Nokia is looking for a new ring tone, and offering $10,000 to anyone who can come up with something the next Dom Joly can use to annoy people. The tone can't be entirely original, it must be a variation of the familiar Nokia tones, but the company is hoping for something a little updated and hip to go with its new identity which …
Are they serious?
Oh come on Nokia. You told us that we need to cut back on expenditure. You are closing the UK to ave money and you go and offer $10k for a piece of music? You don't have anyone in the company that can do this?
Insanity ruled by stupidity.
I suspect they did not see this as paying for music, but paying for very cheap marketing.
I'M ON A BURNING PLATFORM!!!!!!!
They could do a variation on the Clash's "London's Burning"...
A tune for the Nokia shareholders meeting?
Must evoke chaos, despair, impending doom
Maybe the sound of a McD burger being unwrapped?
Ooo... ooo... - I know! - A recording of a parliamentary debate on the state of the economy?!
Debate != tune, but....
I was thinking along those lines.
NuLab cabinet doing a cover of "Things Can Only Get Better"?
Surely, if they asked around their office, they could get a suggestion for $500 or less.
...but not an article in El Reg.
Remember when GoldenPalace was buying tons of ridiculous stuff at insane prices? Advertising your gambling site was illegal... and the thousands of articles about how absurd it was for them to spend that kind of money on a piece of toast with the image of Jesus on it seemed to miss the point that *they* were delivering the value from that Jesus toast purchase.
Hey, I should do that. "Small motion simulator business will give free simulator to the first person who has its logo tattooed on that fuzzy bit between the top lip and the nose, whose name is a constant subject of trivia questions."
Grammar nazi because the last sentence deserves one.
Specifically the bit at the begining with the manic laughter
"Must evoke chaos, despair, impending doom"
Something atonal is needed. Somebody blowing on a trumpet, and somebody else banging on a drum - without any apparent coordination. Ending with cymbal crash.
Seriously, why are Nokia bothering with this rubbish? All of their marketing efforts in the last few years have been lamentable.
Could it be a remix of "Nearer, My God, to Thee"?
You know, the same music that the string band played on the Titanic as it went down?
Curse you, Elop.
"Must evoke chaos, despair, impending doom"
I'd have thought a funeral march would be appropriate
I completely ignore phones unless
They go ring ring.
People asked why didn't I answer their phone, I said it didn't ring.
So whenever I get a new phone I have to find that tune, but a lot don't have it, so how do I answer?
So a phone can sit there playing silly little tunes as long as it likes but will NOT be answered unless it goes ring ring.
I can't bring myself to believe
that anybody calls you
Re: I completely ignore phones unless
I completely understand, how could you be expected to know how to answer, without a ring-ring?
But then you probably also didn't realise it was a phone, as it wasn't plugged into a phone socket in the wall, and didn't have a rotary dial that you turn round and a curly cord connecting the headset to the base unit.
I think you will find this is all about mobiles!
Nokia makes mobiles (at present) not proper telephones
Workmate goes to the loo, his company mobile rings - it is ignored - they get told it was playing a tune.
Could be a text, could be an alarm.
So we ignore them.
I mainly use real phones on a cable, they ALL have the decency to go ring ring. My mobile phone goes ring ring.
If a mobile phone doesn't go ring ring it gets ignored.
Why is this difficult to understand?
If a phone wants to be answered make sure it makes the correct noises.
Just out of interest
how much do you pay the fellow who walks in front of your automobile with the red flag and the half coconut shells?
I never answer a phone.
That's what the butler is there for.
1) You are completely free to make *your* phone "go ring ring"* if that's what you like.
2) You shouldn't be answering *my* phone, so why do you care what my ringtone is (conversely, I don't care about your opinion of my ringtone).
3) Customized ringtones can be extremely annoying, but are handy to differentiate which phone is ringing (granted, often not necessary in the cases where your phone is on your person, but useful when multiple people/phones are in close proximity).
4) Ringtones tied to caller ID can also be very useful (if I'm in traffic, some calls should just go to voice mail, some callers will get answered *NOW* because if they're calling me on my cell, it is indeed urgent).
* I am assuming you mean the novelty ringtone that has an annoying voice saying "ring.. ring ring.... ring ring ring" over and over. Why you're so tied up on that is beyond me, though.
Company mobiles - not private ones!!!!
It is just that nearly 40 years of using phones that funny tunes do not equal phone ringing.
If you work in the sort of offices I've worked in for the last umpty-ump years, the desk phones don't go ring ring, they go breeep breeep.
Do you not answer those either?
Useless titbit of information...
The original Nokia ring tone was composed by a Spanish Guitar composer back in the day. It's an excerpt from 'Gran Vals' Francisco Tárrega. I only know this as my son played it at my sister in law's wedding last Saturday.
