back to article BOFH: We don't need no stinkin' upgrade

"But I just want to go back to the way it was..." my user whines. "What, when computers crashed every 10 minutes?" "No, I..." "Where the Print function acted more like the combination of the Hang and Discard Changes functions?" "NO, I JUST WANT MY MENU BACK!" "You mean you don't like the ribbon? It's new!" "I don't care …

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Coat

Sounds like a mish-mash of everyone's upgrade strategy. The only bit I didn't see was the 18month subscription upgrade with version 3, 3S, 4, 4S where it all looks the same on the outside, but some whizzy bits on the inside get changed, and you may notice a difference

Disclaimer - happy owner of iPhone 3, 3GS and 4S

Mine's the one with a 4S in the pocket

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Joke

I checked all the pockets, and none of them have a phone in them.

Anymore.

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Thank you

That's the last 25 years of my career neatly encapsulated. Time for Career v3.51.

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Stop

Now what..

.. does your 3.51 remind me off? No, seriously, that is a version that somehow triggers synapses. However, it being Friday they don't find any friends to talk to, so I may never know.

No, wait. Aaaaaaaaaaaargh - Windows NT..

Do NOT do that to me on a Friday ever again.

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Terminator

New Technology Career will not help you much - not at first. It'll work well, but will remain limited in uptake and expansion capablity until you shift to New Technology Career 4.0. Mind you, everyone will hate 4.0, but they'll get onboard with it until some sexier name comes along (still running New Technology Career 4.0 at base, but with flashy add-on bits).

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Flame

Gnome3 anyone

GPL software just doesn't have quite such high version numbers!

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GPL versions go 0.1, 0.2 then on to 0.9 at which point they increment in ever decreasing numbers in an effort to avoid reaching a 1.0 version...

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0.997 - It's a fraction of perfection

Obviously, 1.0 is impossible. Or it means that they've done a complete rewrite to put in loads of new features nobody wanted, and the perfection quotient goes back to zero while someone else forks 0.9971

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0.99999

it's amazing what you can get away with until you hit 1.0 :)

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Firefox, anyone?

I installed version 4 a few weeks ago, after being nagged endlessly to get out of version 3.6... But then, they they started pumping out a whole new version number every what, 2 days?

I don't really know what is the newest version anymore, 7, 10, 666?

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WTF?

Firefox? They did 3.0, jumped to 3.5, sanity apparently hit them for a while, since they did 3.6, then jumped to 4.0, but suddenly lost it all by skipping to 5.0 in three months, 6.0 in about two, and 7.0 in just one more. If they release something in mid-November, it's going to be version 11...

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Firefox is a different story though. Currently v7.0.1, but it will probably be about v9 by the time the moderatrix comes back from the pub and approves my comment later this evening.

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Or ...

it gets discontinued because the blokes working on the project got tired of it.

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You counting revisions?

One of my favorite games I play right now is at, after nearly several years, version 1.1.3. Internal revisions, however, is r2375889. :-)

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WTF?

Re: Firefox

Not Firefox, Chrome. I seem to remember once checking the version history for that on Wikipedia and it insisted that version 12 was released a couple of days before 11.

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Courier MTA is a good example of this

The chap who created it has got to about 0.66.3 at the moment. Several large organisations are using this (very good) mail server package for production, and it's been around for years: I came in at about 0.47 six(?) years ago...

It's very stable, very safe, and conforms carefully to RFC and standards, but will it ever be 1.0? Not in my lifetime, I suspect.

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Not just Gnome 3, but Unity, Windows 7.999999 (8 to one sig digit) too....

<Sigh> Even though GPL/Open Source software may not have the high version numbers indicated in this webisode of BOFH, the bit about the so-called "savant" and related "ivory towered academics" unfortunately holds true.

These tweed-coated twits forget that the rest of us have to (try and) use their mentally retarded, functionally deficient crapware.

Yes, I'm an adherent to the school of "function over form", which is why I don't spend any time with the coloured-pencil brigade, except to beat them around the head and introduce them to such lovely colours as "arterial red", and "bruised blue". :D

Okay - rant over, 'nuff said.

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good..

not one of the violent frenzied attacks.. but good to read.. thanks..

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Pint

teehee

Quality.

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Pint

"found him eating carpet"

is the quote of the day.

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Coat

We all do that from time to time to keep the ladies happy though, right?...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: "found him eating carpet"

If my memory is not too blurred I think you'll find that is a line from one of Jasper Carrott's stories although I wouldn't go as far as to claim that even he was the original source as it is not an uncommon phrase to use of someone slightly lacking total control of their intellectual faculties.

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Trollface

"found him eating carpet"......

Does that make him a "rugged individual"??? :D

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Great article

"Version 6 is a complete rewrite combined with a price hike."

How true is that?

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Happy

You're talking about Java Runtime, right?

