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back to article Spanish firemen grapple naked stairs sex Brit

A 49-year-old British tourist was rescued by "surprised" Tenerife firemen after an energetic shag ended with her dangling naked by her ankle from a flight of holiday apartment stairs. The unfortunate victim of decidedly unsafe sex - named only as "AMAM" - was indulging in "frenzied" rumpy-pumpy with her husband on a landing of …

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Thus neatly proving that ...

... us Yanks aren't the only ugly tourists on this dampish rock :-)

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Anonymous Coward

@Jake

Ah, but shagging on Spanish territory is a mixture of tradition and en evolutionary compulsion to return to the shores from whence we were spawned and then spawn again.

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Brits in Spain

I assumed we acquired the right to do this sort of thing in the Treaty of Utrecht.

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Coat

"open a passage"

So did the cops open a front or a back passage?

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Wam

... from our own correspondent ...

...Finbarr Saunders

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Gimp

Playmobil

is required.

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Trollface

Hang about!

Isn't that the plot for Carry on Majorca?

OooooH!

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Re: Hang about!

Winkypop!

Not sure about Carry on Majorca?

More like "Carry on up the Costas"!

I've felt sad for several years, now that the lads have passed on!

In the Western part of Andalucia, there is a perfect set for a "Carry-On" package holiday type caper using the following towns all to be found within 160 km of Seville:

"Moron de la Frontera"

"Carrion"

and (drum roll - wait for it...)

"El Rompido"

I can see Sid "phwoaring" and Kenneth Williams in Blazer as the harassed tour guide trying to corral his charges. As for Babs Windor.....'nuff said!

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Anonymous Coward

More than one Carrion

I've driven past Carrion in Palencia loads of times without clicking the "Carry On" sound. They could have done Carry On Behind close by at La Olmeda which has one of the best Roman Villas ever found. Not far away you'll also find Villanueva de los Nabos and Villaturde

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TRT
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Ouch!

That must have hurt. Hanging by a broken ankle... *shudder* I suppose additional assistance arriving sooner than the emergency services would depend on how much of a screamer she was/is.

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"firemen didn't beat around the bush"

Oh my! Ahahah!

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Anonymous Coward

Spanish firemen - HoseA and HoseB?

That's all I have.

I'll get me coat.

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FAIL

News: nothing happened today

This sort of thing is great for a bit of pre-pub reading on a Friday afternoon, but isn't there anything more newsworthy on a Monday? What's going on with that Russian Mars probe?

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"In other news, the lost Russian Mars probe is still lost. And now back to our main story..."

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Happy

The Russian Mars probe.....

... is dangling by its ankle, from a low earth orbit, after becoming shagged out.

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Fell several meters?

And the leg still attached? More like several centimeters (decimeters, at most).

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Fall then stop ...

Possibly she fell down one level, and then her leg was caught on the bannister of the level below. As others have said, a Playmobil reconstruction would aid us in visualising the events ...

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I'm having trouble visualising

exactly how she ended up. Some sort of Playmobil recreation of the scene would no doubt be most useful.

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(Written by Reg staff) Silver badge

Re: I'm having trouble visualising

Hmmmm. I may have difficulty sourcing a naked middle aged Brit Playmobil figurine. Will a blonde in a bikini do? I've just taken delivery of one...

Also, I'll put my thinking cap on as to just how to work a rogue Russian space probe into the equation. We can't have people getting upset about the lack of a solid news angle, can we?

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Is our intrepid playmobil astronaut back from his triumphal world tour? Perhaps he could stand in for the Grunt. Or serve as an advert for LOHAN.

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how to work a rogue Russian space probe into the equation

Landing - is what the sample collection capsule was designed to do

Landing - is also what most staircases have

There - a connection!

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(Written by Reg staff) Silver badge

Re: how to work a rogue Russian space probe into the equation

That's good enough for me.

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IT Angle

Don't believe it...

Pictures or it didn't happen!

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No, I think she was 'surprised'. The firemen were astounded.

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Where was someone

with a mobile phone with a camera when you need one?

Pics or it didn't happen

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TRT
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Blimey! Talk about Christmas coming early...

Our apartment managers only dangle a few bits of tinsel from the bannisters.

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Anonymous Coward

bet she didn't know whether

she was coming or going

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Happy

"firemen didn't beat around the bush"

Fucking classic -

(It's okay to say fuck now because that judge said so)

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Sid James Voiceover

Or the laugh at least for the reconstruction!

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Shades of Conan

When he launched the witch into the fire after giving her a good seeing to, I guess its more environmentally sensitive to lob them over a balcony these days rather than toss them in the inglenook.

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An initial inspection of the ankle suggested nothing more serious than a minor fracture, although medics decided a trip to hospital was in order."

Where else do you go with a bone fracture?

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(Written by Reg staff) Silver badge

Re:

You go home, you stick the kettle on , and then you have a nice cup of tea. Haven't you seen Zulu?

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Where else do you go with a bone fracture?

Well I know this is in Spain so the NHS weren't involved, but I know people who've been sent home and advised to take over the counter painkillers when it later transpired they had broken bones.

Upon viewing an x-ray a doctor once asked me when I'd broken my wrist. I replied that I didn't know I had. Quoth the doctor "That explains why it's healed so badly then."

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HoseA and HoseB

A tip of the hat Sah!

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That's what happens when you don't practice safe sex

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"Didnt beat around the bush"

..classic!

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Pint

@lester

Been a long time since I've had a good laugh. Thanks.

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Happy

Seems she was a victim of:

"Sometimes you are merely an example to others"

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Happy

what a view!

I'm just sat here imagining the view from above - hmmmmmmm - ooo cripes!

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Hanging around

Given her age, maybe she is a Stranglers' fan

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"didn't beat around the bush"

Why oh why does the rest of english media think they have to hack peoples phones to give their readers what they think they want. Top marks to el reg for continuing the legacy of REAL journalism.

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Joke

Whatever happened to...

"No sex, please, we're British."

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Devil

Mommy? Where was I conceived?

Between the second and third floors, dear, now run along.

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