You can find it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hsp6dR-fL4A (not my son playing btw).
My coat's the one with a guitar pick in the pocket.
url.ie/dj3 and url.ie/dj4
A little Googling and I found these mp3 and wav versions of the monophonic Nokia classic. Well, I have a 7 inch Galaxy Tab. I just HAD to set it as the ring tone.
Well okay, no I really didn't have to. But I did anyway.
I don't know if Nokia could ever repeat the instant success of that ringtone. Not even for $10,000.
while Espoo burns
What's wrong with Tárrega's Gran Vals? It's been the staple for long enough, I say let them keep it!
First, Nokia guys must think there is an amazing magic in that melody, something more like e=mc2 , simple looking but genius! It isn't. It is a cool tone but it became to this degree because Nokia itself was a cool company, inventing whatever they feel like and managing to get it to market before anyone else. Also managing to sell it, from teens to old people. Remixing that ringtone won't really help to get back its coolness since Nokia itself isn't cool anymore.
Second is: MS is known to re-invent wheel, "fix" working things and it just shows another proof that Nokia completely lost control and focus to MS.
the Windows shutdown tune?
Variant with "..., impending doom"?
Grande Valse for the first nine notes (since they want a variation of something they've done before) and then ... tack on the theme from Jaws?
// yeah yeah, going!
Something involving major sevenths...
Or some such unresolved harmony... would make people want to pick it up to stop it without actually being as irritating as a stupid noise...
sounds lovely all etherial and suchlike. make me look for a swirly special effect to signal a dream sequence...
now your basic flattened 9's and flattened 5ths (devils interval) that'll do the trick...
or anything covered by jedward of course (assuming the geneva convention is not a problem where you are - you know, UK, USA, Lybia in the old days....)
In view of their tie-in with MS nowdays they ought to get Robert Fripp to create something for them. I'm sure it would be creative enough.
What the fuck is wrong with...
That's what people seem to be going back to.
Never had a phone, land line nor mobile which doesn't
Catchy, yet bland.
Way back when phones didn't come with colour displays, some allowed you to input, through the numpad, your own ringtones. Hopelessly clunky, but arguably more creativity-inspiring than "personalising" through fetching (and paying for) some bit of top of the pops mass produce.
Now you'll just have to get an mp3 of a 70s porn movie midi score run through a sid chip for that retro thing. Hm, wonder if nokia'd fall for that. It'd make a nice change from their usual, like that new font of theirs.
For zis, ve will need.....
....ze bottomless wetsuit and ze bucket of soapy frogs, non?...Too much was it?...OK then, let me seeeeee...aha!
<Tomas De Torquemada sound effects dept>
<snap of rubber glove being fitted>
<squeek of lid being removed from Vaseline jar - buggrit...empty>
Now Mr Smith ...if you'll just bend over please?.....this won't hurt at all...
<extended Tarzan call, with added tremelo, length adjustable>
alternatively, my choice for a ring tone, apart from one that goes "ring, ring", would be a discreet cough.
Friday icon on a Tuesday?
Only drinking on a Friday?
News to me..
Now ripping the soundtrack off that youtube video as my new (android) ringtone. Everyone else seems to have the old analogue bell tone and no-one has nokia anymore!
Just get on...
...and release the new phones Nokia. New ringtones aren't a priority!
Oh you can use them right away
Install Windows developers tools for Windows Phone, fire up its emulator. There, future Nokia phones for you.
What else are you expecting from people wasting a state of art framework like Apple webkit and a naturally mobile kernel as Symbian?
You better pray they won't try to "enhance" it with people who couldn't abandon the ship.
May I suggest
A remixed version of Papa Roach's Last Resort with the Nokia tune somehow included?
here is an idea
Mix windows 3.1/95/98/2K/XP/Vista/7 sounds with original nokia tune.
That will pretty sum up the "eXPrience" poor victims will get with a Nokia winphone. Cacaphony.
For the classical music lovers
Chopin's Piano Sonata No. 2 in B-flat minor, Op. 35, 3rd movement ought to sum their "new identity" up rather nicely.
My only custom ringtone ever...
South Park movie's "Uncle Fucker" and I programmed it into my 3210 by hand.
Icon: Well I didn't pay for it!
Evoke chaos, despair, etc, etc.
How about my current ringtone; four blasts from a klaxon alarm?
Then again, no. I chose that one so I could tell it was my phone ringing, and not somebody elses in the crowd.
There can be only one...
I'd suggest John Cage's 4'33".
I wish more people would use it.
Just use whalesong samples.
Where's me 10 grand?
Give the money to me
2. take a nokia phone
3. play the Gran Vals tune and drop it in the toilet
5. Stop recording
I thought everyone used horrid little samples of R&B songs as their ringtones these days, certainly the vast majority of phones I hear do.
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