back to article Crap alchemist jailed for poo-into-gold experiment

A Northern Ireland man has been jailed for three months for causing £3,000 of damage to his flat after attempting to turn his own faeces into gold using an electric heater. Paul Moran, 30, admitted arson and endangering the lives of others, the Belfast Telegraph reports. He will spend 12 months on licence upon his release. The …

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Gold!

So, in essence, one man's turn can also be his treasure?

Sounds like a shitty concept to me!

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Anonymous Coward

What a moran!

Guy must be a complete and utter fertiliser-head!

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Purer state?

The most likely transformation of himself into another state would be death. You can argue that this is, indeed, a purer state. It would also give him a good shot at earning a Darwin Award.

But, hey, if we don't call people silly for believing in one or several gods, why should we call them silly for believing they can turn crap into gold?

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Exact same concept

as you can't prove impossible things.

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Holmes

Not Darwin...

...I think we may have a candidate for the 2012 igNobel Prize in Chemistry here!

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Trollface

Gerald Ratner managed it

Rather successfully for a long time.

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Boffin

@Ian

Shirley you've got that the wrong way round. Didn't he turn gold into crap?

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@Olafthemighty

Nah, I meant the sale of crap generating golden dividends - at least up until he opened his mouth!

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Joke

It worked for Microsoft !

Just look at the returns they made from vista !

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Beat me to it, dammit!

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Joke

Argos managed it the other way...

...most of the 'gold' they sell is actually shit!

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Anonymous Coward

Naaah.

That was Ratners...

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Anonymous Coward

That wasn't Argos...

... I think you were thinking of Ratners. As in "That's a steaming great heap of Ratners, that is".

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Have you seen the crap that Elizabeth Duke jewellery is?

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Ru
Boffin

"the judiciary are in on alchemical secrets denied the rest of us"

Are you sure? It is clear that the legal profession have demonstrated considerable aptitude in converting intangible things into gold (or at least, wealth)... mostly greed and stupidity, but no small amount of vanity.

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Devil

They're called patent lawyers, and not only can they turn shit into gold, they can also turn shit into dollars and other useful currencies.

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Sir

Surely everyone knows you need to start with Antimony, not excrement.

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Jail for an accident?

Regardless of how misguided his experiment was, it seems a tad over the top to send it to jail over it. Yes, he screwed up, yes he started a fire - but surely he should just be liable for the damages, not thrown in jail!

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Sort of agree

I think jail time may be justified if he endangered life, but arson is the crime of intentionally setting fires, which doesn't seem appropriate (plea bargain?)

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He's in a council flat

and you expect him to stump up three thousand quid?

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Windows

He's not in a council flat...

Unless the council owns the jail, natch...

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RE: He's in a council flat

...hes also trying to turn his own crap into gold, which i would of thought would say more about his finances than living in a council flat ;)

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Dumbledore and Dumbleder

It shows how times have moved on, however. If you'd told the Northern Ireland police, twenty years ago, that you'd accidentally started a fire while trying to make something using fertiliser, you might have risked a good deal more than jail time!

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The same argument surely applies to endangering life. If it never occurred to him that the stuff might catch fire, where was the intent?

(And if he thought he could turn crap into gold by heating it, he probably didn't realise it might catch fire).

Sometimes unintended consequences do get taken into account in sentencing, it doesn't always seem entirely fair. But the alternative is a world where people get punished for doing things which might have caused damage, while others are let off for things which did cause damage.

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Happy

He just needs to

reverse the polarity on the thermostat and he will be rolling in gold, so why not?

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Anonymous Coward

"intentionally setting fires"

I think he was just arson around...

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Wrong continent. Plea bargains are not part of UK law.

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@ Just Thinking

"Intent" only works for the favourites of the ruling class, as in Phorm and BT were not prosecuted for flagrant violations of the DPA because they had "no criminal intent". However, such protections do not apply to us mere plebeians. It's called "democracy", don't you know, which I think once had something to do with the Greek words for "people" and "rule" but the meaning seems to have changed over time.

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yup... wrong to jail him

Next you'll be jailing harrased mothers who set the chip pan on fire.

Its nonsense to jail someone even for a very stupid accident.

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Facepalm

I think this shows

that alchemy is a lot of cr*p.

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Pirate

Close

He may not have made Gold, but he did get some copper...

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Optional

Bravo, sir, bravo. It's a travesty you haven't hit +10 for that.

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WTF?

Jail for this?

What's next? Gitmo for moldy sandwich left to fester for 6 months in fridge?

Or did the judges think he attempted nuclear transformations in his home?

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Mushroom

Maybe it was deemed that this was as likely to produce a chunk of, say, U-235 or Pu-239 as it was Au-197. (Maybe the chap even had it in what would have been a critical configuration ;).

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Coat

Arson

the cause of the fire was arson - someone arson' around

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Coat

Spelling error in the judgement

He obviously was arsen around.

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Joke

You could say that the shit quite literally hit the fan (heater)............

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Wrong

His only mistake was where there is muck there's brass........ not gold.

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Joke

the umpteenth pun.....

You cant polish a turd!

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Anonymous Coward

Didn't Mythbusters prove you CAN polish a turd?

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I assume that you don't watch Mythbusters...

They pretty much debunked that one a while ago.

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But the Mythbusters did it...

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Error - error

On this one you are wrong. Mythbusters proved that it CAN be done using some mystical Japanese technique. Got a really high-grade shine on Lion-poo......

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IT Angle

Ummmm

....You can. The Mythbusters proved it. See "Dorodango"

Unless of course you mean the peoples of the country of Poland.

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Anonymous Coward

oldie

but goldie

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Paris Hilton

video

These guys did it: http://dsc.discovery.com/videos/mythbusters-polishing-a-turd.html

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Joke

But...

... you can Irish one;-) Poles are way too smart/hardworking:-)

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