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back to article One-armed Belarus man monocuffed for clapping

It appears that Belarus president Alexander Lukashenko – faced with growing public demands that he naff off after 17 years at the helm of the former Soviet republic – is determined to go out in comedy gold style. Alexander Lukashenko According to this report, cops loyal to "Europe's last dictator" (pictured) have been clamping …

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Unhappy

Wondering

Not that I have a slightest sympathy for Lukashenko - I most definitely don´t.

However, crap like this, making Russians look like benevolent and tolerant chaps in comparison, actually makes me wonder, how much of this is caused by direct orders from Lukashenko, and how many of it is work of overzealous bureaucratic drones, who knows, what is best for His Presidentnees, better than president himself.

Just extrapolating from similar cases in history of my own country, mind you.

This might be totally in line with Luhashenko´s orders...

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The Cossacks work for the Tsar, alas.

I have no doubt that Lukashenko has the powers of clemency for this hapless handless clapper. It would be cheap PR to give a pardon. It would also be a nice and reasonable thing to do. It would even be _gracious_, for old-fashioned royalist meaning of the word "grace" - "grace of the king", y'know.

But people don't become dictators by being nice, reasonable or gracious, but by being nasty bastards. In this occasion, I could see Medvedev giving a pardon - and possibly even Putin, were he president again (given a few snickerings from foreigners to gibe him into action).

But Luhashenko seems too small minded and stubborn to take the hint. There's too much of the "pocket Hitler" about him, to use an old British WWII term for petty authoritarian officials of the time. God designed him to be one of life's bus-ticket inspectors, but Satan gave him Belarus instead.

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FAIL

Hair

That bloody comb-over should carry a few extra years imprisonment, too.

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He looks like

an estate agent. Always knew estate agents were evil.

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Anonymous Coward

An estate agent?

More like the bastard child of Terry Bradshaw and George Costanza.

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Facepalm

Where do they find these people?

How do you manage to pluck from a street protest (which presumably has a largish number of people) the guy with one arm and a deaf-mute? Seriously, this reads like a Rowan Atkinson sketch.

* awaits reports of charges of "wearing a loud shirt in a built up area", "walking on the cracks in the pavement" and the current favourite, "looking at me in a funny way" *

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Silver badge

They probably arrest

...and fine anyone in the general vicinity of any protest. Nothing like that kind of thing to keep the populace obedient, eh?

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Don't forget...

..."Loitering with intent to cross the road" and "Being in posession of an offensive wife."

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Bronze badge

Constable Savage

not forgetting "breaking and entering a boiled egg" and "grievous bodily odour".

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No one's mentioned

"urinating in a public convenience."

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Silver badge

Not to mention

Being tall in the presence of a police officer.

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Evidently...

...Belarus' police force is familiar with the Zen koan, "What is the sound of one hand clapping?"

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Thumb Up

RE: Evidently...

"Cl". The other hand makes the "ap".

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At last!

Can someone get over to Belarus and ask their police what the sound of one hand clapping actually is?

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+1

For the first Koan reference

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Anonymous Coward

Very Zen and the Art of Political Protest

I have nothing against a dissent clapping with one hand. Problem is, neither has he.

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Coat

He's a Ron Jeremy look-a-like

if you squint in the right way.... No?

Oh

the grubby mac please...

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Anonymous Coward

Funny...

...especially considering the Rowan Atkinson comments above, but I thought he looked like Inspector Grim from Gasforth Police Station...

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Happy

It's all got very zen?!

Clapping with one hand, did he make a sound?

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Coat

If a one armed man claps in the woods and there's nobody around to hear...

Does it make a sound?

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Joke

More importantly...

...if a mute man protests and there isn't a woman to hear him, is he still wrong??

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Facepalm

This is how you clap with one hand

Substitute forehead

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Joke

Clapping with one hand...

There's a [cl]ap for that.

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Childcatcher

Hmmm

Perhaps next they'll arrest someone in a coma for starting a fight. Or a man with no legs for kicking someone?

Where does it end?

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Black Helicopters

Remember, remember

the 5th of November...

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Silver badge

@Remember, remember

Careful - there is an offence of promoting terrorism

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Black Helicopters

Hmm, chilling effects :-(

See titular section

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Happy

Bart Simpson

Bart ably demonstrated the sound of "one hand clapping" in episode "Dead Putting Society".

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Paris Hilton

I thought that was a Zen Koan ?

Sound of a one handed clap.

Paris, coz she likes a clamp.

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WTF?

Same thing seems to happen in London these days....

I was just reading in the UK newspapers about the fines and stuff for the student loans protesters. That'll teach them to make a noise.

As ever, its only bad if its their guy that's doing it. If its our guy then they're just preserving Peace and Freedom.

As for the change in politicians I think we're all past this now -- we now know for sure that no matter who we vote for, the (same) government always gets in. Places like Belarus and Syria are just more honest about it.

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Unhappy

uhhh....

There is indeed a huge difference between unreasonable public nuisance fines, and 'Arrested for something obviously physically impossible and convicted by a judge who can see that but is intimidated by officers in the room'.

They are orders of magnitude different, and this is actually an excellent counterpoint to the arms-flailing "We're no better than..." hysteria that is often seen.

Pretending that things in the euro-zone / usa/canada are just as bad as in autocracy X only hurts the ability to fight real injustice, since people just look at web sites or comments and think, 'This is like Nazi Germany? Funny, I didn't think that gay Jews could get married there...." and dismiss claims of problems as melodrama.

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Mushroom

clearly Kent Police

Have been training the local plod over there as they are the past masters of arresting photgraphers for being too tall and similar made up non crime rubbish.

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Joke

Perchance...

The auditory wizards in Belarus police department can also tell us what sound an unattended tree makes if it falls down in the forest.

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Angel

for similair fun, games and hi-jinx

take a ride on a train in Victoria Australia with one of our Conductors' Hitler*

( met him the other night )

*Godwin's Exemption claimed

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Anonymous Coward

Enough of the moustachioist discrimination

As a fellow moustache user I resent your allegation that the Lukashenko dies his moustache but also that doing so should constitute an offence at law.

First they came for the moustache wearers,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a moustache wearer.

Next they came for the communists,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for me

and there was no one left to speak out for me.

With apologies to Martin Niemöller

And dear Lester Haines, can I remind you that "A kiss without a moustache is like an egg without salt" - as you'll find out if you get your girlfriend to shave hers off.

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Holmes

It's obvious to me...

... where they've gone wrong. It's simply a dyslexia issue, nothing more, nothing less. The chap in question, 'Poor old Konstantin Kaplin' was labelled by the powers that be as Mr Klapin, so they threw the proverbial book at him.

Simple as...

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Paris Hilton

I finally figured out...

...why el reg included the Paris Hilton icon in its collection.

They anticipated that, at some future date, some one-armed bloke in Belarus might give her the clap.

I'm leaving now...

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