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Pint

Genius

"Meanwhile we'll look up idiot savants on Google, see if any of them can count matchsticks quickly and see if we can employ them to think outside the box. We have no shame. (Obviously we'll apply for some tax rebate for hiring people with 'special abilities'.) We might have a press release about that too"

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Get off my lawn

Classic Menu for Office does the trick on Office 2007, Microsoft probably sabotaged Office 2010 so it doesn't work any more.

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To the pain!

So, version 4 is the ears?

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Yag

I miss my menu bar too!

I 8 Office 2007 ><

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RE: I 8 Office 2007

What did it taste like?

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Pint

Flavour of Office 2007

Chinese pine nut. The bad sort that causes "pine mouth".

You can drink to that but it still won't get the taste out of your mouth.

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Carpet

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Need a feature...

that calls the cat rude names.

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Pirate

That's in the UI Tweak patch

You'll need to download and instal Service Packs 1, 2, 2.1, 2.1a, and 3 before you can install the patch. Make sure you back up your entire drive at each upgrade. there is no roll-back path, and we are not responsible for lost data or smoking hardware.

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"You keep saying 'we' and not 'they'."

"Yes, I know, I can't help myself; I'm getting carried away by the sheer balls of it!"

Winner!

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Coffee/keyboard

insighful and razor sharp this week

genius, sheer genius

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Coffee/keyboard

Slow and bloated. And a bit leaky.

i!

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Pint

In the year 2525, if man is still alive

Top drawer!

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DONT NEED THE FEATURES

Got a full copy of Office 2003 and I dont use most of that. I have no need for any upgrade so there!!!

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That's OK...

That's OK, I just upgraded my copy of Office. I went from 97 to 2010 in one huge suicidal leap. The automatic language detection is cool, much better than "Oh, you're using a French keyboard layout, you must be writing in French".

Mostly, though, I'm left wondering what the fuss is all about on this Ribbon thing, aside from the fact that it's a bit on the big side. In fact, its size highlights the main difficulty of modern screens - they are too wide for their height when editing single documents. You either "fit-width" in which case they don't show all that much height *of the document*, or you use a fixed zoom and waste the right-hand side of the screen. Bah. Good for games, though.

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Unhappy

painfully true

so not funny; but at least entertaining.

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Pint

There seems to be a feature missing

Which is the version that does barrel rolls?

I tried to laugh, but could only cry. Top notch work.

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Silver badge

Infinite version numbers

Tex's version number is pi - adding an extra digit with each new bug fix. The advantage being that you can prove that the digits of pi are infinite but the only thing you can prove about a program is that a finite program can only have a finite number of bugs.

Similarly metafont uses 'e'

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Unhappy

Don't tell the bug finders that

fortunately as they squash the last bug in version 'n' it'll go out of support and they still have all the new bugs in version 'n+.001'

Once upon a time software was written to do a job. Now it's written to sell support contracts.

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Anonymous Coward

An unintentional side effect..

.. of a new version is that you actually start to LIKE the old version. I honestly don't know how they get away with nuking usability time and time again and sell it as an improvement. These guys make New Labour politicians look like rank amateurs..

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Coat

One of the best in a long, long time...

"You mean you don't like the ribbon? It's new!"

"I don't care if it's new – I can't find anything!"

"Sure you can, it's all in the ribbon – somewhere. It's a game software designers like to play with people."

How so very true...

So funny I think a little wee even came out.

... yes, it's the one with the depends in the pocket.

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Anonymous Coward

Reminds me of DataEase!!

Oooooh! Reminds me of DataEase in so many ways!! Last one that worked half right was 6.52, been broken proper style ever since

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Pirate

Version 10 is usually a complete re-name

Still the same ol nasty pants underneath, but with a bloody expensive sales and marketting campaign attached to hide the fact that you're still selling folks the horrible, stinky, uncomfotable and endlessly-patched pants you were selling with version 9x.

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Meh

Version numbers

I'm always getting hassled about version numbers, there seems to be some deep rooted desire to have every bit of code/configuration even database record associated with a version number. It drives me nuts, whenevery I'm forced into giving a version number to something which previously didn't have one I just say it's version 1.

It's completely meaningless, the only real thing of worth are the SVN repository numbers and the build numbers, but try saying it's version 4447 (SVN revision number) people get upset, no idea why.

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Anonymous Coward

not to mention ...

that each new version introduces new (motsly, but not all, different bugs; that new versions have new "improved" formats that cannot be properly handled by previous versions, so that the need to upgrade becomes viral; that increasingly vendors say they "listen to users" but then decide that their own, one-size-fits-all approcah is far superior; that for all the 1000-fold increase in CPU power and memory size over the years, the latest versions of the application are no faster.

The IT industry spends far too much of its time - and its customers' money - changing stuff for little or no visible benefit to the users. Of course, it all drives hardware and software sales, not to mention service provider revenues. It's the users who lose out, but what do they know - they are clearly incapable of recognising "progress".

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