Where do I sign up for a place in one of those nuclear bunkers?
Nothing to do with the comet, it's not going to hit the earth, there's really nothing to worry about. Your call IS important to us...
Rather worryingly, US space agency NASA has out of the blue issued a strident denial that an approaching comet poses any threat to planet Earth. "COMET ELENIN POSES NO THREAT TO EARTH," begins the NASA statement emailed to the Register. "Often, comets are portrayed as harbingers of gloom and doom in movies and on television, …
represent NO THREAT AT ALL to the delicate meatbags who will be residing there in the event of cometary apocalypse. Any rumours that our potential customers may have heard regarding unreliable aggression inhibitors and downgrading of the Asimov laws to mere voluntary guidelines are TOTALLY FALSE.
Yeah, that did kinda' suck after all the hype -- kinda' like Kohoutek.
Still, back in '94, Hale-Bopp was pretty sweet right about twilight in the eastern US for a while -- notwithstanding a bunch of idiot cultists who misunderstood the message "wait for the comment 'Hail Bob'!" and committed suicide..
I too was seriously disappointed by Kohoutek, and after Halley was so far I feared I will never see a big comet with my own eyes, so it was very nice that Hale-Bobb and Hyakutake (in 1996) came along. The latter was IMHO the more impressive of the 1990's comets, at least where I live.
...1997? Damn, that's right; thanks for refreshing my memory. I also recall the press brouhaha over a cult that thought the appearance of Hale-Bopp was a signal that their alien overlord was coming to pick them up in his mothership, so they all committed suicide with Jello shooters.
It was Shoemaker-Levy that crashed into Jupiter after being broken into fragments by Jupiter's gravity in '94; I remember some very spectacular HST images of that.
Thanks.
You got it all wrong...
Bruce Willis does comets and shit....
Chuck Norris does everything else.
Vin Diesel?
Vin Diesel could pwn all the lot of them, the comet included with his left little finger nail.
Vin FTW, I tell you... I mean...
Just look at the man...
Just look at the man....
When I grow up I wanna be a VIn Diesel
So, yes, who named it and why? And, if so insignificant, why do they not give press releases for astronauts turds on intercept (or non-intercept) trajectory?
It wouldn't be so bad but there is little left to loot...so will just have to settle for mass orgy.
It will just leave the $3000 worth of packages just inside the glass front doors at 7am without a signature and we won't even see it.
*never had a delivery from actual Commet, but multiple other couriers have done this to us. To quote our major supplier "they are in a world of their own".
joining the cover up... the comet will kill us all
By adding to the cover up , your esteemed publication shows it has joined the new world order in suppressing the truth
Must go now, seems the medication I take to control my paranoid delusions is wearing off
Mines the one with the tin foil hat in the pocket
"Comet Elenin will make its closest approach to Earth on 16 October, at which point it will be 22 million miles away – more than 90 times as far off as the Moon."
that means the moon is only 244444 miles away. What's the moon doing that close? Didn't NASA have to fly millions of miles in the 60s to land on the moon? This tallies with my personal observations that recently the moon is appearing a lot bigger in the sky than I remember as a kid. Of course it has to fall down eventually but surely not this year. Does the moon go up and down in a cycle? It's funny how NASA even mentioned the moon there when the story was about a comet noone even knows about. I recommend watching the astronomological news closely from here on in.
A quick shufti with your favourite search engine would have told you that the moon is 356400 km to 406700 km from the earth (it wobbles a bit due to the cheese gases escaping in random directions) (that's 2577283 to 2941024 brontosauruses, 13137 to 14992 PARISes, or 221451 to 252706 miles).
And for those moon landing images it was just a bit of driving to the Nevada desert, not hundreds of thousands of miles in some tin can on top of a huge rocket.
"...which starts with two bored airline pilots flying a plane; suddenly one of the reaches for the intercom and says "Ladies and Gentlemen - this is your captain speaking. There is absolutely nothing to worry about."
Which, in turn, reminds me of an old Monty Python bit: "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome aboard East Scottish Airways. There is no need to panic."
You can buy my special anti-comet elixir for only US$9999 - based upon homeopathic techniques, it has some cometary gasses (CN) to make you resistant to the effects of the comet.
You can also buy a space in my special comet-proof bunker for only US$999999.
Don't worry, the bunker is hermetically sealed so that no nasty comet gasses can get in.
(fail for the idiots worrying about this....)