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back to article Post-pub nosh deathmatch: Kapsalon v quesadillas

Our piece a couple of months back on the comparative merits of parmo and poutine proved pretty popular with the gourmets among you looking for something new to wrap your laughing gear round after a robust night on the sauce. We're delighted, then, to offer another post-pub nosh deathmatch for your consideration, viz: kapsalon …

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Pint

Will you compare it to:

Deep-fried pizza?

I have never tasted (not do intend to taste) this artery clogging horror, but I would be interested in a fair comparison. All in the interest of science, of course.

Beer, because it is Friday afternoon.

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Happy

Deep fried pizza is OK, but you need to make it a donner meat pizza and dip it in curry sauce for the true post pub snack of the gods.

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Pint

kapsalon

You had me until you mentioned lettuce...can't be doing with that....it's got vitamins in

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I was thinking that too, what on earth are they doing spoiling good grub with rabbit food ?

And the other looks rather like a rather plain pizza.

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Anonymous Coward

As opposed to olives?

At least lettuce doesn't really taste of much.

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I've found that no matter how much you eat, there is always room for salad. Even those little bags of it from the Indian takeaway.

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Happy

Mmm

Hungry now...

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One infamous snack

....that springs to mind are deep-fried Mars Bars. An almost mythical delicacy in my neck of the woods but I've never forgotten the taste after all these years. I've no idea what would make a good deathmatch rival though...

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Angel

deep fried Mars Bars, pah!

Curly Wurly fritters ftw!

Proper chippy batter, fried as hot & fast as possible while managing to keep your eyebrows.

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Deep-fried Twinkies, obviously

With deep-fried butter for afters.

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Quesadillas without Salsa, Sour cream and Chillis?

To make a (IMHO) proper Quesadilla you should coat the tortilla with spicy salsa, a few gobs of sour cream, chopped chillis and of course the cheese - also add whatever you fancy. Chicken and spring onion works really well and is a lot more substantial than just olives, avocado and cheese.

Almost as good as the legendary Breakfast Burrito!

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Guacamole required also.

ISTR that Avocado is up there with Mango as fruit which is _not_ 'good for you'.

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Big Brother

Citizen, you are now charged with high-colesterol permissive inactive coercion.

You shouldn't believe everything you hear. Just don't become a TV amoeba.

Avocado with cheese and bacon? Hell yeah.

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Never mind all that...

That was a meager amount of cheese, that! Proper quesadillas require enough cheese to warrant buying shredded cheese in bulk bags; it should leak out the sides! I can see why that piddly little thing was considered 'only a snack'.

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Pint

Right you are then.

I shall forego my usual Durum Doner as train food after beer tonight and see if the local kebab van[1] can chuck together a kapsalon.

Actually.......they do a mean chilli sauce. Would it be terribly infra dig to chuck that on too?

[1] It's safe now. During the month of August, the whole of the country goes on holiday and this includes the staff of the kebab van. This year they left some elderly bloke to run it on his own. As far as I can make out, the only dish he knew how to make was the Montezuma's Revenge Special.

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(Written by Reg staff) Bronze badge

Re: Right you are then.

I gather it's perfectly legal to stick chilli sauce on your kapsalon. Putting it on the chips at the bottom might be the way to go. Good luck...

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Yep, chili sauce *is* allowed

Just watched a Dutch TV report from 2006 about the 'Kapsalon' phenomenon. In the video clip they slap on some chili sauce ("sambal") just before they add the cheese (about half way through the clip) :

http://headlines.nos.nl/forum.php/list_messages/3972

Looks good. I think I'll be having shoarma this weekend now... :)

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@Yep, chili sauce *is* allowed

Please don't describe 'Sambal' as a chilli sauce. It isn't a sauce really, it basically crushed red hot chillies. Apply it like a sauce and next day you'll need a fire extinguisher.

Also, if the Dutch eat chips or salad, in fact most things, it must have mayonaise.

Also, to use Mozerella is wicked. The recipe says Gouda, now in England and here in Aus. Gouda is a very young very mild cheese. In Holland there are many Gouda cheeses including old, this is a very strong tasting rather delicious cheese, nothing like that incipid pale yellow stuff that passes for Dutch cheese in U.K./Aus.

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Anonymous Coward

@ Roger Jenkins

OK, I'll give you the sambal != chilli sauce point. But there is no plain mayonaise in a kapsalon. Only copious amounts of shoarma sauce (which is basically a garlic mayonnaise).

