back to article Engineering student cracks major riddle of the universe

An engineering undergraduate in Australia has made a major step forward in solving one of the greatest riddles of the universe: that is, where most of it is. Boffins know from observing the universe that it must have a certain amount of mass, otherwise it would have failed to hold itself together as well as it has. Argument …

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Can we finally close the book on this one, please?

We've got a Rapture to be getting on with, and we've already had to postpone it twice while they sorted this missing mass out...

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Paris Hilton

No

Just no:

http://www.astrosociety.org/education/publications/tnl/72/images/darkMatterPie-590.jpg

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1 down...

So just the whole higgs boson thing to sort out and we can all rupture away to our hearts content!

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Damn.

Well you've got until October. Get to it, man!

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Boffin

What's wrong with

Turtles all the way down(*)?

(*) not forgetting the four elephants standing on the topmost one.

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The 'Big Bang' is a fallacy

The 'Big Suck' is the proper 'theory'.

EOM

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Coat

perhaps they can turn their attention to...

What would happen if you tied jam on toast jam side up on the back of a cat and dropped the cat onto the floor

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Joke

re: and dropped the cat onto the floor

I would guess - one very peeved moggie

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free electricity

Well, it wouldn't reach the floor but the resulting revolving cat could be mounted to a generator.

Who said there wasn't a perpetual motion machine?

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Anonymous Coward

The cat and jam toast cancel eachother out..

This is known as Jammy Dodger theory.

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it works

just as well with butter, but we have yet to develop a full understanding of toast with boat and a burmese as opposed to a moggy response

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actually

it is not perpetual motion - energy gets lost from the system in a high pitched wail and you have to refuel the cat every 2 hours

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Happy

Re: actually

Hmm, we appear to be getting into Buttered Cat Array theory here.

Also hmm. It would seem that search engine results for such are no longer returning the original from the usenet oracle, but someone's later recycling of the concept as a competition entry to Omni magazine.

Precis (all AFAIR): The toast is immaterial to the effect. The staining properties of the "butter" are important, as are the properties of the surface over which the cat is dropped. Optimum results are achieved by buttering cats directly with Tikka Masala sauce and releasing them over white Axminster shagpile carpet, as this combination causes the cat to remain suspended and rotating in mid-air even while carrying a significant additional load.

Large Buttered Cat Arrays are used by aliens to provide anti-gravity effect for their flying saucers. Alien spacecraft are often reported as generating a humming noise, which is actually the sound of many thousands of moggies purring in unison.

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There's also the issue of...

... emissions. Imagine catturds at 500rpm.

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Addition of the quantum of jam on toast ...

... has been discussed by Mr Schrödinger in some detail. The process is known as quantum superposition.

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Boffin

RE What would happen if...?

You would bleed. A lot.

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But only for

a short while.

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Bless Her

... for finding that. We knew it was around somewhere.

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Coat

where did you last see it?

it is a uniquely female skill.

Mine's the one with a Higgs somewhere in one of the pockets

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On the other hand...

It's a unique female skill to lose something in the first place (keys, brush, phone, dark matter etc), before blaming you for losing it, then taking all the credit for finding it after 'you' lost it, then constantly reminding you of that 'fact' for the next 20 years.

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Pint

90% Of My Phone...

*

...calls to SO begin with "where is."

*The other ten percent are beer related.

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Headmaster

Credit the junior as lead

If you think the research is very dubious?

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Unhappy

The correct title would be

"undergrad misses half the universe" if you read the article, supervisor pointed out the stuff.

"Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not cockroaches!" - mom

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"extending from galaxies"

The universe's equivalent of "down the back of the couch"

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I think it's more like:

"Dropped it on the way up the drive"

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Happy

She is really...

in trouble if her partner is looking for his/her keys and she says she doesn't know!

Congrats to her though. :-)

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Joke

Heh

Just goes to show you can't rely on men finding anything that's been misplaced.

