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back to article Kiwi gals swig shots of horse semen

The hard cases among you who subscribe to the "I'll drink anything, me" school are directed to the Green Man Pub in Wellington, which is serving up shots of apple-infused horse semen. The tempting equine oyster concoction - dubbed Hoihoi tatea - forms part of the NZ boozer's entry into the 14th annual Monteith's Beer & Wild Food …

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Windows

Neigh!

Neigh! Neigh! And thrice neigh!

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Joke

Ladies, put away those passports and purses...

Mine is available FREE from the source, and tastes like chocolate! (Honest)

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Happy

Taste Test?

I wonder if it makes the Kiwi lasses taste funny?

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@Anomalous Cowturd et ali ...

That poor stallion needs to get cut, as he's obviously not worthy of breeding. If he was, he'd be making a lot more money ...

By way of explanation, our main stallion, an 18 year old with a good track record, sells for US$3500 per mail-order cryo-packed AI application. We offer up to ten repeat applications for proven brood mares, or until they produce, whichever comes first. It's 4500 for room & board if your mare needs to visit us for "live cover" (he doesn't travel anymore), which is required for some equine disciplines. Our youngster (his grandson, 8 years old) is USD$1750 & 2500 ... as will be our two-year-old (great great grandson) if/when we deem him ready.

15 bucks a shot is silly, at best ... the cost of harvesting the stuff, plus keeping it fresh long enough to get it "to market" would be close to ten times that price. Gut feeling is that they are selling tapioca to idiots who don't know any better ;-)

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Wal-Mart Brand

There's not much need to pay stupidly high prices if it's being collected from any old rundown stallion. High prices are for high genetic quality spunk. For a person that already has the equipment and access to an out-to-pasture ranch horse, $15 a shot is a pretty good payroll.

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Urh
WTF?

I'm no equine expert, but...

...surely a single spurt of horse spunk could fill more than a few shot glasses? Perhaps our neigh-sayer could enlighten us on the topic of stallion ejaculate volumes.

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@Urh

Our guys typically do between 50 and 100mL per session, with a maximum in late spring/early summer & a minimum in late fall/early winter. That's (roughly) one or two 1.5 US oz (~44mL) shots per session. Thanks for asking; sorry if it ruins your horse porn fantasies :-)

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@Killraven

Cool. If you're willing to sign a contract, I'll pay you twice that ... $30 per collection ... if you like. The mandatory vet charges twice that, and the two helpers[1] adds another $60 to the total[2], and that's just for the collection. Should be good for a giggle, and maybe I'll finally have something worth posting to YouTube[3].

[1] Safety first ... Keeps insurance rates low.

[2] I pay my field hands well ... I want to keep 'em!

[3] That's sarcasm ... There is no way I'd put my horses in the hands of a rookie.

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Coat

So..

a horse walks into a bar...

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Go

Re: So...

Bartender says: "Deliveries 'round the back, mate."

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Pint

NZ lasses are keen to swallow spunk?

Time to renew my passport.

Beer for whichever moderator has to sift through 3 million variations on this theme.

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Coat

but

only if you are hung like a horse...?

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Stop

It's Friday

Yes it's friday, but WTF?

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Gimp

Seems that we have some NEIGH SAYERS in the Audence

Well time to go and self medicate myself on Magical Ponies, having magical adventures again!

Fanboi for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic!

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Coat

Thats a lot of dosh for a small amount of product....

I suspect they are cutting it with other agents. :^{

Reminds me of the time in the early 90s that the RSPCA closed down a Wellington bar serving Goldfish with a Tequila chaser

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Coat

The fish in question were wowsers.

Didn't like getting drunk.

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Coffee/keyboard

"stallion magic water"

Expect a Pulitzer nomination in the mail for that one Lester.

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Pint

There Are Lots Of...

...feel-good hormones in semen. The purpose is to enhance pair bonding. This reinforces/explains the street knowledge that a girl will be yours forever if you are her first.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201101/attention-ladies-semen-is-antidepressant

"[semen contains] two female sex hormones, and many mood-elevating compounds: endorphins, estrone, prolactin, oxytocin, thyrotrpin-releasing hormone, and serotonin."

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Paris Hilton

Lifetime wellness for ladies

Human semen contains hormones that in the human female promote retention of calcium in the bones. So gals, don't be a bent and pain-wracked old lady, suck your man off every day! Act now for an active old age!

