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back to article Ofcom mulls smackdown for rogue religious TV channel

Satellite channel Believe TV has broadcast advertisements during programmes, made unsupported claims of curing cancer and repeatedly improperly exploited its audience, says Ofcom – enough to make even the normally hands-off regulator consider a fine. The channel is broadcast on Sky and is filled with the kind of testament one …

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Not Ribena,

... Lucozade MAYBE.

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whatever happened to..

Lucozade AIDs Recovery

?

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Coat

Vimto, more like

A bugger to get out of the carpet as well.

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Sir

I'm going to start a new self selecting channel called

"I'm dumb as shit and want to give away my money and risk my health at the same time"

Hmm, not a very snappy title, any ideas?

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Ha!

I'd be more impressed if you started a channel whose audience was *not* self-selecting.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Sir

Scientology TV?

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Trollface

@Sir Runcible Spoon

'The Daily Mail Channel.'

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Anonymous Coward

Hmm...

Pricedrop TV

QVC

Madbid.com

somerandomshiteonlinegameschannel

chavTV

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Joke

Already out there

It's called Sky

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Re: Sir

How about Dogbert's Gullible Friends?

http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/1996-06-09/

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Hmm, not a very snappy title, any ideas?

How about

The White Trash, I ❤ Jerry Springer Channel

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Alert

Got one!

'The Homeopathy Channel'?

Seems to match your description 100%. 'Course, the more you watch, the less effective it is.

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MJI
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Anonymous Coward Hmm... Tuesday 23rd August 2011 09:49 GMT

Tou forgot

ITV1 (some decent drama is not enough)

ITV2

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Boffin

No need for a new channel?

Considering that Sky is hosting the 'God helps those who help themselves to others pockets' channel you have no need for another FUD outfit.

We already have Faux News for the 'dumb as shit' brgade and countless adverts of household cleaners poured over 'just-made-dirty' kitchen surfaces to rake in the gullible. Combined with many ads for 'health supplements' designed for those who will pee or crap them straight out again as either the body can't use them in that particular form or just doesn't need them, you are already well the way to spiritual and fiscal enlightenment.

In the meantime can I interest you in subscribing to a home-study course to enable you and your loved ones to prepare fully for the next Rapture[tm]. It is clear that we were not godly enough last time so it is necessary to ensure the full holyness needed to be raised up. A convenient Direct Debit scheme is available, just ring this extortionate phone trap and hand over your card details to avoid the embarrassment of being overlooked by the Almighty.

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Re: Sir

Believe This Shit TV....

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Replies don't need titles.

The 419 Channel?

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Anonymous Coward

already broadcasting

The homeopathy channel already broadcasts on every major TV channel, giving it the largest viewing figures worldwide.

It occupies 0.00001 of the pixels on your TV at any time. Just because you can't observe it, doesn't mean you aren't watching it.

Honest.

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Sir

"Believe This Shit TV...."

"419 Channel"

these two have lots of potential. The first one could be in plain old English, the second, well, it could be in anything really.

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Coat

Re: The Homeopathy Channel

Surely it wouldn't be a separate channel but just subliminal images inserted into an existing channel's broadcast. And then you'd find that the chances of one of these frames being broadcast is so low, you'd probably never get to see one even if you tuned in for your entire lifetime. But you'd supposedly feel much better for having watched.

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Paris Hilton

Homeopathy Channel

That's genius.

You only have to broadcast one single thing that's any good, but it doesn't matter because all of the rest of the crap *will remember* and become good as a result.

Paris because I think that's more or less what she did (except the one good thing, wasn't really).

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Facepalm

All bad?

If it helps stop morons from cloggin up the NHS, and demanding rather expensive medicine and treatments, is it really such a bad idea? I'm all for protecting the vulnerable from exploitative swindle-merchants, but there comes a point when you have to wonder if we're really so short of religous morons that we really have to try to save them all. I'm sure they all quite keen to join their maker in paradise, surely we shouldn't try to delay their ultimate happiness?

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Anonymous Coward

The problem here is deathbead conversions

Not so much "To the Faith" as "from the Faith"....

Sadly, we can keep these folks alive and if they have a Damassene conversion too early then the costs of keeping them alive far and out way any saving previously made through the idiots believing "AIDs is cured by Faith" or some such non-sense.

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Sadly

Some of these people have children and are all too often willing to inflict their Dark Ages lunacies on innocent people.

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Devil

there should be a law

no religion before 18.

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Happy

@Mike Richards re: Sadly

Putting a Darwinian spin on this, should this not mean that they eventually remove themselves from the gene pool because they have died from curable conditions?

Oh. Probably not after thinking about it, as they have probably already had their children by the time they die of age related problems like cancer. Pity. Would love to wave such an ironic proof of Darwinian Evolution in the faces of the Creationists!

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Why does...

...it take so long to shut these people down?

Why is it just the useless ASA and Ofcom? Surely this is a fraud and should be prosecuted?

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Alien

By far

The biggest scam on the planet.

Always has been and always will be

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'The biggest scam on the planet.'

Organised religion or Sky TV?

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Rob
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Coat

RE 'The biggest scam on the planet.'

Obvious answer to that Mike, both.

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Go

Pointless title, which must contain letters and/or digits.

The channel "regularly advertises products in the middle of programmes (which isn't allowed)"?

Sweet, does that mean that ITV, Channel Four, Channel Five, Sky etc are all going to be closed down?

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In show advertising

Sky regularly show programs in the middle of adverts.

