So long and thanks for all the fish .. errk cash
Nokia is planning to sell off Vertu, its wholly-owned luxury-phone brand, which sells basic mobile phones with classy cases to the overpaid. The FT reports the news, which Nokia hasn't yet confirmed, but the paper reckons Goldman Sachs has been appointed to oversee the sell-off, which is likely to see the UK-based Vertu put …
So long and thanks for all the fish .. errk cash
.. the very definition of lipstick on a pig ..
... only the very latest Vertus are Symbian based. Previous models used (wait for it...) Series 40.
The only time I saw one of these being used was when some Arab prince's one rang in front of me on Bond St in London. The phone was taken out, glanced at, then tossed backwards to the bag-man who made an excellent leg-slip catch and answered it.
Beautifully made phones, and yes, the styling is "restrained", but only in comparison to the horrors coming out of TAG Heuer or the endless iPhone customisers. To the non-stinky-rich, though, they're way too ostentatious.
What phone will I buy now?
- Sent by my concierge as dictated on my Vertu Constellation Quest
Who needs siri if you can afford that?
(Paris? Only icon that can afford one)
Nokia, a firm with plunging sales figures over the last few years is selling of a profitable part of the business that was actually selling phones? Did Microsoft not bung them enough cash or is Nokia in more trouble than they are letting on?
The profit was estimated at 2-300m, the amount of truth in that will become evident when whatever sucker buys the brand and released real figures after their first year in charge.
I'm willing to bet someone has massaged the figures.
It's apparently a _very_ profitable business, so why flog it off?
Or did I miss that lesson in CEO Leadership Class 101?
The friendly article mentioned revenue of 200-300million, not profit.
As Mr Bannatine says: turnover is vanity, profit is sanity.
There are few things to keep us happy these days, but knowing the obscenely rich were walking around with phones so poor I wouldn't give one to my grandfather was certainly one of them.
Create desire and it becomes desirable for those with too much money.
Why cover it with gold? Just set something to be ott expensive and people would think it's gold.
but you can roll it in glitter.
... even a turd covered in gold sells.
I'd love to know why anyone, rich or not would consider this a good thing. Reminds me of those ludicrous buttons that appear on some Logitech keyboards - Shop, Travel etc. where you have a physical button which takes you off through some affiliate links.
I bet the super rich have credit cards providers who are more than happy to toss in a concierge service as part of the deal. And if not them then doubtless there are dozens of similar services. No need for a poxy button on the phone.
It's rare to see a business description that is both so concise and so accurate.
Oh wait...I'm poor.I'm as surprised as everyone else Nokia is selling something if it makes money. If recent news is anything to go by, the further we slip into economic chaos the more money the people at the top have got to spend on such frivolities. Sheesh - I sound like I should be in a tent outside a catheddral somewhere.
An interesting part of the deal with be the shops that Vertu owns in some of the most expensive shopping streets in the world. I understand some are owned rather than leased.
That is all
What's Naomi Campbell going to be chucking at the help now?
.. the common garden Nokia allegedly hurled by the Right Honourable member for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath
Or the button marked 'Refresh' just above the F5 key
would like to be rich enough to care. Although even if I was, I am certainly not conceited or foolish enough to buy one.
Why I am paying for a concierge and a gold brick when the hoi polloi are walking around with mini-computers which have apps that book and check on their flight status, theatre, shopping, callendar, email and collate it all automatically without having to call up and go through the rigmerole of...
"Yes, two tickets, Virgin Airlines please... No, Virgin Airlines... V-I-R-G... yes that's right!... hello, hello? $%3@*! Signal dropped! I'll have to call again when we get back to the hotel."
Probably why Nokia's flogging it, they can see the writing on the wall.
Nokia phones rarely drop signal.
If you can't get a good signal to make a voice call, you can't get a good signal to do any of the fancy apps to work.
The billionaire will have a dozen of these phones. One he's picked for the day and is just for bling. He doesn't use it, it's just for show, and there's no way he can be doing with messing with some geeky apps.
He'll have given six others to his assistants/slaves and they can have them on different networks just to be sure of a good signal. They'll make the concierge call, and if they're VIP enough the concierge is personal to them, and all they need to say is "get me a flight leaving in 10 minutes". Concierge knows who it is, where they are, where they want to go based on their known schedule, and they'll sort the flight out. Virgin? Not likely. The private jet will be arranged. If it's not available, they'll buy one and have it fuelled and ready. Failing that, they'll buy Virgin.
... Vertu's "customisation" business also includes mil-spec secure comms stuff. That could well be an even more lucrative side of the business than the bling. Anyone who's been past Vertu's big building just outside Fleet in Hampshire will have noted it's probably one of the most sinister-looking facilities in the area - and that's saying something in an area where just about every other square yard is military owned.
We are now a Microsoft house, so we are getting rid of the part of the company which does security and good service.
'Writing on the wall' from smartphone apps allowing you to book flights etc yourself?
C'mon people. More like the fact that people who are happy to spend £5k-£10k on a Daewoo-esque outmoded blower have their own minions - who they can physically throw stuff at - who take care of such minutia...
And when those minions are done booking your flights and arranging your meetings, you still need to know what they are and where - hence the usefulness of a smartphone that integrates all that crap (scrapes your email and automatically adjusts your electronic diary), rather than relying on (a) a physical diary, (b) a person who follows you around telling you where to go and what to do or (c) thumbing it in with a 0-9 keypad into a limited and off-line phone calendar.
Imagine the scenario you're off skiing in the alps, your PA/go-to guy or whatever calls to say that your publisher wants to discuss the 7th revision to your autobiography; titled "What I've done since you last read this autobiography". You get to say, just email me/add the details to my calendar and i'll read it/call when I get off this piste.
sudo killall -9 Autopilot