking to work. Most people know their limits, they know when enough is enough, sadly there are those who do not, those are the people who need your "advice". This sort of survey, which I must add like most of these are mostly full of crap, applies to a general populace who know how to take things in moderation not at-risk substance abusers in society.
Chocolate comes from beans, so it's one of your Five a Day. Two of them, if you eat a chocolate orange,
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