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Headmaster

Depends on the programme content

Back when I were a lad and worked for an ITV company centre breaks in religious programming (and childrens programmes) were not allowed, and if memory serves there were also restrictions on the content allowed in the breaks immediately before and after the programme.

Breaks in live sport also weren't allowed to interrupt the flow of the event and had to wait for a natural gap, football matches crammed two long breaks into half time, but that got dropped when ITV got Formula One GPs.

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Happy

Well, that's what

Well, that's what Sky Plus is for. Select desired station, pause it, do something else for as long as the total duration of all the advert breaks minus however long you might want to spend on live pause, then come back and hit play. When adverts come on, just fast-forward through them. By the time you catch up with broadcast, it will be the end of the programme.

I'd make those who advocate polluting the BBC with adverts watch Sky on a non-recording box, but it's probably against some human rights law regarding cruel and unusual punishments.

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Pit stops?

ITV should have asked the F1 people to have pit stops every 20 minutes so they could take a quick ad break.

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WTF?

Seriously???

"advertising a cure for cancer is specifically banned by the Cancer Act 1939,"

WTF?

So if someone actually DOES come up with a real cancer cure, they're not allowed to advertise it?

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Sir

Nothing short of AI controlled nano-bots are ever going to stop cancer 100%, so it's hardly likely to happen is it?

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FAIL

As is the case with all medical treatments in the UK,

Yes.

It's down to your doctor to prescribe you the correct medicine, not the most effective used-car salesman in the snappiest suit.

This is why doctors spend four years at medical school learning how to diagnose and treat illnesses.

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If someone does come up with a genuine working 'cure' for cancer...

then I don't think they will need to advertise it at all, since the world's media will probably manage to find space for a few moments of coverage before resuming its usual in-depth analysis of celebrity vajazzle etc.

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Stop

Damned right seriously

Many cancers can be treated very successfully ( early melanoma, juvenile leukaemia, among others) - ie. mortality rates of those treated tend closely towards those of the general population.

Cancer can't be "cured" - both you and I have cancer anyway. Advertising a "cure" for cancer is as fraudulent and nonsensical as advertising a "cure" for having feet.

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Post your own message

If someone really does come up with a cure for cancer they won't *need* to advertise it!

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That reminds me

of an episode of Lois and Clark where some shyster acquired super powers and began advertising his services by means of crappy commercial on late night TV.

As Supes had to point out to him, that's not how it's done.

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Headmaster

Medical Salespersons

No, they have to have it approved by NICE and then send GPs a Blueray DVD of how effective it is. Plus the Blueray player to watch it on.

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Not on Prescription drugs.

You can't advertise any prescription drugs in this country. They'd still be able to do press releases etc.. but not direct advertising.

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Ru
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Oh no! Laws are written in stone!

And as we all know, once enacted they remain in place FOR ALL ETERNITY.

Oh wait, that's religious law I'm thinking of. Turns out in the rest of the world old rules can be updated, replaced or repealed.

Oh, and in the event of a real cure for cancer being developed, I think everyone will hear about it pretty damn quickly.

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Why so serious?

They'd probably be allowed to advertise it through the appropriate means:

Pharmaceutical publications/journals

Promotional materials to hospitals

Indirectly through news: "News just in, Glaxosmithkline have announced that they have finally discovered the cure for cancer..."

Television adverts? Probably not.

Before the huge "ZOMG" crowd start, how often are serious medications advertised on the TV?

You get adverts for various over the counter drugs, but I can't remember the last time I saw an advert for "Insulex! Instead of your normal Insulin, take Insulex! Insulex, for all your diabetic needs! Call 0906 342 2383 (0906 DIA BETE) for your free sample now!"

In the same way, I can't imagine the cancer cure drug being advertised in such a way.

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Ru
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FAIL

Re: Damned right seriously

If I cut off your feet, they won't grow back. The same cannot be said for cancer.

Cancerous cells are not the same as normal cells. Therefore eliminating all cancerous cells from the body will cure cancer. Example: malignant cancerous cells replicate indefinitely, unlike all other cells in the body. Eliminate all 'immortalised' cells, eliminate the cancer.

Don't confuse any sort of pre-cancerous mutation with cancer. Don't assume cancers are an inevitable of being alive. Don't assume everyone somehow magically has an inactive cancer. You are wrong.

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Prescription only medicines

There are strict rules about the promotion of prescription only medicines in the UK.

You cannot advertise them to the general public - encouraging people to 'ask your doctor about it..'. Obviously manufacturers can pitch their product at healthcare professionals. Such information is publically available, but you would need to seek it out.

Personally I support this approach. More specifically, advertising a cure for cancer should be a criminal offense in my opinion.

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No real difference...

No real difference to why Viagra and the likes are advertised in the US but not over here. You'll get it on the NHS anyway. Why would a drug manufacturer (or whoever) pay to advertise on TV for a cure to cancer when they can get it picked up in the mainstream press fairly easily, advertise to GPs and other healthcare professionals and get the NHS to pay?

(Yes, I'm aware Viagra (probably) isn't banned from being advertised, but meh.)

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Yes, seriously

There are cures for certain types of cancer with varying degrees of effectiveness, and people are not allowed to advertise them. You go do a doctor and they recommend the appropriate treatment, so you get a treatment recommended by a suitably qualified person rather than the one with the best TV ad.

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Trollface

BluRay.... DVD

Blu-Ray....... DVD

Blu-Ray > DVD

Blu-Ray and DVD are mutually exclusive

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