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back to article Midlands council laughs at zombie-apocalypse threat

Leicester City Council has been forced to admit that it lacks a comprehensive emergency plan should the Midlands city be hit by zombie attack. The council received a Freedom of Information request which asked: Dear Leicester City Council, Can you please let us know what provisions you have in place in the event of a zombie …

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Working in a council office,

you'd assume the zombie apocalypse had already happened.

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Inspiration?

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/05/19/cdc_zombie_apocalypse/

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Why bother?

This is Leicester. Who'd notice?

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I'd feel sorry for the zombies

They'd starve to death up there, poor things.

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is required.

Its Leicester, who'd even notice?

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Go

How much

...does an FOI request cost? This could become a fashion.

Dear Shaftesbury council, Please can you supply me with details of your contingency plan for when the town is hit by a tsunami. I realise that we're 700 feet above sea level and 20 miles from the coast, but...

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Mushroom

More truth than jest?

Dear UK Nuclear Power,

What are your contingency plans for dealing with an 8.9 earthquake combined with a 20 meter tsunami?

Signed,

The Government.

I wonder how much that is costing?

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Silver badge

Detection is the first step

Has anyone suggested a way of detecting if Leicester was invaded by a load of shambling incoherent braindead lifeless zombies ?

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Anonymous Coward

Simple.....

Stand near clock tower and use your eyes.

It would harder to find those who don't look like the undead.

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Joke

Just

Count the fruity phones, and you have the nb of Zombies.

There even probably is an app for that too.

Yes i feel trolly.

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Linux

Any

efficient OS or indeed council should auto-clean zombies

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WTF?

Public information?

I surely hope someone is having fun here. If not, I'm a little bit impressed that someone who believes in zombies are aware of their FOI rights.

On the other hand, emergency plans for zombie attacks should possibly not be public, as a safety measure. But then again, zombies are rather simple minded and wouldn't care about the plans, would they?

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Max Brooks

Get him to assist with the planning. He already has a wealth of material to apply.

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Meh

Hordes of the fictional undead???

I'm surprised at Leicester City Council claiming not to have a policy to deal with a sudden rush of zombies, on the basis that they don't exist.

They weren't fictional when I used to go and stand on the Kop at Filbert Street in the 80s & early 90s. Most of the defence and at least two of the centre forwards were clearly zombified, judging by their speed & agility.

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Naive fools

I grew up on a diet of zombie movies. To this day I still evaluate every new building I enter on its ability to hold back a zombie outbreak. It'll pay off one day ...

http://xkcd.com/87/

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Psychological Operations

Propaganda, just more Psychological Operations bull

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To be fair...

To be fair, if Leicester was hit by a zombie invasion I doubt anyone would notice... it might even improve the place ;)

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FAIL

What a waste of time...

And we complain that councils aren't doing enough - maybe it's because they have to waste time answering pointless and stupid FOI requests?

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FAIL

The CDC don't think so-

http://www.bizjournals.com/atlanta/morning_call/2011/05/cdc-releases-zombie-apocalypse-alert.html

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Daily Mail

"She also added that the council had a range of emergency plans, and elements of these would presumably apply in the event of a Zombie invasion"

Cue the Daily Mail totally misquoting this and taking it completely out of context in order to rant and rage about UK councils wasting tax payers money on plans to counter zombie invasions.

Also I predict hundreds of utter retards writing snarling replies in the comments because they actually believe it..

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iZombies

I don't know about Leicester, but the number if people with iPhones in North London is worrying...

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Now then, be fair...

Almost ALL cell phone users stumble around the streets like zombies, with their ruling monads clamped tightly to the side of their heads, in their continuing attempts to be (un)dead.

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Devil

How many peoples Friday afternoons will be ruined....

...by a PHB asking how the DR plan would cope with a zombie apocalypse?

I know our DR plans didn't allow for the purchase of shot guns and sufficient ammunition to allow staff to hole up in the data centre. Management were too concerned about mutiny...

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KaD
Mushroom

Re: How many peoples Friday afternoons will be ruined....

As one of the senior network techs at my former company I would have had to march over to the DR site if things went seriously sideways perhaps for a few days. They wanted to know how long it would take me to get from work/home to the DR site in case of floods, toxic gas clouds, violent riots and civil unrest, pandemic illness, widespread power outages, zero visibility blizzards at -40c, terrorist attack, etc... and what equipment I would need to make the 15km hike in an efficient manner.

I don't know what they were expecting, but they dropped the matter when I put in requisition for NBC suits, Kevlar armor, semi-automatic weapons, knives and hand axes, tear gas and pepper spray, paintball gun w/ pepper balls, tazer gun, binoculars, MRE rations w/flameless heater, water purification tablets, high-arctic survival clothing, snowshoes, GPS, maps and compass, night-vision goggles, mountain bikes w/saddle bags, mobile sat phone, crow bar, photovoltaic panel, medical kit, semi-rigid inflatable boat w/motor and a gas mask.

I think with all that I could have take on a decent zombie outbreak in my city. Too bad they never approved it and decided the DR site would be on automatic fail-over shortly thereafter. Wonder why...

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jai
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good god

I drive up there once a month or so, I had no idea I was putting myself in such potential danger!

Then again, there's been times looking at all the aimless shoppers in the Highcross shopping mall, it's quite likely the zombie invasion has already happened!!

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Appalling

That any public sector organisation could admit to such a shameful lack of preparation in the event of an onslaught by legions of the undead. They should be horse whipped for this one.

It is only to be hoped that the Borough of Tunbridge Wells isn't as unprepared.

