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back to article Drug cops log Nigerian star's 24 bowel movements

Nigerian authorities have been forced to release an actor they suspected of drug smuggling after he produced no less than 24 narco-free bowel movements. Babatunde Omidina, better known in Nollywood circles as Baba Suwe, was nabbed at Lagos airport last month by officers from Nigeria's National Drug Law Enforcement Agency. …

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Anonymous Coward

he must feel like

an enema of the state

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best. post. ever.

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Anonymous Coward

“All his systems were flushed, other than his lungs and intestines, but nothing was found,” his lawyer told a court hearing last week, The National reports.

Er, I would have thought his intestines were the thing that did need flushing?

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Anonymous Coward

What a shitty way to treat someone. The arseholes need teaching alesson and should be dumpoed by their agency. The stoolie who turned him / reported him is obviously speaking total crap. And thats if there was a stoolie, There is a bad smell about this and it may be something personal instead of the smuggling.

I know aweful jokes

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FAIL

Body scan

I wonder what the original 'body scan' entailed. I wouldn't be surprised if ATSC (UK) Ltd had a hand in that.

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Silver badge

A hand in that.

...what, literally?

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Joke

Money making opportunity

This is to inform you that you have, up until recently, had an unknown relative living in [INSERT RANDOM WEST AFRICAN COUNTRY HERE] who has just passed away. It is with great sadness that we inform you they have died. They had a bank account with [INSERT RANDOM BANK FROM SAID RANDOM WEST AFRICAN COUNTRY HERE] which had a balance of [PICK SOME LARGE ASS NUMBER AND INSERT HERE]. Due to the current laws in [RANDOM AFRICAN COUNTRY] enacted by [PRESIDENT/DICTATOR/POPE/MAKE SOME FUCKING TITLE UP] these funds are in a state of limbo and we need you, the only surviving [SON/DAUGHTER/COUSIN/NIECE/NEPHEW/LOVER/GAY LOVER/FORMER DRINKING BUDDY] of this person.

This is why you are being contacted by [SCAM/FRAUDS/THIEVES/LIARS/SPAM BOTS/JOKE E-MAILS] to retrieve this money from [RANDOM BANK FROM EARLIER]. For a modest upfront fee of [CHOOSE SOME PERCENTAGE OF PREVIOUS LARGE MONETARY NUMBER THAT SOME UNWITTING SCHMUCK WILL PAY] the previous amount of [LARGE NUMBER AGAIN] can be released to you.

To prove your identity and relationship to your [WHATEVER RELATION THIS UNKNOWN PERSON WAS TO YOU] you need to provide proof of identity. You will need to provide us with:

NAME

ADDRESS

HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATED FROM

COLLEGE GRADUATED FROM

MOTHER'S MAIDEN NAME

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PIN NUMBERS

BIRTH CERTIFICATE

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SEXUAL ORIENTATION

BLOOD TYPE

DNA PROFILE

DRIVERS LICENSE

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AND A MODEST SUM OF [WHATEVER PERCENTAGE OF THE LARGE ASS NUMBER PICKED]

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*Been waiting for a reason to post that. Now if we can just reword it to work with the body scans and the forced enemas among other things I think we have a winner.....

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Must be the Jedi Arse Trick

<wave hand> "these are not the haemhorroids you're looking for".

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war on people

a nice example of how the "war on drugs" really is a "war on people"

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New face of law enforcement?

Newsman Conrad "Tubby" Black has remarked that his gaolers were fascinated by his colorectal health too.

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Unhappy

I can't imagine anything more constipating

Than having a policeman waiting to take your crap away for examination.

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Holmes

Shouldn't the subtitle for this article be....

The law is made to look AT an ass?

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Anonymous Coward

oh dear

you're confirming the marketing stereotype I've been struggling to ignore

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Thumb Up

Nice pun in the main title

"Drug cops log Nigerian star's 24 bowel movements"--Nice work. I imagine that if the article had been about William Shatner's bowel problems, we might have read, "Captain's log..."

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