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back to article FARTING DEATH CAMELS MUST DIE to save the world!

An Adelaide-based entrepreneur has hit upon a novel method of fighting global warming: he intends to exterminate Australia's vast population of feral camels by means of gunfire from helicopters and jeeps, so preventing the beasts from unleashing a deadly planet-wrecking miasma of greenhouse gas from their rumbling guts. The idea …

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FAIL

Farting death humans must die to save the world

Why not shoot a few humans, I think they produce far more pollution than feral camels.

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Happy

Well...

Certainly those from certain countries down-under who like wasting resources on firearms anyway!

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Meh

@ Martijn Otto

Yes, killing people for their "eco sins" is quite a popular Greanpeace / Warmist position I understand - see e.g. the 10:10 video.

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Mushroom

Emu War

Didn't Australia learn their lesson from the Emu War? look it up. The humans lost.

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Mushroom

As long as it is

the guy who invented the Carbon Credit system, it's a good idea.

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Devil

Claiming non humans as a carbon offset.

My wife and I have decided to have only one child. I like to tell people its to minimise our carbon footprint for the horrified looks i get.

Hmm, maybe condom manufactures and other producers of contraception should be talking to the government about carbon credits.

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10:10 Video

I didn't see anything in the Age of Stupid that suggested killing people to save the planet. Or are you talking about a different movie?

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Go

Sounds like an excellent idea...

Because dead things *never* emit any methane or CO2! Nor does flying around in helicopters and driving cross vast sections of the desert in trucks.

Get moving on this now before logic and rational thinking derail your plans!

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Why would you think...

there might be any connection between carbon credits and logic and rational thinking?

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This isn't about being green

It's about a business opportunity based on the trading of carbon credits and probably a fair bit of coin from people who want to hang out of helicopter gunships blasting the everliving shit out of some mustelids with high calibre weaponry.

The fact that the working of carbon credits allows this idea to even seem viable reflects on the state of the CC scheme very, very badly.

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FAIL

Farting weasel?

"blasting the everliving shit out of some mustelids"

Camelids, surely? What harm did mustelids ever do?

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Mushroom

Badger badger badger badger

Mushroom Mushroom?

Oh come on, that must be more damaging to sanity than any amount of camels. Die, I say. Die!

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Pint

Obviously...

before shooting, they should calculate the projected greenhouse gas output during the camel's expected life and balance that against the decomposition gasses now and at the end of its natural life, plus the fuel use of the hunting vehicles. On this basis, they should favour shooting the baby camels (greatest life expectancy, larger body to decompose when adult).

Alternatively, maybe they should focus on preventing camel reproduction. While the idea of Australians rushing round the Outback with camel condoms has a certain appeal, mosquito control methods might be more practical. Breed large numbers of sterile male camels and release them to out-compete the fertile males, causing a decline in the population.

Of course, if you're selling carbon-credits based on the number of camels shot, you certainly don't want a decrease in the population, so you'll shoot the old (past breeding age) and non-dominant males. Can you spell Conflict of Interest?

Icon: pregnancy test sample from camel.

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FAIL

I suspect...

...he's done more modelling on the issue than you have. Just a hunch.

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Le sigh

I knew it was Camelids but had a wonkypodium article on Mustelids open in another tab. I accept this Fail icon.

I'm sure there's money to be made out of offering put-upon rabbits the chance to get in a small helicopter and take hot lead-based vengeance on the mustelids, though.

When's beer-o-clock?

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Boffin

Sir Sham, if it's Mustelidae they're out after,

then it's more likely your pet ferret that's in danger. But from Mr Page's article - and his articles, as we know, always epitomise the Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing But TheTruth, as exemplified by his authoritative excursions into what *really* happened at Fukushima) - I get the definitive impression that it's rather members of the family Camelidae that these would-be helicopter jockeys want to have in their sights....

Henri

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Coffee/keyboard

a deadly planet wrecking miasma

'nuff said really...

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"reeking", surely?

n/t

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Anonymous Coward

How about...

Rounding them up, and harvesting their bottom burps to generate electricity?

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Headmaster

To enhance this....

Put the camels in giant hamster wheels to generate yet more electricity - at the same time!

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Enhancement

This was actually a real Greenpeacnik's proposal, albeit he suggested to use horses, not camels...

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Cheaper to do it the traditional way?

I'm wondering about carbon credits needed to keep whirlybirds in the air; can't be little.

Alternative:

1/ Wait for drought (easy -- ongoing since 10+y... which means it's NOT a drought but a wrongly-assessed climate; they just counted peak rainfall years as "normal" instead of exceptionally wet),

2/ leave tap to drip (to attract camels),

3/ shoot/electrocute/club to death as desired,

4/ buy sheep (or harvest as above) plus 10kg dates

5/ build clay oven,

6/ cook camel stuffed with sheep stuffed with dates,

7/...

8/ profit!

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Anonymous Coward

"club to death"

I would pay good money to watch someone try to club a camel to death. My wager would be on the camel.

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Mine too

Those humps could store enough beer or G&T to keep a camel out of a club for months.

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Devil

Mmmmm

Or how about Camel-con-carne? Yum.

On second thoughts probably would result in a net gain in methane what with the kidney beans.