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Megaphone

All concils should prepare-

Once the benefits are cut, allsorts will roam the streets!

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Coat

What, Bertie Bassett and friends?

Now, that IS scary.

Mine's the black, liquorice-flavoured one.

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Liquorice-flavoured hat?

By George, you may be onto something there! Protect your tasty brains with something even more tasty, to keep the zombies occupied. After a whole hat's worth of liquorice, I usually find I've rather lost my appetite. Genius!

Leicester Council, that'll be £50k for the concept consultancy, ta. Job done.

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FAIL

Awful response

Not taking the zombie threat seriously, or not believing reports of outbreak, are ALWAYS the central point of failure in zombie invasions.

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just call

Milla Jovovich, not only will she kick their arse, but it will be a very enjoyable view....

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Go

Last time I worked with Ms Jovovich

she was a vampire.

But, yes, the view was enjoyable.

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Coat

If Leicester were invaded by zombies......

......would it change anything?

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Coat

Zombies not likely to attack councils...

They are looking for braaains!

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Joke

Well really

Don't most of them work for the council(s) anyway? (thinking Shaun of the dead)

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Anonymous Coward

You think a zombie attack is creepy?

I have a dad who before he reached retirement age, held a Flt Lt rank in the reserves RAF. Part of this meant he's seen what's in, or at least used to be in, certain old buildings in certain old bases.

Cardboard coffins. Flat packed. Thousands upon thousands of them.

Just in case, eh?

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Facepalm

But...

Cardboard won't keep zombies in...

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Pint

Zombies Are Not...

...completely fictional. Although they have entered the media as a popular theme, zombies were originally a voodoo victim poisoned by the use of pufferfish and datura toxins.

More at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zombie

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Joke

Moot point...

Have you BEEN to Leicester? The place already looks over-run.

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Joke

Daily Mail Rant Options.

Should you wish to rant, please select the following options:

A - "Why is my tax being wasted on FOI requests like this, and more over, why are councils wasting my hard earned cash on planning for such far fetched, ridiculous eventualities?"

B - "Why is there not a plan for Zombie attacks? This is a serious problem - THINK OF THE CHILDREN! I pay my taxes and demand to be protected from the slightest chance of my brains becoming a Zombie gourmet feast!"

C - All of the above. Post anonymously.

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more daily fail rant options

you forgot to add

1) new cancer threats from zombie attacks

2) house prices set to soar because of zombie attacks

3) house prices set to collapse because of zombie attacks

4) zombies are immigrants/asylum seekers/foreigners stealing our jobs/women/houses, overloading our schools/prisons/police/hospitals, etc, etc

5) scandal of welfare scrounging zombies who get 10 grand a week from the dole

6) councils spending zillions on zombie awareness training for social workers

7) police diversity policies mean they have to go soft on zombie attackers

8) scandal as zombie attackers get off with community sentences

9) prisons outrage as burglars and kiddie-fiddlers get let out early to make space for zombies

10) europe/social workers//lefty vicars/bbc to blame for zombie attacks

11) zombie attackers escape jail because of human rights act

12) hurrah for the blackshirts

one of the above is a genuine daily fail headline

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Laugh it off Leicester City Council...

Laugh it off. But who will be laughing come the zombie-apocalypse?

Me with my zombie proof shed and 12 month supply of tinned peaches or you with your lacklustre emergency zombie related planning?

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Mushroom

12 months of tinned peaches?

Dear God, I hope you've got good toilet facilities in there, otherwise even the zombies will be barricading you *in*.

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I live in Leicester...

... and I guarantee that a zombie plan would be a waste of money; if any brain eating monsters chose to attack, they'd starve to death naturally in a few hours.

I can understand the concern though - visit the city centre on any given Saturday afternoon and you'd swear the first wave had already begun...

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Unhappy

This

...is why FOI is in dire need of sorting out. The effort involved in replying to requests like this, and similar, means that real work often has to get sidelined. Twats.

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Trollface

Lighten up

I'm sure if you spend some time on Google, you can find some place that will rent you a sense of humour at a decent rate

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Devil

FOI's downside.

Most of the IT related FOI requests I see are companies trying to get information on systems/products you have/use so they can sell you stuff at high prices that you dont want. Phone calls are easy to deal with, ie. Sorry not interested. $"%! FOI's... gotta spend a few hours for each getting facts and figures from various sources, and giving it to them. waste of time when I'd rather be spending it sorting out problems with systems, etc.

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Alert

I aint too bothered..

...but if the worst comes to the worst I have 3 boxes of vinyl to throw!!

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Happy

I feel an FOI request coming on to my local council....

Dear North Lanarkshire Council,

I would like to know if you have prepared emergency readiness plans for the following situations which may result in a downfall of civilization:

a) Zombie Invasion

b) Rage Infected Monkeys

c) Trained Ape Rebellion

d) Tremors (of the underground worm kind)

e) Triffids

I appreciate that most of these have already afflicted the citizens of Motherwell as can be seen by the horde of half-blind, violently angry, zombie-fied Apes that populate the streets of a Saturday night. But I would like to know if the experience gained in that locale can be used in areas such as Cumbernauld, Wishaw and Coatbridge.

Kind Regards,

Concerned Citizen

P.S. - BRAINS!

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Coat

Underground Low Life

[quote] d) Tremors (of the underground worm kind) [/quote]

That'll be Graboids, then. Not too dissimilar to the Buckfast - fuelled neds that frequent the place weating to grab you from behind and relieve you of your watch / mobe / cash / whatever.

.

Mines is the one with the phone running Zombie, Run! Live Edition in the pocket.

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