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Anonymous Coward

H2G2

If you read this in the right way it gets remarkably close to the discovery of the infinity improbability drive.

Scientists had made theories about the universe mut however much they tried to add up the mass of all the stars and galaxies it never added up to a big enough number, so they sighed and decided that the rest was made up of "missing mass". Then one day a Phd student reasoned that if this mass was "missing" then it must be possible to find it so she got the biggest telescope she could find and point out where this mass was ....

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Boffin

But....

...now that the theory has been demonstrated the missing mass will immediately disappear and be replaced with something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

And the funny thing is, it's already happened....no, wait!

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Linux

Like this penguin's fat belly, cropped but nearby

If that mass is extragalactic, then it can't contribute much to keeping the galactic rotation curves flat. The mass must be nearby here, in the galactic disk.

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I know nothing..nothiiiing

Actually no, if the mass was inside the the currect accepted edges of the galaxy the galaxy would rotate faster, for the edges of the galaxy to rotate at the current speed the mass needs to be outside, slowing the rotation, so that what we think is the edge of the galaxy isn't actually the edge, just the visible edge. Much like a wet cat, it would appear to rotate slower when its wet, but fluffed out you can see the rotation is correct acording to the actual edge of the cat, the fur on the periphery of a fluffed cat would move faster that that of a wet cat, but in actual fact its all the same.

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Coat

"Good news everyone ..."

@Err

"Not dark matter. Electrons."

That's because everyone knows that dark matter is Nibbler-poop shaped like D12s.

Mine's the one with the Planet Express logo on the back

Colin

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Unhappy

@But...

And shortly afterwards, said extremely smug person got lynched by a bunch of Scientists, or at least that is how _that_ story ended.

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Coat

Close

Dark matter is indeed Nibbler-poop, and is so heavy that one pound of it weighs 10,000 pounds.

The D12 shaped object is the anti-backwards crystal.

mines the one with the shiny metal ass.

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To HELL with "Rapture", there's more to enjoy unfolding the universe

It's eye-watering, heart-warming stuff like this that makes me hope like hell that there is no "rapture" for at least 6 million years. Rapture should be a day of reckoning on the individual basis, not planetary or universal scale.

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Happy

re: and dropped the cat on the floor

Everyone knows the answer to this paradox; the toast falls off the cat and lands jam side down. The cat lands feet up, flees the scene, and won't come near you for days.

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Are these filaments ...

made of Blue String per chance ?

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@ Scott

What else could it be... String Cheese!

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Joke

If you want a problem solved...

...find an engineer! :)

Seriously though, quite the achievement and pleasing to see that credit was given where due.

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Coat

pics are out there

http://www.monash.edu.au/news/show/monash-student-finds-universes-missing-mass?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=main&utm_campaign=newsfeed

/coat

mine's the one with the camera in the pocket.

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Grenade

A very dark matter indeed...

Breaking: Finance undergraduate in Australia discovers £4.4B hole in EU science budget, £500M hole in UK budget. Where did it all go?

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Unhappy

What does this mean for CERN?

Does this mean the hunt for the Higgs Boson is never going to find it?

Can we rename the filaments to be the Higgs Boson filaments?

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Happy

Hopefully a better fit

I've never liked "Dark Matter is the Answer" as a solution to the problem. It's too much like magic.

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Anonymous Coward

I always though that too.

"There is no God. The Universe is 3/4 made up of stuff that we're pretty sure is there- it's all here in these books- but you can't see it and aren't aware of feeling it's presence. Now THAT is Science!" never quite sat right with me.

Sorted. Next problem!

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Paris Hilton

female undergraduate makes great discovery

but is she a babe?

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Anonymous Coward

She has a FB page

quick google image search finds a facebook page - based on that I'd say yes. Plus she has a somewhat good choice in beverages.

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Judge for yourself

http://tinyurl.com/3w7w6t9

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And this, of course

is why female engineers are rare as hen's teeth and about as dangerous as WWII-vintage UXO to approach when found.

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