Groupon CEO Andrew Mason has told potential IPO investors that the company will be replacing 10 per cent of its sales staff in a push to get better deals from merchants and continue to grow. Mason, who was talking to investors in Boston as part of the initial public offering roadshow for the daily deals site, said the company …
All aboard the Failbus
My only problem with groupon is receiving so much crap in my inbox for 'deals' that don't really seem much of a good deal.
Like most mail, if you receive too much that you don't want, you tend not to read any of it.
Please may I have some more sir?
From the Economist on the Groupon IPO :
"Groupon will lose $280m on revenues of $1.69 billion in 2011"
"Its business model is unpatentable and simple to replicate, so there are already more than 20 copycats."
"Its marketing costs are expected to be a painful $958m this year."
958 MILLION dollars on marketing in order to lose 280 million dollars.
This all smacks too much of the late 90s. Remember boo.com, a company which "spent $135 million of venture capital in just 18 months, and it was placed into receivership on 18 May 2000 and liquidated" (wikipedia)? But boy did they have some fun.
'90s nostalgia time? Ewwww.
"This all smacks too much of the late 90s. Remember boo.com, a company which "spent $135 million of venture capital in just 18 months, and it was placed into receivership on 18 May 2000 and liquidated" (wikipedia)? But boy did they have some fun."
Sadly, yes, I do remember boo.com, as well as damn' near every other pointless, VC-sucking .bomb outfit that came and went. I don't know how insane the hype was over there in the UK, but we couldn't get away from 'em here in the Colonies. The US media were continuously slobbering over every goddamn' 20something twat with a newly-minted MBA, a shit-ton/ne of venture capital and a goofy-assed line of shit about Changing The Way The World Does (Insert Everyday Banal Crap Here).
But, fun? You bet it was fun. It was fun watching the vaporous dot-com "boom" do its imitation of the Challenger (i.e. "BOOM!") after all the mindless media hype. I couldn't describe my elation when, after two or three years of seeing one conceited little snot after another parading through the morning talk shows, it was finally Popcorn Time.
If he wants to grow he needs to keep the existing lemmings happy otherwise he will simply churn.
Given the approach to merchants Groupon has its little wonder they dont focus on trying to keep them past the first daily business shafting they give them.
Anyone remember boo.com?
Those who don't remember the past are doomed to repeat it. That goes for the managers as well as the suckers who think this is an "investment".
I subscribed to Groupon for about a week
then unsubscribed. I would have thought it might appear somewhere in Direct Marketing 101 to ask a few questions about your target audience and tailor your offers towards them a little - I have zero interest in beauty spa offers, for instance, but it seemed there was no way I could stay subscribed to groupon without getting dozens of these offers every week
"... I have zero interest in beauty spa offers..."
Now Tom...we all could use a little freshening up now and again. Don't be so hasty to dismiss the offers.
Here's a better idea
Sack 90% of the sales staff and provide merchants with a fair, transparent and equitable online mechanism to create and control their own campaigns. It's the pressure sales and grossly unfair terms & cuts of the profits that have caused Groupon to be hated and abandoned by the kinds of business they should be attracting.
The only "deals" you see once Groupon has burned through the local economy are for shit like fish pedicures, eyebrow waxes and so on. Where the business can invent some arbitrary inflated price for their treatment to compensate for the "discount" and Groupon's cut.
What am I saying? I hope Living Social, Groupon and the plague of similar services die a painful death.
May I ask, sir, what is a "fish pedicure"?
A tank of fish you stick your feet into
The fish nibble your feet. Believe me, it's as sad as it sounds.
Aside from being a fad it probably has some nasty health risks associated with it too given you have no idea what horrible diseases the last person's feet contributed to the water..
"May I ask, sir, what is a 'fish pedicure'?"
I'm wondering that, too. Fish don't have feet.
Fish don't have feet
that's cos they had them trimmed off in the pedicure.
I signed up for a month but only received offers of facials, spas and other 'lifestyle' options clearly aimed at females of the unmarried professional class. But of no interest to anyone else. Anyone investing in Groupon needs their wallet emptied.
"I signed up for a month but only received offers of facials..."
Wow, sounds like that might've been hot. Giving them, I assume?
What wrong with cheap teeth whitening while you're sprayed with fake tan and your feet are nibbled by fish.
Topped off by a night in a hotel that refuses your booking as they're already full-up with freeloaders.
Like so many others, I signed up for a week, then turned it off. Suggest potential investors do the same, but they won't.
Fish Pedicures and Hotel Stays
Groupon also get many once only suppliers.
I know one hotel a few miles away who listened to all the Groupon sales person hype, accepted their number of units calculation, and the price.
They ended up selling 30% of their total annual room availability for £99 for 2 nights, B&B and meal, they are now apparently crying to the bank for a larger overdraft, and yes no restriction on season.
By the way the fish nibble the dead skin off you feet, then spit it out, if (BIG IF) the tank has a good filter, UV treatment, and enough water in the tank - then the treatment is safe. Trouble is if you are selling the treatment on groupon - then the tank probably hasn't the afore mentioned as the tanks cost around £600 then you have to get the correct fish and they have to be the right sex!
Anomynous, because I don't want Groupon maoning at me again!
The Online Equivalent of ValPak
The Groupon IPO will be a non-starter. In my opinion, this is a deeply flawed company with a questionable (to be kind) business model. They are an online equivalent of ValPak - basically junk mail.
70% off. 70% less actual value. Thanks.
Where you can buy vouchers in order to demean yourself and some young women at parties.
(just a thought, unpleasant enough as it is)
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