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Facepalm

"it's NOT a drought but a wrongly-assessed climate"

I know I can relax when my doc says that I am affected with a wrongly assessed resilient migrating cell structure.

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Umm - don't forget..

Methane emitting camels need to build that gas somewhere. They may be explosive near an oven..

:-)

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Mushroom

Lovely

But why not be green and go on foot?

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Coat

RE: Lovely

Or they could go out on camels.

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Slogan

I'd walk a mile to shoot a camel!

/apologies to the young 'uns and non-smokers.

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Go

OK its just marketing...

Ok i think we all agree this is about as Green as a cricket ball (im talking colour here folks), but hey anyone who wants to go and wipe out one of the humungous numbers of pests we have roaming Australia deserves a bit of funding in my opinion.

And at least hes not going the traditional "ask the government (re every taxpayer) for a handout" route and is trying the "ask the gullible (or companies that want to appear more green then they actually are) for a handout" route...

I wish him the best of luck! (for getting the funding and for wiping out the feral camels!)

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Go

This is actually what I was thinking...

1) Find a pest you want to get rid of (camels)

2) Spin it so your animal-slaughtering ways actually sound environmentally conscious (camel farts will kill the planet)

3) Get someone to pay you to kill the pests (angry farmers, distressed towns), someone else to pay you for making the pests not do the environmentally harmful thing (dead camels don't pass gas, nor do they reproduce to make more gas-passers), and yet another person to pay you for the remains (dog food)

4) Make out like a mercenary and get paid three times (profit!)

Sounds like sound business sense if he can pull it off... easy money, the farmers/towns are happy, the government gets to pretend they're doing something for the environment, and dogs get a new flavor; everyone wins!

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Yeah, sure, right ...

How many sheep are there in Oz? How many feral camels?

How many feral humans, for that matter ... do the math(s).

Tim Moore's a con artist, at best. A self-serving publicist, at worst.

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Thumb Up

but but

You say that like its a bad thing.

Although he has missed a trick. There are probably people who you pay for the privilege of shooting said camels.

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Its a lot greener than you'd think

the real reason behind the cull is the camel is a non-native to Oz and is really making a real mess of the outback and destroying one of the oldest ecosystems on the planet.

This is just one way of paying for the cleanup.

I do like Marvin the Martins idea of camel stuffed with sheep stuffed with dates - camels a nice meat.

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Coat

Also..

.. if you don't sheer the sheep beforehand it will be a meal high in fiber..

Woolly coat, please..

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Boffin

destroying one of the oldest ecosystems on the planet

Well, you should look on it as an opportunity to upgrade. Why not replace that aging ecosystem with a new high-tech one? Some of the newer models are offering automatic garbage collection, which has to be a good thing, innit?

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Black Helicopters

Other opportunities to profit?

The new green safari tour, charging mugs^Wcustomers $$$ to come to OZ to shoot camels.

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Other opportunities to profit?

Not here in Oz, we follow a strict - guns are bad - policy, unless of course they are in the hands of the state.

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Unhappy

RE: OK its just marketing...

It's true Green is Red. As in red like communist Russia red. Greens are the ultimate socialists. They have to be to force the rest of us to bow down before their wisdom and their demands. Including such fabian ideas as eugenics.

As for not asking the government for handouts. Sorry, but he is. Who pays for the government handouts? The tax payer. When businesses have to pay increased taxes (including carbon taxes), who pays? The consumer. Now he isn't directly asking for money from the government but the money has to come from somewhere. Increased energy prices will be the result.

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Headmaster

Watermelons

I believe this is the appropriate term

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Anonymous Coward

We're all communists now.

Even Ron Paul.

I do wish you people would learn a little about those soft subjects you hate so much before commenting on them. Go look up green libertarianism, or free-market environmentalism.

Your knowledge of politics is roughly twice the size of fuck all.

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Mushroom

Surely it would be easier

To breed the camels in captivity, then lead them out and pop them off to claim the carbon credits, meaning less expense and fuel-related carbon emissions on chasing them down?

*Looks for the 'stop the planet I want to get off' icon*

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Devil

BTW, Isn't a camel a huge nitrogen+carbon sink?

What an utter disrespect for established Australian traditions!

Surely, the proper solution is import a few feral hyenas to get the terrible camel problem under control. Or lions. Yep, lions would be better. They'll eat the critters in no time. Ecosphere saved.

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DJV
Happy

He should...

He should pop over here and bag a few of those in Westminster whose main aim in life seems to be to produce hot air...

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However ..

.. they are the reason you have sunshine in the week. As soon as they go for the weekend you end up with a low pressure zone and the rain moves in. Just check the statistics - works for the city too..

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If you exterminate the farting camels ...

... you will end up with more farting kangaroos.

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'cause in Australia

Camels're eating kangaroos?

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Flame

Roos don't fart

@Flocke Kroes: 'Roos don't fart - their intestinal flora convert methane to acetate, which is then re-absorbed by the roo as food.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kangaroo#Absence_of_digestive_methane_release

So what you need to do is get the intestinal flora from a 'roo into the camels. Hold still Mr. Camel and ignore what I'm about to do with this hose....

Perhaps Mike Row needs some new material to film?

Flames for the result of burning H4C.

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Anonymous Coward

err

I thought that was one thing kangaroos were famous for not doing.

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