Paris, you look after yourself sweetie, make sure you get yours every day.

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Joke

Last time I checked

I saw a report that said most of the feel-good chemicals they had identified in semen were also present in evening primrose oil.

Sorry, did I just ruin your sex life?

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But when was the last time evening primrose oil...

...bought a gal dinner or jewlery in the hope of some?

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Unhappy

Kiwi gals swig shots of horse semen

"300 NZ bucks for 20 vials of the essential fluid"

Damn, and I can't even give mine away.

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Pint

Here's the solution

Put it in a vial and sell it as horse semen.

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Coat

The NZ dollar...

Currently trading two and a half to the Patagonian Nguano Bean.

Mine's the one with the bridle in the pocket.

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I remember once

.. a guy telling me, while I was working in Wellington, NZ, that the girls there were the easiest!

All I can confirm is Sydney girls are the hardest.

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Devil

Sydney girls ...

Maybe the problem was you ... ?

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Pint

Bit of a kiwi tradition, eh

www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIv60xFSda0

Pint, because...

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Reminds me...

Of my ex-girlfriend. The less said about that the better... talk about mind searing experience.

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Anonymous Coward

"Do you spit or swallow, darlin' ?"

"I quaff it as a recreational beverage."

"Our conversation wasn't supposed to do that."

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Anonymous Coward

Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase...

Do you kiss your children with that mouth?

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Paris Hilton

20 vials

If you don’t like the bottled variety I've got plenty of draught....

So if I offered to buy a shot for some girl, would she thing I was coming on to her???

I'll bet you didn't see that remark coming...

Paris, for obvious reasons

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Joke

Plenty of Draught..

..Draught horse, surely?

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Facepalm

Draught horse?

No, you have to blow it yourself.

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Happy

Blah

I wish they all could be Californian

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Childcatcher

More Stocks Arriving Daily!

Co-owner Steve Drummond said massive worldwide interest in the virile vials has meant he is now ordering stock in litres.

"We've got it coming in bulk now," Drummond said.

"We've got a hundred shot glasses coming today, but that's all going to go tonight. I'll be ordering in another three litres in early next week too, by the look of it."

Drummond was not concerned about stocks running out from the stallions supplying the liquid.

"I guess they would get fatigued like anyone would, but I believe they have a reasonably large reservoir of the stuff."

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Coat

Brave equines

You've got to admire the stallions working at this bulk provision. They must really have balls.

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Boffin

It is usually collected...

...with the horse-equivalent of a real-doll.

My mum's first job was at an AI (and I don't mean in the IT sense) facility. She was only doing secretarial work, but still copped a lot of inuendo from city-raised friends (her family, beind 3rd gen. farmers didn't see what the fuss was.about).

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Lies...

Sign at the downtown Pr0n shop:

Free 24 hour viewing booths. Just don't mess up our floor, that's what that bottle in front of you is for.

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Coat

Blegh

Though spare a thought for the guys who have to collect it.

That said, could hire a few furries. I'm sure they wouldn't have a problem.

Coat, hat, going,

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Joke

That's a great improvement

Better than a lot of pubs round here - they serve something more like horse piss.

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Coat

Horse piss...

More traditionally know as stella or carling

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WTF?

I'm curious to know...

who is tossing off the NZ equine population?

Not something I'd want on my C.V.

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Pint

barmaids

I'm sure the barmaids had lots of fun pulling the pump handle!!

They can pull mine anytime.

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Coat

That explains it ...

No wonder New Zealand horses run so fast!

And we'd always thought it was because they'd heard what happens to the sheep.

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Are they wankers...

My question is - who gets to jerk the horses off for the pub?!

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Paris Hilton

A long time ago....

....there was an avi file of something very much that doing the rounds. No need for the glass and apple juice if you get my drift.

These days you'd be done for possessing extreme porn for having a copy.

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Joke

Yes they are...

Horse semen?

What really happened: Hot bird comes in and orders the stuff. Bartender goes out back and knocks one off, and then somewhat sated in ardour, serves her the result and even gets paid for it.

No.. this is NZ isn't it?

What really really happened: Bartender goes out back and grabs a sheep....

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Coat

It's a title...

Take this with a pinch of salt.

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Thumb Up

so many possibilities...

Does it come in pints?

Would be interrsting to see the barmaid pull a pint of this.

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Coat

"It comes in pints? I'm getting one!"

What would you expect in a tavern called the "Prancing Pony".

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