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Anonymous Coward

Lettuce

Just say no.

Why not top it with more cheese? It's good for your teeth.

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Anonymous Coward

What about the 3 (or 4) in 1?

In Dublin, we have a wonderful concoction after the Kapsalon's own heart...

The 3-in-1. It's a sort of Chinese version - Fried Rice, Chips, and Curry Sauce.

You can make it a 4-in-1 bu adding Chicken Balls. It's awesome for those post-pub filling moments.

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Pint

Lettuce?

Isn't that something that food eats?

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Anonymous Coward

Foodie middle class b'llocks

It's like I'm reading a Nigel Slater article in the guardian.

If it doesn't come fresh from the microwave then it's not real food

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sponsorship

Who sponsors this survey? The college of bypass surgeons or the association of statin manufacturers?

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Happy

Rematch

I'm with Arrrggghh-otron that's a pretty anaemic quesadilla.

Throw in some chopped chillis, chicken and chorizo and bring it on.

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Mmmmm..... chorizo

I'll second the chorizo! (Not the dry pepperoni kind either - the crumbly, greasy, Mexican kind!)

Choriqueso + tortilla chips also makes for a great snack.

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Don't forgo the lettuce, it is crucial to the taste sensation of a kapsalon. BTW: if you want something it a bit more spicy: include sambal sauce as well.

Also some kebap shops also include (red) onion, tomato and a variety of other vegetables.

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Headmaster

Ahem.

I think you'll find that what you've made there is not a quesadilla, but instead a sincronizada. A quesadilla (lit: "little cheese thing") is one tortilla with cheese (and goodies) then folded in half. Outside Mexico, this confusion is very common.

I claim my five pounds, etc.

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@JTruant

You are quite right, that is a El Salvadoran sincronizada. The Spanish are not to be trusted with Mexican/Central American cuisine. After all, they think an omelette is a 'tortilla'.

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Anonymous Coward

Oh dear oh dear.

So, in order to review foodstuffs for post-pub beer-soaking duties for a UK-centric newsletter (or whatever El Reg is this week), you assemble:

- a bunch of Spanish people, FFS. What do *they* know about sinking a skinful and then chowing down on something you'd never dream of eating whilst sober? (I live here too: the answer is 'nothing'.)

- in the middle of the day - check out those shadows, peeps!

- at least ONE OF WHOM IS DRINKING NON-ALCOHOLIC 'BEER'!!!

To save others searching for the evidence, compare this:

http://www.petitchef.es/recetas/mahou-da-otro-paso-en-la-evolucion-de-su-imagen-fid-1370647

with the blue bottle visible in the last photo.

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Try a chupaqueso

(Word of advice: employ the services of a designated stove operator, rather than trying to do it yourself while you're three sheets to the wind. The folding step is surprisingly tricky even while sober; doing it drunk is not to be thought of.)

Required ingredients:

Shredded cheese - cheddar, mozzarella, anything that'll melt well - 2 handfuls worth

Optional (but highly recommended) ingredients

Bacon and other meats - already cooked; chives or other spicy things; additional strong cheeses for flavor - ones with mold in them work quite well; salt, pepper, a bit of garlic powder

Directions:

Heat up a dry skillet. Take a handful of cheese and drop it in, spreading it around to form a circle a few inches across. (If uncertain about size, err on the side of smaller; they're very filling and must be eaten hot off the pan, and you can always make another one if you want one.)

Let the cheese melt and sizzle in the bottom of the skillet until the top is bubbling and the bottom is brown and crispy. Add the second handful of cheese, along with any optional ingredients (I highly recommend bacon) in the standard "burrito filling" configuration -- that is, a linear heap roughly bisecting the existing circle of cheese.

Immediately fold the already-frying cheese over the new stuff in the middle, so that you end up with something that resembles a fajita. (I use two spatulas to do this part, and usually screw it up.) Flip it over and let it sizzle for a few seconds to make sure all the cheese inside is well melted; you'll probably want to tuck the ends back in properly as well. Then flip it on to a plate and hand it to whoever's eating it, which they'll do immediately if they have any sense. Give the leftovers to the dog, there's no point trying to save them and eat them later as they'll be horrible and there's no re-heating these things -- stick it back in the man and it'll end up burnt, stick it in the microwave and it'll end up vulcanized.

Yes, that's right: fried cheese with cheese inside. Sound horrible? Try one.

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Coat

But where do I find

But where do I find the Genuine Imitation Ovalkwik to go with it?

Mine's the carbonan jumpsuit

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Anonymous Coward

Extra Large with Cheese and Egg

My introduction to kebabs was through the vans that haunt the centre of Oxford each night. There are about 10 different kebab vans and each one (in the day - early 90s) was known for certain things. The van on Broad Street stayed open the latest (3.30am) and was the only one that did hot dogs. One of the St Giles' vans did baked potatoes. The one outside Pembroke college was the most generous with meat, and the one outside University college (Ahmed's) had the hottest chilli sauce. The one thing common to them all is that you could get an extra large doner with cheese and egg. In my day, these delight would cost a mere £2.50 to £3.00 depending on the van.

Ahmed's did the best in my humble opinion. It would be constructed as follows:

1) Slice some doner meat and throw it on the grill to finish it off.

2) Crack an egg on the grill, break the yolk and shape it into a large ellipse so that it will eventually fit on the top of your kebab.

3) Grill your pita bread.

4) Take a happy shopper paper bag (you know the sort), tear it down one side, folding down the sides to make a triangle shape. Place the pita in the bag along the long diagonal and fold up the bottom to make a sort of boat shape.

5) Put lettuce in the bottom of the pita. The function of this lettuce is simple - soak up the grease and stop it dripping onto your trousers and shoes as you walk along.

6) Put in your grilled doner meat, the pita at this point will essentially be full.

7) Throw on chilli sauce - it must go on at this stage or it won't penetrate the delights on top and cover all the meat.

8) Throw on a good handful of grated cheddar cheese. This should automatically melt with the heat of the meat.

9) Add your now cooked egg to the top.

10) Grace the top with a salad made up of lettuce, onions, white and red cabbage, tomato and cucumber.

11) Add lashings of garlic mayonnaise to the top.

12) Pull up the side of the happy shopper bag which were folded down at step 4 to provide some lateral support to this monster.

Finally, savour the delights whilst you feel the fur applying itself to the inside of your arteries. In my opinion: great whether you are drunk or sober.

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FAIL

Wot ?

No guacamole?

No salsa?

No sour cream?

You put that quesadilla in a pink tutu and gave it pillows for gloves - lacy pillows!

Call that a fair fight?

We demand a rematch!

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Pint

Not quite a donair

Honestly, I've been dissapointed with these 'doner kebabs' that you have in this country ever since I moved here.. They just don't hold a candle to a real proper Canadian Donair. We really need to introduce proper Donairs to this country - I think you'd like them. Much better than the half-arsed dry attempts that your kebob shops make now.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donair

And of course you need real, proper poutine here. FYI, poutine is made from _Chedder Curds_, not curdled milk!!! There is a significant difference. Adding Lomon juice to milk just curdles it... That is just discusting. Chedder curds are more similar to something like say... paneer. Fresh chedder curds are delicious by themselves and when added to a poutine they are simply divine.

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FAIL

You want powerful late night quesadillas, you need TexMex

Our bastardized Texas versions of Mexican food include lots of quesadillas.

Mozzarella is the wrong cheese. Cheddar and Monterrey Jack, please.

MEAT, MEAT, MEAT. Chicken, steak, grilled shrimp, crawdads, roasted pork, chorizo, anything will do. For the vegetarians (as we say, a Native American word for Bad Hunter), use good mushrooms maybe. Add some kind of mild-to-moderately spicy peppers like poblanos or just green chiles.

Use flour tortillas instead of those silly little corn ones.

And as others have mentioned, serve with sides of sour cream, pico de gallo/salsa, and guacamole.

The one thing your crew got right was slicing it like a pizza. That gives you points to use when dipping into the sides, which should obviously be served in little plastic containers that are otherwise too small to dip large things into.

But that kapsalon stuff sounds worth a try. You kids do some crazy things with chips.

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TexMex FTW!

darn, you beat me to it. Mozzarella?!? HELL no! Jalapeño Cheddar and Monterrey Jack.

Mozzarella, while a perfectly fabulous cheese in Italian food (or anything closely resembling), has NO business in Mexican food (or anything closely resembling, such as TexMex)

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I'm glad I read all these ...

They're much more entertaining and educational than iOS/Android/Windows comparison comments. Thank you everybody. I've been inspired to make something 'special' over the weekend.

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And I forgot to add to my first post

Sour cream on the side!!

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Facepalm

Someone ought to shoot you Englishmen!!

Mozzerella cheese in a quesadilla?!! Do I insult English tastes by saying that tea and biscuits means dunking Oreos in a glass of Nestea??

Your quesadilla was correct in the sense that it involved cheese and tortillas exposed to heat. About the only thing you got right was the olives (which are a perfectly valid filling).

Proper tortilla--large flour, folded over the filling instead of using two small torillas with filling between them--much neater that way and more fun to eat--which is half the point in the first place!

Proper cheeses: Jack, cheddar, Mexican cotija cheese, Mexican queso fresca

proper meats: no ground meats allowed!--otherwise chicken, grilled beef, grilled or BBQ'd pork, beef tounge are all good

Proper veggies: various roasted fresh or canned sliced or diced chiles (Jalepeno, Serrano work--NO PEPPERENCINO), mushrooms, sauted or roasted and sliced onions, guacamole or sliced avocado, roasted sliced garlic, the afore-mentioned sliced olives, REAL SALSA, a smidgen of cilantro (which I think is called coriander in Europe) If you don't have salsa and cilantro--don't even bother getting the other ingredients out!--just make yourself a sandwich or something!!

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Pint

I came to point that out, but you covered pretty much every thing.... It's no wonder this "quesadilla" lost the round

No salsa and no guacamole makes quesadilla a dull snack...

No salsa and no guacamole makes quesadilla a dull snack

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Anonymous Coward

I wish some one would have real lamb donner

more like the chicken ones, with real chunks of meat slowly cooking and carved off. After all you can eat lamb pink, I prefer it that way. It's what the "inventor" intended when he came to the UK.

And get rid of the fat filled elephant's foot.

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Anonymous Coward

There's plenty!

Find a Turkish area, North London has plenty, and you'll find plenty of places doing just that.

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Anonymous Coward

I double-dog dare...

I hereby double-dog dare The Reg staff to come over here and do a comparison against a genuine Waffle House all-the-way. I don't care against what you compare it.

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Thumb Down

Why on earth would you take something that's clearly an unholy frankenstein-style hybrid of chips & cheese, a doner kebab and (inexplicably) rabbit food and compare it to a bad butchery of a quesadilla? (Apart from anything, as others have mentioned, quesadillas are folded in half...and if you're not going to use either black beans, refried beans or guacamole in them, what's the point?)

A much better comparison would be between a proper burrito and kapsalon, on the basis that a burrito has a comparable ingredient base.

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Anonymous Coward

What about for the day after?

Menudo - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menudo_%28soup%29

or

Michelada - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michelada

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Anonymous Coward

Gut-buster

A few years ago, after gigs in London, we'd stop off at Billy Bunter's on the Mile End Road in the small hours to get a Gutbuster. This was a burger with a full English crammed on top - sausage, bacon, egg, mushroom and I-was-far-too-pissed-to-remember what else.

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So. USA Sausage Gravy Over (American) Biscuits

A flour white sauce cooked with pork sausage chunks is slathered over fluffy Southern American buttermilk biscuits. Heart-stoppingly delicious/fatal!

One might also throw some sort of egg dish, bacon and/or other Yank sausages, fresh sliced tomatoes, and Brit chips or Yank grits on the plate, especially if selecting from a buffet spread.

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Alert

Pies

An antipodean (NZ, but possibly also Asstralian) delight after a night on the sauce is a dried up horror of a pie from a petrol-station pie-warmer.

Crusty and a sensible temperature on the outside, full of 1000 degree meat-something on the inside. Even better if it is a steak & cheese, or mince & cheese pie of the Big Ben brand - in that case there is a brown smear of something that might have once possibly *seen* meat in passing, and the cheese is hotter than molten Aluminium.

What you would compare this to, however, is beyond me.

I wont even mention what happens to a sausage roll after being in a petrol-station pie-warmer all day...

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Devil

Yeah, it's already been said

But that is a wussy quesadilla. The local taqueria makes quesadillas with one gigantic flour tortilla (or you can get the quesadilla para dos with two gigantic flour tortillas), a mountain of cheese, salsa, avocado, sour cream (which I usually skip), and your choice of meats (my personal favorite being carne asada). The resulting construction, eaten wrapped up like a burrito, is greasy, filling, and delicious, especially after a night of hard drinking.

It's an axiom of food that the further you go from the source, the worse it gets, and this is most especially true of "commoner" food like standard Mexican fare (there are exceptions, of course, but they're rare), so expecting a decent quesadilla out of a Spanish/English collaboration does seem unreasonable. Get your man in San Francisco to FedEx you a quesadilla from El Farolito--the difference, even after being in transit, will be quite apparent.

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